Depression and Weight Issues - my bestest friend

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07-15-2013, 12:11 AM
my bestest friend is overweight at 200+ lbs.
She knows she is depressed because of her weight, she wants to lose weight.. I do my best to help and guide her. I knew she was sensitive of her weight so for like 7 years we never talked about it. But now since we are closer and share everything, the topic of weight came up. I obviously have no issues with her weight or anyone elses for that matter, but strangers do. Her father is also a main bad influence in her life, he never treats her right because she has always been really overweight. She feels neglected and belittled because of her weight. But i tell her you are so much more than that, you are better human being than so many people. She isnt lazy or food addict. She has been doing the "mothers parT" like cooking and cleaning the house since she was 12, she literally raised her lil sis like her own daughter because her mother was at work.

Anyway, i am really tired and actually annoyed, she comes to me with her weight problems, I guide her but she doesn't follow or something comes up. ( i give her REALLy easy tips) Then she says to me, i want to be happy, i dont want to look at my weight and see if I lost any. Obviously she is a bigger girl, when she would lose weight she wouldnt see drastic changes.. and she doesnt understand this. So she pretty much quits !

she says she wants "help" like surgery or what not.. i say that is really bad.. just watch what you eat and 50% of your weight will melt away.

I think she isnt confronting herself, when i was really weight I confronted myself and started making changes. why cant she do the same? she wants to, the people around her want to, then why does she go to the fantasy world 90% of the time and forget her problems?. (I do encourage her to be happy) but i know her true happiness lies when she will feel beautiful again.

how can I get her to be focuseD?

07-15-2013, 12:58 AM
Her weight is not your problem. You can't do anything to "get her focused." She, like everyone, will focus when she's ready. Nothing you or anyone else does will make her be ready.

07-15-2013, 01:22 AM
There is a difference between wanting to lose weight and actually hitting rock bottom and jumping onto the wagon. When she is truly ready, she will be able to put the gears in motion. Until then, just support her and try to eat healthy around her.

07-15-2013, 01:59 AM
You think she wants to ? She doesn't want to, enough.

07-15-2013, 02:15 AM
Like Candeka pointed out, there is wanting to lose weight, and rock-bottom. When we just want to lose weight, a lot of us try fad diets, or quick fixes, or fall off the wagon quickly because it seems like so much work! We get frustrated, cheat, binge, and say to heck with it when we stall.

When you hit rock-bottom, you know. You realize there is no way you can keep living like this. When I hit my rock-bottom, I was a mess. I cried for hours, by myself, miserable. Then I strapped some steel to my spine, wiped away my tears, and focused on changing my life. It was hard work at first, but it did get easier. I make mistakes, but I accept them, and move forward. I'm not going to let a mistake ruin all the work I've done, no matter how much the little voice inside my head is saying "you've failed once, you'll probably fail again, why continue?"

Offer help when your friends asks for it, but keep your friendship "blinders" on the rest of the time. She will need you when she hits that rock-bottom! But only she can decide when she is really ready to change her lifestyle.

07-15-2013, 11:50 AM
I would Definately suggest she talk to a therapist. Trust me,if she's depressed and doesn't get that in check,she won't be able to lose weight

She may want to but her depression is holding her back.
I can't imagine her own father treating her that way,so of course she, at times may not feel like she's worth the trouble of getting healthy.
You are a good friend to try and motivate her but MOTIVATION for the most part won't help a depressed mind.