General chatter - Facebook "friend" fat bashing. Have you ever witnessed fat bashing? WDYD?




GlamourGirl827
07-28-2013, 07:33 PM
So in my painful boredom waiting to have this baby, I just read a shameless fight between a facebook friend of mine and some woman I don't know. This FB person is someone I was friends with in grade school and some of middle school, and we lost touch when I moved and he found me on facebook. Its weird because he always seemed so "perfect" with the perfect life when we were kids, and my life was super crappy. But he was a cool friend, nice kid, we got along well.

Anywaym from FB I've gathered his life is a trainwrech now, and he shares all the details of it, but he seems like a nice person still so I haven't defriended him.

During this fight, I gathered that this girl was talking about him, or so he says, she says she wasn't. And seems he said something offensive to her so her husband made a hurtful comment about his sexuality (he's gay), and he was calling her out on being trashy blah blah, and then attacked her weight. Now she didn't deny that her husband said something, and whatever the comment was, was never actually repeated so I don't know more than it somehow referred to him not being man enough??

But what I could read was him insulting her over and over for being fat. And telling her she was the joke of the office. His parent's business, so this means his parents and brothers would be included in those that made fun of her weight. I found this hurtfuk as well because he and I were close when we were friends and I got very close with his family. I kind of always felt they felt bad for me because of how horrible my home life was. I loved being at his house, I forgot about my own horrible family. So anyway he went on and on how she was the joke of the office because she's so fat and all she did was eat and eat, and his parents paid her to eat basically. I started getting pretty offended by this.

Then I looked at her page, which had some of her pictures public and she's *maybe* a size 14 at best.

So I don't know what her husband said to my FF "friend" first, and I in no way support insulting someone based on their sexual orientation, but I don't support it based on weight either. In the thread (fight) she did not insult his sexuality at all. So I only saw his hateful comments.

So now I feel mad at him. Is this what he thinks of fat people? btw he is very thin, and has never had weight problem a day in his life. If he were a fat hater now I really wouldn't know, but I was ummm, very FAT when he and I were friends and I don't remember him ever being mean to me or commenting on my weight. Nor was his family mean to me about it.

Weirdly enough I feel like defriending him because of his comments. But are they justified depending on what this girl's husband said to him?

Have you ever been a 3rd party witness to fat bashing (like on FB), what did you do?


EatMoreCelery
07-28-2013, 07:51 PM
I personally would unfriend anyone who made me uncomfortable... period. My Facebook, my choice. ;)

livelaughlovesunshin
07-28-2013, 07:56 PM
Just from what I read, I would say he was saying whatever he could to hurt his feelings they way his were hurt. Not saying what he did was ok but he went for whatever he knew he could hurt her with.


MAK247
07-28-2013, 09:13 PM
I used to have a friend who was naturally rail thin. She drove me nuts because anytime she was gossiping or complaining about someone who was overweight she could call them a fat (insert offensive noun)...Really? Do you not see that I am also fat? I'm sure she called me fat a time or two behind my back as well, she was just that type of person. I figure people use fat as an insult simply because it's kind of out there, it doesn't take much to figure out that someone is overweight and it is easy to throw in a person's face.

It did always bother me, but the most I ever did was laugh it off making a passive aggressive joke about how I couldn't say much since I'm fat, too.

GlamourGirl827
07-28-2013, 09:52 PM
I just thought I'd add that for some weird reason, after a few hours they started up again. The woman is focused on how my FB "friend" let everything get out of hand, but the FB friend is still going on about this comment that her husband said. Still the comment is not being repeated. She only says that he wrote something mean on her FB wall and he should have expected that her husband attack him.

My FB "friend" wrote this: "I don't consider it an insult to you, because all I spoke with the truth. An insult is when someone makes fun of what is beyond their control; ie, I'm gay. That's biological. You're fat; you eat too much"

I'm not making this about sexuality, but I am focused on the weight issue. I agree that he might just be going after it to hurt her easily, but I think I'm going to defriend him anyway. Its just getting to the point where I don't want to be "friends" with someone like that. I wouldn't stay friends with someone I saw on facebook making fun of race, religion or sexuality...so why would I stay friends with someone making fun as weigh, of all things, it hits closest to home for me.

alaskanlaughter
07-28-2013, 11:09 PM
I defriended someone on facebook for her comments as well....not about fat, but she was the mother of two teenagers who were close to my family, and we knew the parents as well...and she'd be on facebook commenting about how her husband was out "screwing so-n-so" and calling him names and just RANTING about her husband .....and what made me defriend her was that her KIDS were reading all of this through facebook....it made me so sad to know that her kids saw all of this (and she'd post things like this nearly daily) so I sent her a polite facebook message about why I was taking her off, and then defriended her :(

krampus
07-29-2013, 10:51 AM
Can you hide his posts or defriend him quietly?

Why do people air their dirty laundry on Facebook? I knew a couple who I used to work with who had FULL BLOWN ACCUSATIONS OF STALKING AND VIOLENCE all over each other's walls.

TooWicky
07-29-2013, 11:26 AM
He sounds like a dirty fighter, so he chose an insult he gauged most likely to bother her. He could have chosen to call her ugly, which would have been a person-specific insult, but instead he picked a size assessment insult -.- which unfortunately applies to all women of that size or larger. I loathe when people think calling someone fat is the most powerful dig ever because being fat is the most horrible thing ever. If I found it really unnerving, I would go ahead and defriend.

zoesmom
07-29-2013, 11:27 AM
Where as I think it is horrid to call anyone out for anything, especailly weight or sexual orinetation, I have to admit I am a wee bit confused on why this is your issue? Is it because he made it publicly known to the girl? Because he caused the drama?

I hope I am not stepping out of line here, but I remember you recently mentioning you have issues with "fat" people (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/general-chatter/284371-shes-fat-some-other-thoughts.html) so I really am confused as to why what he is thinking is wrong, but it is okay for you to think it about others? Am I missing something? Is it because he went public and got so indignant about the topic? I'm not trying to stir trouble...I'm just trying to wrap my head around the double standard. I guess, I am trying to find out what the difference is.

In any case, if he made you uncomfortable, unfriend him. I see no harm in having priorities and a comfort zone, and if he invaded either of those, then he is likely someone you don't want to have around, either in person or virtually.

GlamourGirl827
07-29-2013, 12:11 PM
Where as I think it is horrid to call anyone out for anything, especailly weight or sexual orinetation, I have to admit I am a wee bit confused on why this is your issue? Is it because he made it publicly known to the girl? Because he caused the drama?

I hope I am not stepping out of line here, but I remember you recently mentioning you have issues with "fat" people (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/general-chatter/284371-shes-fat-some-other-thoughts.html) so I really am confused as to why what he is thinking is wrong, but it is okay for you to think it about others? Am I missing something? Is it because he went public and got so indignant about the topic? I'm not trying to stir trouble...I'm just trying to wrap my head around the double standard. I guess, I am trying to find out what the difference is.

In any case, if he made you uncomfortable, unfriend him. I see no harm in having priorities and a comfort zone, and if he invaded either of those, then he is likely someone you don't want to have around, either in person or virtually.

Well first of all if *that's* what you got from that other thread, than that's sorry for you. If you read the whole thread, and a assume you did, I am talking about how I was taught growing up that fat women (including myself) are not worthy of a romantic relationship. I explained how I grew up being told that fat people (women relly) were slobs. I never said I go around doing that (publicly insulting people) . I never said I have a problem with fat people...uh hello! I am fat. You really missed the point of that thread.

Yes there is a HUGE differnece between trying to work through the truths we are show as children and attacking someone on facebook for being fat. I'm sorry if you can't see that.

I do not like sharing very deep struggles on here, and having it thrown in my face, especially when it is a misinterpretation on your part. I know I'm getting nasty, but it irritates me when I try my best to convey a thought over typing, and someone still interprets it all messed up. Although it is obviously only you that got that from that thread, as the the replies to it show me that other people understood what I was explaining.

Its my issue because I signed onto facebook and saw a string of insults against a woman based on her weight from someone I was friends with while I was a morbidly obese kids & teen. And now being pregnant I am fat again, so it made me uncomfortable. If I post a pic of myself after having the baby before I lose the weight, is he making fun of my fatness?? I'm sure there are enough people that do that, I don't need to think that one of my FB friends is doing that as well.

I think the pther issue is as TooWicky pointed out, that it bothers me that that in his mind calling her fat is the worst possible thing he can do, like being fat is just so aweful. That there is no other flaw about her that could possible be as bad as being fat....

Yes you over stepped, partly because you did, and partly because I'm tired, pregnant, hormonal, achy and don't appreciate you trying to suggest that my issues with weight are comparable to publicly humiliating an over weight woman on facebook. Gees, do you think I would do that? How can you even compare that two? Wrap your head around that. I'm really in no mood for it :mad:

Desiderata
07-29-2013, 12:15 PM
I'm with krampus - I'd hide his posts. And take his behavior into account when I reflect on him as a whole person. He's not an evil monster who should be banished into a forest or anything, but you've gotten a look at some character issues that weigh against everything else you know about him. So if it makes your life better, then reduce the exposure/contact with him.

I try really hard to see everything in life in varying shades of gray instead of black/white, but I also have less and less patience for other people's nonsense (and I never had very much :p). If someone's an ***, it's not worth the energy. Third person facebook drama is the worst -- one, it's so pointless, and two, what is wrong with people who publicly document their idiocy forever? Clean up your feed and clean up your headspace as a result, I say! The drama just isn't worth it.

GlamourGirl827
07-29-2013, 12:49 PM
I agree. I did defriend him. I based this on
1. we have absolutely nothing in common now
2. He has like 1000000000 friends, and because of this after our initial friending he has not commented or like anything I'm posted despite me doing so for him. I imagine thats hard to do with 1000000000 friends
3. The only thing I am getting from his posts is drama drama drama. He posted the details of him abusive partener, and really the gritty details and the details of his drinking binges, and pill abuse...its really sad. I remember his as such a different person. But his posts have become the "reality tv" of my newsfeed and I have defriended those people in the past because I don't like the feeling of knowing the intimate details of his self destructive behavoir. I feel like I'm violating his privacy even though he's posting it. But I kept him around because I felt bad defriending him. I think this was the permission to defriend that I was looking for. We are just in two different place now, and I think its better if we part ways as was intended before facebook!!
Really the natural order of things is to lose touch with folks as you grow apart not let a dead friendship linger as facebook now creates!

Krazy
07-29-2013, 01:05 PM
I wouldn't defriend him, but I find that kind of Facebook drama funny. Like a train wreck I can't stop watching.

I understand why you would be upset though. I don't think he has anything against overweight people, he's just trying to hurt her.

EagleRiverDee
07-29-2013, 01:31 PM
I've noticed that people, when they feel hurt, will often lash out in a way they perceive might hurt the other person even if it's not really how they feel. So maybe he's fat biased, and maybe he's not. However, it does highlight a character defect- he's obviously trying to hurt her feelings, and not even about something SHE said.

Since you guys don't have a very strong friendship, you have options. If you un-friend him, I'd also send him a note and tell him why. It may be a life lesson for him that he seems to desperately need.

Vex
07-29-2013, 10:10 PM
Pretty much anyone knows one of the easiest ways to hurt, anger, or annoy a woman is to call her fat, regardless of her actual size. I've seen people call anorexics fat in some trolling comments.

It's pretty ridiculous the amount of inhumane comments and trolling the internet/facebook have generated. The more you can distance yourself from it, the better.