100 lb. Club - HOW do you start again after endless, ever increasing failures???




famograham
07-29-2013, 03:45 PM
Half succeed, gain it all back, plus some. Over, and over, and over and OVER again. For decades.
I am desperate to start over, in so much pain, SO angry at myself...again. How is it that I can let it go for so long that I've surpassed my previous highest weight?
WHY can't I give myself a 5 pound window and stay there....WHY?

And also...how can I be so happy in some areas of my life, and so devastatingly miserable in others?? It makes no sense. I am so lost right now...in THIS part of my life.

Linda
:?:


famograham
07-29-2013, 03:48 PM
It's like multiple personality disorder....but on ONE life struggle....

Mozzy
07-29-2013, 06:38 PM
Hugs


nationalparker
07-29-2013, 08:15 PM
Hang in there; beating yourself up doesn't do a thing. I speak from experience on that. It's easy to do. But pick yourself up, dust yourself off and finish day one. Then move on to day two. Day three. Keep moving on.

What are some of your biggest challenges? When do you struggle the most - home/away, morning or evening, etc.? What do YOU see as the key to your success?

free1
07-29-2013, 09:00 PM
How do you define "failure?" If failure is recognizing the need to change and then getting off the couch to make things happen and if/when you fall you have the strength and energy to ADMIT IT, get back up and try again....then call me the biggest failure ever!!!!

Failure is throwing in the towel....you're still in the fight....and because you're still here...you're winning. Not perfect....but winning.

Hugs and smiles your way....

Aclai4067
07-30-2013, 12:03 AM
How do you start again? You just do it it. I realize that's an obnoxiously simple solution, but it's the only one I've got.

I too had a lot of anger toward myself for the regain. And I think that held me back from re-starting for a little while. Because I just couldn't stop beating myself up over it, which made me feel more miserable and want to eat.

I can't tell you I had any revolutionary moment that made me suddenly able to start. I literally just woke up one day and decided to do it. I'm 2 weeks in and feeling strong in it. I can't explain how or why, but this time just feels different than all the other times I've tried to start over the past two years (and has lasted longer too).

It feels like before, when I lost the 70 lbs. I'm hoping I can hold onto this, and lose more than 70 this time. I still have doubts. I still have anger. But I don't let myself dwell on those things for long. Right now, I'm just focused on that first 15 pounds.

Kaitie9399
07-30-2013, 12:12 AM
IMHO: For me, it's not about reaching a goal weight anymore. I lost 65 pounds and gained it all back once already. This time I have the mindset of 'I'm always going to be on a diet--always'. For the rest of my life I have to watch what I eat and exercise. My true goal is to be around 125, it's going to take me a long time to get there--and when I do I need to keep myself there. I will never not be dieting. Ever.

I think that if you have this same mindset you can stop the cycle of losing and gaining and losing and gaining. You must always be working on losing weight, there is no end.

time2lose
07-30-2013, 09:29 AM
:hug: I have been where you are so I understand. I don't think that there is an easy answer. Don't give up. Keep trying different plans or methods until you find the right way for you. We are all experiments of one.

Harriette
07-30-2013, 11:23 AM
I agree with the "you just do it" answer. I am not angry at myself for the regain. A bit disappointed in myself for sure but I also had a **** of a lot of fun in those 8 months and now am paying for it :D Kind of like my credit cards! You just pick yourself up and start again.

foreverfaye
07-30-2013, 07:18 PM
I'm recently starting over myself for what seems like the nth time and honestly the only way I can handle it is to focus on today. I want to eat within my calorie limit today and that is it.

newleaf123
07-30-2013, 07:43 PM
Oh, I have so been where you are now. How do you do it again? You just do. You get to the point where you stop feeling angry, you stop feeling sad, and you just commit. For me, I committed to 1 pound. That's it. I could lose 1 pound, right? And once that pound was gone, I started over. I committed to 1 pound. I could maintain a 1 pound loss and lose another pound, right? You get the drift.

:hug: I could have written your exact post 15 months ago; you can do this :hug:

AwShucks
07-30-2013, 08:09 PM
I agree with the poster that says this is a forever process. All my life, I've been either gaining weight or losing weight... never maintaining. I've lost and regained 75, 90, and 100+ lbs before. So, I know how it goes. This time, I'm extra vigilant. I do believe that I'll never be completely "free" from watching what I eat.

Right now, I've been about the same weight since the first of the year, and I guess this is maintaining, although my desire is to lose more, and I feel like I'm sacrificing (although, admittedly, not consistently). Eventually I want to get to this point at my goal weight -- even though it won't put an end to this process.

What I need to do right now is get back in the groove - seriously - and get the rest of the weight off. So, I need a kick in the butt! We can do this!

cleancowgirl
07-30-2013, 08:22 PM
I understand your frustration but what is the alternative??? You need to examine your plan and realize what you are doing is not working and you are getting frustrated so you need a fresh approach to this. I was in your shoes but a lot heavier, I knew If I did not do something I would be in the hospital. My dr suggested Eating Clean by Tosca Reno. This plan is not for everyone but in 8 weeks I have lost 29 pounds. I work out 4-5 days a week too but getting rid of the crap/chemicals/ processed foods has made a major way that I look at food, my diet and my life. You need to find what works for you, but a big deal is tracking or journaling everything you eat. It actually might show you triggers where food causes you to quit and fail.

Vortex_VVV
07-31-2013, 10:01 PM
You just do it, as others have said, because what's the alternative? BUT...

for me, recognizing what had been holding me back was important. There's no simple way to do this. Therapy is one way to try. Another is to read and read and read on these boards--listen to what others say about changes they've made that have helped them, then ask if you could try the same change.

For me, for example, listening to others say over and over how much exercise helped them maintain energy and positive outlook finally convinced me to get serious about exercise, and it turns out sitting on my butt too much was one of the things that was really holding me back (mostly because it was contributing to depression and poor insulin control). Who knew?

Really, really, I know what it feels like to lose and re-gain. But you know you don't want to give up--that's why you're still here talking with us. And we don't want you to give up, either, because we know that if you can make your positive changes stick, it will mean a happier, healthier life for you.

Hang in with us!

thistoo
08-01-2013, 10:05 AM
I am mad at myself all the time for regaining, so I know exactly where you're coming from.

I get mad at myself when I can't find any clothes that fit (because I refuse to go buy new ones at this weight.)

I get mad at myself when I eat something I know is terrible for me, even though I've had a rotten day and spent hours telling myself 'I deserve it' (whatever that means.)

I get mad at myself when I think of how *good* I felt at 150 pounds, and how easy it was to get back over 200.

But the good thing about doing it once is that you know what works for you, so you can do it again. At least that's what I tell myself.

I think where I really went wrong was that I got down to a 'normal' weight, and I thought that meant *I* was finally normal. I thought I could go out with my friends and eat what they ate, that it was 'just this one time' or a 'special occasion'. But man, suddenly I was having all kinds of special occasions to celebrate!

What I learned is that I will never be 'normal'. Like Kaitie, I will always be on a diet, or I will always be heavy. There's no middle ground for me. That's just the way it's going to work. It sucks and I get mad about that too, but getting mad hasn't changed it.

becksdog
08-01-2013, 10:23 AM
Aclai4067 is so right, one day you know that "enough is enough, this is the last time I am going to do this". I had that moment in June and it just feels different this time. It has not been difficult, I am happy and I am not beating myself up over a small loss per week as I would have in the past. YOU can do this, we all can, we just need to make good health a priority in our lives.

Trazey34
08-01-2013, 11:11 AM
We've all been there to varying degrees. I know myself, I'd gone on a 100 diets, had success, even did this "I got this" victory dance LOL and had it all come crashing down on me. My magic number was 40. I never lost more than 40 lbs., but ALWAYS GAINED more than 40 back. That's how I got to 323 lbs.

Then one day, as I was planning my next "for sure" diet -- for sure, because it was on the Best Seller list! of course it would work, people are talking about it!!! -- it hit me like a ton of bricks. HOW COULD ANYTHING EVER CHANGE IF I STAYED THE SAME???

Like it or not, there's SOMETHING different about people 10 pounds overweight, versus most of us at 100+ pounds overweight. Something wired in our brains, something I just couldn't get to myself no matter how many times I tried.

So, I went to see someone. It wasn't particularly scary, it was kind of fun to talk about myself LOL Nothing too shocking was unearthed, no particular trauma, just a pattern of spoiling and overindulgence. I got a freakin GRIP on my spoiled rotten inner child, beat her into submission and LEARNED TOOLS to deal with her that I never had before.

THAT was what was different. NOT the stupid diet plan. MY BRAIN WAS DIFFERENT.

We all do it - the same things over and over and over again and seem shocked by the same failure over and over again when we've really done nothing to stop the train from derailing. Whether it's therapy or something else I say change your MIND and you'll change your BODY

time2lose
08-01-2013, 11:52 AM
From Trazey34 Like it or not, there's SOMETHING different about people 10 pounds overweight, versus most of us at 100+ pounds overweight. Something wired in our brains, something I just couldn't get to myself no matter how many times I tried. .........
We all do it - the same things over and over and over again and seem shocked by the same failure over and over again when we've really done nothing to stop the train from derailing. Whether it's therapy or something else I say change your MIND and you'll change your BODY

Well said! I think that Trazey has the right idea!

Elladorine
08-01-2013, 12:30 PM
My big moment was realizing I had to change my mindset completely and focus on living healthier rather than losing weight at all cost.

Losing weight at all cost is draining and particularly depressing, especially when things don't go exactly as planned. It makes us feel like a failure when we don't reach our goals, and we often don't realize how unattainable they might be. I'm not saying that you can't, for example, set a goal to lose one pound every week, but if you get your heart set on that and end up gaining even just once, it might be enough to make you give up. And the occasional gain sometimes just happens, no matter how perfectly on-plan we might be, so no need to beat yourself up over it, give up, and be forced to start all over again.

I focus on different goals and let the weight take a backseat to them. I can work hard to be at my healthiest just for today, right? I may not be able to run a marathon yet but I can walk, I can swim, I can even do stretches in my chair. I can pass up the donuts for breakfast and make a healthy smoothie instead (which choice is going to help me power through my day?). I can remind myself of how crappy eating too big of a lunch makes me feel so I can focus on being satisfied with a reasonable portion. If I'm hitting a restaurant for dinner? Instead of throwing in the towel and diving into that 1,000 calorie appetizer, I can look up the nutrition info on my phone and make a reasonable choice for my meal.

I want to feel better. I don't want to be tired all the time. And I believe shifting my focus to health rather than weight loss is the key to all of that. And how did I do today? Was it an impossible task? What did I do well on and what needs work? You know, I bet I can do even better tomorrow. :)

And if I gain for the week? Oh well. It may be annoying but that just means I need to keep on trying. And if you keep on trying, there's never a need to start over. :hug:

famograham
08-01-2013, 05:23 PM
I'm recently starting over myself for what seems like the nth time and honestly the only way I can handle it is to focus on today. I want to eat within my calorie limit today and that is it.

THIS!


First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH, everyone for your replies.

Funny thing....writing that post was what I needed. I needed to express that frustration with myself.
Right after I wrote it, I downloaded the myfitnesspal app on my ipod and have been on the wagon. Today is day 4. Great.
Day 1 is always the hardest.

I have said all the things you've said to me, in support of others here, over the years.
Every single time...I have said "it feels different this time" LOL!

Tracey...40 pounds! Me too.

I get down there...start to feel fantastic...and away it floats. The desperation is gone and I lose focus.

Anyway...here I am, day 4. Grateful!
The battery in my scale is dead. I don't know what I weigh right now...but I'm guessing dangerously close to 300.
I'm tempted to leave it dead. I have always been a scale obsessor, and when I see those awesome first few months numbers start to normalize, I feel disappointed in myself.
Maybe I'll try for once to leave it alone and just focus on how I feel instead.
My highest was 270. I know I'm there or above...

For now, I'm keeping it simple. Stay under budget. Don't obsess. That's it.

Feeling about 2000 times better than 4 days ago...LOL!

Linda

Shyleia
08-01-2013, 06:13 PM
I know what you mean. I'm constantly "starting over". He'll, I'm starting over again right now, as of today. It seems like a never ending struggle. We need to look at ourselves and find out WHY we fall off track and try to remedy that. Fore, it's because I don't think I deserve to be thin and happy the way I once was. I have to learn to change mind set. Try looking at your frame of mind.

RoxieK
08-01-2013, 07:42 PM
One foot in front of the other...tip toe if you have to but never stop. You don't fail unless you give up completely. :-)

I have lost 100 lbs before just to regain it. This time is different and I can say it and mean it. Mindset is a huge part of it and I know I'm where I need to be and on a path I want to be on.

I was the queen of starting tomorrow, after this birthday or that holiday. I'm not even sure what the switch was this time. I hadn't planned it oddly enough. My husband had been eating low carb over a year before I started and then I joined him. The best choice I ever made. Yes, I have jumped off the wagon (not fallen lol). Once for Wendy's twice in one day and the other time was when we were gone on holidays. Even if you jump or fall off it will still be right there waiting for you to get right back on.

This community is an amazing place to come for information and support. (even thou I tend to lurk more often than not. I'm here every day just reading and getting inspired.)

Linda - You're on day 4. That is wonderful and you can do this :-)