Weight Loss Support - Why are people so rude??




View Full Version : Why are people so rude??


hhm6
05-20-2013, 04:35 AM
I was browsing the weights section today at Target, minding my own business looking at the dumb bells, yoga mats what have you, and then I noticed some weights were on sale so I pick them up to get a feel for them and these guys walk by (who are amazing shape btw) and one of them says to me in this MAJOR condescending tone "You know that won't get you out of your obesity right? better take a look at that instead (pointing to a cart filled with food items next to me)" and his friends start smirking in the back. I had no idea what to do, my eyes welled up in tears and I just muttered "not my cart" and darted away.

I was so humiliated. The cart next to me wasn't even mine! How can a complete stranger feel that it's ok to talk to someone like that? or even phrase it that way? I feel like I've come to a point now where I just can't stand the remarks I get like this from people. I understand he was maybe maybe trying to be helpful but there are a million other ways to phrase it, and his little attitude just made it seem so rude.

Literally everything from that point got worse, I had tears coming down my face and just wanted to get out of the store. I was walking towards the exit, and those things by the door start doing their little siren noises because I'm walking out the door with the yoga mat and forgot to pay for it! But I apologized and when the lady saw me (she recognized me since I'm there all the time) and asked me if I was ok since she saw me crying and I couldn't even get myself to tell her because I thought I would burst into tears and make a scene.

So I leave Target, go home and decided to go out with my family for a family get together to get my mind off my horrible afternoon. I get there and all is well until I start talking to my aunt about birthday cakes. My mom used to make cakes professionally for weddings and such so she's asking me if I picked up any skills from my mom and then my uncle walks by and says " oh no can't you tell this one just eats them!!" and my aunt laughs and I try to laugh it off, but I just felt worse and excused myself to go to the bathroom. It literally took every ounce of me to hold back those tears. I just felt so beaten and sad especially after the earlier incident.

I am not one that has had days like this often, I read about them on 3fc now and then and they are just awful but this weekend had to be the worse. The first time in my life when I feel like I'm making big changes, people feel like they can just knock them down whenever they want. And this morning I was 2lbs heavier probably from all food I ate the night before, ugh just one of those weekends :(

Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing now because it's making me all sad again, but just had to vent. I had mentioned this to a friend and he told me I was being a little overly sensitive, am I? Because I really don't think I am.

Anyway, thanks for listening 3fc peeps!


kmac1196
05-20-2013, 07:17 AM
OMG! No way! You are not being too sensitive. Those comments were horrible. A. The guy in Target was NOT trying to be helpful. He was trying to show how much of an @#$hole he was...he succeeded. Big tough guy! Tool. And B. Your uncle MAY have been trying to let you know he would like you to lose weight and the only way he can do it is by being mean....maybe you'll get mad and lose weight. Whatever his reasons were...you have to find your voice. Crying and being sad is a victims response. You're a fighter!!!!!! Tell your uncle that his comments aren't helpful or funny...you are working everyday to become the person YOU want to be. Not who he wants you to be. You are going to get there....no thanks to people like them. Those comments are NOT about you. They are comments made by unsupportive, insecure people that need to knock you down to have a moment for themselves. You are better than that.

Beck
05-20-2013, 07:51 AM
I'm so sorry you had those mean comments directed at you. Please don't take them to heart; focus on the positive- we've all got your back!

I wish I could say that it doesn't happen once the weight is off. I've had some nasty remarks after losing the weight that really hurt my feelings. One lady in our religious community asked if I kept any of my fat clothes, saying I bet I could wrap it around me five times now. She also said, when I mentioned I was doing a half marathon [3rd one next week, woot woot], that that must be for people who can't do a whole one [have a full in October!]. Ugh, made me feel like crap, but then I realized that she probably couldn't run a mile, and even though she's relatively trim, shes' mean. We can always adjust our lifestyles to help with weight and fitness; it's much more difficult to change personality.

Keep on going, and know that for every bad comment, there are many more of us cheering you on.


elvislover324
05-20-2013, 07:56 AM
:hug: :hug: :hug:

fadedbluejeans
05-20-2013, 08:06 AM
It sucks that happened, and I hope it doesn't happen again, but if it does, look the person right in the eye, smile and say, "yes, you ARE an asshat" just as if they asked for your opinion. :)
Seriously, those people don't matter. Don't give them the power to ruin your day or derail your efforts. You are making terrific progress on a difficult task. THAT is what matters.

Wannabehealthy
05-20-2013, 08:17 AM
. I had mentioned this to a friend and he told me I was being a little overly sensitive, am I? Because I really don't think I am.

Anyway, thanks for listening 3fc peeps!

No, you are NOT being overly sensitive, those people were being overly rude. Why do people think it's OK to do this? If the Target guy wanted to be helpful, he would have given you some pointers on how to use the weights, such as safety issues etc and admired you for taking a step in the right direction. And your uncle....well I have no respect for him, even if he is a relative.

Wannabeskinny
05-20-2013, 08:47 AM
Ok memorize this comeback, it will work for all kinds of insults: "Haha you're so right (sarcastically). I might lose weight, I might gain weight, but you'll still be an ________!" (insert favorite insult)

Honestly I probably would have reacted the same way at Target. I'm never prepared for insults. But I know that if I was at dinner with an uncle who said that I would have walked out and left. Life is too short to pay any attention to jerks, especially ones that you have to see again.

Amarantha2
05-20-2013, 08:52 AM
Hugs, sorry that happened to you. People are just rude. There is no explaining it really. It is hard not to internalize stuff like that but there is no reason to. It had nothing to do with you personally. People really are just rude.

bunnabear
05-20-2013, 09:26 AM
I'm sorry you had to deal with that, especially twice in the same day. Family members have a knack for thinking they have the right to say certain things by virtue of being family. I have an aunt who feels it is her job to find something about everyone in the room to "help them improve". Weight, gray hair, and new wrinkles are her personal favorites. I choose to ignore her because the reality is that she is miserable and wants to make others miserable. Now, as for the guy in Target...I just can't understand what would posses a perfect stranger who is not even engaged in conversation with you to come up and say something like that. What goes through a person's mind that makes them think being downright mean and hurtful is okay? I would have been tempted to say, "If I do get in shape like you will I become a raging a--hole too? I'm just curious if that's a side effect or if you've always been a heartless jerk." Of course, it's easy for me to be a Monday morning quarterback and say what I would have done. I think you likely did the right thing by walking away and not escalating it...you were the better person in that moment for certain.

KatMarie
05-20-2013, 09:40 AM
You're not being over sensitive. People like that have big problems with themselves when they feel the need to make others feel bad. Their problem, not yours. Hugs.

GlamourGirl827
05-20-2013, 10:40 AM
I am so sorry you were treated that way.

The Target guys, unfortunately are just what happens when a$$holes have kids and raise their kids to be a$$holes. I always pray those kind of people are sterile...as mean as that sounds, at tleast I know that kind of heartlessness will end with their passing and not be taught to a new generation. Their behavior comes from some kind of short coming in their own life. Maybe they have crappy jobs and any decent girl won't give them a second thought, or maybe they were short changed in the manhood dept ;) either way, something makes them seek out degrading others to make themselves feels better, which is a very immature, some thing typical of children, which speaks a lot about their emotional development...and which is probably why they will never advance in their life, career or relationship wise, so they are stuck putting down others in a Target to feel like they are worth something.

As for your uncle, my dad is kind of like that...kind of..he will only make openly insulting comments about being "too thin" which to me is just as hurtful. He will make those types of comments about over weight women, but never too them, only if they are not around. I hate to say this about my dad, but his life has had a lot of short comings as well. I don't think he has the insight to see that those comments are coming from a place of insecurity. I also suspect that my grandfather was the same, though I can't be sure because he passes when I was a kid. I know that eating disorders are rampid in my family, and I think poor body image/judgment was passed down to my dad & aunts.
Regardless, of the root of insults, you should not allow someone to talk to you like that. I have found that often if you simply just call out someone that has made a rude comment on their rude comment you will catch them off guard, and they will think twice in the future. Most people that make these remarks do so with no thought of their victim and typically don't expect their victim to speak up. I've noticed for me, I get basically no rude comments from anyone I have ever met, because people realize pretty quick I'm not someone they want to piss off. May dad has said a few things but he is really the only person that I have never unleashed my attitude on.
People will however make rude comments to those that they think will take it. And if your uncle expects her can say whatever he pleases without you ripping him a new one, he will probably do just that.
I'm not saying to be mean, but let people know you wont take their ****. You don't deserve to be treated that way.

happynottsgirl
05-20-2013, 10:42 AM
I'm sorry these things happened to you. Those are not people, they are subhumans!

It's about respect, these morons were disrespectful to you. Of course, it's easy for idiots to be disrespectful to you or me, but if it were a 6"6" tall guy, obese or not, they would think twice before making such comments.

I just don't know why some people react by crying/being hurt, reserve those things for those who do care about you! These idiots are inferior beings and have no say whatsoever in your life. What if you WANTED to be obese, it is none of their effing business either way. I would just tell them, in a laid back manner to 1) go eff themselves and mind their own business and 2) unless you pay my bills who the **** do you think you are to give me unsolicited opinions.

Have to say I feel sorry for the guy, what kind of buffoon goes around assuming things about people and addressing them like that, have to feel sorry for whoever has to share living space with it (it because it is a thing not a human being).

GlamourGirl827
05-20-2013, 11:03 AM
Have to say I feel sorry for the guy, what kind of buffoon goes around assuming things about people and addressing them like that, have to feel sorry for whoever has to share living space with it (it because it is a thing not a human being).

Agree! I also think "wow their mother must be proud!" but typically their mother isn't the most upstanding person either.:no: If my son's turn out like that, I'd just die of embarrassment and well truth be told, feel like I failed as a mother...but that's my opinion.

TJM
05-20-2013, 11:07 AM
What w*nkers. Disgusting behaviour. Just do what you have to do to get the weight off but people like this obviously have issues of some sort so the most important thing for you is that it not put you off track. Bet they have both got small willies.

Nikel1979
05-20-2013, 11:09 AM
I'm sorry these things happened to you. Those are not people, they are subhumans!

It's about respect, these morons were disrespectful to you. Of course, it's easy for idiots to be disrespectful to you or me, but if it were a 6"6" tall guy, obese or not, they would think twice before making such comments.

I just don't know why some people react by crying/being hurt, reserve those things for those who do care about you! These idiots are inferior beings and have no say whatsoever in your life. What if you WANTED to be obese, it is none of their effing business either way. I would just tell them, in a laid back manner to 1) go eff themselves and mind their own business and 2) unless you pay my bills who the **** do you think you are to give me unsolicited opinions.

Have to say I feel sorry for the guy, what kind of buffoon goes around assuming things about people and addressing them like that, have to feel sorry for whoever has to share living space with it (it because it is a thing not a human being).

As someone with moderate general anxiety and social anxiety, crying isn't just about being sad. Really, any intense feelings can make me cry, but a lot of anger is pretty much a sure thing to make me cry. I rarely cry when I'm sad. :?:

Missy Krissy
05-20-2013, 11:34 AM
:hug:

Sounds like you had a $hitty day. You're entitled to your feelings, and I don't think you're being overly sensitive.

As for the stranger, I'd try to let that go. People like that are like mosquitos, they buzz around and bite you now and then, and it itches for a little while afterward, but really they're just so small and insignificant. And there's tons of them, so you can't really get away from them.

Now, your aunt and uncle, that is complete and utter bull crap. I think I'd be more ticked off than hurt. How dare they talk to you like that? They think it's ok to make fun of or bully someone that they're supposed to love? It's not ok for anyone to put people down, especially family members.

I had a somewhat similar experience two years ago where a very dear family member told me that I was getting "a little chunky" in front of 1/2 my family. I was so embarrassed! I said something like "thank you for pointing that out, it really makes me want to spend more time here with you" (in a very sarcastic manner). I later had a heart to heart with that family member and told her how hurtful her comment was and how inappropriate it was of her to say it in front of everyone. One of the things I said to her was something like, "you wouldn't have said that to a stranger because that would have been rude - so why did you say it to me?" She was apologetic and I think that by the end of it she understood my feelings.

Anyway, I hope today is a better day and that you come into contact with fewer ignorant people.

Oh, and congrats on your loss so far! 30 pounds is fantastic!

Liz31
05-20-2013, 12:49 PM
Hi, I know how this feels. People just don't think. Sending you a hug.

PreciousMissy
05-20-2013, 12:58 PM
:hug: wow. I think you held it together better than I would have.

bethFromDayton
05-20-2013, 01:01 PM
You are not being overly sensitive. In fact, furious at the stranger (and your uncle) is a perfectly reasonable response.

I think to respond in the moment (if this horrible sort of thing ever happens again), it would help to have a response ready--one you can feel good about making:


I'm curious. Do you have to practice to be that rude?
Do your parents know that you're rude to total strangers?
Wow. Must be nice to be perfect.
<very snooty> Were you talking to me?
Do I know you?
What makes you think that's a reasonable thing to say?I couldn't tell someone they're an asshat--even if they are. But I am capable of being very condescending and very 'look down my nose' at someone while not losing my temper.

On the other hand, if it were my uncle, I'd probably tell him that my weight was totally off-limits as a topic of conversation--that was inexcusable.

I'm always horrified when I hear these stories. The only person who has told me I am fat is my younger brother--and I was embarrassed and annoyed--it wasn't helpful at all.

gailr42
05-20-2013, 01:14 PM
hmm6, I have read your post twice - once when I got up this am, and again here at work. Both times I have felt stunned into speechlessness by the total insensitivity, and cruelty of those comments made to you.

I would be devastated, too. Please try not to let these ******[I can't think of a bad enough word] derail you. Keep up the good work. Thirty pounds is a very significant achievement.

Elladorine
05-20-2013, 01:27 PM
When I was still a teenager I'd worked very hard and had lost a significant amount of weight for the first time in my life. I was staying with relatives and overheard them talking about preparing dinner from the next room. My uncle laughed and stated that I "could stand to skip a few meals," not knowing I could hear him. That really, really stung, even more so than if he had said it to me directly, especially when he had to know how hard I'd been working.

Much more recently I was politely trying to stay out of someone's way, and an annoyed lady very clearly called me a "fat hippo" from the safety of her car (I was a pedestrian in a store parking lot). I had just gone through a miscarriage and it was really one of the last straws of an incredibly horrible season. :(

But chin up! :hug: I'm sharing because we've all been there and we can all relate. You're not being overly sensitive, just remember that these people will do it to anyone they can target. They're the ones that should be belittled, not you.

As someone with moderate general anxiety and social anxiety, crying isn't just about being sad. Really, any intense feelings can make me cry, but a lot of anger is pretty much a sure thing to make me cry. I rarely cry when I'm sad. :?:
My anxieties can be crippling like that; if I get too angry or outraged over anything it becomes extremely difficult to directly deal with it since I can't control my crying. And crying is often seen as weak or pathetic when it's not really the case at all.

needchangenow
05-20-2013, 01:57 PM
I was browsing the weights section today at Target, minding my own business looking at the dumb bells, yoga mats what have you, and then I noticed some weights were on sale so I pick them up to get a feel for them and these guys walk by (who are amazing shape btw) and one of them says to me in this MAJOR condescending tone "You know that won't get you out of your obesity right? better take a look at that instead (pointing to a cart filled with food items next to me)" and his friends start smirking in the back. I had no idea what to do, my eyes welled up in tears and I just muttered "not my cart" and darted away.

I was so humiliated. The cart next to me wasn't even mine! How can a complete stranger feel that it's ok to talk to someone like that? or even phrase it that way? I feel like I've come to a point now where I just can't stand the remarks I get like this from people. I understand he was maybe maybe trying to be helpful but there are a million other ways to phrase it, and his little attitude just made it seem so rude.

Literally everything from that point got worse, I had tears coming down my face and just wanted to get out of the store. I was walking towards the exit, and those things by the door start doing their little siren noises because I'm walking out the door with the yoga mat and forgot to pay for it! But I apologized and when the lady saw me (she recognized me since I'm there all the time) and asked me if I was ok since she saw me crying and I couldn't even get myself to tell her because I thought I would burst into tears and make a scene.

So I leave Target, go home and decided to go out with my family for a family get together to get my mind off my horrible afternoon. I get there and all is well until I start talking to my aunt about birthday cakes. My mom used to make cakes professionally for weddings and such so she's asking me if I picked up any skills from my mom and then my uncle walks by and says " oh no can't you tell this one just eats them!!" and my aunt laughs and I try to laugh it off, but I just felt worse and excused myself to go to the bathroom. It literally took every ounce of me to hold back those tears. I just felt so beaten and sad especially after the earlier incident.

I am not one that has had days like this often, I read about them on 3fc now and then and they are just awful but this weekend had to be the worse. The first time in my life when I feel like I'm making big changes, people feel like they can just knock them down whenever they want. And this morning I was 2lbs heavier probably from all food I ate the night before, ugh just one of those weekends :(

Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing now because it's making me all sad again, but just had to vent. I had mentioned this to a friend and he told me I was being a little overly sensitive, am I? Because I really don't think I am.

Anyway, thanks for listening 3fc peeps!


You are not being too sensitive! I just had tears in my eyes reading about your day! Those guys are jerks! I'd like to think I'd say something awful back to them like a bunch of words I cant write on here, but I'd probably do the same as you and walk out, but then I'd go buy a gallon of ice cream somewhere else and then go home eat and sulk about it lol.

grannyof4
05-20-2013, 02:45 PM
So sorry that this happened to you. I think I would have put him up against the wall and gave him a piece of my mind! I used to put up with things like that, but as I have gotten older, I have found that no one sticks up for me, but me. I look people straight in the eye and say hello to them, no matter who they are....no one is better than anyone else, no matter what they think. Hang in there, you are doing great!

BreathingSpace
05-20-2013, 03:10 PM
As someone with moderate general anxiety and social anxiety, crying isn't just about being sad. Really, any intense feelings can make me cry, but a lot of anger is pretty much a sure thing to make me cry. I rarely cry when I'm sad. :?:

Agreed, any intense feelings can make me cry. But I do cry when I'm sad too :-) Non-cryers will never understand!

I'll never forget my friend telling me about her 4-year-old stepson and how he always cried at EVERYTHING. So one day his father says to him "why are you crying? why do you always cry?" and he says innocently "I don't know... the tears just come out of my eyes?" LOL.

Jennifer1966
05-20-2013, 03:13 PM
I'm so sorry your day was so crappy. You are not being overly sensitive at all! Just remind yourself the guys at Target are total dbags and not worth your time or energy. I will never understand family who thinks they can be super rude under the guise of "help." I believe family should be nicer to each other than strangers, but it doesn't seem to work that way. Try not to let it bother you. You are better than that!

100Mother
05-20-2013, 03:13 PM
Oh my gosh, I am SO sorry. I wish I was there to hug you, and I don't even know you. I'm sorry that IGNORANT people are able to make people like us feel bad. Those kinds of people are not even fit to be near you or talk to you. You are SO much better than them. Sorry, I know this may not be the healthiest way to view it, but your post made me so angry. Angry because I have been there, and I know there is probably nothing I can say to you to make you feel 100% after that or that you/I could so to those people to make them realize what a$$ hats they are!

But.....breathing, breathing....

There will be better days. You are doing an AMAZING job. Please don't give up and know that you are NOT alone in this, not at all.

*hugs*

Waterdog2442
05-20-2013, 03:20 PM
I am sorry you had to go through that! A**hole! Sometimes its worse when family members do it to you too because they should see the progress you have made! 170 lbs is NOT FAT! And you already have lost weight and will continue to! Feel good about the progress you have made and know that what you are doing is harder then whatever those buff guys or your uncle have ever done!

guacamole
05-20-2013, 04:04 PM
I am so sorry you had to endure those comments! :hug:

I would have been crying too. I suffer from anxiety in social situations, and if I worked up enough gumption to check out exercise equipment at a busy store like Target, and had those goons harass me like that - I would have left in a hurry without buying anything too!

I wish I could say I would have given them great comebacks that would have left them in tears, but for me, those comebacks always come in hindsight. At the moment, I'm lucky if I can muster a few mumbles.

Don't let it get to you - YOU know that you are on your way to a new you. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows it yet. In time, they all will!

freelancemomma
05-20-2013, 04:15 PM
I'm curious. Do you have to practice to be that rude?
Do your parents know that you're rude to total strangers?
Wow. Must be nice to be perfect.
<very snooty> Were you talking to me?
Do I know you?
What makes you think that's a reasonable thing to say?

Love those responses, Beth.

F.

hhm6
05-20-2013, 04:18 PM
Thanks guys, I'm feeling a lot better and a little more empowered after reading your responses :)

I don't like being confrontational with people, but I was in such shock hearing those words come out of his mouth, I felt like I didn't know what to do and I didn't want his friends to see me start crying over the comment. I really wish I held it together better but next time for sure!

The guy I was speaking to earlier told me I should take it as "constructive criticism" but honestly screw that, the more I think of the situation the more I feel like he was trying to belittle me rather than give me feedback.

As for my uncle, he hasn't seen me in ages I was probably around the 150s when I last saw him, so even though I have lost weight to him I'm still fat, not that I should care, because I'm not doing this for anyone but myself, but it still stings.

The social events with my fam are really bad, I need to find a way to deal with it better. Last time when my cousins were visiting and we had a get together (I was 200lbs then) my aunts would try to set up my other cousins with eligible guys they knew (my aunts have a habit of doing this) but they would never do it to me, and instead ask me what I'm doing to take care of myself, ask me if it's my clothes that I chose to wear that make me look fat.

The absolute worse was a few years ago when I was with my now ex bf, his brother was getting married to a gorgeous girl (seriously she was super model status) and his aunt would say to me "you should lose weight so that ryan doesn't wish he would have a gf like that"....it was awful. It honestly seems common sense to me that this would be a sensitive issue to anyone dealing with their weight, yet people still feel it's ok to be this way. Oy people suck sometimes.

But I feel a lot better after telling you guys! Seriously, thank you all! I really appreciate all the responses! Wish people in my life were more like 3FC! :hug:

freelancemomma
05-20-2013, 04:18 PM
if I get too angry or outraged over anything it becomes extremely difficult to directly deal with it since I can't control my crying.

I'm exactly the same way! Even at age 56 I haven't found a way to reliably control these "tears of outrage." It's a definite liability in the workplace and probably one of the reasons I'm much more successful as a freelancer than an employee.

F.

KindaSortaAthlete
05-20-2013, 05:16 PM
One part of me wants to pity that stupid Target guy. I mean, how bad must he feel about himself to seek out a stranger, someone who he probably presumed was weak, and belittle her to make himself feel better??? I mean, really, that says a whole heck of a lot more about HIM then it could ever say about the person he's talking to. AND, little does he know what strength you have! He picked the wrong lady for sure...

But, that's a small part of me. The rest of me just says -

F*ck that guy

Seriously.

KindaSortaAthlete
05-20-2013, 05:22 PM
Plus, and I hope I'm not stirring something up here... But re: your friend telling you that maybe you should take that as CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM???

I'm assuming that we (posting here) are mostly strangers to you, yet we're OUTRAGED by how you were treated. It doesn't seem right that a real life friend of yours would see that situation in any other way!

Don't let anyone, even a friend, try to imply that you're not worthy of being treated with respect - by friends, family, or strangers!

hhm6
05-20-2013, 05:48 PM
Plus, and I hope I'm not stirring something up here... But re: your friend telling you that maybe you should take that as CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM???

I'm assuming that we (posting here) are mostly strangers to you, yet we're OUTRAGED by how you were treated. It doesn't seem right that a real life friend of yours would see that situation in any other way!

Don't let anyone, even a friend, try to imply that you're not worthy of being treated with respect - by friends, family, or strangers!

Oh I totally agree! I think he was trying to tell me to let it go and take as that, but yeah I def don't agree with it. I actually regretted telling him as soon as I got that response from him.

It's funny because I went to college with this guy and at one point he liked both of my roommates. One of them is really thin, can eat anything in the world and not gain an ounce, the other is a smidgen on the chubby side, but not fat by any means and she works out every single day.

I remember one day we were all at a bar and he was talking about them with his friends and I'm there too, he says he wants to ask out my "thin roommate" because she takes care of herself (in reality I don't feel like she does at all!) and my other roommate is chubby, but she is the one actively trying to make herself stronger. I couldn't even imagine what they thought of me when they're talking about my roommates like that!

He has never mentioned anything about my weight, but at least I know now who to tell these things to. Sigh. I have too many people like this around me.

shcirerf
05-20-2013, 11:45 PM
:hug::hug:

Some days just go that way.

I repeat to myself, "Some people are just stuck on stupid!"

We can't control the comments or thoughts of those around us, we can only control how we react. :D

NorthernChick13
05-21-2013, 01:21 AM
OMG I am sorry I didn't see this early. THIS IS BULLSH*T! You are not being overly sensitive! That a$$wipe was just roid-raging. You are so wonderful and have worked so hard and this is not a reflection of who you are.

We know how hard you've worked and that is what matters. Oh my god I am just SEETHING over here. :hug:

hhm6
05-21-2013, 03:23 AM
I know he was pretty awful!!!

I got a really good run in today just thinking about it, but I've put it behind me and I'm moving forward. Not to mention, I got some good come backs from this thread too haha

Thank you ALL!!! :) I know I couldn't be where I am today without 3FC!!!!

Lumia
05-21-2013, 03:54 AM
Dear HHM,

You are NOT overly sensitive, those comments would have been hurtful to anyone.
I think it's good for the soul to have a good cry now and then (away from people) so don't refrain from it next time (I feel it cleans the hurt out of your system).
As for those unsensitive people/jerks, you have several options: either total jerk having a cheap laugh at your expense in front of his friends (to whom he obviously needs to prove something), or ex-obese himself practicing tough love, and for your uncle, well... let's just say that this kind of behavior is very common in families, people think they can blurt out whatever 's on their mind just because they're family (sigh...).
If it can make you feel any better, it might be a sign that you're not as overweight as you think; in my experience, when someone is really overweight, people just stay quiet and avoid the topic altogether.
Next time someone says something hurtful, you can take inspiration from Winston Churchill who was at a party once:
High society lady: "Sir Churchill, what a scandal, you're drunk!"
W.C.: "Well, I may be drunk, but you're ugly! And tommorrow morning, I'll be sober!"

Hugs,

Lumia

kkelly98
05-21-2013, 09:53 PM
I'm really sorry. It is not okay for anyone (relatives or strangers) to treat you like that.

Ellemphriem
05-21-2013, 10:44 PM
I've been overweight alright more than once, but i have never been bullied that way. I don't know how it feels and i don't understand why such a thing would happen in the adult world. Maybe there is a cultural difference here, but complete strangers don't just walk up to you to offer rude comments. In my place that's a good reason to start a major fight. Maybe that's why it never happens (or rarely for i have never seen it). Those remarks were way too insulting. Especially the first one, the second was made in good humour i'd say. You were right to feel so sensitive and insulted. I have raised **** with strangers for lesser reasons.......they were complete *******s and i hope they will someday get their heads out off their a@ses.

I am so so sorry you had to go through this.......

irishsarah
05-21-2013, 10:46 PM
I am new posting in this forum, but I just wanted to let you know, that some people are just careless with what they say, some are just know-it-all JERKS and some can't get any attention unless they are being negative about someone else.

NONE of that reflects on you, even if it FEELS like it does. :hug:

I probably would have been hauled out of that Target for my razor sharp tongue.

I hope no one minds me jumping in here. It has been hard finding where I fit in around here. However, when I read your post, I just wanted to hug you! :hug:

hhm6
05-22-2013, 01:23 AM
I've been overweight alright more than once, but i have never been bullied that way. I don't know how it feels and i don't understand why such a thing would happen in the adult world. Maybe there is a cultural difference here, but complete strangers don't just walk up to you to offer rude comments. In my place that's a good reason to start a major fight. Maybe that's why it never happens (or rarely for i have never seen it). Those remarks were way too insulting. Especially the first one, the second was made in good humour i'd say. You were right to feel so sensitive and insulted. I have raised **** with strangers for lesser reasons.......they were complete *******s and i hope they will someday get their heads out off their a@ses.

I am so so sorry you had to go through this.......


I know!! This is exactly why I was so baffled about how he could say something like that. At my highest weight I didn't get comments like that, I actually never got comments like that from anyone (just family) but never total strangers.

It was worse that the alarm things went off too, I felt like I couldn't even silently get out of the store because everyone is staring at me thinking I'm a shoplifter :(

On a side note, my friend told me maybe he didn't want me to buy the dumbbells that I picked up that were on clearance lol, gave me a good laugh, but next time I will speak up if someone makes tasteless remarks like that!!

hhm6
05-22-2013, 01:26 AM
I am new posting in this forum, but I just wanted to let you know, that some people are just careless with what they say, some are just know-it-all JERKS and some can't get any attention unless they are being negative about someone else.

NONE of that reflects on you, even if it FEELS like it does. :hug:

I probably would have been hauled out of that Target for my razor sharp tongue.

I hope no one minds me jumping in here. It has been hard finding where I fit in around here. However, when I read your post, I just wanted to hug you! :hug:

Thank you! You all have made me feel so much better! :hug: and you can jump in anywhere on 3FC irishsarah!! :)