I've mentioned this in passing a few times, but it came up again today, and I'm really ambivalent about the whole thing.
My manicurist and the lady that runs the shop both know about my weight loss. Partly because it's visible, and partly because I've shared a little of my journey with my manicurist, who's also in the process of losing weight. Anyways, every few appointments, she tells me "so and so" has asked about my weight loss/ commented on my progress etc. Nice, but half the time I don't personally KNOW these people. I usually have to check with my mom, and nine times out of ten, they're former clients of my dad's (we spent a lot of time at his veterinary practice), but I wouldn't recognize them if I saw them. One girl worked with my brothers, and had a keen interest because she'd gone from my size to running marathons, but I'd also never met her. It's obvious that they just remember the name when my manicurist brings it up. I don't think she's gossiping per se, she just seems really proud, and to her credit when I looked a little "off" when she mentioned it today, she apologized for talking out of turn about me, which really she didn't. My loss is pretty visible.
All of the comments are positive, and I know that most if not all of these people want me to succeed, but it's bringing up a few issues for me. I feel like a little of the old school circus freak; on display and somewhat "lesser" than everyone else who doesn't have to lose close to 300 pounds. I'm painfully aware of the fact that even 100 pounds down, I'm 3 TIMES the size of someone of these women that are so proud. And I think of my dad, and how I'm sure many of them wonder if I'll succeed, or if my weight will kill me like it did him. Then of course... I start to wonder what the bad things I'm not hearing are.
Lastly, I'm a little shocked at how VISIBLE I am to everyone. My job does get me mentioned every once in a while, but for the most part, I'm stuck at my desk all day, and aside from sitting on the animal shelter board, I'm shamefully uninvolved in the community. I suppose it's a tribute to my dad that my name is remembered, and I do look exactly like him. But I stand out enough as it is at this size and height. A little anonymity would be nice. Now I'm worried everyone is checking out what I buy at the grocery store or reporting they saw me at a fast food place. Ok, that's taking insecurity to a whole new level, but all of this is weird for me.
I suppose I should shut up and be grateful I have a fan club!
06-13-2013, 04:32 PM
You deserve a fan club!! I a return 3fc member and just looking at your ticker is inspirational! Your Daddy would be so proud. WTG!
06-13-2013, 04:58 PM
Can I be in your fan club? You're awesome-sauce and deserve all the support and encouragement in the world, But I TOTALLY get how you feel!! Like EVERYONE is looking at you. Specially in a smaller town! (I am dreading going home next weekend... I haven't seen anyone in almost 40 lbs!) Sometimes, I just wish no one would notice any changes in me until I was done, at goal. Then I can be thinner and hotter and not all awkward inbetweeny, nothing fits right feelings! I am learning to just say thanks! and change the subject as quickly as possible lol :)
When you get those feelings like people might not be saying the best things about you, just assume that they are bitter and jealous of how awesome you are!!!
06-13-2013, 05:11 PM
Oh my, I feel ya Miss Jane. I literally do wonder if people from school/church see me eating out on my Saturday "off-days" and think, "Oooooh, she slipped up!"...so I guess I carry insecurity to the next level! Haha! You really have done something remarkable though, something that takes more determination than many people can fathom let alone muster.
06-13-2013, 06:04 PM
You guys are all way too nice to me. My ego may burst being on this site.
I suppose the old adage is true: No one's thinking about you, they're too worried about what you're thinking of them!
06-13-2013, 06:17 PM
I think there is a lot of truth in that. I have to tell myself that constantly when I am outside jogging/biking!
06-14-2013, 11:16 AM
Jane, I totally get where you're coming from. I hate being the center of attention even when it's in a positive vein. But sounds like you live in a small town and small towns have almost a soap opera quality to them. We're all in everyone's business and nothing is kept hidden for very long. But, everyone is family as well and the kindness that small towns exhibit in times of need is overwhelming.
So, while it may be a little uncomfortable, view it as a town that has wrapped their arms around you and is rooting for your success. We all are! (You do know that you have a 3FC fan club, don't you!).
06-14-2013, 11:23 AM
I believe everyone (most everyone) hates being the center of attention...especially when it's in regards to our weight, positive or not. But, in your case, it sounds like people are genuinely curious and excited about your progress.
I also was going to say the same thing Betsy said.....you have a fan base here as well! :)
06-14-2013, 11:44 AM
RadioJane As someone who is 1/3 your size and doesn't know you (like those people you mention in your post), let me tell you: the only thoughts I have of you are awe and admiration. What you have done, what you are doing, is incredible, and you seem like such a thoughtful and sincere person. I am confident that people have nothing but kindness on their minds, although I know that doesn't make being a topic of conversation any easier :hug:
06-15-2013, 12:02 AM
06-15-2013, 04:16 AM
Hey Jane... I hope you know that there are so many people here that think your just wonderful and inspiring.. Your doing great things and you ARE such a nice and thoughtful person.. Keep up the great work girl!!
06-15-2013, 02:08 PM
I am glad it's not bugging you too much! It's clear they mean it in a supportive way! Hmm...a fan club, eh? So long as they don't start fanning you with big leaves WHILE you get those nails done, I think you're good!
I'm so proud of how far you've come and I think the noticing may only increase with time. We're here to help support you if that gets uncomfortable!
06-15-2013, 04:19 PM
You sound like a really sweet modest person. :smug:
Some people would enjoy that attention, believe me!
06-16-2013, 10:37 PM
Thank you so much, everyone. I am proud of what I've accomplished. I think that last little bit of shame just reared its head, but I'm glad to have such support.
06-23-2013, 03:28 PM
I personally LOVE the attention I get from my weight loss. I am proud that I have done all the hard work to get where I am (as we all are). But I think the teacher AND child in me rears its head there! As a teacher, who has lost the weight a healthy way, I want to inspire and help everyone else do it. I have had so much support, that I just want to "pay it forward".
The child in me wants the attention and positive reinforcement that comes with losing 5 pounds short of half my starting weight. I find this at work, I want the pat on the back, I want people to acknowledge what I now know I am capable of. When I was at my heaviest, I wanted to say, "Hey, look what I can do!", but due to my weight, didn't want people to notice me. Now I am NOT shy about asking (and almost demanding) I get the positive attention I NEED, without being ashamed of asking for it.
Which I guess leads up to a whole nother discussion about not being afraid to get you needs met, but I don't want to highjack your thread! Maybe I'll start that one another day!
06-23-2013, 03:36 PM
Jane, you're beautiful! Doesn't matter what size of pants you wear, just looking at the features of your face, you're really very pretty, and you should take all the compliments you get.
I know how you feel, because I always think what a person might be thinking about me. I worry about people watching me, people I know, seeing me eat a bag of chips at work or watch me fail...I actually left my other weight loss forum because no one would reply to my thread anymore. I assumed they all thought I was not going to stick to it this time...
The point is, do this for yourself, and take admiration in stride if it typically makes you uncomfortable. If this much attention makes you nervous, imagine what will happen once you hit your goal! You're gonna have to beat the fan club members off of you lol!
06-24-2013, 01:58 AM
I think a lot of it is just plain awe. Someone losing over a hundred pounds is a feat most people just see on television. It's very rare, and therefore extremely impressive. I bet you are inspiring people who, like you say, you may not even know personally, because you are proving that slowly and steadily making yourself healthy IS possible. Basically, you are amazing, and amazing people get noticed, whether they mean to or not. :)
I do completely understand why it would make you uncomfortable though, especially in the small town setting that you are describing. I also understand the twinge of annoyance when super skinny people are like, "I wish I can do that!" I always think, "Really? Because if you lost the amount of weight that I did, you would literally cease to exist."
06-24-2013, 07:46 AM
I get why you are a little uncomfortable with it...I have my own little cheering section at work and I get a little uncomfortable as how personal people get asking me how much weight I've lost and wanting to know how many pants sizes I've dropped. I know they mean well, but I'm not one who likes to be put on the spot like that.
You are an amazing individual though - you're kind, and supportive, and very pretty if I may add. It's not tough for me to understand while people would be drawn to you and would want to be supportive of you. I do get feeling weird about it though. It can be a tough adjustment; going from seemingly invisible to almost being put on display. I just try to take the compliments at face value and be as gracious as I can about it.