General chatter - Does anyone else feel this way?




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GlamourGirl827
08-30-2013, 05:22 PM
I went to buy a pedometer the other day, and I asked a sales LADY where they were and she yelled to another employee "Hey Joe, can you show her where the pedometers are?" And I looked and realized I knew "Joe" a young, fit attractive teacher of my son's...

I was mortified, but of course acted like nothing was wrong, said hi and quickly grabbed a pedometer (which ended up sucking) and left.

I still as a grown women get really anxious if a guy sees me making an effort trying to lose weight. I believe through and through that they are all thinking the same thing "look at the fat girl trying to lose weight, too funny!"

I don't like to look at health food or diet foods in the store if a guy is in the isle, I get embarrassed if a fit guy sees me out walking...only guys, namely fit ones..i'm happily married, and in my 30s!! Also, i'm actually more of a tom boy, i have always kept mostly male friends, but i don't ever want them to knoe i'm trying to lose weigh... what gives?


Fionnin
08-30-2013, 06:15 PM
That's a ridiculous thing for any sales person to do and I would have had a quiet word with her to give her some feedback on treating you like that. However I know where your coming from. When I first joined the gym and went swimming, when I got out I went in the health suite to go in the sauna and immediately left as there was guys in it. I'm married and have been for 21 years but still got embarrassed as I was in my swimsuit.

crispin
08-30-2013, 08:00 PM
I still as a grown women get really anxious if a guy sees me making an effort trying to lose weight. I believe through and through that they are all thinking the same thing "look at the fat girl trying to lose weight, too funny!"


I'd be willing to bet my snazzy car that fit guys like Joe aren't thinking that. The thing about fitness is that, for people really into it, it's a passion. And people feel evangelical about their passions. They want others to love their passion as much as they do. If they see someone who they perceive as being new to fitness, their internal reaction isn't mockery, but excitement. It's, "Awesome! Now she sees what I'm talking about and loves this too!" (Of course, it's a false assumption that someone overweight is new to fitness, but I do think many people make it.)

As to why you get those feelings...Maybe it feels like it exposes your struggle with weight and you're more comfortable with people believing you want your weight than them knowing that it's something you want to change? Because when they know, they're getting a little glimpse of this being something that causes some pain, and there's uncertainty about whether you'll get the weight loss you want, so it also exposes them to the disappointment you risk?

The thing though is that I think most people have a root for the underdog mentality. When they learn that someone is facing a challenge, they--in some way--can relate and, if anything, feel more endeared to that person.


PatLib
08-30-2013, 08:21 PM
I'd be willing to bet my snazzy car that fit guys like Joe aren't thinking that. The thing about fitness is that, for people really into it, it's a passion. And people feel evangelical about their passions. They want others to love their passion as much as they do. If they see someone who they perceive as being new to fitness, their internal reaction isn't mockery, but excitement. It's, "Awesome! Now she sees what I'm talking about and loves this too!" (Of course, it's a false assumption that someone overweight is new to fitness, but I do think many people make it.)



I agree, when my vegan friend started eating cheese I got really excited that I could explain the cheese section of Trader Joe's to her! :)

But in all seriousness, I know how you feel but as someone who has been on both ends of this situation they really don't care. But I get it, when I first started working out I didn't want a male trainer in the gym under any circumstances but I got over it and ended up finding out that the male trainers were actually much nicer and willing to listen and modify my training than the women were. So you never know! :)

Aclai4067
08-30-2013, 09:19 PM
Could be worse. I was in the pharmacy aisle at target the other day picking up Summer's Eve and Pepto Bismol. Then looked up to see 3 hot male employees socializing at the end of the aisle. I'd much rather be caught buying weight loss products than feminine care and digestive issue products.

doingmybest
08-30-2013, 10:10 PM
I think that it's my age (50s), but I don't give a **** who sees me or what other people think. This is very liberating because instead of being intimidated by what someone else thinks, I just go ahead and focus on what is best for me and what I need and want. I wish that I learned how to do this a long time ago. When I was younger, I felt much more uncomfortable in these types of situations with both men and women.

When I see anyone exercising, no matter what shape they are in, I just cheer for them!

alaskanlaughter
08-30-2013, 10:33 PM
I tend to live in my head and while i'm aware of my surroundings, i'm often not very focused on them....so if i'm picking out things at the store I hardly pay attention to who is around me...the only time I remember being uncomfortable is when I've gone to the gym's hot tub and been the only girl in there with a few men and i'm just not comfortable like that....it has nothing to do with a swimsuit etc, but just that I don't like having other men in my personal space and I feel obligated to TALK with them and i'd rather just be alone and quiet

IanG
08-30-2013, 10:37 PM
I have learnt to own my weightloss and don't give a hoot what anyone thinks.

Yeah, I keep my diet food in my office (lots of canned fish, salad in the work fridge). Yeah, people see me with a gym bag a lot.

So what? They all know I was fat. Now I am less so.

Who laughs last?

Moi.

JeniH
08-30-2013, 10:46 PM
While I know it's ridiculous I am the same way, I hate it! I'm waiting for the day store security grabs me thinking I'm trying to steal something because I act so skittish when I'm in the fitness aisle...I will walk down the aisle never stopping trying to decided what I want to get. Sometimes it takes a few passes before I figure out what I want. I never stop in the aisle, I just walk through and grab what I want pretending like I don't care. If there are men in the aisle I won't even go down it.

I'm like you I feel like if men see me exercising they will make fun of me. This has kept me from joining a gym or wanting to walk outside. I'm hoping I will get over it at some point...oddly if I have a friend with me I'm ok which makes no sense, it's just as easy to laugh and make fun of 2 people as it is for 1.

For the record I am just as weird when I have to buy something "embarrassing" like condoms, ky, tampods, Imodium, etc.

mariposssa
08-31-2013, 12:58 AM
Most times I don't care or pay attention to what others are buying or what they might be thinking about my purchases. But, in the case you mentioned if Joe was somebody I knew or maybe went to high school with then I could see me being more uncomfortable than if it was a random fit person at the store.

df180
08-31-2013, 01:03 AM
I doubt he was thinking anything close to that. You should feel proud of yourself and no it's not embarrassing at all!

alaskanlaughter
08-31-2013, 01:09 AM
this summer my parents visited me from their very remote homestead in northern Alaska.....my dad fell in love with the apple fritters at a local bakery and ate several each day he was here....so every morning I would go early to the bakery and buy a big bag of apple fritters for him, and a few donuts for the kids, and a bagel for my mom

this was after my early morning run....so every morning I would walk into the bakery, hot and sweaty and wearing obviously running gear, and purchase a big set of fritters, donuts and bagels..LMAO! I felt SO WEIRD doing that....like I needed to explain to the other customers "These aren't for me! I swear!" LOL

VioletDolphin83
08-31-2013, 02:01 AM
I tend to feel more proud of myself when I buy things to do with fitness and dieting. Generally I don't pay much attention to the people around me when shopping.

TooWicky
08-31-2013, 02:17 AM
My favorite scene from the movie Mr. Mom... "Irv, are these Kotex Maxi Pads on special?" said over the store intercom, lolol. I work in retail and honestly, we don't even give situations like that a second thought, at least not my co-workers, both male and female - we are just focused on helping the customer find what they need. I am sure it's completely gone over my head before that I made a customer feel self-conscious :/ I'm sorry she was oblivious and called a male salesperson to help you.

I would be shocked if the male salesperson thought anything, but if he did, it was most certainly a positive thought that you were interested in fitness, no matter what you're current size. Really fit people generally love to talk fitness, and there is nothing they are more interested in then someone transforming themselves!

When I'm on "the other side the counter," it's a different story. I live in a smallish town and when I go to the grocery store I will usually see a few acquaintances or friends. It's completely ridic but I will try to camo my fem-hy purchases in my shopping cart by piling other items over it. I don't want to run into male neighbors or friends of my husband and be all like, "Hey what's up, check out my heavy duty overnight superlong pads, bro."

Wheresmychin
08-31-2013, 03:17 AM
Ok! So where is your fear or angst? That someone you recognize sees you making an effort and that you are worried that in a few months time you wouldn't be "making the effort anymore?"

That used to be my way of thinking, my solution, don't give up on myself. I'm not in this to please anyone else. It's about me for me.
Walking is awesome, so enjoy your journey.

Candeka
08-31-2013, 03:31 AM
Instead of getting embarrassed about men seeing me buying health/weight loss stuff, I get embarrassed with its young people. It doesn't bother me if the person is 35+ but I get really really self conscious if the person is between 17-30, male or female. I think it is because I feel they are less mature and far more likely to be thinking or even saying rude things as opposed to being understanding due to life experiences. I hate working out or running near young people. I loved the water aerobics class I took last year since everyone was at least 40+. Being 22 at the time, it was kind of funny but they were really awesome ladies!

Liz31
08-31-2013, 05:59 AM
I do feel that if am looking at anything to help with exercise or anything like that in shops I do feel that I shouldn't be looking at it coz I feel that the people who can see me looking at it are thinking 'why are you looking at that, you won't use it and you won't lose any weight'. Same goes for if I buy anything, the people on the checkouts will be thinking the same. So it puts me off looking at things or buying something.
Also the same reason why I don't go to gyms or go to weight watches or something like that - its what other people thinks that puts me off - I think there thinking I really shouldn't be there as there is no hope for me and I will never lose any weight, or just put the weight back on.

Wannabeskinny
08-31-2013, 08:59 AM
I think the more you do it the more comfortable you'll feel with being public. I just bought a bike a couple of weeks ago and I was petrified to even go in the store! I mean, I haven't ridden a bike since I was a pre-teen. I was certain that the bike wouldn't hold me, or that I wouldn't remember how to even ride it, or that the salespeople would think I'm too fat to even sit on a bike. The guys that work there are tattooed, and everyone that shops there is fit and knowledgeable about bikes. But I couldn't get around it, I needed to buy a bike from someone that knows about bikes so I did it and guess what, even if they did judge me which I don't think they did, I rode away in my new bike and feel great!

Try not to be so hard on yourself, I'm sure this guys wasn't thinking anything negative. I know it's hard sometimes when you approach someone for help with what seems a delicate matter but it'd be different if she passed the buck to a guy about buying tampons or hemorroid cream you know? Fitness is different than those personal items.

And think about the other hand, how might this guy have felt about you seeing him working a retail job? I know that if one of my students' parents saw me working retail I'd feel super self conscious!

MAK247
08-31-2013, 09:05 AM
I suffer from social anxiety so I tend to be anxious and embarrassed by pretty much all aspects of life, and it is worse with men than women for some reason. That being said, I would much rather a young, attractive man see me buying fitness gear than a big mac. :D

When I ate a lot of fast food and junk, I kept a mental note of how long it had been since I had gone to each fast food place or grocery store because in my head the employees were remembering what I got and judging that fat person always getting such and such junk food.

While I feel judged no matter what I do due to my anxiety, I feel much less judged for making smart choices than bad ones.

diamondgeog
08-31-2013, 09:21 AM
The thing about this is if they are strangers no matter what they are thinking in 2 mins they will forget al about you ever existed. People are too wraped up in their own lives.

I had someone scoff at me once ordering a burger. That I can almost understand. Doing anything healthy though? That I really could give a cr_p what anyone MIGHT be thinking. After all I am trying to get better.

GlamourGirl827
08-31-2013, 07:03 PM
Thank you everyone! There were so many helpful comments, and great points. Strangely enough, in every other area of my life I don't care what people think which is why its so odd that the thought of a fit guy seeing trying to lose weight gives me such anxiety. And knowing him made it 1000000000000000000x worse...

Crispin - I never thought about it that way, that a person very into fitness would get excited to see someone else, presumably someone unknowledgeable and new to fitness, taking on a healthy lifestyle since it gives the fit person someone to "preach" to, and I don't mean that negatively.

Alaskanlaughter- I'm just the opposite, very hypervigilant...I am extremely aware of my surroundings, those in it, what they are doing, saying..DH is the same way. A big part of it is actually trying to be 2 steps ahead of a "bad" situation, like people fighting near by or danergous individuals. Unfortunately, because of this, I can;t even shop without fully being aware of evrything going on around me. That even includes people's conversations, with most of my focus on people that seem threating...apparently its related to growing up in a disfunctional, abusive home..thats what I've been told anyway. The weight thing is different, I dont feel threatened but its basically impossible for me to ignore people.

Also your buying pasteries after running, I would not be able to do that. Seriously, especially if I had any weight to still lose, I wouldnt go.

IanG - "They all know I was fat" I love this line because I act like they don't notice I'm fat until they catch me trying to lose weight! But really its like Hello! they can see I'm fat, what am I trying to hide? That I don't to be fat?

JeniH- I am the exact same way with buying fitness stuff, and the anxiety is at its worst when I'm bigger. I try to stroll through and act like I don't care, seriously I could have written your response. The only gym I go to is women only. The only way we differ is other embarrassing stuff I'm fine with. After I had this baby I had the worst hemrrhoids!! I went to the store and bought tucks, stool softeners, laxatives..and huge grandma maxi pads b/c I was still bleeding...I didnt give two flying pucks who saw...but when (in the same grocery trip) I bought some Lean Cuisine meals, I was soooo uncomfortable...:dizzy:

Wheresmychin- "So where is your fear or angst? That someone you recognize sees you making an effort and that you are worried that in a few months time you wouldn't be "making the effort anymore?" ...I think this is a very large part of the reason. I'm afraid they are seeing the fat girl making a pathetic attempt to lose weight and are rooting for me to fail. Kind of sad I think that way.

Candeka - I felt this way strongly when I was younger, now its just men that are fit, and the younger they are the worse I feel. I think a lot has to do with I spent most of my time with guys as a teen, and I have a little brother so he and his friend were over a lot. I actually get along really great with guys, but I know they are ball busters. I just seem to think all men are having a good lugh at the fat girls expense, and just expect her to stay fat.

Liz31 - "I do feel that if am looking at anything to help with exercise or anything like that in shops I do feel that I shouldn't be looking at it coz I feel that the people who can see me looking at it are thinking 'why are you looking at that, you won't use it and you won't lose any weight'." I get this feeling. Like this is part of the humor in seeing me buy a fitness item, that I will get over the novelty and stop using it and stay fat. I also struggle because I had lost weight, I was a runner but I put on a ton w/ this pregnancy, and actually I did the same with each baby, but lost it. I feel like its assumed that I know nothing about health or nutrition, that I am on some quick fix fad diet, and now I'm buying a pedometer because I plan on losing all my weight by walking some extra steps...like I have no intention of doinging anything harder...like I'm so disillusioned that I think I'm going to get a hot body by counting my steps and nothing else. ..yup I'm wacky!! :dizzy:

Wannybeskinny - I didn't think about him being uncomfortable with me seeing him in his job, because I was so wrapped up in him thinking I'm a loser. Hmm, that is a very interesting point of view. It never occures to me that some in better physical shaped than me would ever feel uncomfortable for another reason.


Mak247- "That being said, I would much rather a young, attractive man see me buying fitness gear than a big mac."...I would die, just die. I probably attempt to sneak away or out a bathroom window or something like you'ld see in a sitcom. I will not order fatty food infront of someone like that, and actually, even though we do not go to McD's often, I will not go in and eat. DH points out if I saw anyone in there, then they would be IN the McDs eating the food, so they would not be doing any better diet wise. But still I wont go in.

Thank you everyone again. I didn't get a chance to respond to everyone, sorry. I started this about 2 hours ago, stopped like 100 times (baby) and was only using one hand when I was typing.

newleaf123
09-02-2013, 08:47 PM
The only time I can remember feeling embarrassed was when I was a 44-year-old mother of a 8- and 10-year-old with only 1 item in my shopping cart at Wal-Mart -- bumping into an acquaintance. The 1 item was a home pregnancy test. We chatted for a bit, and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.