Weight Loss Support - People who guilt trip you when you snack




iixi
07-14-2013, 09:05 PM
You decide you finally want to indulge in a cookie or some ice cream. Either you are craving it, -whether its in your calorie budget or not- you decided you earned it for eating clean for x amount of time, or you just want the ******* goodie because ****, we're all human beings and want a sweet every once in a while.

So you go to get said goodie and your friend, family member or significant other gives you a condescending look and says

"You don't need that"
"I thought you were dieting"
"whats the point of working out if you're going to eat that?"
"No cookie for you"

Or something else negative. Now you feel like a fat slob for wanting it in the first place and ashamed. You resent said food item. Whether you eat it or not you still want more, but now feel the need to sneak around and eat it alone or avoid any sweets at all costs in fear someone will give you that look and say you don't need it.

Anyone else deal with this? I am not trying to lose weight AT THE MOMENT. I am trying to bulk up muscle so I'm not really watching my calories -and for peace of mind- and I eat clean ALL meals and MOST snacks but occasionally I want a ****ing kit kat bar or some cookies. But my boyfriend always discourages it and makes me feel like a cow. We used to always eat pizza and cookies on the couch and be "fat" together but now he's all anal about it -he'll still sit around and eat sour sweets or gummies but if I dip into the chocolate I get looks-

It just makes me feel like ***. My eating was so disordered not too long ago and now I'm starting to look as food as yummy fuel for my body and muscles, not just numbers... but when I am denied a treat it makes me want it so much more and hate myself for it. It makes me put the foods on a pedestal and think "I cannot have.." but then I want it more. Which will lead to binging eventually.

I am very active and weight train almost every day on top of an active job. So I should be allowed to sit on my *** and eat some chocolate every once in a while :( I hate feeling guilty when I want something.


Lecomtes
07-14-2013, 09:45 PM
I'm so sorry. I had many such experiences growing up. My dad provided a constant commentary on everything I ate. It's NOT okay for anyone to try to "help" you by being a condescending jerk. Tell your BF how it makes you feel, maybe suggest different ways he could bring up "concern" over what you are eating. Chin up! It sounds like you are doing great with working out and having only occasional indulgences. :) Kudos!

SuperHeroTeacher
07-14-2013, 09:52 PM
I think you need to have a conversation with your boyfriend and let him know that the decisions about what foods you will consume will be made by you and you alone. You are well aware of what you need to eat versus what you want to eat,and him commenting doesn't come across as supportive, it comes across as controlling. My guess is he thinks he's being helpful. You have to let him know it isn't helpful. If he continues then you have a bigger problem.


iixi
07-14-2013, 10:09 PM
Its funny though. One moment he'll be talking about how i need to cut out sweets and the next thing you know he'll surprise me with a blizzard. X___x its like wtf

amandie
07-14-2013, 10:12 PM
I understand. My mom did that a lot growing up. It is never a good feeling! :hug:

I totally agree with the advice to talk with your BF to let him know. Keep up the great work!

shcirerf
07-14-2013, 10:15 PM
As long as you are doing the right things most of the time, it's ok to have a cookie or candy or fries or whatever now and then.

Really, who wants to go to a wedding and not have cake and peanuts? Or drink the celebratory glass of champaign!

I have discovered, over the long haul, that if I start craving something, I'm better off to just go have a bit of it and move on. Otherwise, I wander around eating a whole lot of whatever, in an effort to curb the craving.

For instance, I am allergic to chocolate. Seriously! It gives me a raging belly ache. But about every 3 months I WANT CHOCOLATE! So, I go for a plain ole Hershey bar. Eat half, any more than that and the belly acts up. But, it's enough to satisfy the craving.

If I don't eat it, I end doing more harm than good, trying to sub something for chocolate.

mrainy
07-14-2013, 11:13 PM
Have you let him know that he hasn't been hired as the diet police and he can stand down?

HungryHungryHippo
07-15-2013, 12:44 AM
That's awful! It's so counter-productive. (I too grew up with the running commentary--and still get it, although now I'm held up as the "good" example, which still sucks.)

SuperHeroTeacher
07-15-2013, 12:52 AM
Have you let him know that he hasn't been hired as the diet police and he can stand down?

LOL!

Sheena82
07-15-2013, 01:55 AM
Have you let him know that he hasn't been hired as the diet police and he can stand down?

Haha!!! Mrainy is right! You're a grown up you can decide what you want and what you dont. Is he aware you suffered from disordered eating habits? Thats one way to skew your relationship with food. Plus if hes eating that stuff but making you feel bad about it, it doesnt seem quite right. If it was a genuine "i'm trying to help you" thing wouldn't he join in and not buy it? I'm guessing he points to your lack of self control while not exercising any himself?

I'm not trying to be mean and i dont know your boyf, am sure hes a nice bloke but it does seem kinda Unkind. If you are posting about this it means it is really bothering you and its not something you are able to shrug off. Its a bit hurtful as well to make someone feel as if any progress they are making will be blown out of the water by a kit kat once in a while. Its your progress not his. It would also make me feel insecure and as if my OH was always casting a critical eye over me disapprovingly.

Since i tried to shift some lardage my DH has given up a bunch of stuff that puts temptation in the way but if i decide i want some choc etc he never says a word either way. He probably thinks it will soothe the savage beast that is my pms!

I had a boyf who said stuff like that to me once, i ate a bunch of sweets and chucked the wrappers on his lounge floor while staring him out LOL. Really childish i know but it really wasnt his place to say, he was an evil control freek besides cheeky sod had a gut himself.

Kery
08-04-2013, 07:40 AM
People who guilt-trip me about anything at all get the finger (sometimes literally).

No, seriously. I understand your frustration.
Depending on the situation, I defuse it with something like: "Well, you went for seconds. I didn't, so that I could keep some room for that slice of cake. See? All's right in the Great Balance of the Universe."
At other times, it's just... "Gah, can someone lock the Food Police in again, please? If I were doing things wrong, do you honestly thing I'd weigh what I weigh now? Huh?"