Weight Loss Support - Share your weightloss concerns...with everyone on the internet?




GlamourGirl827
07-06-2013, 08:13 AM
Recently, a member that was posting a lot, and some..um, uncomfortable things, then disappeared along with all their posts, got me thinking.

I've been here since 2008, and I've gotten very comfortable here. Maybe too comfortable. I post like we are all in some secret support group, free from prying eyes, but truthfully anyone can lurk on this board and read my deepest confession about my struggles with weight. Something I am very private about in real life.

The thought does briefly cross my mind when we get a brand new member, that anyone can join (or even read without joining) however, I remind myself the 99.9% of people that lurk here or join, even if only for a post or two, are doing so because they want to lose weight.

However last night I started thinking about that .1% that lurk for a laugh, or that actually join to mock, troll, or appear that they are here for weightloss but really have other motives.

Its not like I've ever given my street address, but I guess I got a little nervous, 5 years for me, of posts, and I wonder just how anonymous are we? My screen name is unique to this site, but still...

Do any of you, especially if you've been on this site for a long time and have gotten settled in and familar with the posters, at times forget that we are still on a public forum?

Maybe forget isn't the word, but when I reply to people I might throw in a tiny detail here and there because it is pertinent to that post. Like someone posts about weightloss on vacation, I might respond and include that I went to the Bahamas last June. (I actually didn't but you get the point). Anyway a little detail about my life, out there, and with enough someone could connect the dots assuming they had no life and endless time to look back on 5 years of posts. I actually started thinking about going back and deleting all my posts with little personally pieces of info in them, but the task seemed daunting!

Too bad there's not a way to at least stop lurking from non members, but I guess its good that those seeking weightloss support can come here and read some posts before they join. Afterall, I would think most of the people searching out this site aren't doing it to exploit or stalk one of us, they are likely doing it with their own weight and health in mind.

I'm not sure why I suddenly got so paranoid...


Lizzyg
07-06-2013, 08:48 AM
I can see why you would get paranoid. I forget that this forum is not like my other forums that I visit - that are private. You can't lurk and read if you aren't a member and we recently changed who could even join to be a member. I forget sometimes that not all forums are that protected.

I just realized that I had my wedding picture as my profile picture. I had forgotten that I had put that there years ago.

I don't post such personal things here - I'm pretty open IRL about my weight loss and weight struggles.

Emma4545
07-06-2013, 09:26 AM
Though... who really does have time do really look into you as a poster here? I mean there are a lot of posts.

I think it is good to be careful but mostly people don't really have the ability to hunt you down.

I did learn my lesson though. I would say that you should be careful with e-mailing people. Recently I learned that people can find out where you live via a code on your e-mail. Your IP address is sometimes on there (in the detail) and you can be traced pretty easily. Now it doesn't give your address but it does give when you live. Down to the town. Some providers give you the ability to opt out such as AOL... but you have to select that.

Overall though it is extremely hard to get personal info over the net.

ETA: Also, wasn't that member banned? And I am going to guess that the mods took care of his posts? So I think that is why everything went bye bye.


Tuscany
07-06-2013, 09:53 AM
I guess the way I look at it is as follows:

a) Someone would need to know me before they would recognize me based on any personal information I might post.

b) I like to think I don't know any idiots who have nothing better to do with their time than troll around weight-loss websites looking through posts to see if they happen to know anyone in order to get their laugh for the day.

c) If I do happen to be unfortunate enough to know such a idiot, what do I really care what he or she happens to think about me? He or she clearly has far greater problems than I do.

So, I'm not particularly concerned about 3FC.

I have far more concerns about using my credit card number online and giving out similar financial details that, potentially, someone else (who doesn't know me from Adam) might get hold of and use inappropriately. For that reason, I hate shopping online and will do just about anything to avoid shopping online. Perhaps it's my age...but I just don't trust giving out financial information over the internet.

nationalparker
07-06-2013, 10:03 AM
I wouldn't call it paranoid, but it's wise to be careful with specific life details (jobs, children's activities, etc.) ... and remember that photos posted can also be linked to your exact location of where it was taken with the embedded data. That's why I worry when people post children photos online - predators can access your location very easily. Obviously not many children's photos here but often in avatars, which is concerning.

I agree with GG - I worry that I share concerns about my weight/fitness level here that I hesitate to share with those in my inner circle in real life...

PatLib
07-06-2013, 10:06 AM
I wouldn't worry, for every horror story you hear about the internet there are literally millions of stories where there are no stories because nothing happened. Just like you could get hit by a car by going outside the chances actually aren't that high.

That being said, I totally get it. I had extremely paranoid thoughts about being secretly filmed after watching the Truman Show. And then I realized that most likely isn't possible and plus I am so boring that I am sure the show has been cancelled by now anyways! :)

Only Believe
07-06-2013, 10:21 AM
3FC being public is the very reason I don't post or share much. I was in a weight loss group years ago and enjoyed it very much and could share way more than I can share now because it was private.
I do think people have shared a LOT of personal info. Someone mentioned the ip address and how people can find where you live but not exactly where you live. I think they can find where you live by the little things you post, like "I'm only 1 block from such and such" and by the photos you add.
Personally I don't want everyone I know (and don't know) to be able to find out how much I weigh and all about my personal life. So I will probably not be getting too personal here.

35X35
07-06-2013, 10:36 AM
Hmm, I am concerned about it at times. I keep a blog where I'm very 'public' (my pictures, etc). I try to keep my kids protected, so far I only have pictures of them where their faces aren't clearly identifiable (from the side or back of head or looking down etc).

I do know there are sites 100% devoted to mocking and laughing and making fun of others. I found this out the hard way on another board I'm on (a natural parenting site) where I, among others, was the target of some extremely vicious and mean discussions -- by other mothers and grown women! I know they're pathetic, but it still stung to find that out.

So yeah, I would say anything you don't want the world to know, don't post. I'm fairly open in general but I don't link my blog for now because I don't necessarily want people in my 'real' life who read my blog to know all my thoughts on 3fc and vice versa.

JohnP
07-06-2013, 10:40 AM
I use my real name and location. Maybe it's different as a guy but what difference does it make? Is someone going to come to my door and mock me for posting here?

Serious question - did you have a conversation with puff the magic dragon before you posted this thread? :D

Only Believe
07-06-2013, 10:45 AM
I think it would be good if others couldn't click on your username and see all of your previous posts. I can see it can be helpful to the one posting to be able to go back and see when they posted this or that but why allow everything you've posted to be so easily searched?

kaplods
07-06-2013, 11:06 AM
I'm not so concerned with random stalkers, but I recommend this site to a lot of people in my life, people who would or might recognize me by my screen name (it' a nickname my father gave me as a child, and still uses).

I did change my avatar from a photo of myself and my husband, and I try to avoid saying things that might upset close friends and family.

I'm not so worried about spilling my own guts, as I'm very open about my struggles, but I do find myself telling amusing stories about friends and relatives that said friends and relatives might not find so amusing.

It helps to remember that online and in real life, none of us are exactly what we appear to be. Some of us present our best selves to others, while others present their worst. Even those who are as genuine as they appear to be have secrets and an internal life that no one else sees or knows.

Every once in a while, I find someone here who I suspect is here for reasons other than support. Usually, if their question or post is something a sincere member might be going through, I will ignore my suspicions and will respond to the post as if it were genuine. Not for the suspicious poster, but for all the sincere posters who might be reading.

I don't block other members lightly. I've only done it twice in my ten years. I was about to do it again to a certain self-described misfit, when he disappeared.

I hadn't gone through with it only out of laziness and perhaps a bit of voyeurism. I suspected the moderators would warn and censor him, and I was mildly interested in whether he would "shape up" or be "shipped out."

If there had been a betting pool, I guess I would be a winner, because I saw where the poster was heading. It was like watching a trainwreck.

Whether for the sake of loved ones, acquaintances, or random internet strangers, I can't afford to be paranoid. I can't get the support I need without risking exposure in real life, to some extent. In hindsight, I would have used a more anonymous screen name, but the people I most would have to be concerned with are people in my life who should have taken my advice to come here, but haven't.

I know they haven't come here, because these people are horrible secret-keepers ( as are all of the women in my family).

On one hand I'm relieved that they haven't come here or at least haven't staid long enough to recognize themselves in stories I've told. And on the other, I find it disheartening that they have, as always, disregarded all my efforts to help.

I think it does make sense to protect ourselves, especially regarding physical safety online and irl, but to some degree we have to open up and be vulnerable emotionally. So before I share, I try to think what would happen if someone I loved read my posts. Would they be hurt by my post, or would I be embarrassed?

To some extent I have to risk embarrassment, because protecting myself completely would defeat the purpose of being here. For me, a large part of my success relies on my seeing and admitting to potentially embarrassing mistakes.

Missy Krissy
07-06-2013, 11:08 AM
I wouldn't worry, for every horror story you hear about the internet there are literally millions of stories where there are no stories because nothing happened. Just like you could get hit by a car by going outside the chances actually aren't that high.

That being said, I totally get it. I had extremely paranoid thoughts about being secretly filmed after watching the Truman Show. And then I realized that most likely isn't possible and plus I am so boring that I am sure the show has been cancelled by now anyways! :)

:rofl: DH and I were just talking about "The Truman Show" the other day!

GG- One thing that 3FC has really helped me with is being comfortable with my own body and feelings. I typically don't say things in posts that I wouldn't say to people who know me IRL.

As for the intimate nature of weight loss, I'm over it. I'm not ashamed of having been obese. I'm not ashamed of having lost weight. I'm not ashamed of using a weight loss forum (it's been so helpful!). If anyone that I "actually know" found my posts here I'd hope that they'd find them helpful.

As for creepers, well, I have to believe that the good people in the world outnumber the bad. Hopefully some of our dialogue will help the good ones!

Elladorine
07-06-2013, 11:11 AM
Recently, a member that was posting a lot, and some..um, uncomfortable things, then disappeared along with all their posts, got me thinking.
What on earth happened with Mr. You-Know-Who, did I miss a meltdown or did people just have enough? I was actually disappointed that several of my posts disappeared along with his threads (some from over a year ago!).

Whenever I post, I try to keep in mind that it's a public forum and question whether or not I'd post the exact same things on my facebook page. More often than not I wouldn't, but it has less to do with privacy and more to do with not wanting to be the annoying friend that won't stop harping about exercise, calories, pounds lost, etc. Not that I don't occasionally post about my successes and struggles there, but it's obviously a different atmosphere when we're basically all in the same boat, and some things my RL friends just wouldn't get.

I'm open to talk about my weight loss successes and struggles to those who ask, online or in RL. I mean, it's no secret to anyone that knows me that I've always struggled with my weight, and if they're bored enough to start digging around and read every little post I've made here, they can be my guest.

Heather
07-06-2013, 11:35 AM
Something to remember. Not only is this a public forum, but it is highly google-able. So even if someone isn't looking for a weight loss forum, they can stumble upon us. We've had several members who posted their real first and last names get burned that way.

I use my real first name, and my real pictures and try not to reveal details that I would feel really uncomfortable with a lot of people knowing IRL. I am pretty open IRL, so I don't have to self-censor a lot. But, for example, I just had an offer on a house accepted and am really excited about it, but I won't link to any pictures of it in this public forum.

kaplods
07-06-2013, 11:40 AM
I think it would be good if others couldn't click on your username and see all of your previous posts. I can see it can be helpful to the one posting to be able to go back and see when they posted this or that but why allow everything you've posted to be so easily searched?

And on the other hand, that tool also is very useful in identifying potential trolls. I don't normally pay attention to who is posting. When I start to notice a specific poster standing out to me, it's either because their posts have been extremely helpful, or extremely annoying. In the case of helpful posters, searching their posts helps me find more pearls of wisdom. In the case of annoying posts I can see whether the person is rubbing everyone the wrong way, or is it just me. Is the person positive most of the time and abrasive only sometimes or on certain topics? Or do they appear to be deliberately stirring controversy for their own amusement?

Knowing the context and content of a poster's previous posts help me decide whether to friend or block them.

I think the tool does more to help than hurt, because malicious folk are generally too self-centered to bother following, let alone stalking another person's posts. The benefit, in my opinion far outweighs the risk as long as all posters are using basic common sense such as not sharing their full name (especially if it's an uncommon one) or too specifically their location and habits.

As for disclosing weight and clothing sizes, I find it odd that we consider such information "private," because anyone with eyes can tell whether and to what degree we are overweight. I'm ginormously fat, and if by some miracle of physics I could weigh less than I look, I would still be ginormously fat.

If by chance, you look lighter than you are, that's something to be proud of, because it would likely mean you have a higher than average proportion of muscle. So if two twins look identical in size, but one is quite a bit heavier, the heavier twin most likely is leaner (and they probably don't look so identical naked).

Since a higher proportion of muscle is generally healthier and more attractive (at least to a point) shouldn't we all be aspiring to weighing more than we would seem to?

We sometimes act like fat and aging, especially for women, is invisible. I've always said that if I am ever tempted to lie about my age, I will claim to be older than I am, so people will tell me how young I look. In theory, it would make as much sense to lie up in regard to weight (though I'm not sure I'm ready to test this theory).

I am though looking forward to the day that I feel I look lighter than I weigh on the scale.

Desiderata
07-06-2013, 11:58 AM
It's good to be paranoid (or mindful, at least). In general, we have very little comprehension of how much our data follows us and compiles into a very revealing picture of who we are. I admit I've been a little less mindful and shared a few more tiny details lately (which I just trimmed some back). It's not so much about being embarrassed about weight details or fearing someone showing up at my door - it is a general wariness for how so many tiny things add up over time, and the consequences of that can't be foreseen.

I've been online and leaving footprints since the late 1990s, but I keep separate handles for each site. In case of places like reddit, where your public comments add up over time, it's my goal to burn my old account and start over with a new one every year or so.

Again - it's not that I have good reason to hide, it's more that I realize how every little detail adds up into comprising a very complete window into who you are for anyone to look at. I'm really torn in general between "there's no such thing as privacy online, don't even bother" and still wanting to maintain boundaries. The enormity of data collected on each person is very real. Data mining is still in its infancy, and I shudder to think what will happen as practices refine further. And yet professional life is evolving to demand a curated, polished online presence - it's not something that can be totally ignored, either.

I do think digital identities and data privacy rights will become enormously consequential and defining issues soon, and I'm very interested in how our culture will respond to the permanence of info on the Internet in the coming decades. I am fascinated that many EU countries consider data privacy to encompass your right to delete data that's floating out there - "a right to forget." Easy to mandate, hard to do in practice.

Edit - for anyone who thinks you can really disappear things on the internet, let me introduce you to the Wayback Machine: http://archive.org/web/web.php. Once something's out there, it's out there forever if someone knows how to look.

GlamourGirl827
07-06-2013, 12:52 PM
Thank you all for your replies!

Lizzyg - That is why I have never posted any real pics of myself. Actually I picked this photo when I joined and just left it. I've gotten to know some posters by their avatar, so I suspect people have done the same for me.

Emma4545- I do remind myself that the task of searching out one member would be a huge one, and liekly not something even the more bored people would do. (I'd hope! lol)

Tuscany - This: "Someone would need to know me before they would recognize me based on any personal information I might post." ...is very true. I think my concern is not with a weirdo on the internet stalking me, but someone I know from real life somehow stumbling across this.

Nationalparker - I absolutely share things here I have never shared with anyone else, accept my husband. I do share everything with him, and he knows I've been a member on this site for many years. I suppose he could stalk me on here, but I'm pretty sure he already knows all there is to know! :)

Only Believe- I agree that at times I feel that being able to see a users past posts, at times concern me ONLY because I imagine (paranoia) that someone I know that has a weight problem (and I know several) they google weight loss forum, and I believe this is one of the first to come up. And they happen to read one of my posts that has a particular story in it and they think "hmmm that sounds like [my name]". Then they click on my screen name and read pasts posts, putting together all the little details from over the years, and while never 100% certain, they are pretty sure its me (or maybe the do KNOW its me)...but they never tell me, because who wants to admit "Hey I stalked this person on a weightloss forum that sounded like you and it is you!" Because that sounds pathetic. So as years go by they just read my posts and all the while I am not aware that someone I see IRL knows all these deep secrets.

35X35 - I assume in the far corners of the internet, there are sites that one would not imagine would exist. I have heard of sites devoted just to making fun of others. Sad really.

John- "did you have a conversation with puff the magic dragon before you posted this thread?" lol! omg no!! I'm thinking that maybe being very near the end of my pregnancy, I'm spending more time on here because I don't have the energy to do much and its hot and gross oiutside, and too much time leads to over thinking! "Is someone going to come to my door and mock me for posting here?" You know we go out to SF now and then because DH has family out there. We just might do that next time! ;)

Kaplods - I agree, I am not so concerned with random stalkers as much as people I know. I share a lot fo intimate details, about my childhood. Things I need to share, things that have played a role in why I am over weight and why even after losing the weight, I still have unhealthy views about the worthlessness of "fat women" (I know you saw my other post). I worry because a lot of it is about what I see as a disfunction in my family of origin. But my family of origin, namely my dad, I think has no clue how I feel. Actually, I know he has no clue. I have made the decision that I will not confront my dad about these issues, or his role in them. He has not had an easy lot in life, and I am an adult now, and confident I can work through this without creating heartache for him. He has his own baggage that he has never dealt with and honestly he's not emotionally in the place to work through this with me as a leveled headed and empathetic adult.
But *I* need to share it, to heal. I guess I have this secret fear that one of my overweight family members (there's a few) will discover this site, find out its me and tell him. But at the same time, for me to work through my issues, this site has become a saving grace.
I also agree that ther are benefits to seeing posters past posts. I honestly don't use it often, but I when I do its if a posters seems odd to me or suspicious. If they seem like they are posting for "other reasons" and I wonder if I should waste my time responding to their posts. I also use it to confirm or deny "assumptions" I make about a poster based on a single post. I don't think its good to sum up a poster with one post, so occasionally if someone writes something that I find does not sit well with me for one reason or another, I will check past posts to see if I am wrong or misjudging them, or if they have a pattern of less than helpful posts.
"We sometimes act like fat and aging, especially for women, is invisible." This is so true. And I am guilt of wanting my size ot be invisable even though I know its not true. In some twisted way I hope no one will notice my size, or when it changes for the better or worse. DH and I, try to make light of this social idea of invisable size (he is obese as well), and have a running joke about obese men not wanting to take their shirts off at the beach and women not wanting to wear bathing suits. (Which both of us are those people, so its poking fun at ourselves) But we joke that its not like people can't see our size. Its not like we are going to out on a swimsuit and people are going to say "omg, I didn't know you were fat!" But this all plays into that idea that fat should be invisable, and we should follow certains "rules" not to draw attention to it.

MissyKrissy - I agree in not saying things I woudn't say in real life. My general personality and how I respond to posters is how I would normally respond. Its mostly the family stuff I share, occasionally the details of my struggles with starving and binging in my earlier years. But even that I could deal with someone knowing, it mostly the family stuff. My family has a lot of sleltons, that we are not supposed to talk about. But I do, here.

Elladorine - "but it's obviously a different atmosphere when we're basically all in the same boat, and some things my RL friends just wouldn't get." I think that's a big reason I post what I do. I'm a big talker in real life, so if someone in my family were to ask me an open ended question about all this and were to hav some understanding of where I'm coming from, I have to admit, I'd spill my guts. Or if my dad ever asked me if ther ewas anything I wanted to talk about, I'd tell him. But no one talks about it. Sometimes I think no one even thinks or notices like I do. Here, other people are sharing their weightloss struggles, whether its what to eat, when to workout, those of us that binge, some that have difficult relationships with food because of how we were taught, those of us that grew up fat and still struggle to feel good about our selves, and other things that I might share in common with other posters.

Heather - I agree, we are highly google-able. I know I have 4 family members that have long term issues with weight, and two of which rarely leave the house. (Other issues) I don't know but I could imagine that they are more likely to use the internet for support since they do not have the support in real life. I'm not saying we are all here because we have no friends in real life, so don't someone read that and post something back saying "I have plenty of real life friends and support!" !! I know the more I have going on in real life, the less time I have for here, and other internet things like facebook. And when I am not as busy, I tend to have more time to post and read online.

GlamourGirl827
07-06-2013, 01:04 PM
Desiderata - I agree that its easy to post something, then assume it disappears into cyber space. But it doesn't. One of the biggest mistakes I made very early on, earliy 2000 was using my pretty unique email as my handle for eveything I posted. I was young and so was the internet, and google didn't exist yet, at least I don't think so. I've since closed that email amd stopped using the name, but I can google it and my old posts come up! Again this handle is not related to anything else but still, that gives me the creeps. I never would ahve guessed what the internet was going to become, adn you are right, we don't know where its heading...

Emma4545
07-06-2013, 01:15 PM
I use my real name and location. Maybe it's different as a guy but what difference does it make? Is someone going to come to my door and mock me for posting here?

I think it would be mostly for employment purposes. Either getting employment or if you are expected to not have your personal life reflect badly on your professional life. It may be different for a guy. Though, people are crazy today and I mean... could some crazy person get annoyed with you on this forum and show up where you live? I think that is possible.

On a less crazy level - once someone has your name it is easy to put anything on the internet they want that will stay forever and be easily googleable. Someone can masquerade as you, harassing other people under your name. Make a false facebook account, ever seen "catfish?" There are trolls out there that do this and have nothing better to do.

Not to make anyone paranoid because I think this is all extremely unlikely in this particular format but in general.. it is best to take some precautions.

JohnP
07-06-2013, 02:27 PM
After some thought I realize that some are sharing far more personal details than I am, so I get it.

Unless you're using a browser like TOR none of your internet activites are anonymous. It's goog to keep this in mind.

Suzanne 3FC
07-06-2013, 09:53 PM
You wouldn't believe how many members have contacted us over the years in a panic to delete their posts or change their usernames. They suddenly realized that their in-laws, bosses, etc could find them because they either used their real names or used the same identifiable username all over the internet. Google is not always your friend :lol:

TMI is also a problem. One woman posted about what she perceived to be her husband's umm.. less than impressive attributes.. and her husbands photo was on her profile page! We deleted her posts and her profile pic and let her know, but she still didn't get the issue :shrug:

Oh, the stories we could tell :faint:

IanG
07-06-2013, 09:58 PM
Do any of you, especially if you've been on this site for a long time and have gotten settled in and familar with the posters, at times forget that we are still on a public forum?

The way I look at it is this. I have lost 90+ pounds with a goal of losing 110lbs. Could I have done it without the support of people here? Sh!t no.

So I do not really give a toss if you know who I am.

Because y'all done me a favor.

PS My boss - perhaps strangely - has noticed I have lost 90+lbs. So no surprise there lurkers!

Weight loss is not like a bad marriage. It's for all to see. So best accept that.

Only Believe
07-06-2013, 10:14 PM
You wouldn't believe how many members have contacted us over the years in a panic to delete their posts or change their usernames. They suddenly realized that their in-laws, bosses, etc could find them because they either used their real names or used the same identifiable username all over the internet. Google is not always your friend :lol:

TMI is also a problem. One woman posted about what she perceived to be her husband's umm.. less than impressive attributes.. and her husbands photo was on her profile page! We deleted her posts and her profile pic and let her know, but she still didn't get the issue :shrug:

Oh, the stories we could tell :faint:
:lol: So funny.. I haven't even been here that long and I even know the bathroom habits (well some of the details) of some of you. :o

Wannabehealthy
07-11-2013, 09:28 AM
:lol: So funny.. I haven't even been here that long and I even know the bathroom habits (well some of the details) of some of you. :o

LOL, I think I was involved in that thread!

freelancemomma
07-11-2013, 09:39 AM
I don't spend too much time worrying about being found out. I figure the odds are against it, but if it happens, it happens.

Speaking of privacy, one of my clients recently sent me an email meant for someone else (probably her husband or partner). It said: "Love you too. I have diarrhea this morning." It made me smile, because she seemed more human to me. Then I forgot all about it and proceeded to write a report for her. No biggie.

F.

freelancemomma
07-11-2013, 09:41 AM
Weight loss is not like a bad marriage. It's for all to see. So best accept that.

Love your attitude, Ian!

F.

Wannabehealthy
07-11-2013, 09:41 AM
Here is the reason I am also paranoid about posting on forums. Years back I was on a public forum with a group of people, many of whom got to know each other very well. They were exchanging phone numbers, addresses, pictures etc in private email, some even visiting each other. I never got involved in that because of my husband's warning that he would get rid of our internet access if I did. LOL Eventually a few of the posters started getting too upclose and personal. One woman had her own business, so she had access to some internet sites where you could look up extremely personal info such as places of employment, annual income, etc. They were posting this information on the board, and sharing it with other posters in private email. One woman actually called the other person's husband's employer, reporting things he had supposedly done, to the point that the police were called into it. I was so shocked but couldn't leave the board because it was like trying to look away from an accident. One person tricked me into giving my last name and posted what they thought was my address on the board, but it was actually my in-laws address, not mine. Eventually, the board was closed down. Since that time, I have received a couple emails from people on that board telling me where they are all posting now, but I have no interest getting involved with them again. I now trust no one, not posting my real name or exact location. It's sad that we have to worry about this stuff.

Wannabehealthy
07-11-2013, 09:44 AM
I don't spend too much time worrying about being found out. I figure the odds are against it, but if it happens, it happens.

Speaking of privacy, one of my clients recently sent me an email meant for someone else (probably her husband or partner). It said: "Love you too. I have diarrhea this morning." It made me smile, because she seemed more human to me. Then I forgot all about it and proceeded to write a report for her. No biggie.

F.

That's terrible when you send an email to the wrong person. My friend was complaining about her boss and sent the email to another supervisor. LOL I only did that once, and it wasn't anything derogatory, but the person I sent it to wrote back and asked me what I was talking about!

freelancemomma
07-11-2013, 09:50 AM
I agree, we are highly google-able.

Ain't that the truth. Here's a recent experience. I'll be going to a family wedding in August. When I received the e-vite, the picture of the groom aroused my curiosity. It took me just a couple of minutes of Googling to learn that he's a former woman in the process of becoming a man. You might say it's TMI, but I'm glad I have the info so I'll know what to expect at the wedding. (I'm not "prejudiced" against trans people at all, but my face might register surprise if I found out at the wedding.)

F.

freelancemomma
07-11-2013, 09:58 AM
I should add: While I don't worry about posting personal information about eating and weight, a colleague's recent experience has made me realize I need to put more thought into what I post.

Said colleague is on long-term disability for a mental health condition. She used to be a health professional and is now launching a career as a freelance writer. Her insurance provider discovered some of her posts about freelancing and abruptly cut off her benefits. The case is now in court.

F.

Missy Krissy
07-11-2013, 10:00 AM
I don't spend too much time worrying about being found out. I figure the odds are against it, but if it happens, it happens.

Speaking of privacy, one of my clients recently sent me an email meant for someone else (probably her husband or partner). It said: "Love you too. I have diarrhea this morning." It made me smile, because she seemed more human to me. Then I forgot all about it and proceeded to write a report for her. No biggie.

F.

:rofl: I sent texts like that to my DH all the time!

Munchy
07-11-2013, 10:27 AM
That being said, I totally get it. I had extremely paranoid thoughts about being secretly filmed after watching the Truman Show. And then I realized that most likely isn't possible and plus I am so boring that I am sure the show has been cancelled by now anyways! :)

HAHAHA, me too!!!! Seriously, I was so paranoid after that movie.

Wannabehealthy
07-11-2013, 07:27 PM
I should add: While I don't worry about posting personal information about eating and weight, a colleague's recent experience has made me realize I need to put more thought into what I post.

Said colleague is on long-term disability for a mental health condition. She used to be a health professional and is now launching a career as a freelance writer. Her insurance provider discovered some of her posts about freelancing and abruptly cut off her benefits. The case is now in court.

F.

Hmm, that one really makes you stop and think!

patns
07-11-2013, 11:27 PM
I don't put anything very personal on any site or on FB so I don't worry too much about anyone recognizing me.
As for someone checking back through your posts I sometimes sort of remember that someone had said something profound or had info I now could use and try to check back on posts and never can find anything again. So someone would have to have a lot of time on their hands to go through that.

But that said, on another diet site there was a long time poster with lots of personal issues which she was far too open about. She is also a FB friend.

One issue was a very abusive young adult son and she has substance abuse problems.

She disappeared from that site and I asked on FB how she was doing. She said another member on the site had copied everything she had written about the son and sent the copies to him on FB. This ended up with police involvement for her family.
Many people had warned her about the dangers of revealing so much private info but she went on like it was a personal diary no one else would see. The other nasty person took advantage of this.

Vex
07-12-2013, 11:31 AM
Anything you do online that has a trace of your real life identity can be searched, especially facebook. Many employers will search facebook and google potential employees now. The same is true for college admissions.

Concerning this forum, if you're worried about your past posts, you can go back and edit them out to make them empty. I do that from time to time, especially any that have pictures.

I also recommend using emails that have very little connection to you at places like this. Make a gmail account or something that is specifically used for online stuff.

GlamourGirl827
07-12-2013, 01:54 PM
Weight loss is not like a bad marriage. It's for all to see. So best accept that.

Its not really about the weight loss, some of my other posts on this thread beter explain what I meant.

GlamourGirl827
07-12-2013, 02:06 PM
Anything you do online that has a trace of your real life identity can be searched, especially facebook. Many employers will search facebook and google potential employees now. The same is true for college admissions.

Concerning this forum, if you're worried about your past posts, you can go back and edit them out to make them empty. I do that from time to time, especially any that have pictures.

I also recommend using emails that have very little connection to you at places like this. Make a gmail account or something that is specifically used for online stuff.

I have thought about doing this, going back and editing.


I also had an issue years ago with a mentally ill family member I cut off contact with. They posted an old email address of mine on a very wacky forum. Someone was kind enough to write and tell me, but it was still really creepy. I reported it and it was removed, but I ended up having to close the account.


I also keep facebook 100% private and I check it from time to time from a made up account I made SPECIFICALLY to check my FB and DH FB to make sure it is as private as it gets. I started doing this after being harassed by previous said family member. Even so, I only post generic boring stuff on FB because my life is pretty calm anyway. I've never been a partier, so there's no drinking pics of me anywhere! I am careful who I friend, and I have my privacy set that all things much be approved by me to go on my wall. I don't post anything identifiable about when I live or work that's public. In fact anyone stalking my current FB would not even know I'm preg since I have made it a point not to put anything in my profile pic or timeline pic that would suggest that (belly pic or sonogramn)...Unfortunately I do this mostly doe to that nutty family member, although it has been several year and I *think* she has moved on, but I never can be to sure.

Oh and she has a weight problem too! SO She might come here looking for weightloss help and stumble across my profile. And I KNOW she's big on internet forums...I sometime get a little suspicous of new members that have screen names, pics or stories that mathch this person!! :dizzy:

Sasha29
07-13-2013, 05:26 AM
I do know there are sites 100% devoted to mocking and laughing and making fun of others. I found this out the hard way on another board I'm on (a natural parenting site) where I, among others, was the target of some extremely vicious and mean discussions -- by other mothers and grown women! I know they're pathetic, but it still stung to find that out.

I am 99.9% sure I know exactly which forum you are talking about. If it is who I think it is, I had a bad run in with them on a parenting forum. They don't just mock people. They stalk them. I am really careful with what I put online now. I do worry about people reading here to mock us. :(