Well nothing for me, lol. It is SO hot and muggy today! I have so many things to do and don't feel like doing anything! Not to mention that I have a horrible tooth ache!
Ok, well I did my complaining now on to other things, lol. I have a training tonight and can't wait. It should be very fun. And I think that is all the fun I'm going to have today, lol. Now don't get me wrong, I am not going to have a bad day, just a hard one. I have to get the air conditioners in and then I have to try to clean my daughters room out. If it doesn't rain before I get to it, I have to get the front yard mowed. So not "bad" but not great either.
Well that is all for me right now, lol. I am trying to make the effort to be on more often. Get by but in gear again!
06-12-2003, 10:48 AM
Most people get the winter blah's, but it sure seems to me like I am going to have the summer blah's. It is just too darned hot and I hate being trapped in the house with the kids. I'm going to the movies today and maybe to the park (it's supposed to only be 99 out this afternoon) so I should get a break for a while.
Sorry I haven't been around lately, with the end of school activities, and my vacation to Charlestown, I've just been really busy. I loved the vacation, and visiting the in-laws wasn't as bad as I thought. We took the kids to the ocean, and they had a blast. I've decided, once again, that I want to live on a coast!
Anyway, enough of my babbling, I hope that everyone is doing well.
06-12-2003, 11:29 AM
From one Arizonan to another..I TOTALLY sympathize. The last two days have been wonderfully cool here in my part! Yesterday it did not get over 88...to an Arizonan that's like winter :lol:
I have a ton of stuff to get done for the office and I wish I could just take a dang vacation...I am so burnt out!! I am sick of sitting behind an office desk crunching numbers all day longhttp://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/images/smiles/tired.gif...I think our "how ya doing" post has turned into a gripe session:lol:
Ok...something good...something positive...HEY..IT'S ALMOST FRIDAY http://chunkymonkeypics.homestead.com/files/smiley/YAY.gif AND...we are half way through the callenge http://chunkymonkeypics.homestead.com/files/smiley/SunShine.gif
06-12-2003, 02:02 PM
School's out! A summer of babysitting, hanging around, and a job at the local flower shop when I decided to take it up. :) 88 degrees would be a TROPICAL HEATWAVE here!!! ONLY 99???? People here would be prepared for martians to invade. 99 degrees and the town practically shuts down! LMAO. Nothing really too interesting... with Sunday being Father's Day, I'm prepared to go all out again this year. (I live with just my dad, so he's a pretty important guy:))
The plumber is over today (finally getting the shower fixed after dad ripped it apart 2 years ago) so I need to get back to avoiding him. LOL. Have a GREAT weekend. -Apryl
06-12-2003, 02:36 PM
Hi all -
I'm back from the college visits! Son and I went to Georgia Tech (in Atlanta) and University of Georgia (about an hour from Atlanta in Athens, home of the B-52's and REM). He LOVED GA Tech - it's his new first choice. UGA didn't impress him at all.
I didn't do such a great job of being OP while I was gone. I did make small steps though - drank a lot more water than I usually do on road trips and didn't snack as much. We'll see what the scale has to tell me on Monday.
Job interview calls are starting to come in...I had one today (really liked it, but it would require an emergency special ed credential and I'm not sure I can get it)....I've got one tomorrow (5th grade English) and one Monday (middle school English.)
06-12-2003, 02:45 PM
Hot? I wish! It's been a cool 66 degrees here and we have the "June Gloom" going on. The marine layer off the ocean comes in and stays until about 1PM and then comes back around 3PM, making it cloudy all day. San Diego's winters are great but it sure takes summer FOREVER to get here.
I had a great workout last night, my arms were like RUBBER! Has anyone tried Dreyer's No Sugar Added Triple Chocolate? Sooooo good!
Good luck, Jennelle! I'm glad your not in Cali, they are on a hiring freeze for all teachers here. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!
06-12-2003, 08:02 PM
i have an ex who just graduated from georgia tech. it's a wonderful school. i hope he gets in.
06-13-2003, 09:50 AM
Ok, it's Winter here, so i can't identify with the summer stuff :)
It's been FREEZING here. Well, freezing as Adelaide in Australia can be. We don't get snow (Unless you're in the hills and even then it's once every 10 years or so and a sprinkling) but this winter has been really cold. Last winter didn't even feel like winter. this winter I think we're going to have a big gas bill from having the gas heater on all the time! And it's the only way to get any washing dry.
06-13-2003, 10:07 AM
Another Arizonian checking in here. Just returned yesterday from 9 days in Wash. D.C. with my 10 yr old granddaughter. It was rainy the whole time we were there. GD said "It's been so long since we saw any rain falling grandma!" It was a shock to step back in the oven last night. And it was only 97....a coolish day for this time of year. Good news is......spent 9 days on vacation and maintained my weight. Must have been the increased exercise, because the food plan basically went out the window. Time to get back to work!
06-13-2003, 10:42 AM
I'm having a fibromyalgia flare today. I've been doing really well lately, so I'm really disappointed.
In other news, my reunion went really well. I didn't want it to end!
06-13-2003, 11:14 AM
Well, I think that I am in a little less crabby mood today. I've gotten back into the mindset that it will be hot, but I'll just have to deal with it.
Jennelle - it sure looks like you have some good prospects out there! I just hope that you find the one job that fits with you. I know you had a horrible time last year.
I know that I told you I'm student teaching next semester, but don't remember if I told you where - 7th grade English. I'm a little nervous, because I'm secondary trained and my mentor teacher is elementary trained, but I think that it should be a good fit. I really enjoy that age and hope all works out well for me and I have a job waiting when I'm done in November. Oh, and by the way, I passed my state boards test (can't remember if I already told everyone). My mom is coming to spend the first four weeks with us, to help pay for day care (I don't know how we are going to do it - I mean we can afford for me to be home, but we just cannot afford for me to work a fulltime, unpaid job and pay for daycare at the same time).
Apryl, one thing about the heat here in Arizona, is that it really is a dry heat. That simply means that you don't feel as sticky and sweaty as you would in the midwest. It makes those 100+ days almost seem liveable.
Hope everyone is doing well.
06-13-2003, 11:41 AM
You Arizona people! It's a dry heat - my butt!!!! I was there in July and it was 113 degress!! I thought I was going to die!!!!
06-13-2003, 11:51 AM
Well, who in their right mind would travel to Arizona in July!!! It's your own darned fault :)! I just think that it means I'm not dying at 99, but 113 is still 113. I actually was more comfy here at 99 than I was in the midwest at 90 with high humidity.
06-13-2003, 02:31 PM
Angi, glad you had fun at your reunion. Did I miss a photo of the new haircut?
06-13-2003, 03:18 PM
I had an ok day today. I didn't get anything done that I wanted to! I ended up shopping and not cleaning and mowing, lol. O'well. It's supposed to be nice tomorrow so I will get it all done then. I am going to lock my self in my house till it's all clean and till I get the air conditioners in the windows and hooked up.
I think that there is a difference in dry heat and humid heat as well. My aunt lives in NM and it's is dry there as well. When it is in the 100's, you can get in the shade and it feels cooler. When it gets in the 100's here it's hot every place. Shade or not. I don't mind the heat, but I hate the sticky humid stuff.
Denise, I want to teach k-3 only when I get my degree. Good luck with the 7th graders. I am having the same problem with daycare. Going to school is killing the budget with daycare! But I think it's worth it in the long run.
I'll check in a little later, I have to get my daughter to gymnastics.
06-13-2003, 08:21 PM
I need to move someplace warmer. Last summer when it got up to 95 degrees, I was LOVING it. I was probably the only person outside soaking up the heat (we don't have AC in our homes here, just use lots of fans). I want to move to Costa Rica, and be warm all year round.
But it's Friday (the 13th), and the work week is OVER!!! I worked 8hrs today, 10hrs yesterday and 14hrs on Wednesday and I am BURNT right out. Daughter is at her dad's house, meaning I get to go out singing tonight and sleep in tomorrow. :)
06-13-2003, 09:06 PM
Raelynn, come move to Adelaide, where it was 40 degrees celcius (104 Fahrenheit) quite often last summer :)
06-16-2003, 01:59 PM
Hope everyone's weekend was fun. I had an excellent time. Nothing too special except, lots of food though. I don't feel TOO bad since I worked out both days. :)
06-16-2003, 02:42 PM
I'm still in a fibromyalgia flare. I haven't called my doctor: he will put me on steroids. Steroids cause certain weight gain and this is not the time for that.
I need to call him anyway, I guess. It's just not going away.
06-16-2003, 03:32 PM
I'm sorry for being absent. It's just one thing after another - and I guess sometimes I just don't want to bring y'all down.
This whole diet whatever thing is just not working for me. If I am not PERFECT - and I mean PERFECT as in eating right, exercising daily for at least 30 minutes 4-5 times per week, I do not lose an ounce. I don't know if I can do it anymore. And when I think about it, there are parts of me I'm unhappy with, but at the same time, I don't feel like I really care. I mean, I'm already married, and (sorry for the TMI) but no matter what I've done to try to change for my hubby who "wasn't attracted to me anymore", nothing has really changed with him, so I guess I've just gotten to this point of stalemate. This is hard for me to write. But at the same time I realize finally for once in my life I'm being honest.
I got my dress for my brother's wedding the other day, and aside from it being too big, it looks FABULOUS. It's rather clingy/drapy material so you can't tell its too big until you pull the sides out. I was exstatic it was too big, because according to their size charts, I ordered a 24W, but I'm in all 20s now, so that was flat out depressing... but then when I put it on it was huge. You really can't tell though unless I pull on it. So that made me happy - but I think it was also another nail in the coffin of my "Diet" because I weigh 257 lbs (although I've also had major stomach issues lately, so its more than likely that number is wrong)... but I still look great in most of my clothes and can dress to hide any of the ugly spots.
I just can't find any reason to change. I think I'm just tired of doing things for other people... and its not often I get much in return, and we have next to no money, so I comfort myself/reward myself/take care of myself/refill the "love bank" by eating things I like, but that aren't always the healthiest choices.
If I look at myself today, versus 6/12/18 months ago, I have made a lot of changes. I'm about 45-48 lbs lighter depending on the day. My cholesterol is down. My blood pressure is down. I'm more physcially fit. I'm no longer at risk for gestational diabetes. I make healthier choices. I'm sure if you checked my triglycerides, they'd be way lower, but they weren't tested back then. My body fat is down by almost 8% from where it was 16 months ago.
I think i've reached the point where the work is outweighing the benefits in my mind, so I just can't get on track and stay there. I don't want to do this as a competition. I don't want to do this to make my husband care about me more, because it shouldn't matter what I look like, what should matter is who I am.
Perhaps once we manage to move out of the hellacious living situation we are in I will once again have the mental/emotional/whatever stamina to revisit this.
I am open to any and all of your opinions, so feel free to type away.
So that's me in a nutshell.
06-16-2003, 04:27 PM
believe it or not.........
this is the 4th day i've been doing weight watchers and i'm just now starting to get hungry when i dont think i should be. last night i caved and went on a binge. hopefully staying on track the rest of the week will make a difference. i think 1 binge in 4 days isn't so bad. so i fell, i got back up and started again today.
did a major clean on the main part of the house and did a few loads of laundry. since i dont have a treadmill or a nice safe place to walk this will just have to count as exercise for now. i'm still working on getting my bedroom cleaned up... that will take a while though.
earlier i went through all the foods i normally eat and counted the points up on each of them and made a spreadsheet so i can keep track of them instead of having to look for the points each time in my book or on the points finder. i don't have everything on there yet, i'm still working on it.
i've been doing good on getting water in me. i went and bought this HUGE monster of a cup. its one of those insulated ones and its 64 oz with the lid and straw and everything and it has a bunch of *water facts* listed on it. i vary on how much i drink though. some days its half of one of those and sometimes its 3 of one of those... just depends on my mood i guess.
RE: the heat. are you guys out of your minds?!?!?!?! LOL oh my i can not stand the heat at all! last summer or summer before that it got up around 115 here. and this isn't dry heat. and lately its been VERY humid (like around 94%) and hot. ICK!
BA99TJ---- your post is so sad. i feel really really really bad about the way your husband is. and you are right, it shouldn't matter what you look like. you are the same person he married back whenever, only you look different. (this is one reason i hate men! LOL) i'm wishing you all the luck i can gather up so that things get better between you two.
AngiKL--- i dont know much about fibro but i hope it passes quickly!
eek i know i'm missing some but i gotta get going. hope you all have a great monday.
06-16-2003, 05:10 PM
Beth Anne, maybe the time just isn't right for you. Through a lot of years of trying to please other people, and trying to lose weight for someone or something, I discovered that the only way I can lose weight is to want to lose weight for me, because I care about me, about my health, and about what I look like. During the time that I was trying to lose weight for someone other than myself, I had the "perfect syndrome," too, but that's changed also with the knowledge that I'm not doing this for anyone else's benefit. Since I've really set no time limit (although my sig line says so, I'm flexible), and I'm only doing this for me, I don't care how long it takes or how perfect I am.
I'm sorry about your husband, and that he can't see what a wonderful woman he's married. Even if you got down to 130 pounds, I doubt it would change anything, especially not the sadness you feel that he can't care for you no matter what you weigh.
While part of me thinks that changing a living situation really won't change what's happening with you emotionally, I know that for me, changing my living situation was also when I decided to change me. Maybe that will be the motivator for you, too.
Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you know that you'll have support from all the great people on this bulletin board who care about you in every "weigh."
06-16-2003, 05:18 PM
I know everyone says that you have to lose weight for you, and nobody else, but the reality of it is that it is hard. We naturally view ourselves through how we think other people view us (its sometimes called the "looking glass self"). You know your husband wasn't happy with your weight and you felt bad about yourself because of him. Its a bad cycle, but completely human.
I would tell you that if you are not absolutely positively convinced that you are doing the right thing for yourself, then you will have resentment and hostility that will sabotage any effort you make. You shouldn't feel like you are doing something to please anyone. He married you for the person you are inside, and you will always be that person, no matter what weight you are.
06-16-2003, 05:41 PM
((((HUGS)))))). I'm really sorry about how you're feeling right now, and I completely understand what you're saying. My husband is the same way. I've lost 117 pounds and my husband doesn't say a word about it, doesn't seem to notice, and is still completely uninterested in me, so you're right, you can't do it for him. You have to do it for yourself. You have to do it for the way that it makes you feel. You have to do it for the pride that you will have in yourself and the self confidence that you will gain. Not to mention all of the health benefits.
You've already come so far and you're doing so great. You have made progress from a year ago and you're moving forward, not backward. Keep up the great work and know that you're doing it for you. We're all here for you and we all support and care about you.
06-17-2003, 09:57 AM
I had an amazing, soul-searching, tear-jerking conversation with my dad. He is the one person I knew would understand exactly what I'm going through and could really comment - because I am him, just a smaller female version. We have the same build, the same battle against weight... Anyway - its really neat because he told me a lot of things I needed to hear.
I can't do this as a "get back at Greg". I can't stop losing weight just because I want him to love me for who I am. He told me to just try for 5 pounds. Just take it 5 pounds at a time. Find some time to squeeze in exercise. even just 5 minutes is better than nothing - even taking just ONE commercial break to do situps would be a great idea. But he reminded me that unfortunately he passed me his genes, and I'm going to have to be concerned about my weight and my health for the rest of my life... I can't take a vacation from it because it will just take a few pounds for me to be back in unhealthy land again.
I think the hardest thing for me to hear though was that I've been blaming Greg for A. gaining the 45 lbs I had to lose and B. the fact that I'm not losing more. It can't be about him. He didn't stuff food down my face, and I can't force him to be more affectionate. However, its not just about that - I'm feeling really overwhelmed. When it got down to it and I was blubbering and crying and letting it all out - its that I'm totally overwhelmed and stressed and feeling like there just isn't enough time in the day. I'm not sleeping well, I'm having to do 90% of the chores at home on top of working a full time job.. I am mostly responsible forJocelyn when she's here simply because she looks to me for everything - I'm the substitute mom when she's here. That I can have a productive conversation with Greg about. That is things that I and he have control over. We ultimately don't have control over our feelings, or what the scale says, or how much food the other person is eating.. but we DO have control over our schedule and who does which chores when.
But ultimately - I am not exactly happy with how I look. I think that its more that the idea of trying to lose all this weight is more daunting than my unhappiness with my body. But if I just break it down... take it one day at a time... and don't look at the 100 lbs but instead look at just tomorrow - well that's a lot easier to handle.
So last night I made my one goal for today to be to get up early and do a work out. So I got up at 6:45 and did 2 miles of a Leslie Sansone video.
One day... one hour... one minute at a time.
06-17-2003, 12:40 PM
Jan and Feb of this year were great for me. I lost 21 lbs - stuck with it. March, April and May I gained it all back. I couldn't figure out where my motivation had gone. Then I realized that there had been different things, different people here and there in those months that had sparked the motivation. But once the spark faded, so did my motivation and the weight came back. I didn't care. I mean it always bugged me that I was junking out, but not enough to stop it.
So I decided that I needed to find some internal motivation. I had to motivate myself for this to work. I have done alot of things this month to find some internal motivation. I needed to map out why I wanted this and why I needed this. I created a motivation binder.
Section 1...My promise to Jacob. I promise thread (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=28424)
Section 2...My 5 step plan to get there. 5 step thread (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=28326)
Section 3...Body Parts. A complete list of what I want my body to look like. Then it is followed by collages of bodys that I'd like to look like (regardless is it ever could)
section 4...Clothes. A complete list of what I want my wardrobe to consist of. Also follwed by a collage of outfits that I wish I could wear and look good in.
There are more section to come...health and stuff. But I needed to figure out why this is so important. It really has to come from inside. You have to want it. Maybe you just need to re-visit why you want it.
It's interesting how we look to other people so much re-assurance. I consider myself a very self confident person. But if I wear a new outfit and no one notices, I think...No one noticed, mayeb it doesn't look good. No dummy!! Maybe the world doesn't revolve around you and no one actually noticed. Anyway, it's hard not to look to other people for approval, and I'm sorry that Greg isn't fulfilling your needs right now. Maybe what you need is a cheerleader. Someone to say Good job and notice when you've lost .2 lbs!!! :) Maybe that cheerleader could be us. we have always been here for you and always will.
:flow1: GO BETHANNE!!! :flow1:
06-17-2003, 12:46 PM
You've got it! One day at a time, one step at a time, and small manageable goals. We're all here for you and we all care. WTG on the workout this morning!!
Sandi, you're so motivating! You've found some great tools for motivation and sharing them with us helps us all. Thank you!! You're doing a great job and should be proud of yourself.
I felt my motivation slipping today so I sat down and plotted out weight loss goals for each week. If I can meet each weeks goals, I'll be at my goal week by the first week of December. That helped to give my motivation a boost and keep me focused.
06-17-2003, 02:48 PM
Originally posted by JacobsMommy
But if I wear a new outfit and no one notices, I think...No one noticed, maybe it doesn't look good. No dummy!! Maybe the world doesn't revolve around you and no one actually noticed.
Sandi, I had to laugh when I read that! It sounds EXACLTY like me! :lol: And bodies I'd like to look like...you know the girl who played Sally on 3rd Rock....Kirsten something? I want her body!
And I'm glad you were able to talk to your dad, BethAnne. He sounds like a really cool guy and a great dad.
06-17-2003, 02:54 PM
:) My Dad is a really cool guy. And today is his 50th birthday!! :)
I think right now I'm trying to NOT plan too far ahead... because that seems to bog me down. I'm really just working on "what can I do today??"
Using this plan I have so far today:
did a 2 mile leslie sansone video
eaten only 12.5 points
drank 64 oz of water
walked a LONG lap of my work parking lot
:) I'm feeling quite proud.
I think another thing that is going to help me is the steps per day "race" that I know Kim's agreed to so far... (See the SportBrain thread)... And also that Greg wants me to kick his tail about going to the gym, and he's going to be checking on my fitness activities too.
Something that was really amazing last night was that Greg told me what he has noticed works for me is the exercising. He basically said "You can eat enough to sustain a flea, but you won't lose weight unless you exercise - that's what I've seen about you." So just having him notice and see things about me and what works means a lot to me.
Sandi - I do the same thing with the new outfit/whatever - and you are right - the world doesn't revolve around me. I just wish it did!! ;)
Thanks so much to EVERYONE for all your words of encouragement - I'm so glad I came back. :)
06-17-2003, 06:09 PM
HUGS!!!! I don't have anything to add from what these wise women and Matt have said to you. Just to let you know I'm here if you want to "talk". This journey is so hard, and you don't have to do it alone!
06-18-2003, 09:56 AM
This "Take One Day At a Time" thing is really working.
My goal for yesterday - get up a little earlier and do an exercise video.
What I accomplished:
About 8,000 steps total for the day
Did exercise video (2 miles - 4000 steps)
Made a goal for dinner out and did it - including only having ONE Lindt Choclate, everyone else had many..
Drank all my water for the day quite effortlessly
One Day At a Time - No Guilt - Move On :)
06-18-2003, 11:07 AM
I did the one mile this morning! yahoooooo! :D :strong:
06-23-2003, 10:14 AM
Just a quickie check-in---
I'm slowly getting settled in the new place. I am no longer rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off as I am resigned that it will simply take time to get organized. One day at a time. I did get my computer hooked up.
I have changed so many things in the past few weeks -- my family situation, my address, my phone number, I've gone through 2 new mobile numbers trying a different carrier that actually works, am working on boosting my work schedule, am working on telling my boyfriend that this just isn't working out -- if he'd ever call me back (part of the problem). I need someone I can talk to, not someone who calls only every couple of days or weeks for ten minutes right before his cell phone battery dies, and who doesn't have time to talk anyway. Forget it. No more of that for me. I want to get married someday --- and it will have to be to someone I can communicate with, someone I can share my life with and who can share his life with me - someone I can be a friend to and who can be a friend to me.
Not sure how I'm doing with weight. I know that 1 or 2 weeks ago, I weighed in at 139.5, despite eating more. My goal was 145. I was considering that I might have been too thin at that weight, so I decided to indulge in some foods that I've pretty much stayed away from for a couple of years. CHEESECAKE!!! I bought a 6 inch one and put cherries on top -- and ate the whole thing in 4 days. Then, last night, I made my other favorite --- Lemon Meringue Pie. That will be gone in a few days too. At some point, I need to get my own scale so I can keep on top of my weight more consistently.
I notice that food is still very important to me. I enjoy grocery shopping, and my pantry is full as I've bought ahead on many items on sale. I still take comfort in food, so I know I still have some food issues. I consider myself as having an eating disorder -- compulsive overeating -- and just because the weight comes off doesn't mean I no longer have the disorder. I've only gotten rid of the effects -- excess weight. I have some personal growth to do. I might consider getting some counseling when I'm more settled.
06-23-2003, 02:37 PM
Good to see you check in, Jeanne. I've been wondering how things are going for you.
Sounds like the move has been good for you, and you're really starting to get your life in order. It's so good to do that when you're young.
I don't think there's anything wrong with food being important. "Normal-sized" families celebrate around food, and so many holidays are centered around food, and even religions have food traditions. I don't think that's a bad thing, but what we who are overweight have done, IMHO, is take that to the next level where food is everything to us where the food is more important than the occasion for the food, and our portion control is way out of whack. I think it's a great idea to get counseling--I think people might have a harder time maintaining their weight and a harder time having a healthy attitude about eating until they address the emotional component of overeating.
How did you solve the noisy street problem, by the way? My dad had moved into assisted living back in September and it was on a fairly busy street. He took a while to adjust. Now he's just moved into an addition we built on our house, and he's having a hard time adjusting to the quiet!
06-24-2003, 10:20 PM
I haven't solved the noisy street problem yet.
Good points, Sheila.
06-25-2003, 12:03 AM
Checking in for my mental health...
I'm not doing so well....something clicked, but the wrong way. I am currently in the full-blown throes of a disordered eating attack. I have suddenly found myself back on the very teetering edge of anorexia...tracking every single bite to the tiniest morsel...chewing gum and drinking diet Pepsi instead of eating. I have lost three pounds in two days. I ate lunch yesterday (three grilled chicken fingers, 20 french fries, a small slice of garlic bread) at 12:30, then nothing again until 3:00 this afternoon, and the only reason I ate is because I damn near passed out walking back to the car. I had been grocery shopping and dug through a bag and found a package of fat-free "sea legs" (you know, those fake crabmeat things..) and ate them driving in the car. It was pretty scary....I so couldn't understand why my body can't just live off the fat it's already got....I did manage to eat a banana and a soft taco (small flour tortilla, 2 tbsp of taco meat and 1/4 c. of Mexican cheese) also today, along with a handful of baby carrots and three pickle spears....oh yeah, and a fat free strawberry cheesecake yogurt. The whole time my head is just SCREAMING at me that I do NOT need this....chewing gum now.
The scariest part? I'm not sure I want any help. It's like, by God, if I'm gonna let food rule my f***ing life, I'm NOT going to continue to let it make me fat.
06-25-2003, 12:06 AM
rereading my post....a 223 lb. anorexic....how f***ing insane is THAT? :lol:
06-25-2003, 01:33 AM
I understand completely... we binge, then we fast thinking it'll all balance out. Only our body doesn't go by "thought" it goes by some sort of mysterious chemistry. And is even smart enough to know that if we starve ourselves we better let go of that fat reallllllly slooooow... which makes it harder to lose again. When I can eat at "hunger level 3" I'm fine. If I wait til 4 I eat everything in site... and worse than that, usually can't stop when I''ve had 1 serving... I only stop when it's all gone.
I thought I was the only one that did that. :o
06-25-2003, 01:06 PM
Hey girls and guys,
Jenelle - I hope you can find a good place where you can be losing weight but also be healthy. I know its hard.
In my life - We got that new apartment! We should be moving at the end of next month. So I might be absent because of trying to pack my whole house in the course of a month.
hope everyone else is doing ok!
06-25-2003, 01:23 PM
Big hugs!!! I feel so badly for what you're going through. PLEASE keep coming her for support, no matter how rotten you feel. We're all here!!!
Bethanne, congratulations on the apartment! You must be so excited. I can't imagine having to pack in one month. I HATE moving..
Take care everyone,
06-25-2003, 05:05 PM
Jenelle Girl! What is going on with you?
You can be a 223lb aneroxic! Your eating is totally out of control. You're messing with your body in unhealthy ways, screwing up your metabolism and thinking about food 24/7, you're forcing yourself not to eat. What's not aneroxic about that?
You've lost 20 pounds.
You're a pillar of strength for the women on this board.
You're funny, insightful and you have you own your opinions.
You're more than a fat girl, you're more than a women obsessed by food. You are Jenelle! Fighter of the fat fight! Warrior of the Weight!
You're pretty darn awesome.
You need to remember that food is the nourishment of temple Jenelle and even if you don't like that temple's shape right now, it's your ONLY temple and darn it, treat it with respect.
This is not about the food.
This is not about the scale.
This is about Jenelle taking care of Jenelle.
And if you keep hurting Jenelle, I'm gonna kick your butt. ;)
And I'm here for you if you need it.
06-25-2003, 07:36 PM
Thanks, you guys. :cry: I'm just at a really, really bad place right now as far as food is concerned. I promise to at least post once a day, even if it's just to say "hey." If I post, I will read the boards.
I didn't totally starve myself today. I did eat when my tummy growled...just tiny, tiny portions. I had two plain rice cakes, a banana, a teeny-tiny bite of Son's sub sandwich, two pickle spears, a fat-free yogurt, a half-cup of pasta, a half-cup of meat sauce, and a half cup of corn (no butter, but I don't use butter on my veggies normally.)
Still not a lot of food, but better.
And Jessica - you are absolutely right.
06-25-2003, 07:38 PM
Bethanne - I know you're excited about moving! Humor me - I haven't done a great job of following the boards lately....did you get everything worked out with your landlord as far as breaking your lease?
06-25-2003, 09:46 PM
I haven't done a great job of following the boards either.
(((Hugs))) to you Jennelle!! Just remember that you are worth taking care of.
Doing fine here. I'm sort of in binge mode since I let myself eat the cheesecake etc. I need to start saying no to myself some of the time. I'm going back to old habits automatically like taking a few hershey kisses, eating them, and then going back for another few and another few -- as if I hadn't had any. Not a good habit. I'm settling into the apartment, and now that I'm not rushing around, I'm feeling a little down at times. I didn't have time to feel before. I've had so many changes at once. I'm told it's normal to have a period of adjustment to change, and ultimately this change is for the good.
06-26-2003, 09:47 AM
Hey Jenelle - thanks for remembering the stuff about the landlord.
We haven't managed to negotiate with him yet because he is HORRIBLE about getting in touch with us and returning phone calls.
At this point no matter if he "lets" us break it or not we'll be able to afford to move on August 9th. If he DOES let us break it we'll be moving on July 26th :) We gave notice yesterday, which means we're obligated to rent through August 25th... What I'm really hoping for is at least working it out with him that we could pay HALF a month's rent this month, and then that would take us through August 9th, and make EVERYONE happy... but we'll see. Best Case Scenario is he lets us move out the 26th and we don't have to pay rent this month.
06-26-2003, 02:30 PM
Beth Anne - When I gave my landlord 30 days notice, he said, "Could you make it 2 weeks?" I said sure! Then, 3 other people in my complex gave notice and he was totally screwed. Not that I had much sympathy for the slum lord. :)
06-26-2003, 06:03 PM
checking in to say "hey"....doing a little better today....yes, I have eaten today....two rice cakes, a fat free yogurt, a small cinnamon raisin bagel (plain, but I don't usually put stuff on them), two scrambled eggs, two slices of fatfree turkey breast lunchmeat, and a handful of baby carrots. I wanted cheese, but was afraid to eat it. (Don't ask me why...if I knew, my problem would be solved.)
I'm still losing too quickly; I was down to 218 this morning...weighed 224 on Monday morning. I am terrified to gain it back....if I do, I feel like it'll be the end of me....
I apologize for being especially needy....I know that some of you might think I'm doing it for attention...I'm really not...you guys are the only people who realize I'm having this struggle...I haven't told any of my "real-life" friends/family yet...I'm not ready....but I know that if I am honest here I won't fall into the abyss...
If you all ever had any doubt that you have ever made a difference in your lives, doubt no more. I don't know where I would be at this particular moment without you.
06-26-2003, 06:27 PM
Put your scale away. All it is doing is making you agonize over the numbers. What it's not telling you is that you've lost 6 pounds of well-deserved muscle on your body and the fat is still hanging around. That's what happens in starvation mode. Your body goes for the easy to convert stuff first: your muscles. So, put it away. Hide, throw it away, give to a friend for safe keeping, take the batteries out, whatever it takes, quit looking at those numbers because, quite frankly, they're killing you.
Second: pick a different goal. Do you really want to be wafer thin aneroxic with skins hanging off your body? Do you still want to huff and puff up stairs because your body is too weak to propel itself with no muscle and no energy? I don't think so. You want to be healthy. Not the fat healthy that I grew up to learn the word healthy from ("she's not fat, she's "healthy."). You want to pick a lifestyle that gives you more energy with your family and kids but doesn't make your butt look big. :) Me too.
It sounds like your getting a high off of keeping track of stuff. So, use it to your advantage. Get on fitday.com and calculate away. Keep track of everything you want. But instead of concentrating on the calories, I want you to go into Reports and click on "Am I meeting my nutrient requirements?" This will give you the RDA for vitamins and minerals that you should be eating. This will give you a good idea about what happens to that nourishment that you put in your body. Decide on what percentage ratio of carbs, protein and fat you want to stick with. It will calculate what you're doing in a cool little pie chart. My particular weakness is calcium. I thought I was doing so good, but I'm only getting about 50% of my RDA. Bummer! Gotta change that. I don't want to be a hunchback old lady!
Right now, reason has temporarily left the building. At least you recognize it! I'm happy that you ate some more today! Woo hoo! Celebrate the little victories! I'm glad you're still coming here for support. We need you as much as you need us. That's why we're here!
I would highly recommend a counselor for this very real eating disorder. I think you could benefit from it.
06-26-2003, 07:03 PM
I agree with jessica. I am proud of you for comming here and talking with us about it. Most of us have been there one time or another. Right now i obsess with keeping my calories between 1200-1600 a day but getting healthy foods in. Fitday really helps me keep track. And i really agree with conseling it can help alot.
06-26-2003, 07:07 PM
I'm glad you are doing a bit better today, Jennelle.
As someone who was hospitalized for an eating disorder, I agree with Goddess Jessica. I would hesitate, however, to encourage you to keep on working with fitday.com, even though calculating nutrients is a great thing. Anorexics already do way too much of calculating and keeping track of everything they put in their mouth, and anything that causes them to continue to do that is counterproductive because they can't stay away from calculating calories. If fitday.com was a food, it would be a "red light" food for some people.
I really urge you, Jennelle, to go see a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. Just because you're overweight does not mean you don't have anorexic tendencies. On one of the many occasions I joined Weight Watchers, I met a woman who was totally obsessed with food, and she took staying on the program to such an incredible level that they eventually kicked her out. She had been too thin, then fat, and she lost too much weight too quickly, and still was losing weight long after she reached her goal weight.
Emotions play such an incredible part of why we overeat and undereat. IMHO, we need to understand the emotional reasons behind our obsession with food (and that includes what we do and do not put in our mouths) before we can really master living a normal life.
06-26-2003, 09:23 PM
I agree that counseling may be a good idea for you. Please do not think that we think you're looking for attention or being needy. We are all here to support each other. You have given everyone support, and now it's your turn to receive some. You DESERVE it. You deserve to be healthy, and have a healthier relationship with food. Please check in often and post as often as you need to. We're all here.
06-26-2003, 10:50 PM
Hey Jennelle! (((BIG HUGS))) I'm sorry that things are kinda crazy right now. Please don't EVER think that we are juding you. Coming here is what we want you to do. We would NEVER think you were being needy. NEVER EVER.
Our relationship with food is not normal. If it were, I wouldn't weigh 292 lbs. But thinking all food is the enemy isn't healthy either. Somehow we have to find a healthy balance. I think seeing someone is a good idea. And maybe you should see a nutritionist too. Maybe that would put someone else in control of what you should eat. Maybe you'd feel better about eating if a qualified professional told you to.
Whatever you do, keep coming here and keep eating.
06-26-2003, 11:06 PM
Just a question...how do people who've had their stomachs stapled survive? How come their metabolism doesn't dip to zero when they can only eat little bits of food?
06-27-2003, 01:09 AM
Because metabolism runs on calories. Although gastric bypass patients can no longer eat above say 8 oz, they still must maintain their calories.
Here's an example from a gastic surgery website:
64 oz water
120 g - 150 g protein supplement (depends on which surgery)
* no milk
* no sugar
* no grazing
* no drinking with meals
Foods as tolerated. (about 500 calories of food and about 1000 calories in protein supplements)
* Eat pasta and rice slowly, it'll swell
* Wait on melted cheese until you can chew VERY well
* Think crumbly, not things that wad
* Choose a taco over a soft burrito
* Crackers over bread
Grazing and drinking with meals set up worse cravings and don't allow a feeling of "satisfaction". Eat the small meal, put the plate away. Eat again in 2 or 3 hours. Don't leave a box of crackers on your desk. Feel full, then empty, then full, then empty.
Just an example.
06-27-2003, 05:26 AM
Hey everyone..currently in the process of house hunting since our lease is up in mid-July and the landlord's son is moving in grrr....
06-27-2003, 09:49 AM
i hear ya, alrya. i'm moving too... kinda. not sure WHEN, but we're packing now.
my schedule for the next week is super packed. here's a quick outline:
friday - work (may last day!!) and bus til 5:30, pack until 10
saturday - go to mom's house, go out on lake. get home @ 6ish. pack till 10.
sunday - drive to santa rosa. hang out while david plays his roleplaying game.
monday - interview @ 10 am. be really nervous. look for potential apartments after that. drive back to davis @7ish. pack from 9-11. pick up friends @ airport @ 11:30. give up borrowed car. =(
tuesday - get picked up by friend, spend day with her to celebrate birthday. get taken back to her house @6ish. get picked up by david's parents, and returned to santa rosa.
wednesday - appt. at temp agency, 2pm. apartment hunt for rest of day.
thursday - interview @ 10 am. apartment hunt more.
friday - 4th of july stuff w/ david's family
saturday/sunday - car shopping, to scope out market. i don't know what else.
monday -- start whatever job i landed?? i hope!!
that's kinda where i'm at. stuff is still up in the air, depending on when we get jobs and when they start and all that. then we need to find a good, cheap place, pay first month and deposit or whatever, get back up here to davis, and move all of our stuff. that's why we're packing now.
06-27-2003, 10:48 AM
Holly....jealous jealous jealous over here! You'll really like Santa Rosa. Do you plan on looking for a job in San Francisco? Lots of people live in Santa Rosa but commute to the city. (They have plenty of busses if you don't want to deal with the $2 toll over the Golden Gate Bridge and the gas money.)
06-27-2003, 03:37 PM
I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in a week. I did break my promise and get on the scale, but I didn't get on it with that feeling of "ohmygodIwilljustDIEifthenumberisbad."
I am also eating reasonably well. I woke up around 9:30 and ate breakfast (a fried egg, 2 sl. of lite bread toast, and a yogurt) around 10:30 and lunch (a rice cake, a yogurt, and a slice of turkey lunchmeat) around 1:00. I have told myself that I will eat something again at 4:00, even if it's just something small like an orange or another rice cake. Dinner's already in the crockpot - pot roast with potatoes and carrots. :)
Folks, I have no CLUE what triggered this. The last time I had an "episode" like this was in 1996, when I ate nothing (but a multivitamin) for four days and finally snapped out of it when I couldn't even hold down the vitamin. The point is, though, that I *have* had episodes like this in the past and will continue to have them - no matter how infrequently - until I figure out what triggers them. That said, I'm having a really hard time finding mental health professionals in my area who specialize in eating disorders. Any ideas on how I can narrow my search would be greatly appreciated.
06-27-2003, 09:57 PM
Jennelle, I am so proud of you! You are strong and brave and courageous. You will figure this out and you will conquer your fears and issues. I believe in you. :)
Have you tried looking on the internet? Like a "city-search" type thing? Or go to the public library and look on the boards. (We have big community bulletin boards outside of our library... sorry if that doesn't apply to you!)
Good luck--- we ALL love you and believe in you! -Apryl
06-28-2003, 02:08 AM
There is an organization that goes by the initials ANAD... I think it is Anorexia Nervosa something... They shold be able to make referrals to therapists interested in, and specializing in eating disorders. Also check out NASW.org and AAMFT.org.... professional organizations for psychotherapists that maintain a specialty/referral list.
06-28-2003, 07:04 PM
Hey, Jenelle. Have you ever looked at the website http://www.something-fishy.org/ ? I've found some good info there (I'm a compulsive/binge eater), and they do have some treatment listings by state. Good luck!
06-28-2003, 07:17 PM
Jennelle, I'm glad things are getting better for you. I had a friend with the same problem and it took her years to get some sence of normal in her life. I would hate for anyone to go through that.
Beth anne, Good luck on the new house and your new resolve. You can feel free to pass a little of that my way, I need it dearly!
Things for me are weird, lol, I'm always busy but never seem to get anything done. I don't know why. My house has been a wreck and (because my father in law called) I had no choice to get my but in gear and clean it. I'm pleased that it looks good now, and now have to work on my oldest's room. It is HORRIBLE!
Money issues now are bad (understatement!) I hate not haveing any money, but it is SO hard to find a job that pays enough to be worth working (due to paying daycare). My husband isn't getting all his paychecks and now I found out that he can take out cash advances (for free) from Iraq. That will mean even less money for the house. I'm sure he won't take it all, but even $20 is a big deal at this point. I'm trying to get some assistance from the red cross, so that I can make my payments this month. Not to mention that both my daughters birthdays fall in the next 2 weeks. I am just depressed!!
I'm sorry to down load on all of you, I'm just at a point of breakdown. I just want to get it all off my chest. All the worry, stress and everything else that I just don't want to deal with it anymore!
Ok, I can say that I do feel better after venting. And thank you all for putting up with me.
06-28-2003, 08:17 PM
Bella, money issues suck. I'm so sorry things aren't going so well, but know that they WILL get better....
06-29-2003, 12:50 PM
My grandma died on Wednesday, and we have been traveling and hosting family since then. That's why I've been MIA. It's a very sad time. She was a firecracker.
Starting Atkins today - it's the count-down for the adoption. We could get a referral in as little as a month!
Hope all is well with everyone else. Have a successful, OP day!
06-29-2003, 03:55 PM
I'm so sorry about your grandmother! I know it hurts that she won't be here to see your baby, but I believe she will "know" somehow.
You can make your adoption goal weight! We're rooting for you!
06-29-2003, 05:01 PM
You're so close to the adoption goal. I know you can make it!! I switched my eating plan to still being low cal, but also very low carb, high protein (like Atkins) and the weight has just started falling off again. I know you can do this!!
06-29-2003, 05:32 PM
Angi - I'm so sorry about your grandma...mine passed in May of 1999....she also was a firecracker...I'm sure if they meet in heaven, they'll be kickin' it up. :)
06-29-2003, 11:16 PM
Sorry about your grandma, Angi. *hugs*
06-30-2003, 11:13 AM
Angi - ((HUGS)) So sorry to hear about your grandma.