General chatter - Advice on saying no...




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hhm6
08-10-2013, 03:03 AM
Hey guys,

So I'm kind of in a really awkward situation right now!

I have a really good friend, one I went to to undergrad and grad school with, and he just recently asked me if I was interested. He first asked me about my dating life (which is nonexistant!!) but he lives on the east coast and is in medical school so I really didn't understand how it would even work since we are miles apart??

BUT BUT BUT, I'm jumping the gun here, I'm not actually interested in the guy. He's just not "manly" enough for me? If that makes sense?? I hate writing this out, because it makes me sound shallow but he's very soft/gentle type of guy, which I can already see it not working out for me, but I don't know how to tell him. He's been pretty persistent too.

I mentioned it to him before that I'm focusing on school, so dating really isn't my thing right now, I want to focus get back on track, but i also don't want him to think that im saying "there's hope for later just not now" especially if I end up moving to that state for school since I am applying to schools there.,

Am I making this a bigger deal than it actually is? I haven't dated in so long, I don't even know how to carry a normal conversation anymore with guys!

ugh I feel overwhelmed over nothing.

HELP ..ANYONE!


Shrinkmeplease
08-10-2013, 03:17 AM
Been there. And honestly me not being up front with him ended up ruining our friendship. He saw "hope for a us in the future" and when I met my bf he was really hurt and felt jaded. I would just be up front and honest :) best of luck!

hhm6
08-10-2013, 03:21 AM
Been there. And honestly me not being up front with him ended up ruining our friendship. He saw "hope for a us in the future" and when I met my bf he was really hurt and felt jaded. I would just be up front and honest :) best of luck!

Thank you! Yeah I really don't want that to happen, he's a great guy. Just not for me. I told him just now and he stopped texting me. I hope this isn't the start of awkward :?:


geoblewis
08-10-2013, 03:55 AM
The reality of relationships is the chance of loving someone who doesn't love you back in the same way. And visa versa.

It was good that you made the decision to be honest with him. And yes, there will be awkwardness. But if he wants to keep you as a friend, he will. And you can go on being the good friend you've been up to now.

EagleRiverDee
08-12-2013, 07:23 PM
It may be awkward for a while but should bounce back eventually. He's probably embarrassed and/or hurt but if the friendship was solid before he will be back.

sontaikle
08-14-2013, 10:24 PM
I was on the other side of the coin—I had feelings for a friend who shot me down. It was awkward for a while, but I moved on to someone else and we started talking again. Admittedly things never quite went back to the way they were (and it's been 6+ years since this happened), but we're still good friends.

There's hope :) I know he's hurting right now, but after giving him some space let him know you'll always be a friend.