General chatter - Thank you very much "best friend"...Rant!




Em Coconut
07-29-2013, 09:27 PM
I recently met up with one of my best friends. well, she used to be anyway.
Through the day, she commented on my weight in different way and made me feel awful about myself.

Like, I was wondering what to wear for a night out. She said "Yeah, it's not like you can borrow anything from me, because, you know" And then she gave me the up and down look.

We were talking about old times, and she said "you've gained a bit of weight since then" (it was somewhat relevant) to which I replied that it was more, but I lost some. Her reaction: "OMG, seriously? Like, how much did you weigh then? Must've been A LOT!" yeah, like I'd give her the number after this.

She asked if I was hungry. I wasn't so I said no. She is then confused. "Seems like I eat more than you. How come I'm so thin and you are so...well, you know?"

We went looking for some clothes for me, I looked at the plus sizes and she just had to comment that the ones I found were 8 sizes bigger than her size.

I know I'm huge, there is no need to rub it in like that.

Also, she made assumptions about my food habits that she has no idea about, and wouldn't even listen when I told her she was wrong. She has no idea about what it really takes to lose weight, she is naturally close to underweight, and her advice for me to drop the weight (not that I asked) was "just go jogging..." I had to explain to her that diet is the most important thing, and it kinda seemed like she wouldn't even consider that I could be right about it - After all, she is the thin one of us.

Just had to get this out. It ruined what could've been a great weekend for me...


PUPMOM5
07-29-2013, 09:36 PM
:hug: That person is not only clearly NOT your friend, but you are far too good to be her friend. Any person that would make such hurtful comments or constantly point out your weight differences, isn't the kind of person you want to waste your time on. What a crappy experience. :( But don't give that sort of thinking the power to ruin your weekend! Be glad you realized how toxic this girl is now and be happy you're smart enough not to let her get you down. You deserve better!

livelaughlovesunshin
07-29-2013, 09:55 PM
Sounds like she is unhappy with herself and needs to put you down. Very lame of her and that isn't a true friend at all.


MarjorieMargarine
07-30-2013, 12:17 AM
What. A. B****. Drop her like a hot potato. Also, I just gotta tell you, you're not a huge wildebeest like she was making you out to be. Your stats tell me that.

No one could be that insensitive. She was really trying to be mean. I think next time she calls to hang out, you should say, "Why would you think I would want to do that after the horrible way your skinny b**** a** treated me last time? I might need to lose a few pounds, but you've lost a friend, and not only that, you need to gain a personality."

I think some battles aren't worth fighting, but some people need to know that their behavior is wrong and that they don't get to get away with it.

Wannabeskinny
07-30-2013, 07:38 AM
If she's your best friend I would confront her about it. What do you have to lose? Little digs like that are very hurtful and nobody should be allowed to speak to you like that. People need to be called out on their behavior. If she calls you to hang out again say "look, I'm still upset about the last time we hung out, you said some very hurtful things and frankly I'm not in any mood to go out with someone who feels the need to put me down."

Also, you are NOT huge! I'm more upset that you would say that about yourself than anything she said. Drop and give me 5 nice things you like about yourself! :)

Sum38
07-30-2013, 08:11 AM
If she feels that she can be frank about your weight, you can be frank back and tell her that she hurt your feelings.

Hyacinth
07-30-2013, 08:17 AM
Sad! I'm sorry this happened. A lot of people have fat bias (sometimes fat hatred), and it doesn't come out right away. I would say good riddance to that miserable girl. She needs to grow up and learn some humility. And tact!

annie175
07-30-2013, 09:15 AM
With friends like that, who needs enemies.

Em Coconut
07-30-2013, 11:29 AM
Thank you so much, everyone. I really appreciate the support! :)

I did tell her that I found it hurtful, and reminded her that we haven't spent much time together or talked about the more serious things in life or anything for the last few years, and she doesn't know much about my issues that lead to the weight gain in the first place. That she should be more careful with what she says when she doesn't know the story - After all, comments like that could make things worse for some people! It didn't seem to bother her much...

So I'm keeping contact with her to a minimum from now on. Not hanging out with her unless there is a reason I should. We have friends in common, and I'm not backing away from them.But there will be no more alone time together unless she comes up with a d*** good apology ;)

She does have some issues on her own that probably aren't easy for her, but that is no excuse to act like that....

And I realize that using the word "huge" on myself is maybe taking it a bit far, it was more a "compared to her" kinda thing :dizzy:

CrazyCatWoman
07-30-2013, 11:39 AM
That's awful. She has problems, particularly regarding friendships as she clearly doesn't know how to be a friend. You don't need to carry her dead weight around with you as well - look after yourself as you deserve better !

BreathingSpace
07-30-2013, 12:37 PM
That is not a friend. That is a self-absorbed, mean girl. Her "issues" don't excuse her from bad behavior. Sometimes it takes some distance to really see people for who they are.

JohnP
07-30-2013, 01:36 PM
I'll admit I am not super sensative to weight issues. It's not part of my psychology.

From my perspective, based on what you're saying, I don't see how she is the mega biotch that people are making her out to be on this thread.

Obviously I wasn't there but it could very easily be that she doesn't have any emotion towards weight and was trying to be helpful and didn't realize how hurtful her comments were to you. Communication is a two way street. If she has always been thin she may not realize how much emotion you have tied up into your size.

Clearly she doesn't know anything about weight loss - but - neither do most people. Jogging/running is what most people would probably think would be the ticket to speedy weight loss.

Anyways - just something to think about. Maybe she is a mean jerk, but maybe she simply doesn't understand how she was making you feel and would be very surprised to see this post from you.

EagleRiverDee
07-30-2013, 01:56 PM
Your "friend" seems to have some serious passive aggressive tendencies. Only you can decide if the rest of the association makes these occasional snarky comments something you can overlook. If it doesn't, then you probably should drop her because you need friends that will support you, not friends that put you down.

Em Coconut
07-30-2013, 04:51 PM
I'll admit I am not super sensative to weight issues. It's not part of my psychology.

From my perspective, based on what you're saying, I don't see how she is the mega biotch that people are making her out to be on this thread.

Obviously I wasn't there but it could very easily be that she doesn't have any emotion towards weight and was trying to be helpful and didn't realize how hurtful her comments were to you. Communication is a two way street. If she has always been thin she may not realize how much emotion you have tied up into your size.

Clearly she doesn't know anything about weight loss - but - neither do most people. Jogging/running is what most people would probably think would be the ticket to speedy weight loss.

Anyways - just something to think about. Maybe she is a mean jerk, but maybe she simply doesn't understand how she was making you feel and would be very surprised to see this post from you.

I get what you're saying, absolutely.

Of course, there could be a slight chance that I picked it up completely wrong, and totally overreacting. I doubt it though, as I have known this girl for more than 10 years, and have seen her be very judgmental of overweight/obese people before. And also the fact that she didn't even care, at least not openly, when I told her that I was hurt by it tells me that this was more than just being thoughtless...

doingmybest
07-31-2013, 01:27 AM
You aren't being overly sensitive. I think her comments were rude. I also think some people make mean comments to try to feel superior in some way, and weight is an easy way to do that. You probably have some quality or accomplishment that she is jealous of.

I used to have a "friend" who not only used to comment about my weight, she even made a comment once that she could take my husband away from me if she wanted him (she was single and desperate to get married). I was just about to end the friendship, and then she made a comment in a restaurant in front of other people about my large breasts.

That was it - I dumped her immediately.

Don't waste another minute of your time on people like that. Life is too short and you deserve real friends. :hug:

onagain1
07-31-2013, 07:50 AM
Something tells me that she has noticed your weight loss and is feeling a bit jealous. It doesn't matter that she is smaller. People tend to freak out when someone is shaking up the status quo which you are doing with your weight loss. My guess is she's worried that you are going to become a "threat" to her. Don't let her get you down!

JohnP
07-31-2013, 03:17 PM
... I have known this girl for more than 10 years, and have seen her be very judgmental of overweight/obese people before. And also the fact that she didn't even care, at least not openly, when I told her that I was hurt by it tells me that this was more than just being thoughtless...

Given this context, I completely agree.