Weight Loss Support - Ooookay, here we go.... :(




View Full Version : Ooookay, here we go.... :(


ReillyJ
07-01-2013, 07:50 PM
with the "you're getting too skinny" remarks, of all people, my husband and my best friend just admitted to me she has been secretly thinking the same thing for a little while now

i am NOT TOO skinny by any stretch. i look normal weight and am slim. The problem is i'm FIFTY ONE and don't have that nice little layer of subcutaneous fat that even slim young people have, my weight loss has sucked all the fat from my face (i'm JUST NOW starting to feel okay with my face after a few months of feeling ugly) and my collarbones and upper ribs and veiny hands but the rest of me looks normal and my abs still have a bit of pudge to them that i doubt i will ever lose, i'm just in maintenance now and not trying to lose. i don't think people realize how much it can sting to hear people say that but i think i am going to try real hard not to let it get into my head and just keep on keeping on. i truly am not at all interested in becoming underweight or anorexic and i have a healthy body image but i'm like a lot of women my age--kind of "lumpy" slim if that makes sense. i'm just surprised that these two people i love don't seem to have the "intelligence" in this area to realize all of the above and i don't feel i need to explain to them.

Feel free to lament or critique :D
me: (doesn't look too slim in my opinion!)
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/DSCN5980.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/DSCN5980.jpg.html)
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/phpl6Id4iPM.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/phpl6Id4iPM.jpg.html)
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/phpBvJLLfPM.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/phpBvJLLfPM.jpg.html)
Todays pic
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/rsz_dscn60991.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/rsz_dscn60991.jpg.html)


crispin
07-01-2013, 08:02 PM
You're 51?! Was that a typo? You look like you're in your 20s!

No, imo you don't look too thin. You look beautiful. :) You mentioned your face looks gaunt, but I don't see that either.

I think those two people are just so used to seeing you heavier, that it's shocking for them to see how your body looks at a lower weight. They'll get used to it. :D

Some people do drop too much weight and get a severe, gaunt look but you don't have that all. You truly look stunning!

aspen13
07-01-2013, 08:19 PM
I think you look fabulous...and much closer to 31 than 51. I agree with crispin, I think they are just so used to seeing the way you were. It might take time for them. Congratulations on your weight loss!


ReillyJ
07-01-2013, 08:27 PM
Thank you Crispin and Aspen13!

i didn't THINK i looked too skinny and just don't understand why my husband and best friend don't "get" that maybe my body will have very low body fat in some areas and that is just the way some people's body's are. My friend has always been slim so it shocked me that she agreed although she hasn't really said anything. I'm hoping my husband drops the subject instead of me having to defend myself. i have been this weight (around 170 to 157 that i am, now) for close to a year now, you think they'd be "used" to it by now but i am noticing with each pound more that i lose, the more comments i start getting about how skinny i am.

i will never personally "police" anyone myself again :\

sontaikle
07-01-2013, 08:38 PM
You look amazing!

The problem with people who know you is that they're always comparing the new you to the old you. I see you've lost over 100lbs! I bet you're a lot smaller than you once were so it can be shocking to those who knew you at your higher weight.

Once you've been the same weight for a while the comments will stop. I used to get "you're too skinny" ALL THE TIME but now that I've been the same size for a year and a half, the comments have stopped. In fact whenever an old photo of me surfaces people are shocked at how I used to look!

wannaskipandlaugh
07-01-2013, 08:38 PM
WOW... You do look like you are in your late 20's early 30's You haven't aged even with weight loss... WHAT is your SECRET shhhhh Someone will hear and try and make money from it! :)

I think Aspen was right.. They are just used to you the way you were holding steady with. It might just seem that you are really thin compared to what you were - where they thought you were staying. Does that make sense? Anyway... all your extras will readjust themselves in your body in a few weeks and maybe the parts of you that are really thin will even out? But to me... you Look healthy and slender! I only hope to get down to what you weigh! That is my goal! :) You done did good!

Garnet2727
07-01-2013, 08:41 PM
You are lovely, ReillyJ. No, I need to change that statement. YOU ARE GORGEOUS! Yowza!

I honestly think that even though it's been a long time that you've been maintaining that you were heavy for longer than you maintained and people just can't shake that heavier image out of their brains yet.

It could be that I'm projecting. I'm still shocked when I see a picture of myself now. Up in the mirrors in my attic I still weigh over 300.

Only Believe
07-01-2013, 08:50 PM
Wow. You certainly don't look 51. I had to re-read that several times thinking I read that wrong. You could easily pass for 20 years younger. You are so very pretty and I think your weight is perfect for you not too skinny at all. :)

curvynotlumpy
07-01-2013, 08:52 PM
Wow, just WOW!! 51 looks great on you, ReillyJ!! :carrot::carrot:

nightwasp
07-01-2013, 09:00 PM
You look healthy. 157 is a healthy weight at 5'6". It's not just you, I think most of us would be in agreement -- you're doing it right.

ReillyJ
07-01-2013, 09:23 PM
I think Aspen was right.. They are just used to you the way you were holding steady with. It might just seem that you are really thin compared to what you were - where they thought you were staying. Does that make sense? Anyway... all your extras will readjust themselves in your body in a few weeks and maybe the parts of you that are really thin will even out? But to me... you Look healthy and slender! I only hope to get down to what you weigh! That is my goal! :) You done did good!

That's it!! Maybe that is it, compared to the OLD me, i'm looking really slim but compared to every other normal weight woman out there, and believe me, i look, i look NORMAL. I think it still shocks me because my husband married me at this weight (well, that was 32 yrs ago and i was proportioned differently!) and he's saying he's shocked at seeing my "bones", (i think i'll just ignore it) and especially my friend who ironically, i always thought was too slender. i guess this comes with the territory as i remember thinking that about everyone i've known who's lost a significant amount of weight, they always seem to bottom out and then climb back up (which i'm hoping doesn't happen to me) but i really hope my husband stops with the comments. i imagine if i tried to gain 5 lbs it would all go back to the most stubborn area that i have, my abdomen. My face looked this way (very chiseled and veiny compared to what it was when i was fat) at 170 so i am not going to try to gain just to appease people.
Thanks everyone for the kudo's. i guess you learn to deal with these issues as you go along but i was wondering if my sense of self was skewed, and i don't think it is! :)

freelancemomma
07-01-2013, 09:30 PM
Wow. Go find yourself an agent, stat. Don't listen to any negative talk and revel in your amazing accomplishment and looks.

F.

KindaSortaAthlete
07-01-2013, 09:37 PM
I think you look fabulous! :)

I also think people have a distorted view of what healthy looks like. Maybe people have gotten used to what overweight/obese folks in society look like and now healthy weight folks look "too skinny". My mother, who is overweight, has recently been asking me questions that indicate she's concerned that I don't eat enough, that I'm too skinny. Trust me, I do NOT look too skinny and still have some pounds to lose! I'm probably going to drop my goal by 5-10 pounds as well. It really frustrates me that she could think I'm "too skinny" and not understand what healthy might look like.

pnkrckpixikat
07-01-2013, 09:46 PM
I also think people have a distorted view of what healthy looks like. Maybe people have gotten used to what overweight/obese folks in society look like and now healthy weight folks look "too skinny".

THIS... this is what I believe 100% is happening

thistoo
07-01-2013, 09:55 PM
Dear Lord, you are gorgeous. They're just not used to the new you yet; they'll come around eventually. In the meantime, enjoy your success. You truly look fantastic.

ReillyJ
07-01-2013, 09:58 PM
Originally Posted by KindaSortaAthlete
I also think people have a distorted view of what healthy looks like. Maybe people have gotten used to what overweight/obese folks in society look like and now healthy weight folks look "too skinny".THIS... this is what I believe 100% is happening

I think you're absolutely right. Healthy weight in a normal sense probably = lean, mean musculature and very little body fat. And we're just not used to that at all. In fact i think i could possibly lose maybe a couple more pounds and it be OKAY. But i was afraid to say that for fear that maybe i was or will develop body dysmorphia which i don't think i have... And i'm going to do what *I* feel is best for me, even if it does mean my face isn't nearly as pretty as it was or it looks radically different...well that's life, too bad. My focus really is on being healthy and lean now.

Chronostasis
07-01-2013, 10:34 PM
Absolutely agree with everyone else. You look fabulous and far, far younger than you say. I can't believe that they're saying you look too skinny, I disagree - you look healthy, certainly not underweight. To echo what's already been said, it's probably because of a comparison from the "old" you to the "new" you, or the fact that the average person these days is far from a healthy weight (so our idea of what "healthy" looks like is likely distorted.)

JohnP
07-01-2013, 11:19 PM
I would agree with the other comments. You look great. That said your face may seem somewhat emasculated to people are not used to you looking this way.

When your weight loss levels out, most people's faces tend to look more "normal". You have so much blood flow going through and around your head that most people will lose fat from there before other places.

KittyKatFan
07-02-2013, 12:00 AM
You look great. Don't change a thing.

I'm getting some of the same comments and like you, I have the feeling that my face looks bony (you don't look bony by the way) and my bones stick out in some places and I have the veiny hands...it's like you wrote your post about me :)

Anyway, you look terrific, not too skinny or bony. Great work.

freelancemomma
07-02-2013, 02:14 AM
That said your face may seem somewhat emasculated to people are not used to you looking this way.

Looking emasculated would presumably be a relief for a woman. I suspect you meant emaciated. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Freelance

ReillyJ
07-02-2013, 02:26 AM
Looking emasculated would presumably be a relief for a woman. I suspect you meant emaciated. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Freelance

LOL, well i just let that one go because i frankly didn't get it but suspected John probably meant no harm ;)

Wannabeskinny
07-02-2013, 09:00 AM
In our society you can never win. One good thing about being fat is that fat makes our skin look fantastic, our face is nice and plump and smooth. When we lose that after our 30's we start to look a little older. I have run into various friends of my age and older that have lost a significant amount of weight and honestly, I've thought to myself that they look older, that their face is gaunt and that they don't look as "healthy" as they used to. It's NUTS and I hate myself for even thinking it. But that's how our society works my friend, women are always the object of scrutiny no matter their age, weight, or intelligence. We are trained to scrutinize women first. Watch the documentary Missrepresentation and you'll see what I mean.

But I'll call you out on your bold faced lie at once. There is no way you are 51. You're a college student for sure. Divorce your old wrinkly husband and go to a frat party and live it up because you look like a cheerleader. You go girlfriend!

Wannabehealthy
07-02-2013, 10:00 AM
Susie - Looking at your pictures makes me want to go to the gym and work out! LOL If I could look like that I would be bowing down to the gods. You have done a great job and look wonderful.

I think you should print out one of those height/weight charts that are available all over the internet and show your husband and friend what the healthy weight range should be for your height. That should shut them up.

TurboMammoth
07-02-2013, 10:05 AM
HOLY GLORY, you look like you are in your 20's, and bringing it, woman! You look fantastic!

(I'm also in FREAKING LOVE with your purple shoes!!)

betsy2013
07-02-2013, 11:52 AM
I'll add my two cents worth -- YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!! I think you have a consensus here that your body looks great and I seriously thought you were in your late 20s, maybe early 30s. Print off all of these comments and then hand them to anyone who tells you you're getting to skinny.

Euphy
07-02-2013, 12:22 PM
Girl, you are absolutely gorgeous!

lin43
07-02-2013, 04:47 PM
I agree with what others have stated: First, you are gorgeous and look about twenty years younger than you are (I'm jealous---I am 45 and look older than you!)

I, too , got those same comments when I first reached my goal weight. My sisters, my husband, and even a co-worker either flat out told me or hinted strongly that I was too thin (I am 5 ft 3 and 135-140 lbs---so obviously not "too thin"). However, besides the fact that they were used to me 50 lbs. larger, I really think that when some people first lose weight, they do look more gaunt. Later, as they "settle in" to their maintenance weight, their body/face sort of "catches up" with their maintenance weight and they look "normal" again. That is exactly what happened to me. I never get those "too thin" comments anymore. Not that you look gaunt at all---far from it.

sacha
07-02-2013, 04:50 PM
lol sorry, I can't even focus on your weight.

I really thought you were the same age as me (28), I'm blown away.

pnkrckpixikat
07-02-2013, 05:21 PM
After seeing other people that said even their significant others gave them the "too skinny" comments, I may choose to NOT let my DH be the one I trust to tell me if I am pushing too far. I may leave it up to you chickies and have a post or two like this as i get within range!

PreciousMissy
07-02-2013, 06:17 PM
You look amazing! To echo what others have said, they're just used to seeing you 100lb heavier.

JohnP
07-02-2013, 06:21 PM
Looking emasculated would presumably be a relief for a woman. I suspect you meant emaciated. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Freelance

Yes - I can't even blame autocorrect. :cool:

ReillyJ
07-02-2013, 06:38 PM
THANK YOU EVERYONE for the TONS of compliments, didn't expect that one! Re: my age, i've always looked young for my age but in person i suspect i look around 40, certainly have NEVER been pegged for someone in their 20's or early 30's! As for my secret? Hmm, probably immaturity;)

Well i am seeing a common thread, which is A LOT of people reaching goal are getting that "you're too skinny" remark. i am definitely not TOO skinny so i will chalk it up to comparison to the "fat" me and leave it at that.

Word to the wise: if anyone thinks you are handing someone a backhanded compliment by saying that, you're wrong, well at least in my not so humble opinion. And for those heading toward goal hoping to hear that comment, if you're anything like me you won't like it and feels like you're being told you've bit hit with the ugly stick or like you're being controlled, the later i really resent so don't expect it to make you feel good to hear that if you're anything like me.

So i guess, let it roll off, decide for YOURSELF where you want to be (and maybe do some self introspection to see if what they are saying really IS accurate) and if it isn't, then ignore it all and from what i'm learning from 3FC, don't allow your weight to be a topic of convo unless you yourself bring it up or you see the other person is genuinely interested in your story.

Oh, this is a pic when i started losing, i had already lost a size in this pic
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/DSCN1531.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/DSCN1531.jpg.html)

Vex
07-02-2013, 09:12 PM
I think a lot of people give the too skinny comment because the place some people lose a lot of weight is the places people see: faces and collar bones. As soon as the collar bones start to show, the comments start to fly. (I have this issue as well). They can't see the rest of us, which if like most, has a lovely ring of leftover fat or skin around the middle.

Mozzy
07-02-2013, 10:22 PM
I think you look fabulous...and much closer to 31 than 51. I agree with crispin, I think they are just so used to seeing the way you were. It might take time for them. Congratulations on your weight loss!

This ^^

Hershey89
07-02-2013, 11:27 PM
You look great! :)

amandie
07-02-2013, 11:39 PM
Yup, a beautiful model!!!!!

Ignore them as hard as it may be because look at alllll of the comments you've gotten here!!!!! Whoever (JohnP, I think) said that once your weight loss stabilizes, your face will fill out a little bit is correct.

I just hope I look as good as you when I reach 51!!!!!

Missys Mom
07-02-2013, 11:45 PM
wow, I think you look beautiful and 51? No way girl!

MichelleAntonia
07-04-2013, 09:29 AM
I am literally STUNNED......... I have NEVER seen a 51 year old look like you.....and I come from a long line of well preserved, genetically blessed Europeans......... WOW tell us you're lying and you're really 31, you're gonna make us all look bad, girl!

btw you are NOT too thin

kjasmin1986
07-04-2013, 09:57 AM
Hi ReillyJ! Let me start by saying WOW YOU ARE SMOKIN!!! As everyone else said you can easily pass for a 28 - 31 yr old!

As for the negative comments, I know the feeling! I come from a country where a size US XL is the norm and was unable to lose much weight while living there (even nutritionists turned me down cuz I was too thin in their eyes!! I was a L). Once I moved to the UK, I went down to 123 pounds wich is a US XS (I put some on latelty due to stress.. working on it though!). When I visited home last summer, people would look at me in such disgust! As if I were sick or something!! It was shocking to see how rude people can be but at the end my happiness is wut matters, I don't care wut anyone else thinks of me. My friends and family got on my last nerves but I eventually ignored them. My mom and brother were the only two supporters I had. Even my dad (who always called me fat and begged me to lose weight!) said I looked horrible.

Oh well, wut can you do! Do wut you feel is most comfortable for you, people will have to accept it sooner or later!!

xx

ReillyJ
07-04-2013, 11:53 PM
Thanks again, everyone, kind of floored by all that's been said :dizzy:

I'm just gonna go with what *i* feel is best for me and yeah, can't please everyone. i did always think it odd that i've always tipped the scales way to the heaviest end of the height/weight charts and even gone over (at the weight i've looked best).

Too bad this stubborn belly pudge covered with loose skin looks like it's hanging on for dear life and won't go away until i REALLY get too skinny (which i won't do) kind of like my own lil' teeny beer belly or something. Maybe i should give it a name, like.. my preciousssss :D