Weight Loss Support - Just had an emotional breakdown
05-31-2013, 01:40 PM
... in Walmart.
I've been at this since January, kind of fell off track in February and started again in march. As of this morning I've lost exactly 30 lbs. (haven't updated my ticker yet). The problem? NOBODY has noticed. My boyfriends grandmother and one of our older friends (we're 23-24 and our friend is 30). I just stood there looking at clothing in Walmart, crying. I feel like my accomplishment isn't anything now. I've been so excited to lose this weight and could have swore I saw a difference in my body and felt a difference. But now, I feel like it's all in my head. I haven't changed, I don't look good or any different. I'm not an "attention whore", but my group of friends is SUPER close, and it would just be nice if one of them, even one of my girlfriends would just say something.
I still feel like crying but I have to shut down the tears cause I'm back at work from lunch. I think what sparked it is my boyfriend hasn't really said anything. He's not the type to say things like that any way. And I know that. And I know he's happy for me. I don't need him to tell me that to feel it. I don't know.
My mom always says how great of a job I'm doing and how proud she is and I love her so much for that. But I'm her daughter. Of course she's going to compliment me.
I feel so sad and depressed about all this. This road is SO LONG and I just thought by now I'd see a bit of a light at the end. I'm not a vain person, I just thought after 30 lbs someone would see it.
05-31-2013, 02:02 PM
:hug: I'm really sorry no one but your mom has recognized and celebrated with you. That's awesome progress!
So - I lost 30 lbs last year, from mid-170s to mid-140s, down into normal BMI range. You'd think that'd be noticeable, right? Nope, not really. I can count on one hand how many people have said anything to me. Even lots of people that didn't see me on the way down, just at the start and end. That's weird, right? My husband didn't even really notice until about 20 lbs down either (and I get you -- it bums you out in a different way).
Sometimes I feel vaguely disappointed about it. But then sometimes I think it's probably not worth feeling disappointed about; *I'm* thrilled with the progress, and I can't ever untangle the unknowable about other people -- maybe they have something going on that makes them not notice, maybe they're just self-absorbed and not observant, maybe they DO notice but are afraid to say something (probably a good dose of the latter, there). So I try to forget about it.
You're probably actually right around the corner from that one day you wake up and EVERYONE won't stop talking about your "sudden" weight loss (I think IanG had a thread about this happening to him recently). It never happened to me, but, who the heck knows with people out there.
05-31-2013, 02:09 PM
Most people tend not to say anything afraid they will offend you. But they usually think it or mention it to others. I know when i've noticed someones weight loss I never go up to them and tell them but I acknowledge it. So don't feel down! if i lost 30 pounds right now I would be so happy and you should be too! Good job :D
05-31-2013, 02:25 PM
:hug: I've felt like that on occasion, that I don't look any different.
There is a man in my office that has a full head of thick wavy hair. One Monday he came in and was bald. I will admit, the nosy side of me wants to know why, but I hear my mother's voice in the back of my head saying "don't you dare!!!!" Maybe he lost a bet, maybe it is cooler for him in the summer, maybe he just found out he has cancer and wanted to shave it before it fell out. You never know.
No one has mentioned my weight, which is fine with me. For me this is very private, but eventually it's going to become public. I can tell when I feel my hips, and in the way my clothes are fitting. I can also tell because I've spent the entire day trying to keep my ring from flipping over.
Try to focus on the little things you notice. I also wouldn't doubt, if people aren't saying anything now they will eventually.
05-31-2013, 02:46 PM
I took off 80 lbs 3 years ago and have kept off all but 7. It took me 40-50 lbs before people said anything. People now will tell me I "look good" but won't come out and mention the weight loss. Some have never said anything about it. And I obviously look a lot different. I think some folks don't want to offend, and weight is taboo in our culture.
You don't need to hear it from others that you are losing weight to feel that you are doing a great job. Do this for yourself. Your heart and joints are noticing this loss, BTW.
05-31-2013, 03:03 PM
I agree with what everyone mentioned previously.....I have lost 15 lbs (I keep fluctuating but to be brutally honest, I havent always stayed on track). With that being said, I havent really had anyone mention anything either. I still have 100 lbs left to go. I am sure when I am closer to my goal weight, then people will notice. I do notice it in my clothes (especially my scrubs) and really that is all that matters. Keep your chin up....people will notice down the road and then you can act like its nothing, lol.
05-31-2013, 03:33 PM
Ahh I knew posting here would make me feel a bit better. Thanks for all your kind words and motivational thoughts. I know I've made progress and I can definitely feel it. Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me. I am a fairly emotional person with trouble bottling things in. Sometimes that's good, other times it isn't.
I've been so excited to start The New Rules Of Lifting For Women, and I plan to start it Monday as I want to be structured Mon-Wed-Fri. I guess thinking about starting it this week has me asking myself "Is it really going to be worth it? You've already kicked your own a** and nobody has noticed". I hate being the person who needs to hear reminders along the way, but that's how I am. With a lot of aspects of my life. I ask for reassurance at work, with friends, at home, with myself etc. It all stems from my self-esteem issues and being so self conscience all my life.
I know I need to figure out a way to be happy with what i have done and use THAT as motivation. It's just easier said than done.
Again thank you for all who have given their own experiences and thoughts on this. It's a small bump in the road and I'll get past it. But I'm glad I have the support from here. Like an online family. :hug: :hug: :hug:
05-31-2013, 03:42 PM
Most people tend not to say anything afraid they will offend you. But they usually think it or mention it to others.
When I saw my stepdaughter (DD the elder) in April, she didn't say anything about my weight loss to me but she did to DD the younger, who relayed it to me.
This past weekend, my in-laws mentioned my weight loss, DD the elder did, my mother did, and DD the elder's best friend (maid of honor). The maid of honor was a sweetie--she just said I looked wonderful :-).
And there are people who truly don't notice because they're just not observant that way. And then the ones who don't say anything.
Look at pictures--you'll see the change. Tell your BF that you want him to gush--guys don't always know what behavior is wanted--so tell him.
You're doing great!
05-31-2013, 04:41 PM
People don't know how or what to say when it comes to weight (good or bad)
05-31-2013, 04:46 PM
I agree with Mozzy.
And I know it's so hard to work your tail off and think no one noticed. 30lbs is a huge loss so you definitely must be showing it, people might not know what to say.
When I first starting losing a good chunk, people kept asking me if I did my hair different and 2 different people asked if I changed my eye color with contacts. Um no, it's my thinner face and losing 2 chins!
Hang in there. We are here for you. :hug:
And if your mom said something, then you DEFINITELY must look different. Moms never lie about those things, good or bad. :)
05-31-2013, 04:50 PM
I also agree with Mozzy. I only get people recognizing when I post comparison pictures, or if it is someone I haven't seen in a while. It isn't that people want to be rude, it is just that they don't want you to feel like you were at a bad weight before.
I know we are very proud of you here though.
05-31-2013, 04:59 PM
Tell your BF that you want him to gush--guys don't always know what behavior is wanted--so tell him.
I'll grab loose parts of clothing and say "honey look!!!" Usually that prompts a whole night of gushing from my boyfriend. If I don't say anything, neither does he.
05-31-2013, 05:09 PM
Hugs to you and congrats for your great work on the weight loss department.
I guarantee people have noticed, sometimes they just don't say anything, for a variety of reasons.
I suppose there are times, too, when folks really don't notice how another person is changing, or they don't think about it because they are kind of into their own stuff.
No worries, by the time you get to your goal there won't be a soul who will be in any doubt you've done it and they'll all be complimenting you for your success.
You are doing so well, look, at that ticker, halfway there!
Remember, too, this is for YOU! The only one who has to notice is YOU!
But honestly, they notice and they care, folks are just funny sometimes, so cut 'em some slack and don't have meltdowns in Wally World (buy new clothes instead lol).
It's often the closest people to you that don't say anything or much about your weight loss, even though they of course notice. I've come to appreciate that.
05-31-2013, 06:22 PM
Thirty pounds is a huge accomplishment and I have no doubt that many people notice. But... I think there will be a point not too far off when you all the sudden look so different that everyone will see it. For me that happened at about 43 pounds loss. Even so, though, very few people have commented. I have lost 50 pounds now and I'm only five feet tall and I can count on one hand the number of people who've said something.
05-31-2013, 06:41 PM
People notice!!! For whatever reason, they just don't say anything.
I have seen people recently, that last saw me at my highest weight. They didn't say a WORD. At this point, my loss is more than noticeable... I'm unrecognizable.
Keep at it!!! Your hard work is paying off!!! Don't let this discourage you.
05-31-2013, 06:59 PM
Hey chicks (and Ian!),
thanks for all the support. I raided my closet and tried on a million outfits that I've been waiting to wear and a majority of them fit, some more comfortably then others. But I looked in the mirror and told myself I look damn good. I'm just going to buck up and get over this.
Those weights better prepare themselves, cause I'm going to kill it on Monday.
Thanks everyone :). :hug:
05-31-2013, 07:29 PM
I know that this thread is pretty much done (and I was at work gosh darn it).... But I am very happy for your loss.. You have done really well and please do not lose heart... You are doing it for you and not THEM... :) But I also wanted to say... people who see you daily or weekly... just might not notice the loss as their brains are seeing you constantly (unless of course you wear something very form fitting). I have found that with alot of people that I know who have lost weight too... Their friends and family just might not notice as they love you for you and don't see the outside anymore... I have lost 46 lbs and my friends and parents have not said a word even tho they know I am dieting... Its just the way it is. Measure yourself... That in itself is the true showing that you have changed... really changed...
I am sorry I was so late to this thread... but I wanted to say what I knew..
Hugs to you and even more wonders in a thinner body in the future!!!
05-31-2013, 07:34 PM
Wannaskip, thats perfectly fine responding later. Always nice to have another opinion no matter how late! Thanks for the words of encouragment. I'm NOT going to let it bother me! :)
05-31-2013, 07:40 PM
Agree with everything everyone has said. A lot of people wouldn't dare say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing and hey at least you don't have the food police after you or people saying negative things :)
One day you will start suddenly getting comments (and be prepared, there will be the negative ones like, don't you think you should stop? etc. etc.) so KEEP GOING FOR YOURSELF!! You've accomplished A LOT and don't let anyone take that away from you, including YOURSELF! If you keep going, suddenly and it's usually suddenly, you will see a new you and your progress, you're just in that long haul, all guts and no glory stage but you'll pass it and one day you'll get a comment like i recently did, someone told me that i'm their inspiration and it just about floored me and i almost didn't believe it.
Let the emotions out, tell us about it, and keep pressing on!! :)