General chatter - Question #2: how to deal with jealousy of gorgeous 100 lb roommate??




Gojojo
08-09-2013, 11:20 AM
I know this sounds really immature, but it's becoming a serious problem for me. A few months ago we found a new roommate. My male roommate actually met her first and it's no surprise why he liked her so much. She's freakin gorgeous and tiny and I knew immediately that I was going to have a problem living with her. Don't get me wrong, she and I get along great. She is an absolute sweetheart and I love her company. But I have noticed a serious decline in my self esteem since she moved in. It's very hard to love myself when I pass her in the house. She's like a constant reminder of all the things I am not. I know this is a hard question to answer since you don't know me personally, but have any of you had a similar experience? I find myself avoiding her which has just made me uncomfortable in my own house. Plus, I'm pretty sure she's starting to think I don't like her. What should I do (other than therapy)??


MedChick87
08-09-2013, 11:50 AM
Trust me, I understand where you're coming from. I really do. What you have to remember is her level of attractiveness has NOTHING to do with you. It doesn't undermine your worth or beauty or attractiveness. I guarantee you that you're the only one comparing yourself to her. Not only that, but everyone has flaws. I'm sure, as you live together, you will find some. You definitely don't want to alienate yourself though. Be friendly to her, as you have been. Maybe you guys will become best friends! I also think, as you become more used to her being there, that you will start to look past her "gorgeousness" and just see her. It's all new and unexpected now, but that will change. Good luck!

BreathingSpace
08-09-2013, 02:57 PM
oooh, that's a tough one. I would feel the same as you.

What I would probably do is not avoid her, but try to learn from her instead. See what her habits are like, find common ground by talking about health and fitness, make meals together. Use her to your advantage, not your detriment.

Look at her as a blessing and gift of motivation in your life, not a reason to beat yourself up.

It's all about perception really, and in this case you just have to change your mindset. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, because it's way easier to hate yourself than to be positive and love yourself. But nothing good comes easy, and the universe is giving you an opportunity to practice loving yourself, being compassionate, and being humble.


kaplods
08-09-2013, 03:26 PM
I have thin and gorgeous friends, I have thin and gorgeous sisters.

They're great people, but they're not perfect. The have flaws and weaknesses, some of which are MY strengths.

I never compare myself point-to-point against someone else. It either makes me feel crappy or arrogantly self-righteous - neither of which is pretty.

You may even have traits she envies. A "hot" friend once told me that I was "lucky" because when I dated a guy, I knew he liked me for me, not for my boobs.

I laughed and told her, "I don't know about that, I've got some pretty awesome boobage, just look at this cleavage!"

She laughed and said, "you know what I mean."

And I did. She envied my out-going nature (she was shy), my wit and intelligence (she was smarter than she gave herself credit for) and my confidence (not knowing that half the time I was faking it).

She also envied my ability to attract men who weren't abusive arssholes, not realizing I didn't attract nicer guys, I just had higher standards and had developed a keener arsshole detection ability (in part because of high school experiences in which guys would dare each other to ask me out as a joke or guys would ask me out because everyone knew "fat girls are easy." They quickly learned I wasn't).

You bring something to this world that is unique, special, and valuable. You do not have to feel threatened by anyone who brings more of "something" to the table, because they also bring something less than you.

ChubbyMum
08-09-2013, 06:33 PM
It's hard. I have one friend in particular I've distanced myself from since I've gained a lot of weight (we were pregnant with our first together & she went straight back to size 2 perfection and I ballooned to size 16 grossness), I have no answers but I can relate. Hope you find a solution that works.

Buffinlovin
08-09-2013, 08:10 PM
You bring something to this world that is unique, special, and valuable. You do not have to feel threatened by anyone who brings more of "something" to the table, because they also bring something less than you.

I love this! In fact, Kaplods, if you don't mind I might share it on my blog when I get back from house-sitting! It's so easy to judge ourselves, compare ourselves with others and we forget that we have our own shine and sparkle. We may not always see it, but others do!

To the OP, you have such wonderful advice already here, so I'm just going to give you a :hug:! Things will get better, I'm sure of it! :)

kaplods
08-09-2013, 09:43 PM
Buffinlovin, feel free to share anything I share on 3FC. I can't claim that anything I say is an entirely original thought, but I will credit the original source if I'm quoting someone else (if I'm aware of it).

Gojojo
08-09-2013, 11:19 PM
What I would probably do is not avoid her, but try to learn from her instead. See what her habits are like, find common ground by talking about health and fitness, make meals together. Use her to your advantage, not your detriment.

I should mention that she has her own issues. She doesn't keep any food in the house, just a bag of oranges. She eats one orange a day and drinks detox tea. Once in a while she will eat a small meal. I've never spoken to her about it because I'm afraid it may be a sensitive subject. She's lived here two months so its not just some 10 day cleanse or something. There is obviously some eating issue going on there. Maybe she has struggled with her weight in the past and we aren't so different. I've talked to her about my insecurities and my weight loss goals and she is very supportive and encouraging. I really appreciate all the responses here. I know it sounds so juvenile, but this has been a major issue for me. It has been a long time since I had this level of disgust when I look in the mirror, and I know it has to do with her. I will work on seeing the beauty in both of us.