Weight Loss Support - No, I'm not anorexic!




View Full Version : No, I'm not anorexic!


KindaSortaAthlete
07-27-2013, 08:29 PM
Today my mom told me that my godmother asked her if I had become anorexic. I haven't seen my godmother in many many years (and I have no history if an ED), but she was basing that question on my recent Facebook pictures. I guess she thought I looked too skinny. Skinny???

I just recently got into the "normal" category of BMI. I still have weight to lose and will probably be dropping my goal weight. I can't imagine how anyone would mistake me for skinny yet. Maybe compared to how I USED to look...

I just think society has gotten so used to seeing large people as the norm that when someone actually starts getting to what's truly a normal size, suddenly that becomes alarming and too skinny.

For perspective, my godmother is overweight, so is her husband, and so are her adult kids.

Ugh, that just really annoyed me.


TammiL
07-27-2013, 08:50 PM
Try to see it how this person sees it. She doesn't know what's going on from day to day. My Niece posted a picture of herself recently where it became clear that she has lost too much weight. She has gone from a size 5 to a size 0. She is a teen and her mother has body dysmorphic so I'm worried. And I can relate to your godmom a little bit. Send her a message and tell her how you feel. Tell her your goals and why you have lost weight.

dragonstar85
07-27-2013, 08:55 PM
I'm having this same problem but at work and I now have people making snide remarks about my eating too healthy..... Is eating "too healthy" even possiable? Even hinting that I have a eating disorder or that I am headed towards one. And it's endless "here have this" and when I refuse it's "OMG you can have SOME!" Yes, if I wanted some I would have some but I just ate and I am full. And sometimes I just don't like what they are offering and no it's not because I think I am fat. I just don't want it. Then it's "you're too skinny!" I'm 5'2" 147lbs, I'm still consider overweight. 125lbs is right in the middle of what would be consider "healthy" weight for me which is what I am aiming for. But I think you do have a point that people are use to seeing bigger now so "healthy norm" is starting to look "too skinny." I'm getting to the point that I've been avoiding eating in the breakroom and eating outside so my choice in food won't be examined and criticized.


GlamourGirl827
07-27-2013, 08:59 PM
I feel your pain...well not now, since I gained it all back being pregnant. But before I was almost at goal and I got some rude comments from people that really should ahve been focusing on their own weight.

For some reason it used to make me so angry that people (family) that spent their whole lives fat had their heads so far in the sand that they thought any under a size 14 was too thin. (I was a 6/8) It is one of my personal triggers, in any situation people that just assume they way they live is the "right" way and the only way and that everyone else is wrong. So this played into that big time. The few times something was said to me, I gladly reported my height weight abd BMI, and that they were obviously not in the healthy range and even though we've gotten use to seeing overweight people (as you said) that doesnt make it ok. Rude? Yes. But I I kind of feel that they bring it on themselves. I never would ahve imagined that it could be hurtful to be told I'm too thin or that I dont eat enough. (This also being said by someone that gourges themselves). So my response is to inform them they are too at and over eat. Hey if they arent reacy to be insulted they should not have crossed the line by commenting on my body.
Btw I have NEVER gotten a too thin comment from a fit family member, actually I got a lot of compliments for getting into good shape. Only fat family felt the need to make rude comments.

I dont have that now that I'm fat and they are pleased, but I expect it when I slim down, I'm thinking it'll take me a good year. But I'm prepared for the same old crap again.

I know most people arent as blunt as I am but I'd just respond to your mom with the fact that your godmother is fat so her percpetion is off. And move on from there. If its ever said to your face, I'd say the same. Again, sounds rude, but why is it anymore rude to CORRECTLY tell someone they ar fat than it is to INCORRECTLY tell someone they are thin? IMO its not. She went there with her comment, you woud only be educating her.

Matisse
07-27-2013, 08:59 PM
Some people want to pull you into their weight category. This way they do not have to acknowledge their unhealthy habits. Today, I was walking and I realized how overweight my neighbourhood is compared to others in the city where so many people are either jogging or walking their dog. My environment influences me and being around healthy, active individuals is something I should seek.

No, KindaSortaAthlete, you do not suffer from a life-threatening illness called anorexia. You are simply embracing the challenge of getting fitter and there is nothing wrong with that. Congratulations for your accomplishments so far. :carrot:

Underwater
07-27-2013, 09:05 PM
I am just barely below normal BMI and people tell me I've lost too much weight. I just respond that I think it's because it's such a big change and that if I was always this size, I wouldn't seem too skinny. I am a size 8-10, about average for an almost-30 year old woman.

Missy Krissy
07-27-2013, 10:15 PM
Send her a message and tell her how you feel. Tell her your goals and why you have lost weight.

OP shouldn't have to defend her reasons for making HEALTHY choices, that's a little backwards to me. And that's kind of a personal thing to be sharing.

I agree with others who suggest that we're just used to overweight/obese being the norm. I was told to "be careful" as well by someone who noticed my obvious weight loss. I'm barely in the normal BMI category!

Try not to take offense, I'm sure it wasn't intended to be hurtful. No matter how much it bugs us, others are always going to have an opinion on what are bodies "should" look like. Just keep on making smart choices and everyone else will adjust.

luckymommy
07-27-2013, 11:40 PM
Whenever I am at a healthy weight, my parents start to worry that I'm too thin. It's very frustrating. I've told them that according to medical professionals, I'm at a healthy weight (when I'm at goal) and I've asked them not to comment on my weight anymore. Now that I"m losing my regained weight, I'm worried that they'll start commenting again...they've already said I need to slow down, etc., even though I'm doing it healthfully and am not losing too rapidly. The funny thing is that my parents are both slim!

novangel
07-28-2013, 12:13 AM
Everybody at my job comments how skinny I am. I just say "thank you!" :carrot:

StrangeJourney
07-28-2013, 02:32 AM
Congratulations on your weight loss and being at a healthy BMI! I feel you! I agree that larger is more commonplace sometimes but if you've been overweight for a while, maybe the new you is just shocking to her?

I do Paleo so when I explain to people that I don't eat wheat or sugar or most things that the average person consumes, sometimes I get that response too. My own parents thought for a while that I was developing an eating disorder. It's concern and it means they love me, but still it can be frustrating.

Maybe this is an opportunity to lead by example, so to speak. If they think a healthy person is too skinny, their perspective must be pretty off?

Arrwillia
07-28-2013, 03:00 AM
Congrats on your weight loss! I think you're right about people viewing overweight as normal and so normal looks "too thin" to them. I'm actually having this problem with my 4 yr old (yes, *4* year old!). I was looking at the growth charts for all my kids and noticed he was very high on the weight, did a bmi calculator and he was "obese". I cut back his milk to the recommended daily amounts and the weight melted off quickly. Now he is holding steady at the average weight for his age/height but my mom and older neighbor lady keep saying he looks "sickly" and "too thin"! He eats like a teenager, is very active and does very well in preschool.

I would send her a message thanking her for noticing your weight loss and reassure her that you are doing it in a healthy way. If you've been able to drop the weight quickly then that might be why she is concerned.

snowlilly
07-28-2013, 03:14 AM
I don't know if people in the USA have this mentality, but over here, whenever some is doing very good, people (even friends) will try to make snide remarks about that person, trying to diminish the importance of their accomplishments, or even worse, turn them into something bad.

This usually happens because people are either ashamed of their own situation or jealous of others. It the kind of mentality where if someone appears strong and motivated and is getting good results, others (that don't have willpower or are just complacent) will try to bring the other person down as well.

So my advice to you is to never ever listed to those kinds of persons. Making mean remarks to make a person feel bad about a tremendous accomplishment is just wrong. Listen to people that are objective or listen to your doctors. Don't listen to the fat co-workers/friends/family with their faces stuffed in a box of donuts, telling you you're unhealthy or skinny or anorexic!

sontaikle
07-28-2013, 06:57 AM
Congrats on losing weight!

I think all of this has more to do with people used to the old you vs the new you. I used to get pulled aside by "concerned" people all the time, but after a year and a half at approximately the same size, I don't have any more problems. People are used to the new me, and they're now shocked upon seeing pictures of the old me! :)

HungryHungryHippo
07-29-2013, 01:36 AM
It's funny to get grief--and then go to a thrift store, and see what size used to be the norm!

Kery
08-04-2013, 07:32 AM
I don't know if people in the USA have this mentality, but over here, whenever some is doing very good, people (even friends) will try to make snide remarks about that person, trying to diminish the importance of their accomplishments, or even worse, turn them into something bad.
That's my father's family for you. I don't know about the US, but at least in France, yes, we do have that. ^_^;

MauiKai
08-04-2013, 11:30 AM
I've had a similar experience with my Ma in the past. She is, and always has been, quite overweight. She has always said I am "too skinny" and am "starving myself" when I am at a medically appropriate weight for my height. Because she is so used to being large, anyone of a normal size is suspect for being "too thin." It's irritating when she pushes and pushes on the issue. My doctor says (when I'm at my favorite weight) that I'm at a great size. In fact, per my height I can weigh as little as 135 and still be healthy. (My favorite weight is 145-150ish)

MauiKai
08-04-2013, 11:32 AM
I don't know if people in the USA have this mentality, but over here, whenever some is doing very good, people (even friends) will try to make snide remarks about that person, trying to diminish the importance of their accomplishments, or even worse, turn them into something bad.

This usually happens because people are either ashamed of their own situation or jealous of others. It the kind of mentality where if someone appears strong and motivated and is getting good results, others (that don't have willpower or are just complacent) will try to bring the other person down as well.

So my advice to you is to never ever listed to those kinds of persons. Making mean remarks to make a person feel bad about a tremendous accomplishment is just wrong. Listen to people that are objective or listen to your doctors. Don't listen to the fat co-workers/friends/family with their faces stuffed in a box of donuts, telling you you're unhealthy or skinny or anorexic!

Oh yes, this definitely happens here in the US too. People are threatened by other's successes and don't like change.

KindaSortaAthlete
08-08-2013, 11:06 PM
Sorry I went MIA from my own thread! It hasn't been the best week for me...

Anyways, thank you all for responding to my vent and validating what I was feeling :) I know I'm not the only one to feel this way or experience something similar from a well intentioned loved one.

Love being able to post things like this to folks who understand :)

Gali
11-29-2013, 03:29 PM
I think you all should be proud that some people find you too skinny. For me, being told I'm too thin is one of the best compliments I could ever dream to get. So enjoy the compliments, keep eating healthily and let the lazy people envy you ;)

Dollfaise
11-29-2013, 07:24 PM
I grew up in a family that thought weighing 140 at 5'3" was healthy. When they saw me at 135 they thought I was skinny and didn't need to lose more weight. When they heard I wanted to be 15 pounds lighter, they acted as though I'd said something far worse. 120 is just fine for a shorty like me.

ReillyJ
11-29-2013, 08:12 PM
Yea, i've gotten it a lot (and have posted a few times on 3FC about how kind of traumatizing it was for me) because in my mind i interpret "you're getting too thin" or "ARE YOU STILL LOSING WEIGHT?!!" as "you are looking ugly". I don't interpret it as jealousy although that would probably make me feel a bit better but since my face has changed a lot with my weight loss, i interpret all comments about my weight as i'm ugly. A lot of the time they'll back up telling me, no..you look good but i do not feel complimented because i've worked hard only to be told things like that? Not saying i need validation from anyone other than those very close to me and like one has stated and has been brought up in my posts about this subject, i think a lot of it is comparison to the old you. I would really like to hear what people who didn't know me fat, would think about me.

Also society is certainly trending obese and we're certainly not used to what it really looks like to be a healthy weight.

I do agree with what GlamourGirl has said "but why is it anymore rude to CORRECTLY tell someone they ar fat than it is to INCORRECTLY tell someone they are thin?" although that's not my personality type and would never have the guts to say that! :)

novangel
11-29-2013, 08:28 PM
I like when people ask "do you even eat?!?" so I can reply "sure do, I still eat everything I want!"

If they're going to ask passive aggressive questions I like to piss them off in return. :carrot:

tefrey
11-29-2013, 08:54 PM
Both my sisters are normal weight bordering on underweight. They have always struggled with anorexia rumors, but they have merely been blessed with fast metabolisms. It has always been so hurtful for them, so I never say anything like that to anyone.

That said, even they have made comments when they thought I was losing too much weight too fast. People get used to seeing you a certain way and it's hard for them to accept you any other way. Luckily they will get used to it in time.

I don't talk about my weight loss with anyone unsympathetic. I try not to call attention to my diet or exercise. If I am questioned about what I am doing, I will talk about it in terms of my health. If that doesn't work, I am blunt and tell the other person that it is none of their business.

ReillyJ
11-29-2013, 09:03 PM
That said, even they have made comments when they thought I was losing too much weight too fast. People get used to seeing you a certain way and it's hard for them to accept you any other way. Luckily they will get used to it in time.

I don't talk about my weight loss with anyone unsympathetic. I try not to call attention to my diet or exercise. If I am questioned about what I am doing, I will talk about it in terms of my health. If that doesn't work, I am blunt and tell the other person that it is none of their business.

Yes, this, i freely admit that i have done that to people losing weight and to my own mother and my best friend, i do not know WHY and it certainly wasn't meant to hurt them or chastise them and believe it or not it wasn't out of jealousy, either. And i don't understand the rationale behind it because no one i commented on was underweight. Being on the receiving end has sure taught me just to SHUT my mouth.

Wannabeskinny
11-30-2013, 10:34 AM
Food and dieting makes people uncomfortable. That's why it's always best to steer any conversation towards fitness and exercise instead. Just say something like "no, I'm eating loads it's just that I'm training for a 10K!" People are willing to forgive exercise.

Also, OP I want to ask, how old are you? Sometimes if you are little older, like over 30 being underweight does change your appearance considerably. This might just be my opinion but a little fat is very forgiving to your skin. Young women can lose weight and look great but for us over the hill even losing a little weight can make us look gaunt. Could that be what your grandmother is responding to? For example I have a friend that I've known since our early 20's. She was always superfit, running marathons and eating healthy. She looked amazing, her skin glowed but she was never too too skinny. Now I think she's lost a bit of weight, is continuing marathons and other fitness endeavors and obvious still looks great but her face is looking a little ragged. Every time I see her I feel like she would look so much better if she put on 5-8lbs, I hate thinking that but there you have it.

Inkrid
11-30-2013, 10:46 AM
I watched some old Little House episodes last year. The boys were skinny and wasp-waisted. Now people would say they are too thin, but that was normal back in the 70's! On one episode there was an obese man (cue sad Little House music), but watching today, he looked more normal!

One of my sons is in middle school and 85 pounds. All his friends are 120 or 140. I took him to the doc, worried he was underweight, and the doc said, "No, this is what we want to see and seldom do!" He was Normal, which isn't normal anymore!!

krampus
12-02-2013, 11:39 AM
People always say awkward things when they notice you've changed in appearance, I think.

My roommate is your height and weight - she has been losing a pound a week or something and doing lots of weight training and cooking. She looks SUPER HEALTHY to me and her aunt asked if she had a thyroid problem! :lol::lol::lol:

devadiva
12-02-2013, 11:56 AM
Food and dieting makes people uncomfortable. That's why it's always best to steer any conversation towards fitness and exercise instead. Just say something like "no, I'm eating loads it's just that I'm training for a 10K!" People are willing to forgive exercise.

Also, OP I want to ask, how old are you? Sometimes if you are little older, like over 30 being underweight does change your appearance considerably. This might just be my opinion but a little fat is very forgiving to your skin. Young women can lose weight and look great but for us over the hill even losing a little weight can make us look gaunt. Could that be what your grandmother is responding to? For example I have a friend that I've known since our early 20's. She was always superfit, running marathons and eating healthy. She looked amazing, her skin glowed but she was never too too skinny. Now I think she's lost a bit of weight, is continuing marathons and other fitness endeavors and obvious still looks great but her face is looking a little ragged. Every time I see her I feel like she would look so much better if she put on 5-8lbs, I hate thinking that but there you have it.

I think this is part of my situation.I am at a perfect weight for me I know people think I am to lean.....it brought out all my wrinkles! I am 61 the face does not hold elasticity...but would rather be trim with wrinkles.

krampus
12-02-2013, 12:20 PM
I think this is part of my situation.I am at a perfect weight for me I know people think I am to lean.....it brought out all my wrinkles! I am 61 the face does not hold elasticity...but would rather be trim with wrinkles.

You're a runner! Less is more for runners. Thick people never win long distance races :P