Weight Loss Surgery - Perceptions of weight
06-12-2013, 12:44 PM
I was discussing my potential WLS with a good friend. She blurted out "But weight loss surgery is only for OBESE people!"
When I told her I was about 100 pounds over my ideal weight, she was flabbergasted :lol:
Then later, trying to be helpful, "Can't you lose weight if you just eat less and exercise more?" Then she offered to go walking with me every day :hug:
She's a very good friend, but I was really surprised she must just see me as overweight. Has this happened to you? Maybe Friendship Glasses are like Beer Googles :dizzy:
06-12-2013, 01:22 PM
It is so hard to get a read on people's weights. I'm REALLY bad at it because I am and have been around super morbidly obese people. I've had friends look at me like I'm a liar when I say I've lost 100 pounds, because they really didn't figure I was carrying more than that, when in reality, I was close to 300 pounds overweight to begin with.
06-12-2013, 02:14 PM
When I was working, a thin coworker and I were talking about clothing, and I complained how hard it was to find affordable and attractive professional clothing, " when you're fat."
"You're not fat!" She exclaimed, and I started laughing so hard I nearly peed my pants (thinking "on what planet is 390 lbs not fat."
She turned bright red and snapped, "You know what I meant."
And I did. Fat is so taboo, we're supposed to pretend we don't see it, and sometimes we get so good at pretending that the polite lie becomes the reality and we don't see it.
Fat is something so terrible, grotesque and evil that people we love or even like a little CAN'T be something so vile and evil, so they must be something else.
I think people do have "friendship glasses" and even "respect" glasses. We're unable to see anyone who doesn't fit the fat, lazy stereotype as fat.
I think it even works in the mirror sometimes. When I looked in the mirror, I never felt as fat as when I saw myself in photos. In the mirror, I was just me, but photos were just objective enough that I saw the fat woman before I saw the me in that fat woman.
I also think we're taught to lie and be evasive about our weight to such a degree that most people have absolutely no idea what 100 lbs or even 20 or 200 lbs of extra weight look like.
I have been open about my weight for many years, and I can't tell you how many people, even even virtual strangers (such as in weight loss clubs, I don't make a habit of telling random strangers my weight) would say "you can't possibly weigh that much."
I used to think this meant I carried my weight very well, but I realized that was wishful thinking and the truth was that very few people have an accurate perception of weight (maybe that's why it used to be a carnival profession).
06-12-2013, 02:58 PM
I've had other people who were going through the process of having wls the same time as me and they commented that I don't look heavy enough to get the surgery. I initially thought I wasn't heavy enough for surgery because I thought it was for people who weighed 300 pounds or more. Knowing that I qualified really opened my eyes because I was able to look in the mirror and see that I was heavy. I became so depressed when I was able to really see myself.
06-13-2013, 12:32 PM
Radiojane, I remember reading about some county in Canada, I think a woman on here was describing it as where she is from... and so many of the people are obese, they think the thin are unhealthy and will make disparaging remarks about them. Your post just reminded me how much our environment can affect our perceptions of normal :)
kaplods, I know, isn't it weird how calling yourself FAT makes people freak out? "Oh no, you're not! You're just a little chubby!" I had another guy who was a competitive weightlifter argue with me that I couldn't weigh 250 pounds, and after we came to a draw, he proposed that I must have really dense slow-twitch muscle fibers. Urm, ok :D My size 22 top would say otherwise. I agree, photos are such a truth-teller! And yes, admitting our weights, I think especially as women, is a big deal. It's way stronger than that old-fashioned "A true lady never reveals her age."
19Deltawifey, I'm surprised too that I am very close to qualifying. Most days, I don't feel terrible doing day-to-day activities, but then, I'm not doing challenging things, like even going for a half hour walk. So my perception of myself as overall pretty good is not accurate! :lol: But how has your perception of yourself changed after your surgery?
06-13-2013, 01:19 PM
Yes, I remember the post, she was from the Maritimes. I actually heard a report saying that the province I live in has an extreme obesity rate. I doubt very many of us has a handle on "healthy" weight.
06-13-2013, 02:50 PM
Lately I strugle to see my self thin or thiner. I just bought a size six top..at the moment my other tops are size 8..this should tell me I am not fat anymore..but it doesnt. I see myself as large as before or rather I havent seen myself large before...so this weight perception is really not working for me LOL. And lately I notice so much more fat people then before..and I really doubt there are more people being fat then a year ago. It is really strange how mind can play tricks with our eyes.
06-13-2013, 04:32 PM
My kids, especially my two teenagers tell me all the time I am not fat or that I am fine and its not about appearances its about personality and what kind of person you are, if I say anything negative about my weight. I thought I must carry it well but I have seen myself in the mirror and know better. Although I have to admit I am kind of proud of them for thinking that way. I did something right. :)
06-14-2013, 06:28 PM
In Sept. 2012 I started working out with my 2 best friends. One of them being my "trainer" and the other being my workout partner. Well before we could really start my "trainer" made me and my partner tell him our weight. -_- It was so embarrassing to have to tell him and his "assistant" what I weighed. I told them I weighed 245/250 and both of their jaws dropped. They were both like "you can't weigh that much!" And I asked them what they thought I weighed and they both said "190" :) I felt so much joy at that moment it wasn't even funny. But when I got home all I could feel was depression. I mean I don't see how I weigh 248 until I see a picture of myself. Needless to say, I hate getting pictures taken. :/
06-16-2013, 12:02 AM
I have the feeling that once I reach goal, i will finally see myself as I've seen myself for the past several years while living in denial. *Sorry if that doesn't make sense*.I highly doubt that I will see myself as still being the heavy person once I reach goal.
06-16-2013, 09:00 AM
this is a really interesting thread. The only thing i can say is that i have NO real perception of my size, at ANY weight. I just don't. and it gets weird at times - taking clothes that are two sizes too big into the dressing room and thinking that they fit. but then realize that they're falling off of me when i get them home.
I guess i just ALWAYS think of myself as being much larger than i really am. I have to look in the mirror very very carefully - at my collar bones, especially - to get even a clue, but even then it doesn't apply to the rest of my body.
As for other people, those closest to me tell me that i look great, but that's because they know what i DID look like. People who meet me for the first time see me as being very overweight [i'm sure some would use the O word, too]. So i can't even get a clue from other people!!!! <Sigh>