Weight Loss Support - I think I'm done?
05-29-2013, 05:02 PM
Or am I just unmotivated? I've been killing myself for a year now to lose another 10, 20 or 30lbs depending on my mood and I've gone up and down, but always seem to average about 160. Isn't that what maintenance is? LOL
I can get down to 150 eating a lot fewer calories and I can weigh 175 pigging out but I think I'm happiest right where I'm at. I'm a size 12 - not skinny - but not (horribly) overweight. If you had asked me 3 years ago what I would think of that, I would told you that it was amazing. I can now do all of the things I wanted to do. I can shop where I want to shop (for the most part). When I dress myself, I look in the mirror and like what I see. I (usually) feel pretty and sexy. I don't think I can really pull off a bikini at this weight - 150 yes, 160 no. But do I want to do what it takes to get back to 150 and stay there - not really.
I'm still having a really hard time with self acceptance, but I don't think the answer is in the next 10, 20 or 30lbs. I have pushed and pushed trying to get there convinced that some sort of magic is going to happen. But, I think all of the "magic" already has. Maybe I just need to keep going on maintenance but instead of maintaining through going on and off my "plan," I should try to actually maintain and work on accepting myself at this weight. If I can ever achieve that, maybe I'll want to lose more? I don't know?
I do know that I'm tired of the roller coaster and tired of looking in the mirror and imagining my body 10lbs lighter and making promises that in XYZ weeks, it will be "better."
I've always had this big goal of losing 100lbs - I lost 65lbs. The last bit seems unimportant now. But I always imagined goal feeling like a great big accomplishment as I watched the last 20, 15, 10 and then 5 and then 0 like a big exciting countdown, but now it just feels like an exhausted relief. Or am I just finding an excuse to give up? Thoughts? Advice?
05-29-2013, 05:05 PM
I think you have done awesome!! And I think you are very smart to pose this question for yourself. The most important part for you to do no matter what is maintain. There is no reason why you can't change your mind later if you want to lose more weight. I say enjoy the 160 and relax a bit (just keep an eye on those calories!). Good luck!
05-29-2013, 05:10 PM
Thanks Elvis - I think I'm going to continue to eat (and exercise) exactly the way I do now - just without the swings between calorie restriction and gorging myself. I think I just need to change my attitude about my body and why I am eating. Now, every bite I put in my mouth seems to have a purpose - it's either a calorie that I am recording or a rebellious calorie that will not be recorded. It's never just food. I think I'll record every once in a while to make sure I'm not going too crazy and do natural "even out" eating to compensate for crazy meals, but no more "on" or "off" plan. If there's nothing to rebel against, there's no reason for the feast/famine cycle? I don't know. I'm rambling. Thanks for your advice!
05-29-2013, 06:21 PM
According to all of the BMR calculators I should be 145, tops. I'm shooting for 170, I was happy there before. My body wasn't "perfect" (subjective word, isn't it?) but it was perfect for me, and that's what mattered.
Do what feels right to you.
05-29-2013, 06:41 PM
That's exactly how I was when I decided to go into maintenance. I was where I wanted to be mentally and physically (my goal was a size 6-8 and I got there about 5-10lbs away from goal!) and I just didn't see the point of stressing out over the last 5-10lbs. I mean, if I'm happy where I'm at, what difference do those 5-10lbs REALLY make? I don't give a crap about wearing a bikini or having the perfect naked body -- to me, nobody needs to see my naked/exposed body other than me and whomever I choose to show it to, so what does it matter?
The thing is I chose my original goal weight based on what someone else said my weight should be. The chart, developed by some human being at some time, tells me I should weigh no more than 145 and ideally be at around 120. Um, I'm sorry, but if I lose anymore than 5 more pounds there won't be anything left to me and I don't think I'll be attractive for myself. I don't want to see my ribs sticking out or anything like that. I just want to look like a happy, healthy human being and to me, that should be everyone's goal. Wherever you feel the happiest and the healthiest is where you should be, and if you've achieved that, then I don't see why you shouldn't strive for maintenance at this point. :)
05-29-2013, 09:03 PM
Yes. I can commiserate with what you are saying. I have surpassed my original long term goal and like Missy am about 3-5 pounds away from a normal BMI. Not sure if I should call itor just grit my teeth for the final few pounds. I like my calorie budget for the most part.
I am pretty much done for now. I don't want to mess with a good thing. I would rather maintain a higher goal than regain due to too much calorie restriction. I am going to try and concentrate on activity and weight training.
05-29-2013, 09:24 PM
I think if you're happy and can comfortably maintain your current weight then you are at goal!
05-29-2013, 09:39 PM
Remember there's no harm done in maintaining now, relaxing, enjoying, smoothing out the restrict/gorge phases. Someday, maybe, you'll want to lose more. Maybe not. Maybe you'll just be happy where you are, and that's all that matters :)
I admire you for your insights. I hope it'll be a relief letting go of the "It'll be perfect in x pounds or y weeks" mindset.
05-29-2013, 11:25 PM
I think I would tell myself what a great job I have done and give myself a well deserved "vacation" from trying to lose more right now. I would take pride in maintaining and revisit my decision in a month or two.
Just my 2 cents. Good luck.
05-30-2013, 10:14 AM
I hear you -- I stopped similarly "short" of what I thought my goal was, because I was OK-ish with where I'm at, and at the same time there really was a strong anti-climactic feeling. No advice, just empathy -- you really put into words just how I felt.
I've been hanging out, "taking a break" / maintaining for about six months (wow, that went fast). I stopped at 144, went back up to 146-148 within a couple months but have stayed there consistently, even without really counting/tracking food intake too closely. I still think 140 (or 135) would be better, but the sense of complacency with where I'm at is still outweighing any motivation for one more push right now. I suspect I will make one more push at some point, but this break from a very focused weight loss mentality has been amazing -- and it's been great for establishing some confidence and skills for long-term maintaining, which I imagine will present more bumps in the road. It's also given me time back to focus on other life and health issues. I don't know about you, but even though I lose very slowly, I have to devote a lot of energy/effort to see any results. Freeing up that energy to attend to other important things was significant.
I gave up trying to distinguish between complacency/"giving up" too soon and self-acceptance - because making the distinction wasn't helping me. I'm really happy I took a break/started maintaining when I did, and I know I can always switch gears back. The mental health factor / enjoyment of your life shouldn't be less important than the scale number. :)
05-30-2013, 10:26 AM
Congratulations on your weight loss success!
It is totally personal whether you decide you are in maintenance or in losing mode.
And actually, there's nothing to say you can't tweak your plan later whatever you decide.
Plus, there is no law that says you have to say you are maintaining or say you plan to lose more or you plan to gain more or whatever.
It is your journey. Have fun! :wave:
05-30-2013, 02:18 PM
OMG I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!!!! I have been sitting on 160 for a freakin year now!! I could eat okay and not workout...and be 165. I could KILL myself at the gym and eat kind of restrictively...and maybe hit 158. It started to drive me crazy.
Then, I put the scale away. I looked at how far I've come, the new size I can fit into, and ALL the non-scale victories I've accomplished. You know what I realized? My figure is pretty darn good. It may be jiggly in a bikini, but I honestly don't care. I LOVE my body, even though I still wouldn't mind toning it up a little more.
So what did I do? I started eating healthy, mostly unprocessed food because 1) it tastes good, and 2) it makes me feel SO much better than anything else. I still have to try to not give into cravings and boredom eating, but I think that is still healthy. I changed up my exercise to more heavy weight resistance training because I am seeing changes in my body that I enjoy, no matter what the scale says. If I can reach that elusive 150 lbs I would be SO incredibly proud, but until then (or even if it never happens)...I'm just going to enjoy my healthy life and my healthy body for everything it already is!
I think we all come to a point where we need to take a step back from all the hard work and accept what we've accomplished. Take some time to focus on a maintaining mentality. Are you able to stick with most of your positive lifestyle changes? What about trying new exercise, not for how many calories you burn, but for the pure enjoyment of movement in your new body?