20-Somethings - A vent/rant? I don't know. I'm upset




sontaikle
08-20-2013, 06:53 AM
I need to let this out. Thankfully I have wonderful friends who are there for me, but I need some outsiders to weigh in.

In June I broke up with my fiancÚ because I felt like we weren't going anywhere and he was immature.

Not soon after we talked and agreed to go on a break until September (he made some big changes) but my ex insisted that we keep in contact and see each other once in a while. Fine! I agreed! He's a pretty fun guy to be around.

So I kept in contact and two weeks ago we were supposed to hang out, but he wasn't feeling well. I spoke with him on the phone and he promised to get back to me about hanging out the following week.

I never heard from him. I wasn't going to chase after him and figured he needed space.

Turns out he wasn't sick but got together with another girl, less than a week after we decided to go on a break and the day we discussed a lot of things on the phone. How did I find out? FACEBOOK. I texted him yesterday, asking what was up to only get a text that he moved on. He wanted to be friends, but I said no and asked him to mail me back my copy of twilight princess.

Am I wrong for being upset that after FIVE YEARS together that he couldn't at least give me the courtesy of a face to face? THAT'S what I'm upset about mainly. I mean it sort of hurts that he found someone so quickly, but I made sure to give him a face to face because I thought I owed him that much!!

I find it so juvenile! I think I really dodged a bullet here!! But it makes me wonder what our five years meant to him and if everything he told me about being "the one" was crap. Like I said, bullet dodged...better to end an engagement than a marriage...

I've been striking out meeting guys, most of them are duds so far. I'm kind of enjoying the single life though, but I do want to start moving on. I don't even know where to start though. I'm so clueless when it comes to this stuff.

Anyway if you made it to the end of this, thanks for reading. I just needed to spit this all out and get it off my chest. Anyone got an good yoga videos?? I need to relax.


Riestrella
08-20-2013, 07:06 AM
No, you're not wrong to be hurt by what he did. You were together a long time, you were engaged and when you were trying to keep the peace he lied and blew you off. I'd be annoyed if I found out ANYONE had lied about being sick to meet someone else - be honest, people!!

As for him moving on...well...people are complicated. Some people need something to focus on immediately so they don't have to deal with the crushing blow that is a serious break up. Other people will sink into a hole straight off the bat and not come out for a while. So while I understand it's upsetting I wouldn't take it personally or a reflection on what your relationship meant to him. He's hurting, I'm sure of it.

Lastly, I think your friend gave you awful advice in convincing you to keep in contact. I'm sorry, no offence to your friend, but no no NO! I just don't think you can be friends after a break up, not after all that's happened. If I broke up with my boyfriend, despite him being my best friend, I couldn't be friends with him ever again. It would be too weird and it wouldn't even BE a normal friendship. It would probably be me monitoring how he's doing after our relationship, which shouldn't be the basis of a friendship period.

So all in all, you did dodge a bullet and keep your distance! You moved on and you decided he wasn't for you so you don't need to go back to that world. You've started a new chapter in your life and you should start it with a fresh clear page.

*hugs* I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you guys but I'm so PROUD that you walked away knowing that it wasn't right. That takes some serious guts, some people just walk into engagements and marriages without realising what they're getting into and regretting it.

Mozzy
08-20-2013, 01:18 PM
Hugs

I think you definitely dodged a bullet! He's very immature and definitely not the "one."

Enjoy being single and I hope you find someone new who is worthy of you!


mhill0823
08-20-2013, 02:20 PM
Enjoy being single!! It really is the way to go!
I'm sorry you're having to go through this, I know it hurts but I'm glad that you found this out about him before it was too late! You have every right to be upset but just stay strong and let him go!:)

sontaikle
08-20-2013, 04:36 PM
Thanks everyone, I'm feeling a little better today. I have my new job to distract me. My coworkers are really awesome.

It's so funny, you guys are like the 50 millionth people to say it was a good idea to end things if I wasn't sure. I guess I'm upset because I was with him since I was 20 and I don't really know anything else?

And Riestrella, thak you for the advice, but luckily nobody is pressuring me to be friends with him :) HE wants to be friends and while I know it's entirely possible to friends with an ex (I'm friends with 2) it can't happen right away and I can't be his friend right away. It takes time, sometimes years.

He's really immature, and I need someone on my own level. I think I should find an older guy maybe. It's just I'm not sure how to find someone now that I'm out of college, and someone who will put up with my quirks. I guess he's out there somewhere...

Honestly I should have ended things a couple of years ago but I was so afraid. I don't know how I suddenly got the courage, but I did learn that I have so many supportive friends and family in my life as result. I made new friends too, something that wouldn't have happened if I was still with my ex. He was like a best friend though, and I'm sad to lose that.

I just need to hold my head high and move on. I feel like I've been given a second chance, and I need to take advantage of it.

sontaikle
08-22-2013, 12:21 AM
Silver lining to all this! I'm using the money I slaved away saving up for our wedding (which, by the way he only had a COUPLE HUNDRED BUCKS while I had...a **** of a lot more) to pay off my loans! Debt free living, here I come :)

SuperHeroTeacher
08-22-2013, 01:42 AM
Silver lining to all this! I'm using the money I slaved away saving up for our wedding (which, by the way he only had a COUPLE HUNDRED BUCKS while I had...a **** of a lot more) to pay off my loans! Debt free living, here I come :)

THIS is awesome! You go girl!

Dottington
08-22-2013, 02:14 AM
:hug: I'm sorry, that's really hurtful, and to reiterate what others said, yeah its better you got out when you did. But that's awesome that you'll be debt free and can pay off your students loans :D

Melonlefey
08-22-2013, 09:57 PM
I agree, regardless of the circumstance you were definitely owed a face-to-face conversation. Also, I want to give you the biggest high five ever, especially after reading the Twilight Princess line!

namaste984
08-22-2013, 10:05 PM
So glad you've got some money towards loans, but I reiterate. If he's immature, go find you a mature guy and don't worry about his @ss. I stayed with a guy two years too long that was physically abusive to me and I later found out had screwed around on me... a lot. :P Now I've got a guy who loves me and has been my biggest supporter in my weight loss. I'm sure something equally awesome will come your way. :)

sontaikle
08-24-2013, 12:26 PM
Thanks again everyone. I'm feeling a lot better overall and I have some wonderful friends in my life. My new job is in full swing (sort of, no students yet but I'm so busy getting my classroom set up) and the move from 6th grade to 1st is going to prove to be a challenge—but a good one. :) I've been so busy that I haven't had time to think about my ex, nor have I wanted to!

Some of his friends and family are keeping in touch with me. I know they liked me and I'm glad I haven't completely "lost" them. I've defriended him on Facebook and blocked him on Twitter so I don't have to see anything, because I think it's for the best right now.

And now I've been having fun flirting with guys...ha! :lol:

BreathingSpace
08-24-2013, 04:20 PM
Of course he should have given you a face-to-face after 5 years. But, alas, that is probably one of the reasons you moved on right? He is immature.

All I can say is, look up into the sky and smile and say a big THANK YOU to the universe for giving you this gift of knowing 100% that you should move on.

sontaikle
08-24-2013, 04:29 PM
All I can say is, look up into the sky and smile and say a big THANK YOU to the universe for giving you this gift of knowing 100% that you should move on.

Yes, this sums it up completely. I was still on the fence about whether or not I made the right decision, and this whole thing made me realize that YES, I am NOT supposed to be with him.

I'm still not completely 100% ready to jump into another relationship (although I think I will start looking), but I'm glad I found this out now and not after I married him.

coffeebrain
09-08-2013, 07:50 PM
This was an interesting thread, and I realize over a week has passed, but I still thought I'd comment.

I guess I'm in the minority for feeling, well you dumped him. You said he was immature. You said he didn't make enough money. He probably had time to think about it, found someone else and decided he just didn't want to be friends. Maybe it was just too difficult for him after all.

YOU dumped HIM. I say this kindly but with honesty: You probably wanted to have your cake and eat it too, being empowered to dump him then empowering yourself to tell him you want to be friends only. He owes you nothing.

Time will pass, and you'll find a great guy!

mzshaunna
09-09-2013, 08:57 PM
*huge hugs* I'm sorry you had to go through that, you had every right to be upset, I would be too if my bf moved on that quickly. Best wishes and I hope when you are ready you find a great guy :)