General chatter - Not happy about a friend's weight loss




NYFLAgirl
08-12-2013, 01:59 PM
I'm a little frustrated by a conversation I just had with my friend and needed to vent.

My friend and I have always been pretty competitive and while I know she's happy for me and my weight loss, she has made comments to me that are rooted in complete jealousy over my weight loss. For me, this is a complete lifestyle change. She has never taken that outlook. In fact, she thinks dieting and exercise is stupid and has never stuck to either. When I tried to help her in the past she simply laughs off my suggestions as stupid or too hard.

Her latest attempt at weight loss are these diet pills (I believe there called Phentabs or something like that). In four days she has lost 13 lbs and she plans on taking these until she loses all of her weight (she wants to lose 70 lbs). When I asked her about changing her eating habits and exercising (we both joined a new gym-I still go and she only went three times) she said she doesn't plan on doing either. She then said to me "I'm gonna catch up to you (meaning my weight loss) in no time!" This comment really bothered. Frankly, the whole conversation bothered me.

I'm happy that she wants to lose weight but I think what bothers me is that she makes comparisions to our weight loss as if they are somehow equal. They are not. Anyone can take pills to lose weight. I'm working hard-damn hard to change my life. But a part of me is still bothered that in four days she can lose 13 lbs (even though its obviously water weight) and that she will probably lose a good portion of her weight with these pills. I also know its not sustainable. She has lost weight before taking diet pills, obviously not being able to keep it off. So if I know all of these things then why am I so mad about it? I want to chalk it up to sometimes being tired of eating right and exercising but there seems to be more to it. Any of my other friends that have lost weight I've been happy for-but her methods seems to really bother me. Ugh it's so frustrating!


nitrus29
08-12-2013, 02:13 PM
first off :hug: !!

you are working really hard and you are on the right track to getting to your goal. you are only mad because your friend is taking short cuts and it can be frustrating NOT to see results as quickly as your friend might. But you know you are right and your friend is not-so-right with the applied weight loss method. Just remember - you are doing it to make yourself healthy and you cannot resort to popping pills all your life to stay thin !! If you keep making the lifestyle changes you are making right now, it will be worth it once you reach goal because you won't backslide. your friend on the other hand, well you know what happened before!

so take a deep breath, hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. there are no short cuts to weight loss. it is a slow and dedicated process and you are doing great!! :)

BleuMaus
08-12-2013, 02:14 PM
I know how frustrating it can be. Here you are working hard to change your life and your bad habits and she thinks its SO easy to just loose weight.

I had the same problem with my mother-in-law who dropped 70 lbs and thought it was a good idea to preach to me how overweight I was and how I should do it. Well she gained back all of her weight that she lost (she was on some meal plan) because when she went back to eating normal unpackaged or processed foods she blew up. I, on the other hand, had been steadily losing on my "diet plan"... move more, eat less.

I never mention my weight loss to anyone, I hate brining it up because opinions are like *******s, everyone has one. And everyone wants to give you "tips and short cuts" where we know there is no such thing as a short cut.

Hang in there sweetheart.


Amy Remixed
08-12-2013, 02:16 PM
I hate it when people are proud of themselves for losing weight on fad diets, pills or unfortunate circumstances. For example, I knew a girl who had a tapeworm and part of her intestines had to be removed. Because of that ordeal she dropped 50 pounds. She was so proud of herself! But she continued with her poor diet choices and lack of exercise. She put it all back and then some. That's what you get for eating salad dressing like it's soup.

Just last week my Mom told me that she lost 15 pounds. How is that possible after being bed ridden and eating crap?! She was going off the difference between her doctor's scale and her home scale. Plus she moved her scale from tile to carpeting. She said to me "I don't know why you're eating vegetables and exercising. You should be like me." I didn't say it to her but the reason I am doing it is so that I don't wind up like her. 240 pounds, lazy and not leaving the bedroom.

Be strong in the knowledge that you are taking the correct route. In time she will put the weight back on and you will be a healthier weight. Just remember not to gloat. ;)

NYFLAgirl
08-12-2013, 02:25 PM
Wow Amy-what your mom said is verbatim what my friend has said to me before! She really thinks my choice of eating healthy and exercising is stupid. She has actually said this to me before and that I should just do what she does.

fairandfree
08-12-2013, 02:40 PM
I can see how this is so frustrating... I know it would bother me the same way. But she'll see in time that her fad diet pills and her shortcuts aren't going to last, whereas YOU are doing this the right thing and YOUR loss will. Even if doing it the right way means doing it the hard, slow way. That's still the loss that's going to count.

Maybe one day she will see that you are doing this the right way and may try and be less competitive with you and maybe inspired. One can hope!

Good luck in dealing with her *supportive hugs!*, and try try try not to let what she says get to you.

Strawberryblush
08-12-2013, 03:23 PM
Hey girl - don't let it get to you. It's a normal thing for women to compete with each other but we have to break that mold. You just keep focusing on YOU and ignore everything else around you. This is only about YOU vs. YOU!

Back before I got healthy I tried horrible pills like that and cut calories dangerously - I knew better but life had been really rough as I had just gone through my 9 year old daughter and husband both having life saving surgeries within 3 months of each other. I was mentally exhausted and thought there would be a quick fix. I knew better but we all have had those low moments. You are right, there are no quick fixes and hard work and eating right are the only way to get results, keep them and not kill your liver. Hang in there!!

PaleoPeanut
08-12-2013, 03:50 PM
:hug: Don't let her envy, negativity, and laziness throw you off the path that you're on. You are on the right path, no doubt.

Be patient. Give it time and wait for her to fall of this bandwagon with this latest get skinny quick scheme. She'll be back at square one in no time and you'll still be on the road toward your weigh loss goal.

sontaikle
08-12-2013, 04:50 PM
Honestly? don't let it get to you. I understand it's frustrating, but in the end changing your life will keep the weight off while fad diets just lead to weight gain in the end.

It's frustrating when I see people I know jumping on fad diets, but I keep my mouth shut because I know what I say will be in one ear and out the other. Some believe I must have a secret (or that I secretly went and had surgery or something) that I'm hiding and they're determined to find the "secret" to weight loss.

Just let your success speak for itself. At this point people are shocked I've kept the weight off, but what I do speaks for itself at this point.

ShyHeather
08-12-2013, 07:33 PM
Oh my. First, try not to let it bother you too much. You are doing this the right way, and in doing so, you will be healthy throughout.

Second, your friend really needs to think about this. She is ruining her health. Sure, she might lose the weight, but what about the unseen damage going on in her body?? She could start to experience GI bleeding, or be damaging her heart or other vital organs.

I made one mistake, I tried that SlimQuick stuff aimed at women. All was fine and dandy for like 2 days and then, BAM. I started getting sick. I was bleeding internally and had to stop taking the stuff. Lesson learned.

:hug: Be there for your friend, but warn that anything that works like magic always comes with a price.

NYFLAgirl
08-12-2013, 07:43 PM
Thanks everyone for your advice. I thought about it and I'm going to support my friend and not let it bother me. I know her method will be a phase and not last while I'm taking the necessary changes to improve my life. It's hard not letting it bother me but I just have to do it.

Smiling_Sara
08-14-2013, 11:06 AM
I can understand how that would be frustrating. Don't let her deter you. You know how you are doing things are the right way of doing this journey.

Just let her do this:


http://i.imgur.com/JvsG950.jpg


or in another words.....just let her be right. I've done that before with people I knew or truly believed were wrong.....and just to end the argument say "OK....you're right" Some ppl need to "right" even when they are wrong. Do just let them be "right"

MauiKai
08-14-2013, 11:32 AM
I've had a similar experience with my MIL. She's almost a foot shorter than me, and weighs 9 or 10lbs less than me, and she sometimes will act like she thinks that means she's superior :( I hate that.

Your friend won't be successful. There is really only one way to be successful, and that is a lifestyle change like you are doing.

kaplods
08-14-2013, 12:11 PM
Why does weight loss have to be so competitive? Why do we need to compare and rate what we lose and how we lose it? Why can't we leave everyone to work through their weight loss, without judging, comparing, and rating the effort or moral character of the person working at weight loss, no matter what tools they're trying to use.

While almost anyone can take pills or have surgery, anyone can diet and exercise (sensibly or foolishly).

No matter what tools you use, weight loss is hard, they're not even always different degrees of hard. Sometimes they're just different types of hard.

Until "this time," my most successful weight loss was 70 lbs over the course of two years (from ages 14 to 16) with prescription diet pills.

The effort wasn't really any "easier" than it is now, and in some ways it was much harder. I blamed the failure on the pills when I regained, but I was lying to myself. I didn't regain because I took the "easy way out" or because I didn't learn to eat sensibly and resist hunger. I failed because I stopped applying what I was learning.

Phentabz are a non-prescription product, which means the appetite suppressing effects are going to be mild and temporary. As far as weight loss tools, she's got a garden shovel, not bulldozer. Cut the girl some slack.

You don't have to be unhappy for or jealous of your friend to be happy for yourself.

She may or may not succeed, she may or may not be working as hard as you. She may even be working harder. You'll never know because you cannot walk a mile in her shoes or spend a minute with her brain and body.

Her weight loss journey isn't the same as yours, but that doesn't make it better or worse, easier or harder. It only makes it different.

For your own sake and hers, learn to give up the competition, so you can be a support to each other on your journeys, whichever tools you use to get to where you each want to be.

You and she have the opportunity to be the best tools either of you could ever find. Don't let jealousy and envy rob you of those tools.

ChickieBoom
08-14-2013, 01:04 PM
I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't tried weight loss pills, the cabbage soup diet, the master cleanse, appetite suppresants, slim fast...you name it. I wanted the weight off quick. None of those things worked for me but I would have been perfectly happy if they had. I've gone the low carb route this time and that's working for me. I make the sacrifices so I reap the rewards. Your friend will have to deal with the consequences of her choices so I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. If this works for her...great. If it doesn't, that's on her too.

MAK247
08-14-2013, 03:11 PM
Why not put a positive spin on it? Use her competitive attitude to motivate you to keep going. :) I will admit part of why I started losing weight in the first place was watching a coworker drop massive weight (through very unhealthy means, mind you) and I didn't want to be 'the fat one' at work.

Since then, my attitude and motivation has changed, though I still try to motivate myself by being competitive. I have a friend who started out at a lower weight than me and I keep telling her to stop losing weight so I can catch up and we can have a fair competition. :)

Candeka
08-14-2013, 04:56 PM
You are making it competitive too. You are thinking her weight loss "doesn't mean anything" compared to yours. So what if she lost 13 pounds with pills and you lost 13 pounds with a diet change? You both lost 13 pounds. Do not try to act like your superior just because you chose a different way. You are saying her comment was out of pure jealousy but your whole post seems to be out of pure jealousy.

If she wants to not listen to you and keep taking the pills, leave her be. There is a good chance she will just gain it all back while you will have learned control and will have a good percentage of muscle mass.

ShootingStar
08-14-2013, 05:45 PM
Just keep on doing what you're doing and it will all work out in the end.

PatLib
08-14-2013, 07:34 PM
It's always hard when you see someone take the easy way out and be successful. But long term success NEVER comes from it. In about year she'll gain it all back and it's really sad actually.

kaplods
08-14-2013, 09:00 PM
It's always hard when you see someone take the easy way out and be successful. But long term success NEVER comes from it. In about year she'll gain it all back and it's really sad actually.

Actually, some people do succeed using controversial tools along the way, such as prescription and otc weight loss medication and surgery. The odds aren't great, but the odds aren't great for any method of weight loss. Also, there is no easy way.

No matter how you try to lose weight, someone will predict (and hope for) your eventual failure and will accuse you of taking the easy way or "doing it wrong."

We don't have to do that to ourselves or each other.

The degree of Schadenfreude (joy in witnessing another's pain or failure) and envy in weight loss matters sickens me.

Having "friends" who envy your success (no matter how it's acheived) and wishing for your failure, is a bigger obstacle to weight loss than using appetite suppressants. Who needs enemies?

Every potential tool has a cost and a benefit, which have to be carefully considered. Deciding whether or not any tool is an appropriate choice should be left to the individual and his/her doctors. As with other medical conditions.

Hopefully you wouldn't wish for a friend's cancer to come back just because they seemed to have an easier time and more rapid success with a treatment you had decided against for your own cancer because it was risky or expensive or for any other reason. You also, hopefully wouldn't feel morally superior for choosing the treatment that was most difficult with the most miserable side effects.

By that logic, folks with a foot infection who amputate their foot, by themselves with a rusty saw without anesthetic are morally superior to those who take the easy way out by seeing a doctor and taking antibiotics.

Zeitgeist
08-15-2013, 07:19 AM
Thank you Kaploids, for being the voice of reason in this thread. I agree with everything you have written. It infuriates me when people take these "holier than thou" attitudes regarding weight loss, as if it is a morality contest and only one person can "win."

Weight loss and maintenance are hard, regardless of the path one chooses. You can diminish the success of others in order to feel better about yourself, or you can recognize that the only path that matters is your own and judging others for theirs is counterproductive and petty.

Roperchick1
08-15-2013, 07:45 AM
Keep your chin up! Your weight loss is a lifestyle change, not a quick fix.

diamondgeog
08-15-2013, 08:12 AM
I think the original post was mostly stating a RE-action to somebody being frankly obnoxious to begin with. Not an action of wanting to compare or not be happy. Yes I know one should always take the higher road but we should all probably do a lot of things we don't.

I suppose it might be possible for long term success with using some of these items as bridges to lifestyle changes. But virtually every single success story I read here and Huff Post has eating better and exercise Over and Over as the formula.

kaplods
08-15-2013, 02:07 PM
I think the original post was mostly stating a RE-action to somebody being frankly obnoxious to begin with. Not an action of wanting to compare or not be happy. Yes I know one should always take the higher road but we should all probably do a lot of things we don't.

I suppose it might be possible for long term success with using some of these items as bridges to lifestyle changes. But virtually every single success story I read here and Huff Post has eating better and exercise Over and Over as the formula.


The "reaction" is normal, but actively embracing and reveling in a destructive impulse shouldn't be condoned. Doing so, is far too destructive to be given free reign. And that's what I see here. Everyone pouncing like cat's on a wriggling mouse.

Almost everyone took op's post as an invitation to say spiteful things about a person they don't even know.

The crazy thing is that the girl, if she came here and vented about a friend reacting poorly to her success with an otc product, she would receive the same kind of "support." People, maybe even some of the same people would give the same kind of friend bashing advice.

It isn't as supportive as it sounds, because it doesn't just bash the anonymous "bad guy" friend, it bashes and beats on the friendship.

By our whispering or screaming in op's ear "your friend sucks" we attack and weaken the friendship. And if the op's friend has people doing the same (and she probably does), then we've all had our hand in destroying a friendship that could have been a support to each of them and possibly others. If we all strove to strengthen the supportive elements and squash the destructive elements of the weight loss environment, it would help us all succeed.

Sometimes you have to give up what is "normal" to do what is right, especially when you have more to gain. Heck be selfish, strengthen weight loss friendships because they strengthen us all.

If friend and friendship bashing helped anyone, I'd say do it, but it doesn't help and it does even more damage to the basher than it does the bashed.

ShyHeather
08-15-2013, 03:09 PM
The "reaction" is normal, but actively embracing and reveling in a destructive impulse shouldn't be condoned. Doing so, is far too destructive to be given free reign. And that's what I see here. Everyone pouncing like cat's on a wriggling mouse.

Almost everyone took op's post as an invitation to say spiteful things about a person they don't even know.

The crazy thing is that the girl, if she came here and vented about a friend reacting poorly to her success with an otc product, she would receive the same kind of "support." People, maybe even some of the same people would give the same kind of friend bashing advice.

It isn't as supportive as it sounds, because it doesn't just bash the anonymous "bad guy" friend, it bashes and beats on the friendship.

By our whispering or screaming in op's ear "your friend sucks" we attack and weaken the friendship. And if the op's friend has people doing the same (and she probably does), then we've all had our hand in destroying a friendship that could have been a support to each of them and possibly others. If we all strove to strengthen the supportive elements and squash the destructive elements of the weight loss environment, it would help us all succeed.

Sometimes you have to give up what is "normal" to do what is right, especially when you have more to gain. Heck be selfish, strengthen weight loss friendships because they strengthen us all.

If friend and friendship bashing helped anyone, I'd say do it, but it doesn't help and it does even more damage to the basher than it does the bashed.

I dunno, it seems like you're over analyzing simple replies from people. Remember, people also will say what they think the OP wants to hear. I don't think my comment was mean spirited. I spoke from personal experience and have worked in many fields, where I have seen the rebound from failed experimentation with diet pills, and other quick fixes.

If it works for her, great. I also don't think this thread, and the comments are going to ruin a friendship. If that was the case, some of mine should be dead in the water because I have discovered stuff like this before. [shrug]

PatLib
08-15-2013, 07:11 PM
Actually, some people do succeed using controversial tools along the way, such as prescription and otc weight loss medication and surgery. The odds aren't great, but the odds aren't great for any method of weight loss. Also, there is no easy way.

No matter how you try to lose weight, someone will predict (and hope for) your eventual failure and will accuse you of taking the easy way or "doing it wrong."

We don't have to do that to ourselves or each other.

The degree of Schadenfreude (joy in witnessing another's pain or failure) and envy in weight loss matters sickens me.

Having "friends" who envy your success (no matter how it's acheived) and wishing for your failure, is a bigger obstacle to weight loss than using appetite suppressants. Who needs enemies?

Every potential tool has a cost and a benefit, which have to be carefully considered. Deciding whether or not any tool is an appropriate choice should be left to the individual and his/her doctors. As with other medical conditions.

Hopefully you wouldn't wish for a friend's cancer to come back just because they seemed to have an easier time and more rapid success with a treatment you had decided against for your own cancer because it was risky or expensive or for any other reason. You also, hopefully wouldn't feel morally superior for choosing the treatment that was most difficult with the most miserable side effects.

By that logic, folks with a foot infection who amputate their foot, by themselves with a rusty saw without anesthetic are morally superior to those who take the easy way out by seeing a doctor and taking antibiotics.


I am not sure why you are comparing weight loss to cancer and implying that I wish harm onto others but that wasn't what I meant or even said.

I don't know her friend and her friend isn't the one who posted. I responded because I wished to discourage her from taking diet pills which I think are beyond dangerous unless given and moderated by a doctor.

Also, I thought this isn't just a weight loss forum that focuses on the mechanics of weight loss but a place to vent our frustrations and get emotional support. Sometimes frustrations are bitterness of our own failures and others successes. It is a huge part of being human. Hopefully everyone here understands that.

kaplods
08-15-2013, 09:42 PM
Obesity kills more people and impacts more lives than all forms of cancer combined (it even feeds cancers).

I strongly believe that telling people what they want to hear, especially when it contributes to divisions within the weight loss community and when it encourages competition, resentment, and self-righteousness is harming us all. One post or one statement won't destroy a solid friendship, but there is never just one. We're bombarded with these destructive messages from everywhere. We're not competitive when it comes to cancer and bacterial infections because we take those things seriously. Weight management is treated like a game, where the prize is social status and bragging rights. It drives me crazy. Usually I keep my strong opinions to myself about this, because no one else ever sees the "big deal."


I didn't hold my tongue (er, fingers) this time, probably because I don't have a tight rein on my emotions right now. I'm in the middle of a severe fibro and PMDD flare, so I'm irritable, emotional, on edge, and in pain. My skin even hurts, which is a sign of a bad fibro flare. No doubt it's affecting my judgement. So if any of you wonder why I can be the voice of reason most of the time, and then whack-job crazy occasionally (about once a month) that's why. I'm not this crazy every month, but I'm having a "perfect storm" that's making this time worse


It doesn't help that Hubby is away for a few days, and so I don't have him around to point out when I'm being intensely irrational. Usually, when he does, I avoid posting online altogether, just so I don't have to make these kinds of apologies in the aftermath.

I'm going to take your feedback as an indication to do just that for a few days. Or at least refrain from topics I find emotionally charged.

I didn't mean to offend anyone. I was just trying to express my frustration with the way we're taught and encouraged to resent and judge others when it comes to weight loss.

I think we really do have to start taking weight issues as seriously as cancer, and that includes being sympathetic to those who are struggling with it, even if they are making poor choices in our opinion. If a person was being a jerk because they were dealing with cancer, or if they decided against treatment, or were trying some quack treatment, we'd cut the person a little slack.

I'm just saying that encouraging the resentments as if there were some pathetic gradeschool recess game is literally killing us.

We don't need to hear what we want to hear when we want to hear that the envy and resentment is justified. I just wish more of the posts had said, "yeah that sucks, but don't worry about her journey, it has nothing to do with you," Instead of, " Your friend is an idiot, but don't worry, she'll get what she deserves, you're better than her anyway."

Again, probably overreacting, that's just the way it all seems to me right now. Normally I can ignore this petty crap and realize people probably don't mean it the way it seems to me. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. Either way, I'm going to take a few days break from this. It's not helping my state of mind right now.

Zeitgeist
08-16-2013, 07:05 PM
Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. Either way, I'm going to take a few days break from this. It's not helping my state of mind right now.

Nope, you are not the only one who feels this way, as indicated from my support above. It is an issue that drives me insane as well. I've been on the receiving end of this, as I chose weight loss surgery to deal with my obesity. SO many people equate this tool, and it is only a tool, as the "easy way out" and they are the virtuous one for losing weight the "right way."

When you read the responses, they are the exact same things people have said or implied to me: I took a shortcut or was lazy, I didn't lose weight the "correct way," my weight loss isn't going to last or I'm not going to be successful, I didn't do it the right way so I'm not going to be healthy, etc. All these responses have the same thing in common: the person saying it is trying to make themselves feel better by discounting someone else's efforts. They imply that they always make honorable decisions, which of course, must mean that I am must not for the choice that I have made.

There truly isn't a way to bypass this obnoxious attitude in our society. I was judged when I was morbidly obese. Then I was judged for using a tool to become healthier. Obese people are judged for being "lazy" and not exercising. And then they are shamed and judged when they exercise in public (happened to me more times than I can count...can't tell you how many times I was "moo'd" while exercising).

Her choices are not for you to judge. If you don't agree with the choice, then don't make it. But mocking and disparaging her efforts to lose weight is judgmental and immature.

PatLib
08-16-2013, 11:23 PM
Nope, you are not the only one who feels this way, as indicated from my support above. It is an issue that drives me insane as well. I've been on the receiving end of this, as I chose weight loss surgery to deal with my obesity. SO many people equate this tool, and it is only a tool, as the "easy way out" and they are the virtuous one for losing weight the "right way."

When you read the responses, they are the exact same things people have said or implied to me: I took a shortcut or was lazy, I didn't lose weight the "correct way," my weight loss isn't going to last or I'm not going to be successful, I didn't do it the right way so I'm not going to be healthy, etc. All these responses have the same thing in common: the person saying it is trying to make themselves feel better by discounting someone else's efforts. They imply that they always make honorable decisions, which of course, must mean that I am must not for the choice that I have made.

There truly isn't a way to bypass this obnoxious attitude in our society. I was judged when I was morbidly obese. Then I was judged for using a tool to become healthier. Obese people are judged for being "lazy" and not exercising. And then they are shamed and judged when they exercise in public (happened to me more times than I can count...can't tell you how many times I was "moo'd" while exercising).

Her choices are not for you to judge. If you don't agree with the choice, then don't make it. But mocking and disparaging her efforts to lose weight is judgmental and immature.

I personally don't see how surgery is the same as over the counter diet pills. Surgery has to be approved by a doctor who is suppose to discuss future nutrition and monitor your health. And I have seen people who have gastric bypass surgery and there isn't anything EASY about it. I am not sure what you experienced was but my friend was in a lot of pain and dealt with nutrition everyday.


I am very shocked and disturbed that people think these diet pills are okay and are supporting them when they have actually lead to extreme health issues and even cause addiction and some people have even died from them.


Pills are rarely a good tool for weight loss because it does not encourage a behavior change like surgery and nutrition/exercise plan. I responded to her post the way I did because I wanted to discourage her from even thinking about taking pills.

The original poster needs support for what I see as a toxic friendship (Sorry, OP but you and your friend really shouldn't be this way towards each other. And unlike what the other posters think you two need some space for both your sakes if you can't be supportive of each other) so that she doesn't backslide.

NYFLAgirl
08-17-2013, 08:16 AM
Wow-well I certainly didn't think my post would turn into all this!

First off, thank you to EVERYONE that has responded. Truly. Everyone here as validate points, regardless of whether or not I agree with them. Yes, my original post was a reaction to a friend that has not supported me in my weight loss journey. I am a bit bitter that she has never supported my method (she has literally said diet and exercise are stupid-that I did not make up) so I have a hard time supporting hers.

But at the end of the day, I don't care who's right or wrong. I love my friend and she is a good friend in other aspects of my life. We chose a different path and I hope she does lose her weight and that I lose mine.

Wannabeskinny
08-17-2013, 09:39 AM
It's not hard to see why you're angry. First of all, she has quite blatantly called you stupid for exercising and eating healthy. By saying she's going to "catch up to you" shows that she's resentful of your weight loss. And she seems to make fun of you for the approach you're taking. In other words, with friends like these who needs enemies?

There's no use reasoning with crazy. Let her do it her way, don't get hung up on how she perceives your lifestyle and try not to argue with her. Smile, nod and go about your own business is the best advice anyone's given me and I give it to you. I'm sorry to say this but if I were you I would cut down on hanging out with her as much as possible. There's no need to hang out with someone who makes fun of you, that's not good for your morale. Want to or not, the negative things others project on us DO have an effect on us.

Besides, you know perfectly well that you'll have your "I told you so" moment once she stops taking pills. Revenge is best served cold. And try to focus on the fact that the 2 of you have very different goals. Your goal is to lead a healthy nutritious life, her goal is to "beat" your weight loss with unhealthy pills. Apples and oranges, there's nothing to compete with.

RavenWolf
08-17-2013, 10:09 AM
You are not wrong for being frustrated. I would be too. It does suck to see someone "do nothing" and drop weight like that. BUT it is just water weight at this point for her.

On top of that, diet pills are dangerous and cause health problems. One of my main reasons to lose weight was to get healthy. Why take something that contradicts that desire?

Third, she can't take those pills forever, and they don't sell magic "maintenance" pills, so she WILL gain it all back and then some. Yet another point not to envy.

My suggestion is not to discuss dieting or weight loss with her. If she asks how much you've lost, tell her you have stopped weighing and are focusing on fitness goals. Then she can't compete with numbers.

Keep doing what you are doing! You will be able to lose the weight for good, while she will continue to yo yo her weight.

Liz31
08-31-2013, 07:30 AM
By the sounds off it I think your doing it the right way (eating right and exercise and is how I think it should be done) and your friend is just using a shortcut - yes doing it your way might take longer but its better than taking pills. And also doing it your way is better when it comes to keeping the weight off. I think she will put the weight back on and than will she get take the pills again to get it off again - and just end up going around in circles.

I don't think you can compare people's weight lost if they are doing it different ways (even if you are doing it the same way, everyone is different and some people will lose it more quickly than others).

Only one person knows I've lost weight (my Mum) - I've not told anyone else and no one has notice - but I do hope that if and when people find out they don't compare me to other people and there weight lost - especially if they have done it a different way to me.