General chatter - She's...fat? And some other thoughts...




GlamourGirl827
07-04-2013, 04:45 PM
In highschool there was a friend in my group that told me he liked me. I though it was a joke because I was fat. I was taught growing up that fat girls are worthless. They can be your friend but you should never date one. And men should be embarassed to have a fat girlfriend (sad, I know).
I learned that the only guys that dated fat girls are ones that can't get thin ones. :(

So I ignored and laughed at this guy because I knew it was a joke!!! He was fit and trim. He was not popular in school, but still was not "low" enough to have to date a fat girl (me)...

Well thank you facebook for letting me reconnect with all the people that I used to know. Including him. And he's dating this girl. And she's...fat? And doesn't care, I guess, seeing as she lets him post pics of her in clothes that show she's is overweight and has cellulite...like small dresses and bikinis...

I'm happy for her, that she doesn't feel like she should hide away because she's not a size 2, but it has left me wondering if he was maybe not kidding...I mean she's about the size I was in highschool. (btw I'm happily married so no thought of anything like that, just reflecting)

Its just weird, that's all. I wish I didn't think such aweful things about fat women, um because I am one. But this is what I was taught growing up. Fat girls should only be dated as a last resport, and even then, a decent man does not flaunt his fat girl/wife, he should be ashamed he can't get better. :(
I don't like these thoughts/ beliefs by the way, I'm just saying what I was taught / shown growing up.


carter
07-04-2013, 05:54 PM
He probably has a fetish for fat women? As many men as there are who view fat females as worthless, there is a sizable community of men who have a fat fetish or preference.

Or maybe he's just not shallow. Maybe he is secure enough about who he is that he can love a woman for who she is, not what she looks like in a bikini.

How many women on this board are both overweight and in happy, loving relationships? Do you think all their partners have fetishes, too? For God's sake.

You might not realize it, MisterMisfit, but by suggesting that this gentleman has a fetish you are contributing to the culture that gives GlamourGirl such a messed up view of overweight women.

MissSMcC
07-04-2013, 06:05 PM
sucks to admit this GlamourGirl but as a fat woman I also have these thoughts. I was recently asked out by a guy I knew in high school, (he added me on facebook) ,I haven't seen him in about 10 years and I wont go out with him because of my size, despite the fact that I have recent photos on facebook (full body photos!, not just the face angled hide the chin photos, a lot of people will know what I mean haha), so he most likely knows exactly how I look now.
I have no advice, just wanted to let you know you are not alone with these thoughts :)


JohnP
07-04-2013, 06:34 PM
Or maybe he's just not shallow.

Maybe.

Maybe he is shallow and also insecure?

Maybe he has a fetish?

Maybe he has been dating his current GF for some time and she was a size 2 when they met and she gained a lot of weight?

I agree the word "probably" was not the best choice but based on the information we have he may be right.

Speaking for men everywhere - we're all different in what we prefer. For me, personality is far more important than looks.

Missy Krissy
07-04-2013, 06:39 PM
It's hard to shake those types of beliefs when that's what we're taught growing up isn't it? Even when you know they're wrong.

Lizzyg
07-04-2013, 06:40 PM
Or maybe he's just not shallow. Maybe he is secure enough about who he is that he can love a woman for who she is, not what she looks like in a bikini.

How many women on this board are both overweight and in happy, loving relationships? Do you think all their partners have fetishes, too? For God's sake.

You might not realize it, MisterMisfit, but by suggesting that this gentleman has a fetish you are contributing to the culture that gives GlamourGirl such a messed up view of overweight women.

Yup.

And I am fat. And my husband loves me, thinks I'm attractive and has at every weight I've been since we met..... and does not have a "fetish" :rolleyes:

I'm sorry that you feel this way, GG. Have you thought about seeing a therapist for this? It has to be hard living with these type of thoughts :(

Radiojane
07-04-2013, 06:52 PM
Or maybe he's just not shallow. Maybe he is secure enough about who he is that he can love a woman for who she is, not what she looks like in a bikini.

How many women on this board are both overweight and in happy, loving relationships? Do you think all their partners have fetishes, too? For God's sake.

You might not realize it, MisterMisfit, but by suggesting that this gentleman has a fetish you are contributing to the culture that gives GlamourGirl such a messed up view of overweight women.

WORD.

It's extremely disheartening to hear anyone pick apart the relationship a person they don't even know based solely on their weight. It show a lot of self hatred on the part of the judger, something that is going to do nothing but hinder any attempts at weight loss and maintaining a healthy body.

kaplods
07-04-2013, 07:40 PM
When we were dating, one of the things that convinced me that my husband was someone I could marry, was seeing photos of him with his ex-girlfriends, and the way he talked about them.

There were short girls, tall girls. thin girls, fat girls, athletic girls, blondes, brunettes, plain, and gorgeous... And he never spoke disrespectfully of any of them, even the ex-fiance who broke off the engagement by moving a new boyfriend into the house they shared while he was visiting his great-grandmother out-of-state after she broke a hip.

My husband is fat, but he is tall and charismatic. I've had much slimmer women flirt openly with him in my presence, obviously assuming that I will be no competition. Some were even offended when hubby paid them no mind. One incident in particular we still laugh about is a woman in Walmart trying to get hubby's phone number while I was in another aisle (she had seen us together). I overheard her flirting and offering him her number, and stomp away offended when he played dumb and suggested she give the phone number to his wife as he would lose it.

Obviously the woman was offended that hubby did not see her as an upgrade. I wouldn't trade him in for a healthier, slimmer, younger model either.

Neither of us are fetishists, appearances just aren't our thing.

I was unattracted to hubby when I met him, but I wasn't attracted to him either. I'd never dated anyone so tall, overweight, or with so much hair, and I HATED mustached, and he smoked (I was asthmatic and highly allergic).

His charisma, intelligence, and personality won me over, and once it did, attraction came with it. I've also dated nice looking men who became ugly to me, once I got to know them.

Appearance isn't top priority for all of us.

GlamourGirl827
07-04-2013, 08:02 PM
Or maybe he's just not shallow. Maybe he is secure enough about who he is that he can love a woman for who she is, not what she looks like in a bikini.

How many women on this board are both overweight and in happy, loving relationships? Do you think all their partners have fetishes, too? For God's sake.

You might not realize it, MisterMisfit, but by suggesting that this gentleman has a fetish you are contributing to the culture that gives GlamourGirl such a messed up view of overweight women.

I kind of felt this too when I read that it might be a fetish...like fat women are comparable to wearing animal costumes while dtd...Like its so abnormal...

I was told growing up that fat people, especially women were lazy, dirty, and slobby. "Slobs" that is the main word that I can hear being said.

I remember one time my dad took me to Burger King and we were in the parking lot eating. He was always skinny, but I was also fat. I wasn't even chunky at this point, I was obese. And a very big woman walked out of the burger king and my dad commented what a fat slob she was and shouldn't be eating burger king. I said something to him about how if he didn't do labor work, with his eating habits he'd be obese too. But he blew off my comment. Couldn't he see that I was fat? I always felt he was telling me I was a fat slob without actually saying it to my face.
(Just a side note, when I lost all my weight and got basically to goal, he told me I was too thin and I need to gain some weight, so I can't freaking win with him)

On tv, the fat women were always slobs. In the store, they were slobs.

When I was about 12 my dad out of the blue said "i'll always love you, no matter how big you get" and held out wide arms. And said "even if you are as big as aunt L" (My obese aunt) :( I had never until that day even questioned that I wouldnt be loved because of my size, but that made me realize that a fat person should never assume she is loved, not even by her dad.

And as recently as a few months ago, he was telling me that my aunt is a pig because she buys like 2 dozen cookies and eats them all at once and no wonder she's so fat. There was no reason to even tell me this, other than to make fun of my aunt.
Oh and he comments about how fat my step mom is.
Fat people are slobs, and this is a truth in my family. Even for my poor aunt, who I can only imagine has a lot of issue because of this. :(:(

Wow the more I type the more this time and that time come back. He would tell me as a teen that I would be pretty some day, when I was older. That there are many women that need to grow into their beauty and someday I would, but I was ugly at that time. But fat=ugly so I was in a lose lose situation.
And he told me around that time about a woman that he knew from a store he shopped at and that she had such a great personality he could almost forget that she was fat, so if I had a really awesome personality that there might be some guys that would look past my fatness....

I never realized the impact fathers can have on how daughter will think men perceive women...

I don't know the story with this guy from highschool. I don't know this girl, but she looks happy and fun in her pictures. Although most people don't look miserable in their FB pics lol. Its just been a very significant thing for me to look at what I think of fat women, including myself.

btw, I married an amazing man that has told me I am beautiful at every weight, even now at my heaviest, huge and pregnant...he tells me I am crazy to look in the mirror and see anything but beauty. He's been saying that to me for over a decade and I still can't shake my core beliefs.

I just can't understand how a man could look at a fat woman and not thing "slob". Only in recent years have I realized that there are overweight woman that dont hate themselves, and men that don't feel disgusted by overwieght women OR don't see overweight women as a last resort.

brothertoad
07-05-2013, 01:16 AM
GlamourGirl, I can relate to just about everything you said, as I have been obese all my life as well. The thing is, I'm male. So sometimes it happens to us as well.

Missy Krissy
07-05-2013, 01:35 AM
:yikes: Holy crap Glamor Girl, your dad sounds f***ed up. I'm sorry he's said those things to you. No one deserves to feel the way that he made you feel about yourself.

On a side note, I've had a similar experience to your Burger King incident. DH and I were visiting his aunt and uncle a few years ago, and this was when I was at my highest non-pregnancy weight. We were all sitting in the car and a woman walked behind it, apparently too slowly for the uncle's liking, and he said something like "Move it you big cow!" (she couldn't hear him, the windows were up). I was so shocked I was speechless - this was a man who I enjoyed spending time with and respected, not to mention the fact that I was way more over-weight than she was. Awkward. At least now I've grown comfortable enough with myself that I'll call him on any bullcrap that he or anyone else says.

GlamourGirl827
07-05-2013, 12:03 PM
:yikes: Holy crap Glamor Girl, your dad sounds f***ed up. I'm sorry he's said those things to you. No one deserves to feel the way that he made you feel about yourself.

On a side note, I've had a similar experience to your Burger King incident. DH and I were visiting his aunt and uncle a few years ago, and this was when I was at my highest non-pregnancy weight. We were all sitting in the car and a woman walked behind it, apparently too slowly for the uncle's liking, and he said something like "Move it you big cow!" (she couldn't hear him, the windows were up). I was so shocked I was speechless - this was a man who I enjoyed spending time with and respected, not to mention the fact that I was way more over-weight than she was. Awkward. At least now I've grown comfortable enough with myself that I'll call him on any bullcrap that he or anyone else says.


Missy Krissy, I remember my grandmother saying these things as well, so I know its something that he was taught. Not to make excuses for him. I never met my grandpa, he died before I was born so I don't know what his opinion on women was.

I have has some of those situations, more so when I lost the weight, where someone I respected or at least liked, suddenly made an aweful fat bashing comment... especially at time when I was near goal and not "fat" (although I thought I was ) it was like I got to see people true colors and how mean they were. I'm sorry you were over weight at that time, it makes it so incredibly uncomfortable. That's how it is with my dad, its like he make fat insults while I'm fat...Its weird and uncomfortable, because they I'm thinking "what are you thinking about me in your head if this is what you say out loud about others??"

GlamourGirl827
07-05-2013, 12:04 PM
GlamourGirl, I can relate to just about everything you said, as I have been obese all my life as well. The thing is, I'm male. So sometimes it happens to us as well.

Society is so focused on the effects on body image with women, it s easy for us to overlook how men are effected to.

fatferretfanatic
07-05-2013, 12:17 PM
He probably has a fetish for fat women? As many men as there are who view fat females as worthless, there is a sizable community of men who have a fat fetish or preference.

Not every guy that dates a fat lady has a fat fetish. My husband and I got together when I was a few pounds lighter than I am now. Not skinny, not necessarily that overweight. He continued to love me when I got to my highest, and he always called me beautiful. I continued to get hit on when I was a high weight, and I can guarantee that most of those guys were not fat fetishists. Some people are truly not as shallow as we think.

Melonlefey
07-05-2013, 02:17 PM
Oh, GG, I'm sorry your dad talked that way to you! My mom was the same way. Honestly, I think SHE just has body image issues (she's skinnier than I am, and she thinks she's obese!) and she was taking it out on her children in some kind of... misplaced body hatred/fear that we would become fat.

Of course, the only thing being called fat by my mother ever did was convince me that there was no use eating healthy/exercising because it was already too late. *sigh*

I went through all of high school refusing to date for the same reason as you. I even had my drama director tell me I was too fat to get a role, right to my face! And my sister and I were the president/vice president of the troupe! He was a pretty disgusting guy all around though (sexist, racist, homophobic, fatphobic) so it doesn't bother me much anymore, but it did at the time.

Luckily, I actually gained some self esteem right before I graduated, and I'm a lot happier now. Especially when I realized I don't give a rat's [beep] what anyone, especially men, think about how I look. Its a lot easier to be motivated when I'm doing it for me, not to please someone else. Yay for feminism, haha.

JohnP
07-05-2013, 02:35 PM
Wow GG that is some heavy stuff to think about. Thank you for sharing it as it reminds me that I need to tell my own daughters how beautiful they are.

Trudiha
07-05-2013, 03:28 PM
I must be really shallow because I've never looked across a room and thought 'she looks like she has a nice personality, I wonder what she thinks about the situation in Syria'. I'm attracted to people because of how they look, not in spite of how they look and I happen to think that large women are more attractive..to me.

I don't think it's a fetish, I think that we should all be allowed to fancy who we fancy, some people like blonds, some like lighter or darker skin and as long as no one is objectified for having these traits, it's all perfectly healthy.

I just wanted to put it out there that fat isn't, for everyone, a negative thing that has to be 'made up for' by a cheery disposition and a sunny personality.

Glamourgirl, I expect that this guy thought you were beautiful, his ideal and someone he was attracted to. I'm sorry that you (and the rest of us) were raised in a society that conditioned you to doubt that.

GlamourGirl827
07-05-2013, 04:07 PM
Oh, GG, I'm sorry your dad talked that way to you! My mom was the same way. Honestly, I think SHE just has body image issues (she's skinnier than I am, and she thinks she's obese!) and she was taking it out on her children in some kind of... misplaced body hatred/fear that we would become fat.

Of course, the only thing being called fat by my mother ever did was convince me that there was no use eating healthy/exercising because it was already too late. *sigh*

I went through all of high school refusing to date for the same reason as you. I even had my drama director tell me I was too fat to get a role, right to my face! And my sister and I were the president/vice president of the troupe! He was a pretty disgusting guy all around though (sexist, racist, homophobic, fatphobic) so it doesn't bother me much anymore, but it did at the time.

Luckily, I actually gained some self esteem right before I graduated, and I'm a lot happier now. Especially when I realized I don't give a rat's [beep] what anyone, especially men, think about how I look. Its a lot easier to be motivated when I'm doing it for me, not to please someone else. Yay for feminism, haha.

I can only imagine what that is like coming from your mom. I think being a mother of girls is scary especially if the mom has baggage. Not that soms are immune, but I am grateful I only have boys. I don't know how to raise a daughter that thinks she's beautiful and with piles of self critisism about their bodies.
I also had a teacher tell me I was fat once, when I was in 3rd grade. She was doing opposites and I was "fat" and another girl was "thin". I was so obviously hurt by it I remember the other students after consoling me and telling me to not let it get to me. And they kids can be cruel! It was the 80s then and times have changed, I'd like to think, and teachers dont get away with that stuff now, I hope. It amazes me some of the horror stories that were normal years ago...

Its strange, because there was only one time my dad actually called me fat. I was over his house and he has a friend that speaks spanish asa first language. For some reason, my dad would try to talk to him in spanish over the years, and I would tell him "I took enough in highschool and college to know what you are saying". On this particular day, he said to his friend that I was moy gordo, meaning very fat. It was awkard and weird. I told my dad that I knew what he said. But I think he always thought that I was exagerating on how much spanish I knew (which wasn't much, but more than he did) I think his friend felt a little awkard too...later I spoke to a friend of mine about it, and they said that sometimes gordo can be used in some spanish cultures as a term of endearment (not sure if that's true) and that it sounds like my dad was repeating spanish without really know what he was saying...idk, I was so hurt and embarassed I never brought it up to him.

Other than that, he only called every imperfect woman fat. And he also had a swimsuit caledar up in the garage for many years, even after marrying my step mom, which in my opinion is disrespectful. Some may disagree.
But it used to make me very uncomfortable, it just reminded me what I was supposed to look like.

Arctic Mama
07-05-2013, 04:08 PM
My husband was a normal weight when we met, and I was probably near my high weight (no scale, so hard to tell, but the engagement pictures don't lie). If he had an issue with my weight he never said a word. I know he finds me more visually appealing now, but that doesn't mean there was an issue before, either! I knew then and am more convinced now that a healthy relationship relies far less on fleeting beauty and fitness (we all get wrinkly and aged in time!) and far more on intellectual, ideological, and emotional compatibility. That's what we had, and that was more than enough.

One of the great woes of the hookup culture is this increasing emphasis on hotness and attraction, with too little weight placed on the things of real value that build content, healthy relationships. It is to the detriment of all.

GlamourGirl827
07-05-2013, 04:10 PM
Wow GG that is some heavy stuff to think about. Thank you for sharing it as it reminds me that I need to tell my own daughters how beautiful they are.

You're welcome. Yes fathers have a huge impact on their daughter's self esteem.
From what I know of you from here, I don't think you do this, but also daughters hearing their father critisizing other women inadvertantly tells their daughter what they "should" look like and what is undesirable.

GlamourGirl827
07-05-2013, 04:29 PM
I must be really shallow because I've never looked across a room and thought 'she looks like she has a nice personality, I wonder what she thinks about the situation in Syria'. I'm attracted to people because of how they look, not in spite of how they look and I happen to think that large women are more attractive..to me.

I don't think it's a fetish, I think that we should all be allowed to fancy who we fancy, some people like blonds, some like lighter or darker skin and as long as no one is objectified for having these traits, it's all perfectly healthy.

I just wanted to put it out there that fat isn't, for everyone, a negative thing that has to be 'made up for' by a cheery disposition and a sunny personality.

Glamourgirl, I expect that this guy thought you were beautiful, his ideal and someone he was attracted to. I'm sorry that you (and the rest of us) were raised in a society that conditioned you to doubt that.

I agree we all have our prefrences. I think the issue was I was shown as a young child that fat=bad. That being fat is a reflection on who you are and that it makes you defective somehow. It wasn't just an appearance, it "defined" who people were. Fat slobs. Fat people were seen as less desirable overall as compared to thin people. And I'm sure that many many people believe this, unfortunately.

I agree society supports that fat woman are undesirable and even an embarrassment at times, nad at the same time says that a fat man can get a thin "sexy" woman. I realize that fit men are all over the media as well but there are definitely examples in mainstream media of the fat guy getting the fit woman, while no opposite examples come to mind.

Melonlefey
07-05-2013, 08:22 PM
It think its a very good point that Trudiha brings up. Some people have preferences, and while no guy gets looked at twice for preferring blondes or skinny girls, he MUST have a fetish if he prefers bigger women! /sarcasm

We're of course taught that fat=bad and fat=a lesser citizen, so the word fetish gets thrown around to try and explain "how on earth a guy could prefer something that we're taught to hate"

Wannabeskinny
07-06-2013, 09:56 AM
We stand in the way of ourselves. It's our own insecurities that tell us that we are not good enough. People in our lives accept us and love us, it's us that continue to harbor feelings of inadequacy and then project them.

Confidence is key, if you're confidence you attract admiration.

Missy Krissy
07-06-2013, 11:13 AM
We stand in the way of ourselves. It's our own insecurities that tell us that we are not good enough. People in our lives accept us and love us, it's us that continue to harbor feelings of inadequacy and then project them.

Confidence is key, if you're confidence you attract admiration.

I think that there's a lot of truth to this, but it's also important to realize that our environment does have an impact on us (and how we view ourselves - kind of like what you were saying in the other thread about celebrity endorsements).

Wannabeskinny
07-06-2013, 12:48 PM
I think that there's a lot of truth to this, but it's also important to realize that our environment does have an impact on us (and how we view ourselves - kind of like what you were saying in the other thread about celebrity endorsements).

Absolutely. We get a lot of messages from the media and they are not mixed messages. They are direct messages that beauty is skinny. It plays a big role in our self esteem and some are more susceptible than others. At the end of the day feeling good about yourself plays the biggest role in how others perceive you. It's up to us to realize that beauty is within and the more comfortable we are with ourselves the less impact Kim Kardashian's backside will have on our self esteem.

GlamourGirl827
07-06-2013, 06:27 PM
I think there's a difference between how we view ourselves and how we think others view us. Acually I think there are seperate words to define that...self image? Idk, that's not my area of study.

IRL, I am actually extremely confident or at least I appear that way. I am very secure in WHO I am aside from being fat. Its weird and hard to explain. I have always been the kind of girl that can walk into a room and in 10 minutes I've fallen in with the the guys. I have the kind of personality that I attract a lot of male *friends*, which is fine because I'm married! But I feel worthless as a partener (girlfriend/wife) because I feel its just known that part of my role is to look the part (thin, perfect body).

Very few people have ever been let in on how I few about myself and they are shocked, because I don't have the presence of someone that has ill thoughts about themselves in anyway.

Its like I have my own critical judgments about myself, and so those are internal...*I* will not approve of myself until I am physically what I think a wife should be. And even though those beliefs came from external sources, they are part of an internal voice now. But I don't care what others think, good, bad, indifferent. The whole world could think I'm beautiful, but I don't work towards others approval, I work towards my own...which is really hard to achieve!

So I guess that's why I seem confident around others, because even though I feel that it is a common belief that fat women are of less worth than thin ones, I don't care if someone else is thinking it (which I believe they are), I only care if I think it. I know that's confusing, it confuses me too. lol

punkrocksong
07-08-2013, 10:12 AM
Wow...I understand all too well where most of you are coming from.

To the OP - much like you I always thought that boys didn't like me because I was fat in high school and I never took any kind of flirtation seriously. The truth looking back on it was probably more that I was kind of a bitca and had incredibly low esteem - not so much that I wore a size 16.

Before I met my husband I screwed up several relationships because of my weight issues. After watching my mother yo-yo diet her entire life I didn't think it would do me any good to try to lose weight, so I just berated myself constantly. I dated this gorgeous guy briefly but I couldn't wrap my head around why he would want to be with me, and eventually he didn't because he got tired of me constantly fishing for compliments and complaining about my body.

I'll admit when I met my husband the fact he was almost 340 lbs. was appealing because I thought he would be so grateful for dating anyone that he wouldn't care so much about my less than spectacular personality. Luckily he called me on my BS and helped me love myself and he never once said anything about my weight as we slowly switched places and when I started this I actually weighed 30 more lbs. than he did.

Through FB I caught up with some of the guys I crushed on hard so long ago and one of them even said to me that he thought I was hot and he had wanted to ask me out, but he never did because I was always so down on myself and spoke about my weight so much that he didn't think I would want to go out with another "fattie."

My weight issues really messed with my perspective on things. And sadly, it's just now that I'm in my mid-thirties that I've really reflected on how many missed opportunities I've had because of my weight. And most of it is in my head - I'm the reason I didn't go for this thing or that. Yes, there are superficial jerks out there of both sexes, but I think it was because of those jerks that the fat people of the world get this idea that we aren't good enough. And at least for me, the moment when I started to think I was good enough was when things got better for me...without the outside world changing all that much.

Sorry...that was a bit of a rambling rant.

diamondgeog
07-09-2013, 03:16 PM
I don't think anyone should ever confuse who someone finds attractive with being shallow. If someone judges a person's character on how much they weigh that is wrong. And shallow, and quick to judgement, and just in no way right on so many levels. You haven't walked in anyone's shoes.

But not finding someone attractive that is a certain weight..over or under or whatever is what it is. I personally think most 'super models' are too skinny. I also find certain weights over not to be attractive either. It is what it is, no one should have to apologize for who they find attractive or not in a physical way.

I fully understand that I will be more attractive to my wife when I lose more weight. She loves me but I don't EVER ask her to find my weight attractive. I hold it pretty well but I know I will be a lot more attractive with more weight loss. Down around 15lbs or so since May 1 with a lot more muscle and I like how I look better a lot.

The looking better is not my prime motivation for losing weight but it is part of it. Being healthy FAR outweighs it. I see it as a nice extra side benefit. And there is nothing wrong with that either.

TofuSprinkles
07-11-2013, 02:35 PM
OMG I'm the same way!

I'm of Eastern Asian decent, so being 150 and 5'2 would be considered too gross to date according to talk shows and other media. I often look at women who are happy with their body image and wish I can be like them. It is however hard when everybody around you tells you that you are too fat to expect much from life. I've lived in America for about over 10 years or so, I did not realize how awful the media is treating women, especially young women.

On TV, if an actress is over 125, they call her fat. They are actually normal looking and seems healthy, but they would make fun of her thighs and make sound effects like elephant, dinosaur, or pig noises. They make fun of her if she is caught eating at the night market with her friends, telling her "Wow, you don't need to eat anymore." I watched these shows, and the more I saw it the worst I felt about my own self. So I shut it off, it is a shame, I wanted to watch and keep current with trends and pop culture, but at the same time I cannot stand the way they talk about women's bodies.

Also I often hear these girls on the show (even just college students) saying how they cannot remove their makeup, because they will be seen. Applying a billion layers of false lashes, and eyeliner.

According to their values, I am currently morbidly obese, possibly a dinosaur girl because I don't like to wear makeup unless I am going to an event or work. I am not sure how girls can build self esteem over there.

belovedspirit
08-12-2013, 11:44 PM
Wow... Glamourgirl, thank you for sharing your story. I feel like a small part of me healed by reading it. Your father and his hang-ups on weight sound a lot like my father's, mother's and brother's. I grew up believing that I was unworthy and unattractive because of my weight; I missed out on major milestones in my life because it took me so long to realize that weight had much (MUCH) less to do with everything in my life than I believed for so long. I made myself sick trying to lose weight, then bounced up and down... who knows if that's damaged my body. It's upsetting to realize how destructive those beliefs were/are. Worse yet, I know there are parts of me that don't realize how unhealthy and inappropriate those kinds of comments by parents/fathers/authority figures are. I guess I got that used to them. That's sad...

I just wanted to share and let you know you're not alone. I bet the guy in high school liked you just as you were, and I hope as you make your way through this journey, you're able to accept love for yourself in all the ways you deserve to. Keep fighting the good fight, and again, thank you. :)

diamondgeog
08-13-2013, 08:37 AM
I've learned a lot more about the environmental whys of obesity on an individual and social level recently. And it may help with why moms and dads react the way they do. In Britain less than 1%, yes 1% of the population was obese in early 1970s. Not now. America exploded the same way.

For all of us but especially older generations this must be mystifying. Sure seems a bunch of people all of a sudden lost control. Well people don't smoke as much now but they sure used to. Environment is so important. I live within walking distance and I mean a block of a McDonalds, Whataburger, and Taco Cabana (think a better Taco Bell chain). When I work out at the gym there are a dozen or more food commercials before I am done.

Being overweight is sadly the new normal. And while it is possible to take individual control, I am doing that now, we will all remain in a tough boat and reduce how healthy a society we can be if we don't acknowledge our collective weight gaining environment.

It isn't like people all of a sudden across US and Europe just magically changed as people in a generation. It is bigger than just individuals. But moms and dads not knowing that might zero in on individuals.

NJChick78
08-13-2013, 02:36 PM
Men are as complex as women. Something odd about my husband is.... I had never met his mother (estranged) so I asked him if she was fat. He said no. But when I finally saw family pics and video... she was fat! He did not preceive her that way.
Also my husband has always just loved women. Fat, slender, pear, hourglass, red hair, brown hair, blondes etc...