General chatter - Trying to move on from my ex-boyfriend...




seabiscuit
08-16-2013, 06:32 PM
Hey there,

Maybe some of you remember my posting about my ex-boyfriend, I posted about him a few months ago. I am so glad that we broke up, yet a part of me misses the cuddling with him, the dates, having someone who was there for me, the intimacy and yeah, as much as I am glad that he is gone, I do miss him a little.

I think that relationship was my most serious ever and I grew a lot in that relationship, even though we grew apart. I learned a lot about love and who I truly am, someone who is much stronger than I ever thought I could be. We broke up around March and whoa does time fly.

I am trying to move on. At first, within the initial few weeks, I almost went on a date and was ready to settle for the first guy that came my way because I was lonely. I still have my OKCupid profile and wow, I have received a lot of messages from guys lately even a few phone conversations, almost a date!! :cool: I am being more choosy, not settling for anyone who comes my way, but for someone who I feel I will be compatible with and that is important. It just still feels a little different thinking of guys other than my ex-b, I don't know. I am glad that I have moved on from him, the first couple of months, I was crying almost every night to be in bed alone and without him. Now, I can honestly say that the last few months have been much more peaceful without our incessant arguments and him blaming me for everything. I am ready to move on but I just feel nervous going on a date again and I am always nervous in 'the getting to know you' phase. I am flattered that some men find me attractive! :)

Right now, I am debating doing a paid dating site like Match or maybe Fitness Singles- I'm not sure. I will have to think it over more, does anyone have dating site recommendations?

It feels great to move on, yet I feel a little sad that things didn't work out with my ex-b. I wish him all the best and I hope that he finds true love and happiness. As for me, we'll see!

I am interested in some feedback about moving on from relationships and dating site recommendations or whatever you feel- albeit supportive :)

Thanks!


Missys Mom
08-16-2013, 08:09 PM
Seabiscuit....I think its great that you are ready to move on to dating again....me, Ive been single since 2005 and gave up on dating completely three years ago. I wish you the very best and hope you find someone who will love you for you.

RavenWolf
08-17-2013, 09:16 AM
Congrats on moving on without him! I know it was hard in the beginning but you did it!!

If you feel ready, put yourself out there. Fitness Singles would be where I would go personally. Fitness is a great thing to have in common! It's one thing I wish my husband would get interested in.

Moving on is hard. Stand proud and don't settle for whatever comes your way. You deserve a great relationship, not more of the same.

Good luck!!


KillerBee
09-01-2013, 11:25 PM
First off, as others have said, way to stay strong and move on. :celebrate:
Another suggestion I would make is if you have the spare time and are feeling lonely, consider taking up a new hobby or something? Ya hear stuff like that at all the time, but that's because its good and it makes you feel good. Plus you get to actually go out, do stuff, and meet new people without having to resort to the internet for dating. The internet is an excellent resource for news and support, but for something like dating I would advise avoiding it if all possible. But back to the main point, keep yourself distracted with something worthwhile, that will help.

nelie
09-01-2013, 11:31 PM
Well I'd ask what do you want? Do you want a relationship? Do you want marriage? Do you just want to dip your toes and see what is out there with no future thoughts of marriage?

I've heard that many, many people on Match.com aren't looking for a relationship but you may find one. If you just want to meet people in general to expand your social circle, meetup.com might be a good option.

seabiscuit
09-16-2013, 03:45 PM
Well, thank you all for your replies, I genuinely appreciate them.

Today, I went to an ankle surgeon whose office is only a few minutes away from where my ex-boyfriend lives, I actually got off at the same train station where he picked me up once. I felt a lot of déjà vu and nostalgia, I miss him somewhat. When I get lonely, I often think of him, sometimes I get a bit teary. I thought of how I would have liked him to hold my hand through the process of surgery and how I miss waking up to laying in the same bed as him cuddling with me. Sigh, but life isn't always so forgiving, there is no turning back the hands of time to rewind and do things over. My relationship with him was my most serious love ever, at times I wondered if he was 'the one.'

It's hard for me to just let go and say goodbye to yesterday. Part of me doesn't want to forget what happened because there was a lot of good between us amidst the chaos.

I find myself trying to move on and yet when I am on the dating site, I think how some guys are cute, etc., but I miss what I had with him. Love is complicated in my opinion, this relationship taught me some about it. I don't want to ever get back together with him yet a part of me really does miss him.

Thank you for listening.

Amy

vintagecat
09-16-2013, 05:13 PM
When you end a long term relationship there is a lot about it that is habit. Good habits, neutral and bad habits all jumbled together. It's natural to miss the good and neutral, especially when it comes to the time to create another relationship and other habits. It's the comfort of the known. I'm not saying you didn't love this man but it seems that you are missing the creature comforts and habits of your relationship perhaps more than the person himself if I am comprehending your post accurately and that is entirely normal.

Nelie is right. You do need to figure out what you want from a relationship before engaging in another so that you can gauge accurately if it will fulfill your needs from early on. If you want a life mate knowing that going in will help you to avoid mistakes with men that aren't able or willing to commit.

My uncle used to say, "The right man will find you even if you are in the chicken house collecting eggs. He'll eventually come in to buy a dozen." God that used to tick me off. How unsophisticated. How droll. But in fact all of my striving to find the right man resulted in bupkiss. Frogs, every one of them, some convincingly dressed in royal attire.

Then I gave up. I got into my life, my friends and I stopped living "temporary". I got a dog. I bought a house. I traveled. I pumped my career to the point that I could satisfyingly support myself.

Then oh happy day into the chicken house came my husband to be. I can very accurately say that there are not many places on earth less likely than a control tower that one would meet their mate but he came to "buy eggs" and that was that. In fact I didn't know it at the time. I was tired, we were working long hours, we had been bailing the ocean of aircraft with a teaspoon and a thimble and I took a brief meeting with a union safety representative during my lunch break. I halfheartedly promised to look into finding some interest for a safety committee among my co-workers and promptly forgot the whole thing till he called me later at home. The rest is history.

Sure, put yourself out there in areas that naturally interest you. A hobby, the arts, activities, do-gooding just go out there to have a good time, to give back expecting nothing and that is when it is most likely to come to you.

Best of luck to you. Been there. It's not easy.

seabiscuit
09-17-2013, 06:57 PM
vintage-

I appreciate your reply. That is a very interesting expression about the chicken and eggs, I can't say that I have heard that before.

Last night, I thought about your reply, what struck a rather interesting chord with me was where you seemed to wonder how much I loved him. I loved this guy A LOT! He was my first 'true love' but we had so many ups and downs, a tumultuous 'whirlwind romance' as I often called it, we spent so much time arguing and questioning each other, I think that contributed to the end of the relationship. I miss HIM quite a bit, when things were going well, we were on Cloud Nine but when we argued, things were HORRIBLE!

I learned quite a bit about what really matters to me in a relationship and love through my time with him. When I used to hear the expression, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," I didn't like it, but it has become one of my favorite sayings. This relationship with him made me much stronger than I had ever been in certain ways. When I look back at my time together with him, sometimes I cry, sometimes I smile and laugh. I will always cherish the opportunity that I had with him, he was a gift to me, even though at times our relationship seemed like was a mixed blessing and bittersweet.

To be quite honest, as I usually am, I don't really know what I want in a man or a next relationship. Yes, I have the basic outline sketched in my mind: "37 year old single female seeks a kind, Christian, single gentleman who likes A, B and C.'" I found my ex-boyfriend and many other people who I have dated when I least expected it. I have heard from many people that love often happens that way and that is my experience. I hope to find someone but I also hope that it is at the right point in my life and surprises me a little to find someone who I truly want to get to know and explore life with.

I don't know where my next romantic encounter will take me, we'll see. I have pondered the idea that I would like to get married one day yet I come from divorced parents and the idea of vows, settling down, and that type of resolve commitment is a bit scary for me, I saw first hand how parents dealt with their marriage crumbling before their very eyes, and yeah, it was rough!

Thank you for your interest in my thread, take care.

MsMayhem
09-19-2013, 04:07 AM
It's normal to miss the good that happened between you and your ex, when you're with someone for so long you're going to go back to memories expecially on days you feel "alone". Also dating can be very exciting and exhausing at the same time! Enjoy it see whats out there, maybe you'll get lucky and meet Mr. right now, or even a bunch of unspecial guys. :D

MsMayhem
09-19-2013, 04:07 AM
It's normal to miss the good that happened between you and your ex, when you're with someone for so long you're going to go back to memories expecially on days you feel "alone". Also dating can be very exciting and exhausing at the same time! Enjoy it see whats out there, maybe you'll get lucky and meet Mr. right now, or even a bunch of unspecial guys. :D

seabiscuit
09-19-2013, 10:40 AM
ms m-

Thank you for your reply, yes, I do feel alone some days without him but I am glad that we broke up, we weren't meant for each other, as sad as that is, it's very true.

I have a lot going on right now, I hope that I will fall in love again when I am ready.