Weight Loss Support - Very rude comment about my weight.




Dreamer1217
05-17-2013, 01:42 AM
Hello everyone,

I'm new this site. I guess I've come here to vent a little. Just a little history about my weight. In 2007 I began a weight loss journey. From 2007 to 2008 I lost 95 lbs and went from 250 lbs to 155 lbs. With sensible eating and exercise I managed to maintain my weight for about 4 years. In 2012 I started to gain weight again. I began overeating and exercising less and less. Eventually I stopped exercising almost completely.

As of now my weight stands at 248 lbs. Just 2 lbs shy of my original weight. My old habits of overeating and being inactive caused me to gain all the weight back in a matter of months. Finding motivation to go to the gym is very hard for me. I'm so ashamed of the way I look that it prevents me from going to the gym very often. I only go to the gym 2 nights a week for an hour long Zumba class. I have started walking and jogging outside again a couple days a week. I'm determined to get back on track. I did it before and I know I can certainly do it again.

This evening when I was leaving my local gym and walking through the parking lot a random stranger sitting in his car yells to me "You gained a lot of weight (widening his hands apart gesturing at me) Why?" I have to say I was in such total shock over his extremely rude comment that I was speechless. I did not say a word to the man I just looked at him in disbelief and went on my way.

I felt completely humiliated and hurt by this mans insensitive comment. I'm extremely sensitive about my weight. When I made it home I was in tears! I thought all my hard work and dedication down the drain. Although I don't know the man who made this terrible comment he must have seen me when I was smaller.

I don't understand why some people say the things that they say. Like I said I'm determined to get my body back. I miss the slimmer, toned me and I want her back!

Thanks for listening to my rant :)


Waterdog2442
05-17-2013, 02:05 AM
Oh My Gosh!!!! That is TERRIBLE! I am so sorry that happened to you! Not only was it a rude comment but from a stranger which makes it even more embarrassing. People can be so rude, I hope you can get back on your feet and continue to do the things you need to do in order to get back to feeling better.

Its impressive you did it before and you DEFINITLY can do it again! And we are all here for you!!!

Good Luck with your Journey!!:)

Sheridan
05-17-2013, 05:03 AM
Hi,
Well ,I like this response to such a comment"yes I've gained weight but I may be thin next year and you'll still be the (clod,P----,oaf,or whatever description you like) that you are today.

I have only had to use this once and the look of astonishment on the person'f face was fabulous. I used P---- because that is what he was.

For some reason it made me feel in control.

Sheridan


Waterdog2442
05-17-2013, 06:35 AM
Haha I like your idea Sheridan! I definitely want to use that if it happens to me!

DietHope
05-17-2013, 06:43 AM
Ouch. I've been yelled at by passing cars. It hurts
Why would anyone do that?

newleaf123
05-17-2013, 07:57 AM
Ouch; I can imagine how much that hurt. That's the problem with weight gain; it's like wearing our sadness or difficulties on our sleeve. Maybe the guy was genuinely concerned. I have to wonder, if you had asked, "Why do you ask?" what he might have said... Not to say that I would have said that, I probably would have said, "Excuse me??!" and walked off. But I do have to wonder. Because really, why would he say that??

Uggh.

Dreamer1217
05-17-2013, 08:03 AM
Thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement. I definitely feel much better. I know I will get there....

Wannabehealthy
05-17-2013, 08:06 AM
Hello everyone,



This evening when I was leaving my local gym and walking through the parking lot a random stranger sitting in his car yells to me "You gained a lot of weight (widening his hands apart gesturing at me) Why?" I have to say I was in such total shock over his extremely rude comment that I was speechless. I did not say a word to the man I just looked at him in disbelief and went on my way.



I'm sorry this happened to you. Didn't his mother teach him "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything?"

I agree with the person who suggested "I can lose weight but you will still be rude!"

Or you could just say "Thank you for your concern." Or maybe look around you as if trying to figure out who he was talking to.

I know it's easier to think of a come-back afterwards, but it stuns you into silence at the time.

stella1609
05-17-2013, 08:21 AM
I doubt it would have been phrased that way if it were intended as an insult! He probably genuinely was wondering what was wrong--perhaps was even attracted to you (best reason for a guy to remember a girl). He shouldn't have SAID it, but don't let it ruin your day!

Wannabeskinny
05-17-2013, 08:38 AM
I can think of a bunch of snappy comebacks now but I wouldn't have been able to say anything at the time either. It just goes to show you that people are quite insensitive to weight issues and feel they have the right to say something. Who is this guy anyway? What if you had some sort of illness or taking medication that caused you to gain weight? Nope, carrying weight is like proof that we are lazy incompetent idiots and people feel free to say so. It's pathetic!

newleaf123
05-17-2013, 09:03 AM
I've been thinking about this since my last post and wanted to tell you: I've been there. Had been thin, going to the gym. Went absent, put on 50 pounds. It was *so* hard to go back to the gym and start again; I know how much courage it took to get back in there and back at it. Don't let this guy derail you, he doesn't have the power. Draw on that courage it took to get back to the gym, and keep going. You will feel so good once you get this weight off again. You can do it!

Amarantha2
05-17-2013, 09:15 AM
I have had a long (decades) weight loss journey from an all-time high more than 20 years ago, so as my sig on here says, maintenance for me is taking care of the regains and you seem determined to do this so huzzah and you will succeed.

To be honest, comments such as the stranger made to you are common. People just do that kind of thing because, I guess, they are too stupid not to. These kinds of comments are totally irrelevant to the journey unless you let them be. The man really might have been trying to be friendly having seen you at the gym before or he might just be a random idiot. Why should you care? Just focus on your journey and being where you want to be.

Hugs, keep going.

zoesmom
05-17-2013, 09:47 AM
I think I have your random starnger's brother in my neighborhood. I took up running recently and I get shout outs such as "RU, FORREST, RUUN!" (as if THAT joke isn't played out enough in my personal life since everyone finds it amusing that I go by Jenni, I now have this jerk off too?) And then he shouts out, "#*$% FATTY! YOUD JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO QUIT, DO YA?!" and frankly, he SUCKS. But I am the type that gets pissed instead of having my feelings hurt. I mean, it is jerk offs like this and your dude that help the obesity epedemic stay at a high. People are already discouraged and ashamed and then to be faced with this when trying to do soemthing about it? Most would rather be fat. SO....I make my jerk off see me daily (he actually just finally came around and is trying to be nice to me.) I flip him off, I holler back to him that I am the one running, he's the one drinking beer, I ignore him, and I SO intend to make him eat my dust and eat every last one of his insults. Jerk. But I feel your pain. :hug: People suck sometimes. Don't get beat up by it. Use it as inpiration. Make them doubt themselves and use that as power to fuel you. You are awesome. Don't forget that.

tehshort1
05-17-2013, 10:23 AM
That is horrible. I love Sheridan's idea! People like that are just so miserable in their own life that they have to try and bring others down so they feel better. Good luck losing the weight again! It's awesome that you lost it the first time! :hug:

SeeMyFeet
05-17-2013, 11:30 AM
Well Ms. Dreamer, this is a fine kettle you've opened up! Seriously, Thanks...we've all (or most all) have been there. I need to sum up and answer this for me as well as you....I'm anticipating an event where I know that I will be the target of the worst of such comments....those said about you behind your back.

To repeat and add to:
#1 Perhaps the gent was truly concerned (is this EVER the case??)
#2 That's just the way people are (and you cannot change them. One snappy comeback will not change an addict or kleptomaniac, much less this guy, so let it go.)
#3 A smile is your best weapon. Successful, happy...someone who doesn't GAS about the petty opinions of others (Feel it...BE it...Fake it til you make it) I know a fantastic woman who really knew how to make a difference in this world...I worked with her during a stressful period during which she gained a lot of weight. We never talked about it. I'm sure she had the usual issues, purchasing new clothing, etc, but she was always stylish and put together, and she was so competent it was easy to ignore her weight gain. Walk confidently in and out of that gym! You OWN the place! He's just a spectator.
#4 (This one's for me): Get Perspective....Our size and appearance change over time...You do have some control over this, and you're doing something about it....So you have some extra pounds? So what? You do not owe anyone an explanation. Could be worse....much worse...
#5 If I had a second, similar encounter with this guy, I would be likely to ask (rudely) over my shoulder while continuing to walk quickly away: "What the ** is WRONG with you?!?!"

We all feel for ya, hon. :hug:

elvislover324
05-17-2013, 11:42 AM
I'm so sorry, Dreamer, what an awful thing to experience. Rude people are everywhere, perched in their glass houses and throwing stones. I would have just stared at him with my mean face (but inside I would have been holding back the tears as best as I could).

I hope somehow this jerk inspires you to keep going and getting healthy for yourself. You were already on your way, he's just another obstacle who got in the way. Kick him to the curb and keep going! :hug:

IanG
05-17-2013, 12:09 PM
I would have taken a baseball bat to his car door.

And if he didn't drive off. His headlights.

Then the windscreen...

zoesmom
05-17-2013, 12:13 PM
I would have taken a baseball bat to his car door.

And if he didn't drive off. His headlights.

Then the windscreen...

:lol: I COULD be mistaken...but I THINK that could be construed as assault with a deadly weapon...assault at the very least with intent to harm....there is another term for it...oh! ILLEGAL!

Still LOVE it though! :lol:

IanG
05-17-2013, 12:15 PM
9 times out of ten they drive off when you take the baseball bat out of your trunk!

Amarantha2
05-17-2013, 12:21 PM
Lol

9 times out of ten they drive off when you take the baseball bat out of your trunk!

surfergirl2
05-17-2013, 12:35 PM
From the way it was phrased, he probably meant it out of genuine curiosity/concern rather than trying to be rude, although i can totally see how it would make you feel bad. Recently, i ran into an acquaintance who i hadn't seen in a while, and i've gained weight. (This was at the gym and i was wearing a tank top). He said "good to see you, you're looking big, er i mean strong." I wanted to say yep i've gotten BIG, but instead i just took the compliment. He is not a rude person at all, so i honestly believe he meant STRONG, not FAT.

Beck
05-17-2013, 12:37 PM
Nasty person! His pathetic comment is not worth one more second of your energy. I can guarantee that while you were at the gym, while you exercise indoors or out, there are people who are raising you up- even if they don't speak up and tell you. For every jerk out there that thinks or says something mean, there are tens more who look at you at the gym and think, "Rock on, girl!"

So, just keep on rockin' on, Dreamer!

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall~ Confucius

lin43
05-17-2013, 12:52 PM
Wow---some people on this thread are much more generous than I am about this guy's comment. I don't give a hoot WHY he said it; the fact is that he should have kept his extremely rude comment to himself. He would have to be a complete hermit to be legitimately asking that question and not know that it was rude. Where is he living---under a rock? What a major jerk! What lack of manners!

I will never cease to be amazed at how freely people comment on others' appearance as long as it has to do with weight. Perhaps the pervasiveness of diets and fitness advertising in our culture has made some people think it is okay to comment on others' appearance. I'm sure that guy's appearance isn't perfect, yet I wonder how he would feel if someone yelled out to him, "Wow---you've gotten a few more wrinkles in the last year or so. What happened?" or "You're really losing some hair, aren't you? What happened?"

This kind of thing really bothers me, especially when it is men commenting to women. It's almost demeaning. I remember once when I was much younger (and by no means fat---just a little on the "healthy" side), I treated myself to an ice-cream in the mall. Some older man felt the need to comment, "Don't eat that: You'll get fat!" I just sheepishly looked down. Today, I would say, "That's really none of your business." I'm sick of rudeness!

Okay--rant over.

ETA:

. . . he might just be a random idiot

LOL!!! Love this one. He probably is, but I guess I always feel the need to "educate" people like this by letting them know in no uncertain terms that their behavior is unacceptable. Maybe if someone does that, he won't open his big mouth next time.

luckyme0510
05-17-2013, 02:04 PM
Well that was completely out of line. That being said it doesn't sound like he was trying to be mean though, sounds like he is just ignorant. Some people don't understand that being overweight can feel embarrassing at times especially when people feel free to comment upon it. From the way he said it, it sounds to me like he's definitely seen you around for a while and was trying to start a conversation. Maybe he assumed you must be going through a rough patch of sorts and was offering an open ear. I don't think he would have followed his comment with "why" if he was just trying to insult you. Sometimes people misconstrue things because of their own insecurities.

Anyway, a little sharing of my own in case he was just being a jerk: long story short I was at the mall in the juniors section of a department store and these two teenage girls (who were both overweight) were snickering. Well one was saying stuff and laughing and the other one kept telling her to stop but she still seemed amused. I felt like she was making fun of me but then I convinced myself it was just my imagination. Then guess who I run into in the bathroom. When I was in the stall the one girl mooed and started laughing. When I came out of the stall I slammed the door, I slammed everything I could and looked her right in the eye. I could tell she was really nervous. I was going to say something but I didn't think it was necessary at that point and just walked out. Later on that day I got a parking ticket at Walmart for something stupid and I had a complete breakdown in my car for 30 minutes lol people must have thought I was insane.

IanG
05-17-2013, 02:18 PM
Am I seriously the only person that would get the bat?

elvislover324
05-17-2013, 02:19 PM
Am I seriously the only person that would get the bat?

If I hit every single stupid person I ran into.... :rollpin:

IanG
05-17-2013, 02:22 PM
Shouting something offensive from a car would feel a threat to my personal security. Especially if I was a woman.

So I took his door out...

elvislover324
05-17-2013, 02:23 PM
Shouting something offensive from a car would feel a threat to my personal security. Especially as a woman.

So I took his door out...

OMG I'd want you on my jury!!!

Roo2
05-17-2013, 02:59 PM
I would not give some random person comments any credence...you were not even engaged in a conversation! Maybe the guy has Tourette's or recently been released after his eval!

Someone's opinion has to matter to me first...before I would ever allow myself to consider their point of view!
I think you were wise not to engage this person...every comment that is uttered out of a persons mouth does not warrant a response.
Scrape this memory of his words off the bottom of your shoe ..just like Dog Poop!
You have alot of courage going back to the same Gym as before:hug:
Good Luck,Roo2:carrot::carrot::carrot:

Charin
05-17-2013, 04:00 PM
Hugs

joefla70
05-17-2013, 04:15 PM
Sometimes the kids who call other kids names mature as they grow up.... but sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just stay the same, immature jerks. Case in point!

HungryHungryHippo
05-18-2013, 03:23 AM
Hey, Dreamer--what a drag! The one silver lining, if you could call it that, is that what this guy saw is a thin person who is now thicker. As in, THIS is not your natural state.

You're a star for losing all that weight, and keeping it off for that long. Just shows you know what you're doing, and have what it takes to do it again, if you go for it.

Good luck, and best wishes! Hope to see you around here!

Wannabehealthy
05-18-2013, 07:02 AM
I will never cease to be amazed at how freely people comment on others' appearance as long as it has to do with weight. Perhaps the pervasiveness of diets and fitness advertising in our culture has made some people think it is okay to comment on others' appearance. I'm sure that guy's appearance isn't perfect, yet I wonder how he would feel if someone yelled out to him, "Wow---you've gotten a few more wrinkles in the last year or so. What happened?" or "You're really losing some hair, aren't you? What happened?"



That's exactly it, Lin!!! Most people would not comment about someone's wrinkles or hairloss, how could they do it about weight? They have to know how hurtful it is.

Wannabeskinny
05-18-2013, 08:09 AM
The point is that no matter what weight you are, people like that will comment anyway. If you lost weight he'd say "boy you really needed to lose some weight!" It's just in the arsenal of someone who is rude. People say rude things all the time, it's not just to overweight people. The comment is not about you, it comes down to him being a rude person.