Here's a sticky situation. A family member that has children about the age as mine, we like to get together. My kids enjoy playing with hers. The issue is her kids eat, a lot, and its junk.
This person has a long history of morbid obesity, since she was a toddler, her mom, morbidly obese too. I remember going to her house when I was a little girl and her mom would feed us all. the. time. And I was an over weight kids, so I ate, but I remember endless junk when I went to her house. Mc Donalds too. My parents didn't eat at Mcds.
Anyway, I'm not super stict with my kids, but we try to example a healthy diet. Hubby, which I don't agree with, buys junk and hides it for after they are asleep, but that's another story...anyway the one thing we don't do is snack between meals. We just don't. I don't mind, hubby doesn't mind, kids don't mind. Occasionally my little one (3 y/o) will ask for a yogurt between lunch and dinner and I'll give it to him. But the kids don't even use the word snack! I've noticed without snacking, they eat very well at meal time. I buy things like goldfish and graham crackers, but its something I'll give them, say with their lunch sandwich, not between meals.
My famiy member's kids eat snacks all the time. And not healthy stuff, junk. I swear every pic on FB they are eating. And yes they are heavy already.
They came over the other day, after lunch, and were playing in the playroom. Their mom brought with her 2 dozen munchkins which I didn't know she was bringing. About an hour later her 5 year old is saying she wants to eat. So their mom set her up in the kitchen, thats another thing, they eat so often, she said they eat in all rooms in her house because they are always snacking! I said well we only eat in the kitchen here.
Her daughter was not happy that she couldn't eat and play at the same time. My kids at first didn't want any, they'd rather play. But then her 3 year old is yelling "nack nack" she wanted a snack. So she got set up in the kitchen, both were given the whole box of munchkins to eat freely as much as they want. Now my kids are saying they want some. Ok fine its a treat! But I did not want them to just eat and eat from the box so I gave them 3 each, and I'm thinking ok now they will never eat dinner tonight (and they didn't, they picked) my 3 year old didn't even finish the 3 munchkins! He went back to play and left like 1 1/2 un eaten! ...and after her kids gorged them selves they all went back to the playroom...
Then about an hour after that her kids wanted to eat again. My 5 year old was like "I want more!" so now I'm just like "no you had enough" but its really awkard because her kids are eating again, and I feel bad saying no. So I was like lets go play outside!
We get outside and her kids meet us out there, and we are out there for a little over an hour, and my kids are running around the yard and her older child is trying to tell my kids to stop running and walk or sit down!!! And my older son, is like "umm why?" And then her younger child (3 y/o) sits down and askes for another "nack" (snack) !!!
Ok now I don't care what and when you feed your kids. All moms think their way is the best, and I'm fine with that. I've met mothers that I think are too restrictive with their kids, so it goes both ways, but the issue is getting together, her kids just eat the whole time! And they don't want to DO anything active! This is how my family member was as a kid, and yes, how I *was* but I've change that, FOR my kids so they don't have the issue with weight I have. Both are a healthy weight, active, and they still have treats and snacks, but my god, they couldn't even fit the amount of food her kids consumed! I want to get together with them again, especially with summer here, but I don't want my kids around that several times a week (You know if you are a stay at home mom, it nice to have playdates often) and I don't want to stop hanging out with my her because of this, I definitely dont want to say anything to insult her parenting, but I don't want my kids to be ing eating that much crap and sitting on their butts!
I posted this because I went on facebook and there are pics with her kids at teh pool but in all the pics they are sitting next to the pool eating!!! When we go to the pool, we go for hours and don't snack, then of course when we get home, they are hungry and eat a good dinner.
What do I do, tell my kids no while her kids eat and eat??
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 06-02-2013 at 02:48 PM.
Well, before they come over, have a talk with the kids. Be real with them about staying healthy and not snacking. Either limit them to one small snack while their friends are over, or limit them to no snacking. Kids habits might influence the other kids, but you should let them know that the behavior of your friend's kids isn't normal. Take control of the situation with your friend and let her know you don't want your kids snacking, so it's not fair for them to see her kids snacking. So, if they are going to snack past the one allowed snack, your kids should be in the other room, having as much fun as possible, to encourage the other kids to quit snacking so much..
I'm not sure who this family member is, but I have bluntly told my sister to quit drinking orange juice around my kids (now, I'm not talking a glass, but she goes through two full 2 litre cartons a DAY when she stays here) because my toddler is always screaming for it. I'd probably just come right out and say it...
Honestly, it sounds like your kids and her kids have little in common and the play dates are stressful. I'd limit the playdates, and when you do get together, try to go somewhere that food isn't allowed, like the Children's Museum, story time at the library, what have you.
I probably wouldn't say anything - to each his own - and just limit exposure.
Could you invite them over/out/whatever, and say, "Oh, and I have our snacks for the day, so don't worry about bringing anything." Then you could make your own little "snack packs" for each child/spread with fruits, veggies, few crackers, small treat, etc. That way you could set a good example for everyone. Could you also plan actual activities, not just "go to the park", to try and get their minds off the food?
Honestly, it sounds like your kids and her kids have little in common and the play dates are stressful. I'd limit the playdates, and when you do get together, try to go somewhere that food isn't allowed, like the Children's Museum, story time at the library, what have you.
I probably wouldn't say anything - to each his own - and just limit exposure.
I agree with newleaf - I'm sure you can find someone else for your kids to have play dates with, and just hang out with these cousins at larger family functions - where there will likely be so much going on your kids won't even notice how often/much the other kids are eating.
Just because people are family members doesn't mean you have to spend time with them, especially if you have little in common.
You can't say anything without insulting the other mom. But honestly it does sound like a very stressful situation and I would try to limit the time you spend with them. It's unfortunate but you are what you eat and the company you keep and it's inevitable that junk food will permeate the situation. You see, she brought junk food to YOUR house, I would never do that! I went on a playdate last week and brought with me some rice cakes and a fruit puree pouch for my 2yr old because we've been advised by our doctor to continuously give snacks. But I'd never bring something unhealthy to share with other kids! Like you said, once in a while it's ok to give treats but I'd be concerned that none of the activities are just fun and all are about eating.
If you do hang out with them again please be very clear to the other Mom about what kind of snacks you have at your house. If you see a box of munchkins I would say something like "omg let's go hide these in the kitchen, I don't want my kids seeing those and they're definitely not allowed to eat it, I have some snacks already prepared for everyone." I mean, in this day and age I don't think it's rude to request not to give your kids junk food I really really don't!
Quote:
Originally Posted by laciemn
Well, before they come over, have a talk with the kids. Be real with them about staying healthy and not snacking. Either limit them to one small snack while their friends are over, or limit them to no snacking. Kids habits might influence the other kids, but you should let them know that the behavior of your friend's kids isn't normal. Take control of the situation with your friend and let her know you don't want your kids snacking, so it's not fair for them to see her kids snacking. So, if they are going to snack past the one allowed snack, your kids should be in the other room, having as much fun as possible, to encourage the other kids to quit snacking so much..
Definitely do not do this! You can't tell 3yr olds that the other kids are not normal! Firstly it's wrong to say negative things about other people and then of course there is the issue of honesty in kids. I can just imagine next time your kid saying to the other kid "my mommy said that you're not normal and you eat too much junk food and you're too fat!" Always emphasize healthy eating but it doesn't have to be at someone else's expense.
I can just imagine next time your kid saying to the other kid "my mommy said that you're not normal and you eat too much junk food and you're too fat!"
Haha, that's my kid! "Mommy, why is that man in the women's bathroom?!!" echoes quite loudly in public restrooms.
(for the record it was a masculine-looking woman, but I was very embarrassed!)
My daughter is my daughter and I control her eating habits, despite what others are eating. She knows that treats are occasional and she isn't allowed (despite what others are doing) to have a free-for-all.
I love the idea of limiting playdates to places like the library and the museum, however, I also think that it's fine to ask that "treats" aren't brought over because it makes it difficult for your kids to eat dinner after, and that you'd be happy to provide A snack.
Haha, that's my kid! "Mommy, why is that man in the women's bathroom?!!" echoes quite loudly in public restrooms.
(for the record it was a masculine-looking woman, but I was very embarrassed!)
My daughter is my daughter and I control her eating habits, despite what others are eating. She knows that treats are occasional and she isn't allowed (despite what others are doing) to have a free-for-all.
I love the idea of limiting playdates to places like the library and the museum, however, I also think that it's fine to ask that "treats" aren't brought over because it makes it difficult for your kids to eat dinner after, and that you'd be happy to provide A snack.
Yes yes, this is what I meant to say. It's your house, you shouldn't be subjected to an onslaught of junk food.
I want to get together with them again, especially with summer here, but I don't want my kids around that several times a week (You know if you are a stay at home mom, it nice to have playdates often) and I don't want to stop hanging out with my her because of this, I definitely dont want to say anything to insult her parenting, but I don't want my kids to be ing eating that much crap and sitting on their butts!
There have already been some great suggestions on how to plan activities that are away from the kitchen and don't allow a lot of food. But, it sounds like you enjoy the company of your relative -- which is fine. Maybe the solution is to not have this be a play date where the kids get together, but to figure out a way for you and your relative to have some time together -- without the kids. Yes, I know, that may be like asking for Santa to come in July, but it sounds like you'd like to have some adult company without the stress of the kids and the eating differences.
Thank you all! Sorry I didnt respond sooner, just been feeling blah from being tired and pregnant lol.
THere were a lot of great suggestions and I think ultimately I will have to make playdates in neutral places where food is not the focus. We have a small zoo near us, and aside from picnic benches outside the zoo, there is no food or eating places inside. Also we have an aquarium that there is no food allowed inside.
I think this will probably be the way to go. If I make any issue about ffod it will back fire even if I am in the right. I remeber years ago when my almost 6 year old was about 9 months, we were at a christmas party and my cousins mom wanted to give him a cookie, I told her no. If he had wanted one, I would have done differnently, but he really could have cared less. I just didn't see the point of offering him a cookie, I knew that as he got older he'd get his fair share of cookies! and he has. Beside I wasnt eatin any cookies that day either (they weren't really that good anyway lol)
And my aunt (mom of the family member I'm talking about) went off on a rant about not restricting kids and how her daughter is obese but its not her fault, that her daughter MADE her feed her all the time, and cried until she got more food.
My dad tells a different story, about how we 'd go out for ice cream and we'd all get one cone and my cousin was like 5 and she'd always get two..
anyway, my point is saying anything will start a problem, so I think making plans for elsewhere may be the way to go...
If they are nice people and you enjoy their company, I don't see why you should stop seeing this person.
If they come to your house , just ask her not to bring snacks. Instead, have some fresh fruit available for her kids if they get hungry. If you go to her house, let your kids know in advance that no snacks because you are making a delicious dinner, and if they have snacks, it would ruin their appetite (unless they are running for hours, in that case a small snack wouldn't kill them)
When my kids ask for snacks when they are playing I tell then "we are about to go soon, just go play and I will give you something at home"
Playdate with kids with different eating habits
