General chatter - Rant or Confess, no judgement here!




NJChick78
07-19-2013, 08:22 AM
I was reading through older posts and I realize that many of us have a sister, friend, co-worker, counsin, etc that we compare ourselves to or that we resent or are jealous of for their size or shape. Lets get it out!

My sister had weight loss surgery. Then she had a full body lift and breast implants. She loves to talk to me about other women who are "fat", "oh god, you should see Lola, she is getting so fat, 30 lbs overweight now, she has those fat smile lines on her face now." so I look in the mirror, I am MORE than 30 lbs overweight, I have those lines. I tell her. She will respond "oh, don't worry about you, you're healthy... but so and so ...blah blah blah." I wanna smack her! She thinks she is so pretty. She loves to say "I am the cute one."

My sweet 16 yo nephew told me that when I pick him up from school, the kids think I am his Mom. Once she picked him up, she let him drive home, the next day someone said to him "Sid, you are a sweet kid, you drive your Gram around!".... they thought she was his gram!


KellinaKatrina
07-19-2013, 08:36 AM
I wasn't looking for a thread like this but PERFECT timing.

I've been working on this journey since September and have dropped roughly 40 lbs. My sister called after a doctors apt yesterday to rant to me about how disgusted with her self she was for gaining 24 lbs over the past year. While I understand that's not a good thing, that weight still puts her under what I currently weigh with all the work I've put in. She wanted sympathy that I wasn't willing to give. I've been overweight since I was a kid while she was the skinny cheerleader. I was secretly happy she had gained, gave her some perspective of what I've lived with forever. That makes me terrible, I know.

NJChick78
07-19-2013, 12:41 PM
I hear ya. Mine gains 5 lbs at TOM. Puuuuuuhhhhhleeeeeeeeeez haha


Rechyl
07-19-2013, 12:57 PM
today it is rather hot outside 26C (for scotland thats tropical) and i was out for a little stroll and i saw a really (and i hate to say it) massively big guy in dark jeans and a black shirt struggling to walk to his car in the heat and my first thought was 'poor guy having to struggle like that, and then a smile came across my face as i thought 'im glad im not that bad'.
Ive felt terrible about it ever since. that was my confession.

NJChick78
07-21-2013, 12:23 PM
Ok, how about those annoying people who TELL you how to lose weight? "Oh, no, you nee to add more/less/no/lots/little exercise" ... "you aren't drinking enough water" .... "you know what your problem with dieting is!" .... ugh, just shut up person, I need to do this my way!

pnkrckpixikat
07-21-2013, 02:51 PM
One of my husbands friends from high school lives a couple of hours away but is moving to the area and has a gf here, I had never seen pix of either of them and was meeting them for the first time yesterday to do dinner and a movie, I was soooo glad that both of them are slightly overweight too :o Mostly I think because I have felt so horrible about gaining back +/- 50lbs since october that I wasn't ready to feel judged by some new skinny-minnie no matter how cool my DH claimed she is.

Either way, they were both pretty awesome and I can see them both becoming friends.

NJChick78
07-21-2013, 08:28 PM
pnkrckpixikat,

I know exactly what you mean. When I have to meet new people I prefer them to be obese. hahahah

GlamourGirl827
07-21-2013, 09:10 PM
I have been a size 6 to a size 20. I was biggest after each baby, including this one, but I've lost the weight each time. I spent my gradeschool years obese, my highschool and early 20s over weight, and finally got a nice, fit body after baby #2.

I absolutely hate that I know after I get back down to my size 6 and smaller this time since I dropped my goal from before this pregnancy (145) weight by 15 pounds (now 130), that people who did not know me when I was fat judge me and are annoyed by my fit body!

I was a runner before getting pregnant this time and for the first time I was toned and thin, and I got tired of getting the stink eye from *some* fat girls. It was really frustrating because I busted my a$$ and lost about 80 lbs to look like I did, and I don't feel I should get crapped on by someone who was not where I was fitness wise. Now that I'm fat, I'm am acceptable again, but I already said to hubby, as someone who spent most of my life at least over weight, I am not looking forward to the assumption that I am judging someone who is fat because I'm thin, or fat women that are disappointed I'm not fat too, so they give me an attitude. I found this out when I hit goal, and it sucked that by simply taking care of my body, I incidentally made other women feel bad about themselves and so they were annoyed at me for it.

Especially by people that have no clue that I struggled (and still do) with a binge/ starve eating disorder, and I walk a very fine line to achieve and maintain a healthy weight.

Saracandoit
07-21-2013, 09:53 PM
I'm not even sure this is the right thread for this but I had a guy Ive known for awhile who wanted to date but I politely declined and I've been nothing but nice and he exploded with "You're hellishly -bleepin- fat, incase you didn't know, which I'm sure you do." And I felt, awful.. depressed but when I think about it. He liked me no less than 24 hours ago and.. I like being a bigger girl. I would just like to be on the smaller end of bigger girl but I know I've never been thin and I probably wont be! But I just /hate/ that about some men how they instantly feel the need to point out how Im a bigger girl when they throw a tantrum. UGH. /endrant.

MarjorieMargarine
07-21-2013, 10:14 PM
My rant is about a friend of mine who's constantly telling me that she wants to lose weight, but won't listen to me at all. It's not that I'm offering unsolicited advice, it's just that she doesn't want to hear it. She refuses to educate herself on weight loss and how it works. I feel like I've explained the basics to her about a thousand times. Still, she persists in telling me, "I heard that to lose weight you can't eat white rice, so I'm switching to brown rice." Then, she's shocked when she doesn't drop weight by making this change. I tried to explain to her, "Yes, brown rice has more fiber, it fills you up longer, but the problem is HOW MANY CALORIES you're eating. Brown rice doesn't magically make you lose weight." I've talked to her about calories in/ calories out, but it's just in one ear and out the other, but any snippet of weird information she sees on the cover of a women's magazine, she remembers.

The other night, she invited me for dinner (which was very sweet). She served potatoes fried with a little spinach, brown rice, flat bread, and lentils, with cake for dessert. Almost no protein and a lot of carbs. Plus a ton of calories. But she thinks that because it doesn't have meat, it is practically diet food.

I don't care if she loses weight. I'm not trying to be pushy at all. But she's always talking about how she wants to have a baby and she needs to lose weight to conceive and how is she going to lose weight and such-and-such isn't working to lose weight. I know she drinks a lot of juice and a good amount of milky, sweet hot tea everyday (she made it for me once and it made my teeth shiver there was so much sugar in it). Sigh. At this point, I just smile and nod and tell her how much that sucks and don't try to offer any help.

Buffinlovin
07-21-2013, 10:18 PM
I have a friend whom I love dearly, but she tries to coach me constantly about what diet is the best and what exercise is the best, etc. She spends countless dollars on books and exercise equipment, then it gathers dust in her home. When I see her she likes to talk about her past attempts at losing weight (she has several) where she lost 30+ pounds each time, and how it always worked. I don't have the nerve yet to tell her that the fad diets she did worked to lose the weight, but obviously not helping her keep it off. What's worse is that she likes to top off food on my plate, even though i just carefully measured things out, telling me "I should cheat now and then."

I did have a conversation to her about that...If I feel the need to "cheat" I will do it on my terms, not someone else's.

alaskanlaughter
07-21-2013, 10:27 PM
I have a friend whom I love dearly, but she tries to coach me constantly about what diet is the best and what exercise is the best, etc. She spends countless dollars on books and exercise equipment, then it gathers dust in her home. When I see her she likes to talk about her past attempts at losing weight (she has several) where she lost 30+ pounds each time, and how it always worked. I don't have the nerve yet to tell her that the fad diets she did worked to lose the weight, but obviously not helping her keep it off. What's worse is that she likes to top off food on my plate, even though i just carefully measured things out, telling me "I should cheat now and then."

I did have a conversation to her about that...If I feel the need to "cheat" I will do it on my terms, not someone else's.

oohhh that just burns my buckets! :mad: I once had my BIL literally wave a mini candy bar under my nose(!!!) because I hadn't had any junk or birthday cake at a party and he said "I KNOW you want it!!"...W-T-F? ugh

zoritsa
07-21-2013, 11:32 PM
I was reading through older posts and I realize that many of us have a sister, friend, co-worker, counsin, etc that we compare ourselves to or that we resent or are jealous of for their size or shape. Lets get it out!

My sister had weight loss surgery. Then she had a full body lift and breast implants. She loves to talk to me about other women who are "fat", "oh god, you should see Lola, she is getting so fat, 30 lbs overweight now, she has those fat smile lines on her face now."

OMG this!!! ^^^ I was JUST wanting to post something along these lines. My cousin had weight loss surgery last Summer and since losing a bunch of weight, now talks about people (friends,family) behind their backs about how they should get off their fat arses and just walk or drink water because then they'd lose weight easily and how it's all in your mind...that if you want to lose the weight, you will :mad: I don't remember another family member being as rude as my cousin when she had her surgery, so I know it's not everyone who does this...but I have been livid at how insensitive my cousins been...especially since my weight loss has stalled and now I don't know if she's talking about me behind my back too!

KellinaKatrina
07-21-2013, 11:44 PM
Ugh!! X a million on the "you can cheat now and then". I started back to strictly tracking with ww online this past week. Even with a drinking birthday party this weekend, I tracked and stayed within my daily and weekly points allowance and am on day 7 of being binge free.

Anyhow, I walked into work Friday to 2 donuts on my desk even though I had told them the previous day that I didn't want one. Then my boss went on and on about how I'm not fat and I don't need to change for anyone. Excuse me? I'm not changing for anyone but myself. This isn't for boys. Its for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm actually dealing with an all new set of anxieties related to the whole boys thing. I'd almost rather not have any attention at this point. I liked invisible me better.

Wow. That was all iver the place. Haha

Doomkitty
07-22-2013, 07:55 AM
I compare myself to my boyfriend's ex a lot. I'm 5'3", 131-133 pounds and I'm still pretty thick/curvy. I'd rather be so much thinner... And there she is, no more than 5'2", if even that, and like 100 pounds... :( Long blonde hair, wears makeup, outgoing. /sigh

Song of Surly
07-22-2013, 09:38 AM
My sister has gained a lot of weight in recent years. I don't know how much she weighs, but I know it is probably a good 40 or so pounds heavier than what I started out weighing, and she's two inches shorter. I know she is so unhappy at her current weight, and all in all, she seems rather depressed in some ways. Her house has turned into an absolute wreck most days (which is SO unlike her), and she's so angry with her husband for not being home enough while she is also working and trying to take care of my 3 year old niece. She's my older sister, and she has always been the one that has had all of her sh** together, but things seem to be unraveling a little. You would never, ever catch her saying that, however.

I give you this back story, because I worry so much any time anyone comments on my weight loss in front of her. I feel bad talking about running. I worry because my life is going really well right now, and I worry she will become jealous. I've started getting "into" things that were a little bit more in her realm - baking and cooking, and there's been a few times when she has acted really weird about me actually being pretty good at it. I've always been the messy one, and I have really pushed myself to be better at keeping non-cluttered spaces. My life is so stable now, when she was so used to me being my emotional self with my moments of existential crisis and talk of going and doing wild things like joining the Peace Corps. It's a weird shift in the dynamic of our relationship. I used to be the one everyone worried about, and now... we're all starting to worry for her.

I don't know. I know that was a bit of a mess, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I have a very strong inner drive and passion that my sister has not always had, although she always had much more steadiness, and it's starting to manifest in me doing things she wants to do, but can't seem able to at the moment for lack of drive. I wish I could take a pinch of it off myself and give to her. :(

GlamourGirl827
07-22-2013, 10:49 AM
My sister has gained a lot of weight in recent years. I don't know how much she weighs, but I know it is probably a good 40 or so pounds heavier than what I started out weighing, and she's two inches shorter. I know she is so unhappy at her current weight, and all in all, she seems rather depressed in some ways. Her house has turned into an absolute wreck most days (which is SO unlike her), and she's so angry with her husband for not being home enough while she is also working and trying to take care of my 3 year old niece. She's my older sister, and she has always been the one that has had all of her sh** together, but things seem to be unraveling a little. You would never, ever catch her saying that, however.

I give you this back story, because I worry so much any time anyone comments on my weight loss in front of her. I feel bad talking about running. I worry because my life is going really well right now, and I worry she will become jealous. I've started getting "into" things that were a little bit more in her realm - baking and cooking, and there's been a few times when she has acted really weird about me actually being pretty good at it. I've always been the messy one, and I have really pushed myself to be better at keeping non-cluttered spaces. My life is so stable now, when she was so used to me being my emotional self with my moments of existential crisis and talk of going and doing wild things like joining the Peace Corps. It's a weird shift in the dynamic of our relationship. I used to be the one everyone worried about, and now... we're all starting to worry for her.

I don't know. I know that was a bit of a mess, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I have a very strong inner drive and passion that my sister has not always had, although she always had much more steadiness, and it's starting to manifest in me doing things she wants to do, but can't seem able to at the moment for lack of drive. I wish I could take a pinch of it off myself and give to her. :(

:hug:

I don't have a sister, but I can imagine that you are in a difficult position. I think its good to be sensitive about other people's situations, when they are having a hard time, and I also think those having a hard time do not have the right to demand you hide you success or stay fat for their comfort. But it doesnt sound like your sister is doing that.

I think that what is part of making a person strong (I'm referring to your sister) is acknowledging and dealing with others in our lives that "have it better" when we feel like we have nothing. This can be in many areas of life (money, relationships, career), but for the sake of this board, weightloss. Many of us will have those times when we are bigger than we like, in my case I have regained yet again during my pregnancy. Life is full of setbacks, and we regain and find ourselves "fat" when someone else we know is losing weight. Sometimes we are ahead, sometimes we are behind, and its always kind to be sensitive of other people's place, but not shelter them from reality. The reality is you are working on weightloss, and your sister is not.


In my case, while I do not have a sister, I have a cousin that has placed herself as a competitor to my life. (She also has no sisters) I find this frustrating, but it has come up in ALL our areas of life. I have always been the thinner one (even when over weight) and I have always been more successful at weightloss, but yet she still turns it into a competition. Since I've been preg, I've gained a lot and she has been losing. Also I stopped running while pregnant, and she is "running" (walking with a few fast steps here and there) though she does not have the dedication I had, as she did not do this for herself, she did it because I did. I had done a 5k before getting pregnant. I told her I was doing a 5k and she decided to sign up with me then tried to get me to walk with her. (I will not be telling her of my races in the future.) My time was much better, and I know she felt bad, but I dont know why she is **** bent on "beating" me in something. When I was 6 months pregnant, she invited me to run a 5K...seriously. She wanted to race me while I was pregnant and fat, because I guess she figured she had the advantage, finally. Of course I declined, and she went on and on about her 5k and her time that I probably could had beat even pregnant...But even so, I would not expect her to keep quiet about her weightloss or "races", because its still something that she is proud of. I still ask her about how she's doing, and I don't want her to feel bad about talking about it with me while I'm at my heaviest. (Although I know she doesn't. She's enjoying even minute of it, because once I have this baby, we both know the tables will turn back to the way they've always been) Likewise, if it were me back to weight loss and racing, I would not keep quiet about something so important in my life just because my cousin has never been able to buckle down and achieve those things at a level that makes her feel comparable to me. Although, I would never challange her to a race while she was pregnant!! :dizzy:

My point is, if you were going out of your way to rub it in your sister's face, I say you should feel bad, but you're not doing that. And it doesnt seem like your sister is insisting you keep quiet, which is good of her. You should not feel like you have to hide your new accomplishements and life style for her feelings, but of course, its sensitive to not talk about them all the time. But if she were to ask what you are planning on doing Saturday, and your plan is exercise, tell her. But I wouldnt go on and on about the gym at that point. I realize your sister is having a hard time, and its good to go a little easy on her, but also she is an adult and she will understand and should accept that other people in her life are going to be in "better" places than her at some points. When she's ready and able she will pull herself out of it, especially since you say she usually has it together. :)

doingmybest
07-23-2013, 03:04 AM
I really like this thread. I think it is very important to be able to express these thoughts.

To Saracandoit: You are much better off not having someone in your life who treats you like that. My parents used to tell me that no one would want me because of my weight. I used to believe them. Well, I have been married for over 30 years to someone who treats me with love, appreciation and respect every day.

In college, I had a boyfriend who told me that he wished that I were blonder and skinnier. I told him to find a new girlfriend.

You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You don't have to settle for anything less than that.:hug:

I am starting WW again for the millionth time. I am trying to keep all of the cruel comments that people have said to me out of my head but it isn't easy. I am focusing on staying on program, keeping a positive attitude, and surrounding myself with only supportive people.

Song of Surly
07-23-2013, 08:57 AM
:hug:

I don't have a sister, but I can imagine that you are in a difficult position. I think its good to be sensitive about other people's situations, when they are having a hard time, and I also think those having a hard time do not have the right to demand you hide you success or stay fat for their comfort. But it doesnt sound like your sister is doing that.

I think that what is part of making a person strong (I'm referring to your sister) is acknowledging and dealing with others in our lives that "have it better" when we feel like we have nothing. This can be in many areas of life (money, relationships, career), but for the sake of this board, weightloss. Many of us will have those times when we are bigger than we like, in my case I have regained yet again during my pregnancy. Life is full of setbacks, and we regain and find ourselves "fat" when someone else we know is losing weight. Sometimes we are ahead, sometimes we are behind, and its always kind to be sensitive of other people's place, but not shelter them from reality. The reality is you are working on weightloss, and your sister is not.


In my case, while I do not have a sister, I have a cousin that has placed herself as a competitor to my life. (She also has no sisters) I find this frustrating, but it has come up in ALL our areas of life. I have always been the thinner one (even when over weight) and I have always been more successful at weightloss, but yet she still turns it into a competition. Since I've been preg, I've gained a lot and she has been losing. Also I stopped running while pregnant, and she is "running" (walking with a few fast steps here and there) though she does not have the dedication I had, as she did not do this for herself, she did it because I did. I had done a 5k before getting pregnant. I told her I was doing a 5k and she decided to sign up with me then tried to get me to walk with her. (I will not be telling her of my races in the future.) My time was much better, and I know she felt bad, but I dont know why she is **** bent on "beating" me in something. When I was 6 months pregnant, she invited me to run a 5K...seriously. She wanted to race me while I was pregnant and fat, because I guess she figured she had the advantage, finally. Of course I declined, and she went on and on about her 5k and her time that I probably could had beat even pregnant...But even so, I would not expect her to keep quiet about her weightloss or "races", because its still something that she is proud of. I still ask her about how she's doing, and I don't want her to feel bad about talking about it with me while I'm at my heaviest. (Although I know she doesn't. She's enjoying even minute of it, because once I have this baby, we both know the tables will turn back to the way they've always been) Likewise, if it were me back to weight loss and racing, I would not keep quiet about something so important in my life just because my cousin has never been able to buckle down and achieve those things at a level that makes her feel comparable to me. Although, I would never challange her to a race while she was pregnant!! :dizzy:

My point is, if you were going out of your way to rub it in your sister's face, I say you should feel bad, but you're not doing that. And it doesnt seem like your sister is insisting you keep quiet, which is good of her. You should not feel like you have to hide your new accomplishements and life style for her feelings, but of course, its sensitive to not talk about them all the time. But if she were to ask what you are planning on doing Saturday, and your plan is exercise, tell her. But I wouldnt go on and on about the gym at that point. I realize your sister is having a hard time, and its good to go a little easy on her, but also she is an adult and she will understand and should accept that other people in her life are going to be in "better" places than her at some points. When she's ready and able she will pull herself out of it, especially since you say she usually has it together. :)

Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful response. It has been weighing on me a little bit recently, because I feel a touch of guilt at times for getting healthier. My whole family is overweight, and it used to be a glue that bound us in a way - especially my sister and me. It's all just very strange. I will be sure to keep your advice in mind. I think you're right on the money with the kind of attitude I need to have. Thank you! :hug:

NJChick78
08-02-2013, 12:58 PM
My stupid friend rolls her eyes at my new life style. She asked how much I have lost. When I told her she sorta rolled her eyes and changed subject. Bleh!