General chatter - embarassing things that you can't get over?




iixi
08-18-2013, 08:12 PM
I remember in 10th grade I was rather overweight and unpopular. I skipped a lot of school as well. This particular day I didn't skip school and went to gym class. We were going to play dodge ball. So we lined up on the wall and the teacher picked a male and female captain. The females were to pick their group first and the males went second.

So I sat there waiting to be picked. No one chose me on the girl side. I stood there like a complete loser as the boys began to pick their groups...being the only girl left out not even chosen by her own sex. Of course the boys teams didn't pick me either. I was the last one, I wasn't even picked. No one noticed me like I was invisible. I was so embarrassed. Especially that they started to pick the boys AFTER the girls team was over. So I just stood there like an idiot.

Then I ran to the bathroom and broke down and skipped gym class.


Rintin
08-18-2013, 08:46 PM
That is awful! Kids/teenagers can be so cruel. Wish I could say adults are better but I hope you are around better people now!

Jacqui_D
08-18-2013, 08:52 PM
iixi :hug: that had to be so hard, and I understand how that would stick with you. For me, not long ago, I ran into some of my former students, ones I had years ago, and I could see by their expressions and the way their eyes seemed to search for the old me in here that they were just thinking, "OMG, what happened to you?!" Back in the day, I weighed 145. When I saw them, I weighed 210. I was really embarrassed and felt the need to apologize for the fact that they could barely even recognize me. But I held my tongue, Still, I will never forget the looks on their faces. I can only hope that the next time I run into a former group of students, there will be no reason for me to feel ashamed of the way I have let myself go, because I will be back down to a healthy size! :yes:


belovedspirit
08-18-2013, 10:12 PM
:(
I've had many awkward and sad moments in my life, too. I always felt (and was) unpopular. It's made loving myself that much more vital..
I hope the present is better for you than the past was. :hug:

beerab
08-18-2013, 10:52 PM
Oh Gosh hun I'm so sorry that happened to you :(

KellinaKatrina
08-18-2013, 11:15 PM
I can relate 100%. The inability to get past how cruel kids are is currently getting in the way of me being able to let go enough to start a relationship with someone. And I'm 28. Its been 15 years.

In 7th grade, while certainly not as overweight as I ended up being but still rather chubby, I had a boy ask me "out". We were boyfriend and girlfriend for about a month but I told him I didnt like him anymore. I did like him but had to stop things because his friends would moo at us in the hallway because of my weight. I've never been able to get over that and feel like I'm damaged because of it.

Buffinlovin
08-19-2013, 01:15 AM
When I was in 10th grade, I walked out of the classroom to use the restroom. As I was walking, I had to pass a group of fellow students who were working on an art project. As I got further down the hall, I heard the cat-call whistle, and turned to look. They all looked up and started laughing at me, saying "why would we whistle at you?"...apparently they were whistling at something else...either the project they were working on, another person, etc.

I went to the bathroom, held in my tears because my face stays red for hours, and dreaded the walk back to the classroom, knowing I'd have to pass them in the halls again. I held my head up high, though, and held in my tears until later that night when I was alone, and bawled until I had no more tears left.

As much as it hurts me to remember this story...in fact I can remember that very pain I felt when it happened...I use it as motivation. There will be a 15 year reunion coming up soon, and gosh darn it I want to show them that I deserved that whistle! And I kinda want to see how they look...I doubt they are as attractive as they used to be.

monmis12
08-19-2013, 08:37 AM
That is sad:( I have a few things too but as the years pass and I have matured and gained self-confidence, it no longer bothers me as much. Also, I have been at goal for almost 13 years(120lbs gone) with the exception of two of those years where I regained 30 lbs.

I remember being weighed in 6th grade. Our weight wasn't called out but my friend next to me asked how much I weighed. I really wasn't fat just chubby and I guess I didn't know this because when I said 111 lbs, she couldn't believe I weighed over 100 lbs. She pointed to my thighs as being fat.

I did a semester in Quebec as part of my major. I lived with a family there. One day during dinner time, my wooden chair broke and I ended up on the floor. I was very much obese at the time. Apparently that really affected me. This summer, I sat in a chair my husband had repaired(or tried to) and it broke on me. I was/am at goal. I still started crying and couldn't stop. How embarassing.

I lived on a rural road in VT. My mom and I were losing weight and about half way to our goal weights. We passed a piece of paper anchored in the road by a rock. I picked it up. It said "Look at those #%$! heifers." We know who put it there. It was a crazy neighbor.

Wannabeskinny
08-19-2013, 10:07 AM
I remember being in 7th grade during class, we were all sitting cross legged on the floor listening to the teacher. I was wearing shorts. A group of athletic girls (popular, pretty, and mean) were giggling at me and were saying "look, she has wrinkles on her legs!!! ewwww! hahhaa!" They were referring to the cellulite on my legs. I haven't worn shorts ever since then and that was 25yrs ago.

Getting picked last for teams happened to me throughout grade school and I wasn't more than 10lbs overweight. Kids are mean but in my mind, gym teachers were even meaner. They did nothing to intervene when I wasn't picked in a team. They did nothing to help me when I felt too uncomfortable and defeated to participate in most games and activities. Looking back now and being a teacher myself, there's so much that they could have done to inspire me, motivate me, help me, encourage me and help me. Picking teams is awful, why couldn't they assign teams for once! Why did they only pay attention to the athletic kids? I have major beef with the gym teachers of this world.

pnkrckpixikat
08-19-2013, 12:24 PM
I can't really think of anything specific that happened. In elementary school I was teased for everything though. I tended to be the heaviest, the tallest, the youngest, and the smartest in every class. I even skipped a grade. To top it off I had 1 class a day in the resource center (dyslexia and speech therapy, I said R's as W's as a child).

I also SUCKED at PE sports. Really anything that required running. I am pretty sure I have exercise induced asthma but we never had money to go to the doctor so it was never diagnosed so I "had no excuse" to suck other than "laziness" according to the PE teachers.

By 5th or 6th grade learned to blend in, to become friendly with everyone, and avoid ANYTHING that could earn me more teasing.

Liz31
08-20-2013, 08:42 PM
I know how you feel. I was unpopular and I hate school and I hated PE. I never got picked - I was always the last one and which ever team I went on they really didn't want me on there team - and than which ever team I was on I never got a look in - like with netball, I could go the hole lesson without touching the ball coz none off my team mates would pass it to me. I stopped doing PE in the end - and the teacher didn't even care.

wishfuiiy
08-20-2013, 10:24 PM
Gosh, endless stories for me!

In school, I was constantly teased for being fat. I hated when guys would fake ask me out, though I was relatively popular. I was probably 250lb and elected for homecoming queen! It wasn't a Carrie moment either. I had to make sure of it. I ended up losing, but was still a homecoming princess.

It was out of school that I felt the worst about my weight. I've had little kids ask why I was so fat, or if I was pregnant. I had my ex-fiance' break up with me because he wasn't attracted to me anymore. I had a lady lecture me in Wal-Mart about my choice in cereal and I didn't know her from Jack. At a company picnic, we were playing kickball. I kicked the ball, and was going to run but someone ran for me because they didn't want "Big Sammy" to slow them down.

The most devastating one is my inspiration though! I was about a year into my weight loss, and I had regained some of my weight back so I was at about 290. I met a guy from OKCupid. We hit it off, very well. We became intimate, and then I checked his twitter the next day because he told me to look at a funny joke about Santa on there or something a few days earlier. To my humiliation, he had put on twitter about how he hooked up with a morbidly obese chick to see what it would be like. He referred to me as a marshmellow with tits. He said even if I was morbidly obese, I was still good in bed though. This EMBARRASSED ME so bad. We had a date scheduled for the next evening which obviously I canceled, and I sent him back a picture of a marshmellow with drawn on boobs just so he knew that I knew. He apologized for hurting my feelings and that was that.

My revenge is going to be sending him a picture of me looking AMAZING, and let him wish he never said those words.

seabiscuit
08-20-2013, 10:53 PM
Wow, this thread really touches my heart. I feel sadly for everyone who has posted on it. People can be so mean. I was teased mercilessly in school and then sexually harassed in grammar school, it is something that I still have trouble making peace with, that it wasn't my fault. That was a really rough time for me, I was away at grammar school which was a boarding school and my parents were hundreds of miles away getting divorced. I cried so many days and nights, and I felt so depressed at such a young age.

Through all of this hardship, including difficult relationships, I may not have realized it at the time but so many of this experiences made me the strong woman that I am today. I wouldn't go through them again or wish them on my worst enemy for anything, some experiences leave emotional scars. I guess for me it is true 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.' I still have a hard time with a lot of my past, I was diagnosed with a mental illness in my late teens and I have a lot of physical issues too, but somehow I try to believe in myself and have faith. At the time, I found solace and peace in horseback riding, I had a thoroughbred for four years and I miss that so much, he died a few years ago after my father sold him back to the barn where we bought him. I found out about his death via an email, so insensitive and I know his death was brought on by negligence. I didn't mean to go on a tangent there but, I have found more peace in music throughout the years too, I play guitar and that soothes my heart. So does swimming and writing and talk therapy is helpful too, although I would like to wean myself off of it, I have been in it for awhile.

What I am trying to say is that I have found a variety of coping techniques that help me, although I haven't found anything to 'erase the pain.' Believing in myself and in God helps.

Thanks for this thread, I didn't mean to go off on a tangent. Thank you all for listening.

:hug:

GlamourGirl827
08-20-2013, 11:10 PM
There will be a 15 year reunion coming up soon, and gosh darn it I want to show them that I deserved that whistle! And I kinda want to see how they look...I doubt they are as attractive as they used to be.

I skipped my 10 year reunion. I was pregnant and felt aweful. However, since highschool I had always maintained my highschool weight (which was 160lbs, not that heavy for 5'6") or got even lower. With the exception of prengnancies, but I've lost the weight every time.

Anyway, thanks to facebook some of my friends posted pics and your know what, pretty much everyone got fatter! Seriously I even saw some pics with the "popular" girls in them and they were all fat! Most of the "hot" guys pudged up too....gees, I said to dh I'm one of the only people that has maintained my high school weight, lost all my baby weight each time and a year and a half ago was thinner than high school!

I think you'll be surprised to see that most people don't look as good as they did in high school,, that high school was their "peak" ...but what if you were fat and plain in highschool?? Well then you have now where to go but up!! lol Seriously, it feels good to know my looks and life did not hit its all time high at 17 years old, I'd much prefer to be attractive now. ;)

Liz31
08-21-2013, 01:20 PM
I had people not want to be friends with my coz am fat.

Also had people talk about me behind my back but so I can hear what they are saying about and me being me I just sit there and listen, my heart breaking inside but trying not to show it on the out side.

This is one reason why I haven't gone to weight watches/slimming world or the gym, I know some people would be nice to me, but its the ones that wouldn't be nice and would say things behind my back but knowing I can hear thats puts me off.

Sadly I've been hurt to many times that if someone is nice to me I don't think they really mean it.

But so far you have all been lovely to me on here (thank you). :-)

sontaikle
08-22-2013, 12:15 AM
In middle school there was a hangout thing on Friday nights (I guess to keep us off the streets?) I used to go all the time to hang out with my friends.

Some boys for another school ran up to my friends and I and tapped my shoulder. They kept insisting that one of the group liked me while laughing. The guy they were talking about kept going "stop! no way!" and I was just mortified. I ran and hid because they were totally just doing it to make fun of me/embarrass their friend.

I remember when I was on a soccer team in elementary school. One game the coach didn't put me in AT ALL and was notorious for keeping any fat kids off the field. I remember my mom had it out with her, and I almost wanted to quit soccer altogether, but after that year I discovered I was really good at being a defender and really good at goalie. After that I ALWAYS played goalie and made some really awesome saves! But still, that sucked so bad and I almost wanted to give it up entirely.

I was bullied a lot in elementary/middle school, and I sort of wish I could run into people I knew back then just to see the looks on their faces.

seabiscuit
08-22-2013, 03:43 AM
I was just laying here in bed with this upset, unsettled feeling. Some nights a lot of negative thoughts come to me, and tonight I remembered all the pain and the tears that I went through every single day at boarding school. Like I said, I was sexually harassed for over two years at a time when I had suicidal thoughts and was seeing the school psychiatrist weekly. Gangs of kids would bully, stalk and harass me. It hurt so much, I was away from my family and my parents were getting a divorce. I couldn't be home during the week to see my family, I hid in the bathrooms where I was still stalked by students and would tell my parents every single day how upset I was as I was crying uncontrollably, but they did nothing about it. I would tell them on the weekends when I saw them how upset I was, they still did nothing about it.

I love my parents but a part of me doesn't know if I can ever forgive them to sending me to that horrific boarding school, not informing the principal/headmaster about what I was going through or for not taking me out of that school. It was an incredibly traumatizing period of my life.

I still feel very hurt and upset about this, over 20 years later. I feel that my parents neglected my needs and I feel very sad.

Wannabeskinny
08-22-2013, 08:52 AM
I was just laying here in bed with this upset, unsettled feeling. Some nights a lot of negative thoughts come to me, and tonight I remembered all the pain and the tears that I went through every single day at boarding school. Like I said, I was sexually harassed for over two years at a time when I had suicidal thoughts and was seeing the school psychiatrist weekly. Gangs of kids would bully, stalk and harass me. It hurt so much, I was away from my family and my parents were getting a divorce. I couldn't be home during the week to see my family, I hid in the bathrooms where I was still stalked by students and would tell my parents every single day how upset I was as I was crying uncontrollably, but they did nothing about it. I would tell them on the weekends when I saw them how upset I was, they still did nothing about it.

I love my parents but a part of me doesn't know if I can ever forgive them to sending me to that horrific boarding school, not informing the principal/headmaster about what I was going through or for not taking me out of that school. It was an incredibly traumatizing period of my life.

I still feel very hurt and upset about this, over 20 years later. I feel that my parents neglected my needs and I feel very sad.

I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. It's terrible to be bullied at school, but it's even worse when your parents and the adults at the school don't do anything about it - that hurts the most. I don't know if you can find it in your heart to forgive your parents. They don't deserve to be forgiven in my opinion, however I think it's important that you find closure for your own sense of relief. Please tell me you've sought therapy and have at the very least expressed your anger and disappointment to your parents.

novangel
08-22-2013, 11:29 PM
High school was fine (the school was big enough for me to disappear from grade school jerks and make new friends) but grade school was pure torture. I was bullied endlessly, not for being fat but for being different. I was quiet, had problems learning and didn't wear the latest fashions. I wasn't "cool" enough I guess. I was never picked for teams in gym and when I was given to a team everyone would roll their eyes and moan. There was also an older girl in 8th grade that was so mean I don't think to this day I would forgive her if she apologized. I think 8th grade is old enough to know better.

I don't stew on it but it was the start of my social anxiety disorder that carried into my adult life. I was on many anti-depressants throughout the years, many abusive relationships and I started drinking heavy at 15 and didn't stop until about 32.

My childhood had a lot to do with my teens and 20's being so messed up. I had zero self-esteem. Some people just suck.

seabiscuit
08-23-2013, 07:57 AM
Hi Wannabeskinny-

Thank you for your reply. I have been in therapy for so long! It helps to a point and then it just gets old and repeats itself, in my opinion. I have talked to my Mom about the frustrations when I was younger, my Dad probably wouldn't be the best person to talk to about it.

I appreciate your kindness, thank you.

Amy

ShyHeather
08-23-2013, 02:31 PM
Oh goodness, this thread is hard to read. :hug: for all the ladies who have shared the horrors of being shamed, and embarrassed.

When I was in elementary school, one little boy use to make noises when I walked home. "BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! Heather the whale is breaking the sidewalk!!" he would say, or other horrible things that made me cry a lot whenever I got home.

In fifth grade (when I lived in Philadelphia) I had a handful of friends, but they couldn't save me from the mean kids. One kid put gum in my hair, and the teacher had to cut it out. Another hit me and made fun of me in front of the entire class saying I was Big Van Vaders child, and as fat as him. I was mortified and then a boy who looked exactly like Will Smith (funny enough I lived in West Philly...) pulled the chair out from under me when I went to sit. Oh God, the horror. Needless to say, I missed as much as school as I could without getting my parents in trouble!!


People still try to humiliate me, and shame me... but for the most part I have learned to block it or crumble when out of site (after I've verbally ripped them a new one).

stunningsparkle
08-23-2013, 03:31 PM
There are two memories that stick with me the most and both of them came from my evil, abusive, mother. The first was the look on my moms face when she finally realized I was heavier than she was. It was like she won the lottery. The second was when I was showing her and my dad my wedding dress. I had moved away with my soon to be, now ex, husband :P and they hadn't seen me in a while. Her first words as I came out in my gown - "My God you have gained weight!" I cried for hours and begged the salon to let me return the dress (which they wouldn't do).

Song of Surly
08-23-2013, 04:37 PM
Reading this, as a high school teacher, makes me so sad. I try to catch things like this in the classroom, but there's so much that goes on that I can't see. It makes me wonder how many students in my classes are going through something like this, although I teach at a school now where it appears that all of my students get along rather well.

I was heavy in high school, but I don't remember ever being bullied for my weight to my face. I had a very close group of friends, and though I was a complete nerd, I mixed okay in social situations. I guess I was liked pretty well, but was by no means one of the "popular girls." I was never an aggressive girl, but I was usually pretty in people's face over mean behavior, so I guess they knew better than to mess with me.

I do remember, one time, however, having a boy say something about my lady-beard in class. I had just started seeing the effects of PCOS around that time, and some boy in Algebra class suddenly exclaims, in front of a bunch of other people, "Woah, you have a beard! Like, I mean, that's pretty cool. Like you could be in a circus or something." What's strange is that I remember only being somewhat embarrassed, not mortified, and playing it off like I didn't really care what he said. I still don't know if he said it to be mean, or if he was genuinely curious, but the question still comes to mind every now and again. I guess I was lucky, considering that I was fat and had female facial hair, that I was never much of a target in high school.

NJChick78
08-23-2013, 04:45 PM
My Mom was a single mother. She did not have a high school diploma and we were very poor. I was a fat kid with clothes that never fit. In 7th grade all (yes all) but a handful of girls declared war on me. I was the victim of mean girls. My "friends" turned their back on me. Every day the girls did things to me. Put gum in my hair, took turns hitting me, called me names like "pig", sang the songs to the Jenny Craig commercial, followed me home with the intention of "beating" me up, stole my note books... the list goes on. Mom would let me stay home at least twice a week. Teachers pretended not to see it. My grades slipped, my hair started falling out, I couldn't sleep write, I cried everyday. I wanted to die.

One day we were changing for gym and the girls stole my pad from my bag. They threw it in the hall telling everyone it was my pad and that I had my period.

So it got to the point where every day in 7th and 8th grade I wore a hooded sweatshirt, hood on, carried all my books in a backpack, guarding that bag like my life depended on it and never spoke to anyone. At lunch I would sneak off to a bathroom on another floor and eat a bag of chips alone. It was ****. I do not know why they targeted me but I do know why kids kill themselves from bullying.

doingmybest
08-27-2013, 02:07 AM
Hi Everyone:

Reading all of the posts makes me very sad but also furious! :mad:

Why is anyone allowed to get away with bullying?!!!! Why aren't any adults doing anything to stop this??!!! It is outrageous.

When I was in grade school, I was bullied so badly that I attempted suicide at age 11. I was so traumatized for so many years that I vowed never to have kids of my own - and I didn't. No one, no friend, teacher, or parent ever stood up for me or defended me. People just saw bullying as a normal part of growing up. It shouldn't be. My mother even told me that the kids were right - that I was too fat and that I deserved how I was treated. I was spat on, punched, and was mercilessly ridiculed, even by one teacher in front of the entire class. I spent most of my childhood crying my eyes out.

This is probably why I became a lawyer. I was never going to feel powerless again. I don't see why kids who are bullied can't sue for assault, battery, slander, intentional infliction of emotional distress (depending on the jurisdiction), or some other legal basis. I know that the court system is overwhelmed and these cases are relatively trivial. But at the very least, there should be some type of penalty or consequence for this behavior. It isn't legal to victimize other groups of people in this society; why is it okay to victimize people who are overweight or different in some way? I know people can't sue over every little hurt, but there has to be a limit somewhere.

Sorry for the rant. I know what I am suggesting is over the top, but bullying can really impact the course of a person's life.

MissSMcC
08-27-2013, 05:48 AM
these stories are all so sad, and its these kinds of experiences that are, for me, the most stressful part of being a mother. I can deal with having no money, endless laundry, no social life etc, I cannot deal with the fact that there are kids right now, possibly my own daughter, going through traumas similar to this, and they will still remember them in 10, 20, 30+ years, and still feel that sting of pain.
for me, I was rarely bullied for my weight. I was bullied because I couldn't control my bladder, right up until I was around 11. I kept getting UTIs, and my mum would take me to the doctor who would just throw another course of anti-biotics at me. eventually, my mum took me to a new doctor who sent me for a scan, and they discovered I only have one functioning kidney. I still live in the same small town as before, and often see the people that made my life miserable. they either ignore me now, or say hello. I just say hello back and carry on.
there is still that sting, and I suspect there always will be, but they are not all that, and they should feel ashamed for their behaviour, rather than me feeling ashamed for a medical condition.
I had my daughter very young, before I really had a chance to think about being a parent. this is hard to write, and obviously I love my daughter and would never give her up, but had I been older and actually thought about motherhood, I probably would have chosen not to have kids, because the stress and fear every time she goes to school is almost unbearable. I count down the time until she gets home just so I can ask questions like 'how did you get on today?' 'who did you go with for lunch?' etc, to try and make sure she is not having the same experience I had. thing is, she says she loves school. she has a good group of friends, always someone facebooking her or coming round for her, sleep overs, and is a happy 12 year old with a 'normal' life. the only 12 year old with problems here is my inner one.
gawd the world sucks sometimes.

doingmybest
08-27-2013, 02:38 PM
MissSMcC:

You are such a great mom to be so attentive and caring towards your daughter.

If she ever did have any difficulty in school, just having you be there for her will make a world of difference. She will never forget your love and support.

By the way, I lived and studied in Scotland for a summer when I was in college. It is one of my very favorite places on earth. I have so many happy memories of Scotland.

MixedColors
08-27-2013, 04:40 PM
In fourth grade my classmates and I were finishing warm-ups for gym class, and the teacher told us to sit in a line on the floor. I sat down to the far right, next to these two boys and one of them said to his friend, "Let's sit on the other side, we're practically sitting next to half the twin towers." I felt HORRIBLE. I came home crying to my mom but refused to admit what was wrong...

I was probably 125 lbs and 9 years old.

Another time during elementary school one of my closest friends (now that I think about it she commented on my weight a lot...) asked me how much a weighed and I lied saying that I was 102 lbs (she was appalled that I could be OVER 100 lbs since all our other friends were a maximum of 65 lbs), and commented that I was probably more like 120 lbs....

Again, I cried a lot.

MissSMcC
08-27-2013, 06:48 PM
MissSMcC:

You are such a great mom to be so attentive and caring towards your daughter.

If she ever did have any difficulty in school, just having you be there for her will make a world of difference. She will never forget your love and support.

By the way, I lived and studied in Scotland for a summer when I was in college. It is one of my very favorite places on earth. I have so many happy memories of Scotland.

thank you, that means a lot to me. like your username, and with most other things in life, I am simply 'doing my best' as a mother, but its sure not easy sending who is basically my entire reason for living into a world that I know can be unbearably cruel. I hope you are right and that if anything did happen she would come to me.

lanabug
08-27-2013, 06:55 PM
Reading this thread makes me cringe so hard, remembering all of the embarrassing things I've pushed to the back of my mind! I wish I could just let them go, because in the grand scheme of things none of it is TOO horrible to forget, but man the ones that drift to your mind before you fall asleep are the absolute worst. Just wanted to thank everyone who's posted for being brave and sharing their experiences... personally I don't want to give them enough thought to tell the story lest they come back to haunt me again! :o

Liz31
08-29-2013, 07:02 PM
I know I have already posted on here but have been thinking - I wonder if all the people that have been horrible to me over the years realise how they have really made me feel inside - am sure most off them (maybe all) don't - am sure they would have forgot about me and what they said/did to me - but for me its not so easy to forget it all, wish it was easy to forget all the pain. Sorry.

archaic1
08-30-2013, 06:04 PM
I remember how mean certain skinny girls were to me in middle school / high school when I wasn't even that big -- and then I saw them get big in college and I felt they got their "just desserts." I guess that is what I an most embarrassed about, that even now I am still so insecure that I don't really feel any compassion for them. They're probably completely different people now, too. :/

time4me2change
10-17-2013, 08:19 AM
Wow, this thread is intense.

I am so sorry for all of the painful memories so many of you have shared *hugs to you all*

And now I share my 'story'

In high school, I was pretty much fine... even though I was heavy. I had a large group of friends, and I was a nice person so people generally liked me. I was also really into theatre and a talented actress, and my school often competed and won in theatre festivals.

But grade school was horrible.

It was a small school, that went from jk-grade 8, and I was in it for all of those years.... and about 40 of the 55 people I graduated with were also in it for all those years.... grade 7 was the worst though... I got into a spat with my friend.... then the 'popular' girl found out and she forbid any girl in grade 7 or 8 to talk to me.... like for real. And people actually listened to her...

So for the next few months of Grade 7 none of the girls talked to me, I hung out watching the boys play soccer at recess or stayed inside. My 'friends' would sneak to tell me "If you only apologise to her, she will let everyone talk to you".... now I was stubborn, and still am so all I said to my friend was "It's none of her business. I will NOT apologise to her".

So the year ended... none of the girls talking to me...

My mum asked if I wanted to change schools, I said no as I was going to a different high school than the rest were and didn't see the point of 2 new schools in 2 years.

So |Grade 8 starts, popular girl has moved away..... the girls all come up to me to tell me how brave I was and how they all secretly hated her.... and admired me... and at that moment, I realised people were sheep.

I use this when example when I talk and teach about BUllying (I teach high school kids grades 9-12) and it's sad that most kids can relate... but a few remain impressed at my response.

I went through other things that made my life intense with suicide attempts, and years of counselling under my belt.... but I am here, stronger than ever and moving forward.

FickleHearts
10-17-2013, 10:08 AM
Wow..... I feel all of you.

I live in a small town with small minded people. I was big girl and from pre-k to 12th I was incessantly bullied. I was the girl the guys would mock their friends with. I was the one no one ever picked to be on a team. Going to school every day was like running a gauntlet..... The thing that really stung the most however, was they'd do this in front of the teachers, the adults that were supposed to be there to help you. Never did a single one ever stand up for me or anyone else.... And my mother was a teacher at the same school!

In 6th grade, my current BFF, came to the school I was in from a private one in town. She was triple my weight. To this day I feel horrible that I felt relieved that they finally had someone else to pick on. My bullying didn't stop, but it was no where near as bad. In 8th grade, I saw her sitting by herself in science class. I had been there. I knew what it felt like to be ostracized, so I told my friend at the time I was going to sit with her.

BEST DECISION EVER!

We hit it off super fast and frankly, my life would be so different without her in it.

The sad thing is, small town, small class...... I still see these people around and now they all want to be buddy buddy and act like they didn't put my life through ****. I hold no ill will anymore, I've grown up and I have a pretty darn good life, but I haven't forgotten and no, I am not going to be friends with any of them.

The problem is.... the schools here haven't changed. The teachers, despite classes on bullying, still let it happen. My husband had to sit through them and he actually laughed at the way the others in the class totally blew it off. Now, add FB to the mix, and it's become such a massive problem. When we do have children, both my husband, who is a teacher, and I have decided not to enroll them in public school.

Or at least the ones in this county.

time4me2change
10-17-2013, 06:33 PM
oh man, I totally forgot a few things...

a boy I had a crush on in Grade 7 told me I ruined his life because of my crush...

In earlier grades some of the popular kids would go 'earthquake' whenever I walked by and act like there was one happening...

funny thing, after all the BS....

In grade 8 graduation my classmates voted me to win an award... the KER award (Kind ,Encouraging, Respectful) I was shocked when I won.... and frankly I kind of hated 95% of them and was extremely glad that I was going to a different high school then 95% of them.

Elementary school sucked.

I don't know if teachers were aware, but sometimes they were involved my grade 6 teacher hated me... not sure why, she accused me of plagiarism saying what I wrote was too intelligent for me to have written it (I had written it) and she just screamed all the time.... my mum nicknamed her Mrs. Hysterical (it kind of rhymed with her last name which I will not post here)...

Then in Grade 8 I made the girl's soccer team because I could kick the ball clear across the field and the only reason I made the team was because the boy's coach made the girl's coach put me on....she only ever played me like once for 5 minutes....she also didn't like me.


It kind of feels weird writing about these.... some of these things I don't ever think about (except when I teach about bullying).... but some have shaped me too.... weird.

EagleRiverDee
10-17-2013, 06:57 PM
FickleHearts - I love your story about how you met your best friend.

I was probably the most socially awkward child on earth. Seriously. For one, I always thought boys had a better life than girls and desperately wished I was a boy. I would even tell strangers my name was Mike. I dressed like a boy and had short hair. I didn't know how to do anything without drawing attention to how weird I was- I looked funny, I walked funny, I sat funny, I said inappropriate things. I did have friends in gradeschool, but only outside of school. In school, they pretty much ignored me and pretended not to know me. Not really shocking, looking back.

Junior high was probably the worst. It was the point where I wanted to be accepted, and I wanted to be a girl, and I wanted to be pretty. But I had no idea how. The thing that sticks out most about Jr High was the day Terry Potter, the most popular guy in school, came up and put his arm around me. I was so mortified that I just turned beet red, and kept walking, like I didn't notice. He walked that way all the way down the hall, then turned around and went back to his friends who high fived him because he had done that on a dare. I think what shames me the most is that I didn't have enough self-respect to slap his arm off my shoulder and tell him to leave me alone.

High School changed a lot of things for me. I stopped trying to be acceptable to the cool kids. Instead, I hung out with people who didn't judge based on appearance. I had stoner friends, skater friends, band friends, ROTC friends, Exchange Student friends, and people who were "geeks" like me. I actually had a pretty active social life in high school. I had a car, and noticed when my car broke down which "friends" disappeared until my car was running again. I swiftly ditched them. I guess you could say high school was when I began to develop a backbone.

Mostly my adulthood has been bully free. I did have a guy call me a Dyke a few years ago in a parking lot (I'm still a tomboy) and that shocked me. I mean, one, I'm not gay and two I couldn't believe people still said stuff like that. So I guess some people never grow out of being a bully, but I think we that are bullied can grow out of letting it bother us.