Depression and Weight Issues - Loneliness and food

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06-21-2013, 02:56 AM
This is going to sound a little junior high, so bear with me. I have a group of friends that formed through my old church. We all had kids around the same age, and at least initially, still all lived close together. We keep in touch mainly through Facebook, and try to meet up for a little reunion every few weeks.

I have a lot of social anxiety, and I'm pretty shy, so making friends is difficult. I sort of fell into this social group by accident. Lately, I have been feeling a little left out. A few people have become closer to each other, and that's fine, only I don't feel like anyone is particularly close to me. Today was one woman's birthday, and she got a lot of happy birthday messages and gifts. People, in general, seem to always gush all over her and tell her how much they love her. When it was my birthday a few weeks ago, I got a few happy birthday messages on Facebook, but it was mostly ignored.

I know the solution is to find other friends, but I'm living in a new town that politically and culturally is very different from what I believe. And then there is the social anxiety, which makes me totally uncertain how to put myself out there. Part of me feels like I'm too fat to go out and make friends, that all anyone will see is my weight and my insecurity. I've thought about joining Weight Watchers just for the socialization.

I'm just not sure how to get over this feeling of being left out.

06-22-2013, 02:44 AM
Hey sasha29,I really don't know what 2 say because I went through a period in my life of feeling left situation was different than yours. I just grew out of those feelings but it is hard and depressing :(
i guess the first step is finding people who have alot in common with you,whether it's "REAL FRIENDS" or "INTERNET FRIENDS".
Joining W.W. would be an excellent start,sharing stories with people who can relate will help you 2 feel less alone.also coming here and posting is helpful too.
I realized that it is much harder 2 make friends the older you get :(
And have you talked 2 a therapist about your anxiety problems? I think maybe that should be one of the first steps you take.

06-22-2013, 10:21 AM
I realized that it is much harder 2 make friends the older you get :(

^^I completely agree.

To the OP, I understand just how you feel. I, too, live in an area where most people seem to be the political and cultural opposite of me. In fact, my sisters are my best friends even though I have lived in a different state from them for more 25 years; I phone them nearly every day.

In your case, it seems like maybe that group has moved on a bit; I find it is very hard to maintain long-distance relationships. Try not to take it personally (I know that's hard). Their reaction really has nothing to do with you, personally; it's just that they have the chance to be around each other more, so of course, they're going to be closer to each other than they are to you. Unfortunately, I think this is a reality you're going to have to accept, as difficult as that is to do. One thing that I have tried to do is seek out what I want. So, for example, about 3 years ago, I started going to a church that I recognized as professing values that fit mine. Of course, the main reason for me going is because I wanted to worship God and know more about Him, but a benefit is that I get to be around people who have similar values. I've met some nice people there, too, but many of them are much older than I am or are my age with kids (I don't have children), so I haven't found a perfect "friend" match yet. Recently, I've met a lady and we seem to have a lot in common, so after chatting with her a few Sundays, I reached out by asking her to call me if she ever wanted to have lunch. So far, she hasn't, but I'm not taking it personally; she has many, many obligations, including a chronic illness. The point is that I had to put myself out there, so to speak, even at the risk of rejection. I think this may be what we have to do if we really want to find a friend. Best wishes to you!

06-22-2013, 11:30 AM
Do you have any hobbies or crafts you like to do. When we moved here, I joined the local quilt guild and a couple of quilting bees and that's how I made friends. You could check at a local craft store to see if there are groups in your area.

06-22-2013, 08:44 PM
Thanks for the responses! I think you all are right that I'm going to have to put myself out there a bit and try to meet people locally. I'm not crafty, but it might be time to try a new hobby. I also discovered that there is a place near my work offering Pound fitness classes, which look really fun.

I talked to my husband about the situation, and he said that he has been feeling isolated, too. It doesn't help that we live in the country and have no neighbors within five miles. We're going to try to find a new church in the area, and maybe get involved that way.

06-27-2013, 03:51 PM
Sasha, also, depending on whether you like to read or not, you might check into any book discussion groups at your local library. I've joined one that I really like, and I've inquired into another. I figure that if I join in on some activities that I like, I'm bound to meet some people with similar interests.

Good luck to you!

06-27-2013, 05:27 PM
And, not knowing if you have spare time at all on any day, but volunteering for something you believe in - maybe at an animal shelter in the nearest town, or something at the library, etc., is a GREAT way to meet new friends. I wouldn't let the other woman's birthday greetings enter your mind - she probably has more friends in her circle and it's nothing against you in the least. Some folks roll with many more friends than others ... while some have a few closer friends and others with just a best friend. If what you have isn't "working" for you, then you do need to take the uncomfortable steps sometimes to see what other options you have - good to talk it over with DH and make those plans - sounds like you're on the right track! Good luck!

06-27-2013, 08:01 PM
Good luck Sasha! I think searching for a new church is a great idea. :)

06-28-2013, 04:48 AM
I hope you can find good friends so you won't feel alone anymore. Some of my friends have weight problems too so we really like to stick with each other to share stories and new information. The two of them i met in the gym i used to go to and one of them is my neighbor who jogs around our place like me. It's better if you find people there who are also into losing weight.