Depression and Weight Issues - bummin'




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citygirl89
07-24-2013, 05:06 PM
Wasn't sure where to post this, but I needed a bit of a vent session and I feel embarrassed to actually talk to people in my life about this.

I am newly engaged and also newly living with my fiance and I thought this whole engagement thing would be the most exciting time of our life but it has been ****. I've become someone I never thought I would.

Our apartment, prior to getting engaged, has had its share of problems, from a major bug infestation to a burst pipe underneath requiring a complete replacement of the floors. We slept in the living room for a while and had to essentially re-move back in. We've been there just about 5 months. I thought living together would be fun and exciting and more often than not it has been stressful and horrible :(

Then this engagement thing.. I was never a girl excited about my wedding, never dreamt about a gown or all of that like other girls do. Plus, after having a major falling out with my two best girlfriends from childhood a few years back, I don't have any bridesmaids. I have good friends but not best friends like they were, and it makes me so sad to think they won't even be at my wedding. I have a lot of unresolved feelings about the ending of the friendships (I sort of buried my feelings about it but they are still best friends, so when I see their Facebook posts I just get so, so sad.) My fiance is fine with not having a wedding party but I feel like a loser with no friends. My sister is my MOH and his best friend is his best man, but I feel just like a loser.

We are tight on funds and his parents have never fully accepted me and I feel like there's so much pressure on me to have an amazing wedding. Not to mention, my mom is ill so I've been dealing with that the past year. There's a lot going on and I tend to bury all my feelings and put up a brave face, but deep down I'm so sad.

I have sought out a psychiatrist who I have been seeing now for a while but I keep trying meds that bring me nothing but side effects and minimal relief.

Plus, I am about 10-15 lbs overweight, some may say that's not too bad, but eating is my crutch. I make myself feel better through food. Chocolates at my desk, ice cream on my lunch break, late night snacks. I work out faithfully but eat to ease the pain. My mom and sister want to try on dresses and I keep finding ways to put it off (the wedding isn't til next fall, so it's not obvious to them yet) but I know I'll look like a fat cow in a wedding gown.

Last night we hit rock bottom. We had another fight, this time about our honeymoon, and he got so frustrated he dropped a glass, and it shattered everywhere. I'm sure our neighbors hear our fights, and this is not like us. I left for a while, drove around for a few hours. I told him breaking things isn't acceptable, but I know I'm at fault too. Yelling to solve problems isn't acceptable, either. We shouldn't be fighting about a honeymoon! We should feel happy and blessed to be able to take one!

If you read all of that, thank you. I really just needed to vent and have no one to talk to. Everyone thinks we're happily engaged, but if they only heard the screaming matches and saw the sadness..


MamaApril
07-24-2013, 06:13 PM
I think you've just hit your first pot-hole in your relationship. Hubby and I have been in similar situations; our septic backed up about a month after our daughter was born. Since we live in a basement apartment, EVERYTHING sewage was coming up through the floors, drains, shower, toilet, etc. We were confined to living in our one bedroom for two months, and it definitely took it's toll on us. We argued, alot, and we thought we were heading down a path of separation. However, we worked through it and began to live again. Then, back in September, both of my parents became very ill. My mom had blood clots in her lungs, and they also found cervical cancer. My dad had a complete mental breakdown and started going in catatonic states and having pseudoseizures. I was forced to care for the both of them, my 10-year-old brother, and my own family for months. Again, it took it's toll on us. Hubby wasn't upset at me because of what I was doing, he was just more concerned about my health and being run to the bone every day and night on top of going to school and working. Granted, that one has caught up with me and now I'm going to see a doc about anxiety on Friday, but again, we worked through it and we're back on track. My long story short, I truly believe that you can work ANYTHING out if you look beyond the horrible and what makes you unhappy, and only look for the positive things. What truly makes you happy? WHO truly makes you happy? You can get through this. I have faith in you!

citygirl89
07-25-2013, 01:01 PM
Wow, I just wanted to write and say how sorry I am about all of those bad things happening to you, let alone all at once. I can only imagine the pain you must have felt and still feel to go through that. I'm glad to hear things are looking up and hope that your parents are in good health.

My fiance and I had a long teary chat last night and agreed that at the end of the day, problems will happen but we can't lose sight of who we are and why we're in this together. I feel so lucky to have such a good partner to start my life with. Plus I'm going to work really hard to remember that a wedding is ONE DAY and so not worth any stress and anguish.