30-Somethings - Watch what you say




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Monkeysmom
08-27-2013, 04:49 PM
I just got back from the gym and after a good cry, I need to vent. After gaining 40 pounds and not going back to the gym for about 6 months, I finally started almost 2 weeks ago. I knew I would run into people who were used to seeing me very thin but I had no idea how cruel (unintended or not) people's reaction to the "current" me could be. WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO MAKE FACES AND COMMENT ON PEOPLE'S WEIGHT GAIN?? And its not like its out of health concern, but more about aesthetics ("WOW, you've really put on a lot of weight there, what happened??") From no less than 4 people in 3 days:( I barely made it home before I started sobbing in my car in the garage. Its not a question of IF I can lose the weight, but when. I've done this before but its just the time in between that really sucks. "Sticks and stones" and all that maybe, but it still hurts like ****.


cherbear
08-27-2013, 05:07 PM
There's no excuse for saying that to a person. That's crazy. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's easy to say, but don't let it get you down. Just keep doing what you're doing!

Radiojane
08-27-2013, 05:09 PM
Wow, I am so sorry that you went through this. I know first hand how cruel people can be.

Nothing is going to take that hurt away from you, but you made a start in going back to the gym, and no matter what anyone says, that's an amazing thing! You're doing this for you, and that's what matters.

Hugs!


Monkeysmom
08-27-2013, 09:29 PM
Thanks Cherbear and Radiojane for your kind words. I would never say that to someone, but it seems like common courtesy and compassion are in short supply these days (except for this forum:) I've had a severe eating disorder for most of my adult life and hearing stuff like that has always acted as a trigger. Now that I have 3FC I don't feel so alone. Thank you!

EagleRiverDee
08-27-2013, 09:58 PM
That's crazy- everyone knows you don't make comments about people's weight gain. Gosh, I don't even comment on their weight loss (unless they bring it up)- I just say "You look great!" It's hard to hurt feelings that way, and I always mean it.

belovedspirit
08-27-2013, 10:21 PM
:hug:

df180
08-27-2013, 10:53 PM
im so sorry, they have no right...its very rude. take it one day at a time even use this to fuel your desire and fight. GOOD LUCK x

Monkeysmom
08-28-2013, 04:48 PM
Ah, thanks guys:) The overwhelming consensus seems to be that it was very rude and it was. It is an unspoken rule (or so Ive always maintained) that weight is a personal issue and no one has the right to make other people feel like you-know-what to elevate themselves. Yes, it still stings and I came very close to throwing in the towel today workout wise. I also took my therapist's advice and signed up at another gym for now where I can just focus on myself and not be distracted by a lot of the shallow folks I know from the other place.

ShyHeather
08-28-2013, 04:58 PM
I just got back from the gym and after a good cry, I need to vent. After gaining 40 pounds and not going back to the gym for about 6 months, I finally started almost 2 weeks ago. I knew I would run into people who were used to seeing me very thin but I had no idea how cruel (unintended or not) people's reaction to the "current" me could be. WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO MAKE FACES AND COMMENT ON PEOPLE'S WEIGHT GAIN?? And its not like its out of health concern, but more about aesthetics ("WOW, you've really put on a lot of weight there, what happened??") From no less than 4 people in 3 days:( I barely made it home before I started sobbing in my car in the garage. Its not a question of IF I can lose the weight, but when. I've done this before but its just the time in between that really sucks. "Sticks and stones" and all that maybe, but it still hurts like ****.

That was rather rude of them. :mad:
You're 5'7" and even that little gain is NOT bad, and wouldn't make you look bad. In fact, I'd almost bet my life you look pretty darn good at your current weight hun! :hug:

Harriette
08-28-2013, 06:29 PM
I was thinking you can't be THAT fat too given your height and weight! But seriously, that is the rudest most horrible thing to say to someone. Where is common decency?! I could read it in people's faces but NOBODY said anything to me when I put the 60 lbs back on in 8 months last year. I can't imagine someone being so shallow and low. They don't know. Maybe you had an injury (like me!) or a health issue or ?! why is it their business. Go to a different gym!!

Monkeysmom
08-28-2013, 10:19 PM
I joined another gym today and after my workout I felt like I had taken back the good feelings I had from working hard that I felt were robbed from me yesterday by that butthole (sorry for the language but believe me its cleaned up a lot since yesterday:) Disheartened or not I am NOT giving up. You guys have all been so great and I can't thank you enough. I look forward to logging into 3FC every day and I feel like I have found some wonderful buddies. We need to be proud of every single accomplishment on our journeys, big or small, and if no one else sees it too bad for them. I don't know the quote verbatim but it's one of my favorites and think it applies beautifully to anytime someone tries to bring us down with a dose of negativity: "No one has the right to make you feel bad without your permission"--Eleanor Roosevelt. Well, I'm going to do my very best to make sure that I keep that in the forefront of my mind:)

neon_zephyr
09-17-2013, 09:37 PM
... I had no idea how cruel (unintended or not) people's reaction to the "current" me could be. WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO MAKE FACES AND COMMENT ON PEOPLE'S WEIGHT GAIN?? And its not like its out of health concern, but more about aesthetics ("WOW, you've really put on a lot of weight there, what happened??") From no less than 4 people in 3 days:( I barely made it home before I started sobbing in my car in the garage. Its not a question of IF I can lose the weight, but when. I've done this before but its just the time in between that really sucks. "Sticks and stones" and all that maybe, but it still hurts like ****.

People can be really insensitive and callous sometimes. I've struggled with my weight for many years (I'm starting to admit that it's related to unresolved emotional issues; maybe one of these days I'll get a grip for good) and my weight fluctuates a lot. I have clothes that range between size 6 and size 14 because I lose and gain the same 50 pounds over and over. When I realize I'm running out of space (I'm in a size 14 and it's snug), I go back to the gym and work out until I get back down to as close to size 6 as I can (I know; unhealthy). In those modes, though, people always say horrible things -- especially people who are family. Sometimes, it isn't the words, but the condescending sneer or that look of disgust that people give you that really drives home the painfulness of objectification. It undermines resolve, sometimes. It is hurtful.

BUT, you are making an effort to do something about your situation, which means that it will change, and those people are stuck being jerk-faces. It can be so hard to stay positive when the struggle itself is so painful and the people who are supportive just seem to tear you down. Just hang in there. You're not alone in having experienced it and, though it sucks, you won't have to deal with it forever.

I hope you find a way to treat yourself to something that makes you happy to counter that negativity -- a bubble bath or an hour of reading or watching TV or a walk in a park you like. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Those people are just gross.