Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss - New here..Struggling with dating with post-weight loss body :-/




Born2Blossom
05-15-2013, 11:44 PM
Hi everyone! My name is Kristen and this is my first time posting here. Here's a brief rundown of my journey. I've been overweight my entire life. By the time I reached my early 20's I was over 300 lbs. A health scare in 2007 influenced me to finally begin my weight loss journey. In 2 years I lost over 170 lbs just by healthy diet and exercise. I've gained some weight back and am now 150ish, looking to get back down to the low 140's/high 130's which I feel looks and feels best on me..

...but that's not why I'm posting here today. I'm posting because I'm having a really hard time adjusting to my current weight with my current body. I have severe excess skin all over. Arms, legs, stomach, back, boobs...everywhere. There was no part of my body that was spared. I can hide it fairly well in most clothes, but when my clothes come off, that's a different story. I am so so SO grateful I rid my body of the harmful excess fat I was toting around and of course my life is better now than it was years ago. I'd never choose to go back to the way I was. That being said, I hate the sight of my body :-( I'm so embarrassed and feel truly disgusting with the saggy, wrinkly, lumpy skin that just hangs all from my body.

I just turned 29 the other day and I have NEVER had a boyfriend or dated up until I was 27. I met someone unexpectedly on another weight loss website about a year and a half ago and we're still together. It's long distance so I only get to see him about once a month, but it's worth the effort because he's a gem. He's so kind and patient and reassuring to me and tells me every day he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful as is. The thing is, I still have not let him see me naked. He has no idea what my stomach or what my legs fully look liked. We're very..limited in what we do and how we do things (intimately speaking) because of the embarrassment and hatred I have towards my body.

I'm sitting here crying as I type this because I feel so helpless. I'm not getting any better. This is progressively getting harder and harder for me as time goes on. I've gotten to a point of crying when I look through the Victoria's Secret website and feel awkward and uncomfortable when I see other women on tv or in magazines in bikinis or tight workout clothing because I feel so disfigured and deformed and different. I'm so depressed. It's so vain and superficial and after losing as much weight as I have, I feel ridiculous for not being happier with what I've accomplished. It's not that I'm not proud of myself, and it's not that I hate myself for what I put my body through my whole life. But I do hate my body and feel inadequate and ugly.

If anyone is in my position, please tell me, how are you working with what you've got so to speak? I don't know what to do. Everything has gotten harder for me since being in my first relationship. I don't want to share my biggest insecurities with anyone else. I dont want anyone to see how disfigured and gross I look without anything covering me up, especially with someone who I want to stay attracted to me. I have awful self esteem and always have. Things started getting a lot better after I lost weight and I imagined things would continue to feel better. But I actually feel almost as bad about myself as I did when I was 300 lbs. This has to change. I've come too far to beat myself up this way. But I don't know what to do...Some days I just want to lock myself in my room and not be around anyone for a long time..I love my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him but I know this will push him away eventually if I don't get better. He's coming to see me this weekend and there's a huge part of me that doesnt want him here. I miss him like crazy and love his affection, but at the same time I don't want him to touch me or see me because I feel like a monster :-(

If anyone's reading..please help...thanks all


NorthernChick13
05-16-2013, 12:00 AM
You are not a monster and I'm glad you reached out :) My name is Sarah and I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time adjusting to your new body. I read something by Jillian Michaels once, and she said that weight gain is a symptom of a deeper, underlying issue- not the cause. You can remove the weight, but it doesn't mean the primary issue is addressed. Maybe if you try to think about how you've addressed one part of your self, but now it's time for another?

I'm a big fan of the mantra that if you don't like something about yourself, then change it. There are a variety of routes to go here. If you do have excess skin from your weight loss and you feel you will be uncomfortable no matter what, there are some plastic surgery options for you out there. But if you feel you will be uncomfortable no matter what, then maybe it's some soul searching that is needed. We often think others to be more deserving of love, happiness, than ourselves. Ask yourself: why not you? Why don't you deserve to feel beautiful? To feel confident?

I hope you paused there- because there is no reason why it can't be you. You lost weight because you clearly had a thirst to show YOURSELF you love YOURSELF and I congratulate you on that. I truly believe confidence is the sexiest outfit a person can wear and I'd start by picking 3 things you do admire about yourself. I know you are picking on your looks, but I think this goes deeper than just pounds.

You are an amazing person. I believe it, your boyfriend believes it, 3FC believes it! Until you start to believe it, you won't see your true beauty. It's a journey only you can embark on, but we'll be here as soundboards for you :)

Also, look at the name of this thread. You are clearly not alone :)

charliee
05-16-2013, 12:13 AM
Awww first here is the biggest internet hug I can give you.:hug::hug:

Now here is the good news, you've lost a lot of weight and kept if off and you've started a relationship with someone who loves you for you, and makes you happy. Clearly you are not "disgusting" despite any lumps or wrinkles or imperfections you may have (and trust me, those skinny models in the Victoria Secret magazine are not perfect either).

There are things you can do to help your appearance, like weight training to fill out some of the loose skin. Some people have had some success with skin tightening procedures as well, like laser tightening, though these are not necessarily cheap. And then of course there is cosmetic surgery if that is something you think you might be interested in, but that is also not a cheap option and may not be something you are comfortable with.

I understand that it's hard not to focus on the imperfections that we are left with after losing weight, but you need to try to think of all the good things you have going for you. Instead of comparing yourself to people who have basically made it their job to seem perfect, think about how far you've come. How close you are to being the best YOU you can be.

The fact that you met your boyfriend on a weight loss forum means he's probably very familiar with a lot of the things you are going through. I hope you can find a way to talk to him about how you're feeling and even more importantly BELIEVE HIM, when he tells you that you're beautiful the way you are.

There is no quick fix to low self esteem or body insecurities unfortunately, but it will get better. Good luck!


JasonSilver
05-16-2013, 03:09 AM
Kristen,

I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I really related to your story and would like to share my experience with you.

I weighed over 300lbs (stopped weighing myself at 297 but kept gaining). I have been maintaining about a 130 weight loss for several years. When I first began losing the weight, I felt ECSTATIC about the possibility of me looking like a spartan warrior.

After a year of the weight loss, I realized that due to the harm I inflicted on my body for so many years, my body didn't look like a spartan warrior's. For about 2 years, I struggled immensely with a lack of acceptance. I hated my body and didn't want anybody to see me. When I had a moment of intimacy, my body would physically shake in fear of judgement.

For me, the answer came in acceptance. It was the most difficult and best solution for me. I had to accept my body for what it is and until I accepted that, I could not be happy. Although that level of acceptance as difficult, it wasn't as difficult as letting go of the results of my dating life. I had to accept that if somebody left me because of my body, they were not the right person for me.

I slowly built a faith that whoever was meant for me, will accept me for me. And guess what? I met someone and she accepted me for all of my quirks. She accepted that I weigh and measure my food. She accepted my imperfect body. And now? We're married!

I believe that there is somebody out there who can love and accept you for who you are. It may be your current boyfriend. There's only 1 way to find out. Be willing to be vulnerable and trust that whatever happens, you are an incredible person and there is somebody out there who will love and accept you and see you for all your beauty.

I'm wishing you the best!!!

Jason

Song of Surly
05-16-2013, 02:09 PM
I believe that there is somebody out there who can love and accept you for who you are. It may be your current boyfriend. There's only 1 way to find out. Be willing to be vulnerable and trust that whatever happens, you are an incredible person and there is somebody out there who will love and accept you and see you for all your beauty.

This!!

While reading your story, I couldn't help but see so much of my old self in you that it broke my heart. I am sorry that you are feeling this way.

My story is in a similar vein, but it's not about loose skin. I think I've told it on this website a few times now, but, I don't know. Reading stories of acceptance was one of the factors that helped me.

I have PCOS, and because of that, I have a very bad lady beard. Like, I could seriously be the bearded woman in a circus if I let it grow out. Really, my whole body is hairy. I began having facial hair when I was in high school, and I refused to date anyone. Any guy that would try to get close to me, I would push away. I dated a few guys in college, but I was always absolutely terrified that despite all the shaving, they would notice or find out. I, like you, felt like a complete monster or a circus freak. I did have one guy who did find out, and he actually told me, “Why didn’t you tell me this before I fell in love with you? Don’t you think that’s something you tell someone before they make a commitment?” Insanely, I stayed in that relationship another year and a half, and it wasn’t the last thing he ever said to me about it either. (Ironically, he has been trying to get me back for four years now after I left him, beard and all. ;))

Well, I found the guy I'm dating now, and of course, it was the same crap after we began being intimate. Rushing out of bed in the morning before he could see my face so I could go shave. Spending countless hours basically shaving my entire body so that he wouldn't notice any hair growth. Not letting him touch or kiss my face and neck. He said he knew all along. He noticed my beard the first night he met me, and he said all he thought was, "Oh." All of that work and all he thought was, "Oh." Eventually, after turning my head enough times when he would try to touch my face, he gently addressed the issue. He told me that it made him sad that I was hiding myself and that he wanted to know all of me. It was a like a dam burst. I couldn't talk about it. I was so mortified in my shame, but I cried and cried.

We have been together for three years now, and his love has healed me so much. His love and a lifelong attraction to feminist literature. (Getting a little pissed off at female beauty expectations can be therapeutic) I didn't realize how much I let something so superficial limit me, but it did. It is so nice now to be my authentic self in every way - to have someone that I can be authentic with. If your man cannot handle who you are and what you look like, then he doesn't deserve to have you. And you don't deserve to have to go through life trying to hide yourself from sight.

I do suggest that if you continue to struggle with your skin that you try to find some means to help the sight of it. I’ve accepted my facial hair, but I’ve found an at-home laser treatment that has worked now that I’ve gotten my hormones more straightened out. It’s really more about saving myself money (OMG I go through the razors and concealer!) and time now, but I have to admit that I certainly don’t mind the reduction in hair. :) Still, taking proactive steps to address the problem may help you feel more calm about it.

I wish you the best of luck! Sorry about the novel.

Danielle

baltimora
05-16-2013, 03:52 PM
Kristen, I think we all somehow buy into a beauty ideal and forget that the majority of the world are just as imperfect as we are. I know when I look at women I don't pick out flaws I just look to see if that person is enjoyable to be with. I am only concerned with the chemistry between myself and them. Who would want to perfection even if they found it anyway. However we feel free to pick at our own flaws like they are a scar. Obviously your boyfriend enjoys your company. I assure you he is not looking to make sure you are perfect just as you not checking him out for flaws. You are beautiful so just let yourself shine and enjoy his company.

joefla70
05-16-2013, 04:09 PM
Another thing to be mindful of is that if you act ashamed of your body when he comes to see you, and that insecurity shows, that might be what he focuses on -- and not your body. I know its hard to say not to worry about it, because its difficult to control that. But try. There is nothing you can do about it between now and the time of his visit. Your best bet is to act normally and try to have a great time together.

Have you had any discussions about the loose skin, so that it wouldn't come as a surprise to him? If so, what did he say?

shcirerf
05-17-2013, 12:13 AM
:hug:

I can relate on a lot of levels. Long story for another day.

However, when I start feeling yuk about my stretch marks, and my long floppy breasts, and all the stuff I can, if I choose, hide, or hike up, or whatever, I think about my husband, who is a double finger amputee. You can't hide that!

Somewhere through the process of helping him become ok with his amputations, the look and the physical limitations, due to the injuries, I took the advice I was giving him, and decided, that my body is an amazing thing!

I've had 2 kids, twins, that were over 6 #'s each. I have a knee that will need to be replaced at some point in time, I've lost the weight, I've maintained, I work out! I run! I am strong!

A lot of people might think I'm weird, but I look at my body every morning in the mirror, flex a bit, and admire, all that it has been through, and it is still hanging in there. Amazes me every day!:D

Radiojane
05-17-2013, 01:15 AM
You're profile picture is amazing. You're beautiful!


I'm still very overweight. I was even bigger when I met my man. Everything flops. Jiggles. Looks..., blech. To me. To him, I'm the sexiest thing alive.

Look into his eyes, remember he loves you and let all those thoughts go.

ikesgirl80
05-17-2013, 03:52 PM
When I first got with my bf, it was just over a year after I began my journey. I had lost about 100-120 pounds, my heaviest being 350 pounds, that I know of. The night I knew we were going to be intimate, we were eating dinner, and cleaning up, when I said to him, "You know my highest weight was 350, right?" (Cue dumb boy nod) "Well, I've made a lot of progress, but my skin is really bad. Like it hangs and it's really embarrassing for me, because I feel like I've put in a lot of work, but it doesn't show. Are you OK with that?"

His response: "I'm fat too. We will just work together to meet our goals. But I think your sexy no matter what."

And that is why we are still together, even though I'm not talking to him right now cuz he made me mad last night! (I'll get over it this afternoon when I see him!)

elvislover324
05-17-2013, 04:05 PM
:hug: Your post brought up so many things in me that I thought I had squished way down in my soul to hide forever. You have accomplished so much and I'm so glad you found a wonderful man.

I'm still in the weightloss mode and I try to hide everything from my husband (who has been nothing but supportive no matter what my weight). My arms and legs and stomach were never this jiggly when I was 130lbs higher, they were big but solid (if that makes sense!).

Now I'm afraid he will think that the floppy arms and stomach and everything else is here to stay but I won't talk to him about it (in case maybe he didn't notice yet!).

But I can tell you, even if this is TMI it is what it is, when it's time for "that time", I assure you neither of us is worried about any loose skin or whatever. I will say, it crosses my mind (of course!) but once things are heated up and ready to go, you just GO! It's not like I can wait a year and a half to see if my skin fixes itself in maintenance and just avoid my husband. So instead, I act like I'm normal and go with it! And I think most men are more excited for the private time than the woman's body in transition from heavier to lighter. (I don't mean that in a derogatory way.)

Your time with your man is limited right now since you only see him once a month. I say live it up and love it up, you both deserve it!! :hug:

CherryPie99
05-17-2013, 06:04 PM
Born2Blossom - I haven't replied because I wanted to make sure I gave a well thought out response.

You don't know me from Adam, but I am a shoot from the hip kind of gal - and I don't placate and I don't BS people. So everything I'm saying is going to be right atcha so to speak.

First off, in your profile pic, you are SOOOOOO pretty. I really mean that. You need to own how really attractive you are!

Secondly, here's the deal. That skin is not going to go away. Been there done that. It's not going to tighten up noticeably on its own. Sorry, but that's reality. You are a young beautiful woman - are you going to waste the rest of your life hating yourself for some loose extra SKIN? It's SKIN for pete's sake, not something disgusting! You've lost all this weight and your wasting your happiness on hating yourself!!

So what do you have the power to do?

1) Read some self-esteem books on loving yourself.
2) Listen to your boyfriend when he tells you that he loves you, not that terrible voice in your head that says something different!
3) Make the leap and get laid! Trust me - when you are making out laying there, the last thing he will be thinking about is skin! And if it repulses him? Then he's not the guy you thought he was and you shouldn't waste one more second of your life with him!
4) Starting saving money to have the skin removed! If you decide later that you don't want it removed, then you have a nice pot of money for a vacation or a car or a new TV!
5) EMPOWER YOURSELF! Do you work out with weights? It won't make the skin go away, but it will tighten the muscles and the skin will be somewhat less noticeable. Plus you will feel STRONG AND HEALTHY which is what losing the weight is most important for!!

My thoughts are with you!

Jen

Lecomtes
05-17-2013, 07:37 PM
I ask you to pause and reflect what baltimora shared..."I think we all somehow buy into a beauty ideal and forget that the majority of the world are just as imperfect as we are."...consider the woman with an "ugly" face...consider the quadriplegic...consider the veteran with facial wounds....I don't bring them up to make you feel vain, we all get wrapped up in being dissatisfied with our appearance...but to remind you...I bet you could find beauty in all these people, and you would probably think each of them deserves to be loved and touched and happy...be kind to yourself...you deserve those things too.
As far as intimacy goes...I'll just say that I believe no man exists who is critically pondering a woman's self-perceived "flaws" when he's about to have sex. If he couldn't find anything attractive about you, he wouldn't be there in the first place. Just sayin'. :)
BIG BIG HUG and much admiration to you. I wish you happiness and self acceptance and the love you deserve! You seem like a beautiful, intelligent, candid, motivated person.

BreathingSpace
05-18-2013, 12:05 AM
When I first got with my bf, it was just over a year after I began my journey. I had lost about 100-120 pounds, my heaviest being 350 pounds, that I know of. The night I knew we were going to be intimate, we were eating dinner, and cleaning up, when I said to him, "You know my highest weight was 350, right?" (Cue dumb boy nod) "Well, I've made a lot of progress, but my skin is really bad. Like it hangs and it's really embarrassing for me, because I feel like I've put in a lot of work, but it doesn't show. Are you OK with that?"

His response: "I'm fat too. We will just work together to meet our goals. But I think your sexy no matter what."

And that is why we are still together, even though I'm not talking to him right now cuz he made me mad last night! (I'll get over it this afternoon when I see him!)

Okay I just have to say, reading that was AWESOME. It made me tear up. I love how you were so honest and up front!

ikesgirl80
05-18-2013, 09:28 AM
Okay I just have to say, reading that was AWESOME. It made me tear up. I love how you were so honest and up front!

:hug: Thanks! One of my confidence goals is to just say what I think. There are many times I'm too afraid still, but I'm working on it. Ironically, in the work place, I'm the most confidant! With friends/family, I'm still a little picky, but I come from a very conservative family, and am the black sheep in terms of my openness and acceptance.

Chris

fitmama84
05-18-2013, 09:44 AM
I can understand where you are coming from. Not to the extent that you are going through it, but for me, i'm really embarassed by my body and hoping that I can get it back to normal. Not only did I gain weight, but I also had a baby, and while that is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, it made me have basically a deflated tire around my stomach. I hate looking in the mirror and sometimes i want to break the mirror! But my husband still thinks i'm beautiful, and so will your guy :-)

zoesmom
05-18-2013, 10:03 AM
:hug: I feel for you, hon. I truly do. This is one of my greatest fears, despite the fact I KNOW it is vain. But, a fear none the less.

Think of it as battle scars. Look just what YOU accomplished!!! How many people have done that?! You are amazing! And your BF likely thinks so too. Once I started loosing weight, the skin started appearing. My wonderful husband grabs it (imagine my shocked horror!) and caresses it, telling me just how beautiful it is, because it is a part of me, and because he knows that the skin being there is because I am getting healthier, day by day.

I want to share something with you, at this point everyone else here too by default, that was very private to me and my husband, but I think it may help...Maybe? I am a writer of sorts, I try to keep my head down and not announce it. Everything I write is very private to me, I do NOT share it. Several years back, when I met my husband, he had severe self esteem issues. He was very hard on himself. And where as what I am about to share was directed to him, but I think you might find relevance in it. Afterall, if you were perfect, you would be boring. It is our imperfections that truly make us perfect as a species and a race.

Unconditional

I know you are not perfect,
Especially in the eyes of many,
But mostly to yourself,
You see more flaws than any.
Yet it amazes me,
Sends me into awe,
That I can truly do it,
That I can see past any flaw.
And so I stand here,
Right before your very eyes,
Just waiting for it to happen,
Just waiting for you to realize.
That I am here to stay,
No, I will never flee,
Because it goes without saying,
I love you unconditionally.

AwShucks
05-18-2013, 10:09 PM
That's really sweet, Zoesmom. What a good thing to write for your husband! We should all hope to be loved so unconditionally.

Dreamer1217
05-19-2013, 11:43 AM
Kristen,

Congratulations on your amazing weight loss! That is truly a great success. When I read your story I couldn't help but think about how similar my body issues are. I've been struggling with my weight since the age of 14. I'm now 29 yrs old. I too at one point lost a significant amount of weight 100 pounds. I went from 250 lbs to 150 lbs. I was very proud of my accomplishment and my new slimmer figure. However when the clothes came off it was a very different story. The many years of obesity had taken a serious toll on my body. I would stand in the mirror and stare at every imperfection. I felt disgusted by the sight of all my stretch marks, cellulite, and excess skin. My stomach was the worst area for me. I gave birth to my beautiful daughter (now 8 yrs old) when I was 20. During my final 2 months of pregnancy I developed stretch marks on my stomach. Some of my stretch marks were a half an inch in width.

My stomach will never be the same again. The skin is very loose and always hangs over my pants. My stomach is also very wrinkled looking. Like you I always envy bikini clad women with taut flat smooth stomachs. I know that will never be me. My boobs also look almost deflated and have a wrinkled appearance. This has also took a serious toll on my dating life because I'm was so fiercely insecure about my body. I met my current boyfriend in 2009. He is a great guy and I love him dearly. But because of my low self esteem intimacy has been a long hard road for me. But he was always loving and very patient. It took me a very long time to feel comfortable being naked with him. But he always reassured me that I was beautiful and that I was wanted.

You seem like you have a man that loves you and really cares about you. But it takes time to become comfortable in your own skin. But when you finally learn to truly accept your body and know that yes you are beautiful inside and out it a beautiful thing. For me I had to stop criticising myself and accept my body and be proud of my accomplishments. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship. Remember you are beautiful :)

elvislover324
05-19-2013, 11:47 AM
Zoesmom and dreamer1217, your posts make me want to cry. Thank you for posting here.

Emma4545
05-19-2013, 11:55 AM
I have a similar situation. I didn't lose as much as you but, still I have wrecked my body. I don't think I will ever get that body I wanted.. even after getting to the low weight and I just can't go through surgery.

I guess I just have to say... I work with a lot of macho guys and the overwhelming feeling I get is that they are just seriously less picky then we are about our bodies. That is kind of a pejorative term. They just see us through kind of a hazy lens... so while we see puckers and stretch marks... they just see a woman.

They do think you sexy no matter what. I swear. Sometimes I talk to them about a woman that I think is just horrible and the have this look on there face like...um.. but she is a woman. :) Like they have no idea what I am saying.

So please please please... if he says you are sexy believe you are sexy to him. Because in my experience... they wouldn't be there if they didn't think that.

Born2Blossom
05-28-2013, 01:46 AM
First of all..

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Huge hugs to everyone who replied!! I am so sorry I didn't reply sooner. I was in a bad place when I posted this thread. It happens to me several times a month honestly where I get so down and depressed about my "situation", and then I end up feeling even worse for allowing myself to feel so defeated over something as ridiculous as skin because I strive to be much stronger than that. Your responses were truly uplifting and warmed my heart so much. You all have either made me smile or brought some tears to my eyes. Really, I want to reply to every response individually but this would turn out to be one lengthy post so for now I'll just say thank you once more for taking the time to post such thoughtful responses. And zoesmom, your poem was absolutely beautiful and made me tear up. Thank you so much for sharing that.

I'll just explain a little more about where I'm coming from and a little more about my relationship with my boyfriend. First off, low self-esteem has been a lifelong battle with me. I remember going all the way back to pre-school and kindergarten and feeling fat and ugly and awkward and thinking all of the other girls my age were much prettier than I was. I remember staring at my naked reflection in the mirror and poking my stomach and feeling fat and gross. Reminder, I was about 5 years old, and at that time I was nowhere near being fat or even chubby. I had great loving parents and am an only child so I never even had siblings bullying me. Bullying was never an issue for me in school either. I don't know where my issues stem from or why for as long as I can remember I've felt so awkward and ugly. I know that my biggest issues have always been in my mind and as a result they manifested in other ways (mainly, my weight) All the anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and general disgust and unhappiness I felt towards myself took it's toll on me and I became more and more depressed over time (and in turn, more and more overweight.) It was through weight loss that I finally realized just how capable of a person I am and always have been. I began to slowly build myself up and allow myself to feel good about small achievements and to push myself past my comfort zone. I finally started actually feeling attractive and felt that I could hold my head high when I stepped outside.

That high lasted only as long as my weight loss journey though. The maintenance world has been difficult for me. Once the thrill of seeing the numbers on the scale go lower and lower, the clothes getting looser and looser, and the tape measure getting smaller and smaller, I was faced with the reality of my "new" body. Strong and healthy yes. Beautiful? (aesthetically speaking at least) Not so much. Don't get me wrong. I saw the loose drapey skin rearing it's ugly head about mid-way through my weight loss journey. And the more weight I lost, the more pronounced it's appearance became. But I was still riding that weight loss high so although I cared and was concerned, it wasn't at the forefront of my mind. It became more worrisome as I approached my goal weight range and I realized "Oh no..I'm almost at the finish line and this is what I'm left with? Now what?" With excess skin there's only so much you can do. I lost weight slowly. I did it the "right" way. I exercised (plenty of strength training with weights) I drank a lot of water. I ate healthy. But my genetics didn't allow for more desirable results. Not to mention I was obese for such a long time. After 5 years, I have come to terms with the fact that my skin will never bounce back and this is something I have no choice but to learn to live with until the time comes when I can afford surgery (and yes to answer any questions I WILL absolutely have surgery whenever I can come up with the funds for it)

Because of that I was always concerned with dating. It used to be my weight that held me back from dating, and now my skin. In some ways my current situation is harder for me because I could never hide my fat so if someone wanted to date me, well they knew what they were getting themselves involved with. But now for the most part I look like any other normal girl with clothes on. But when the time comes for any intimate situation, it's like a horror show (in my eyes) when my clothes come off. I never knew how to put myself out there or how to accept any guys advances. As flattering and nice as it was, I never allowed myself to get too swept up in an y of it because in my mind all I could think is "they won't feel the same way once they know your "secret." So long story short, I've been very lonely and sad about my love life (or lack thereof) for as long as I could remember. I'm a romantic at heart and all I've ever really wanted was someone to love who could love me as well. I got to the point where I felt it just wasn't in the cards for me in this lifetime.

Out of the blue without looking for it, I got a very sweet message from a very sweet guy on another weight loss website. I had a weight loss ticker showing that I wanted to lose about 15 lbs. He saw my pic on a thread I posted a response to and he sent me a message simply saying "you've accomplished so much and you should be proud of what you've done..although you're crazy for wanting to lose any more because you're beautiful exactly how you are right now" And that began it all. Since he lives so far away I never expected anything more than some flirting and friendly conversations, but they turned into much more very quickly. We told each other our life stories, saw how much we had in common and how we pretty much wanted the exact same things in a relationship and sent novels basically every day for months to each other. I decided to be honest with him about my skin issue early on before I got too attached, and I have never felt so panicked in all my life than after I clicked the "send" button to that email. I actually cried because I fully expected the rejection and judgment I always imagined I would received once I divulged my "secret". Instead he thanked me for telling him and he told me it changed nothing and he still thought I was just as beautiful even knowing that. Fast forward a year and a half and we're still together. He's a really good man. He's so patient with me and reassures me to the end of time. He's very touchy feely so yes I'd say he knows the extent of my skin, although he's never actually seen it because I always stay covered up. He encourages me to just take more of my clothes off but tells me he'll wait as long as it's going to take because he thinks I'm truly worth it and he says no matter what my body looks like he knows he will not lose interest or leave me. He makes it a point to grab my flabby stomach and my jiggly butt and my squishy thighs while kissing me and telling me he loves me so much and thinks all of me is beautiful and sexy and perfect. He tells me until I show him, I'll never truly know how much he loves me because he knows I'll only think of what he's saying as just being words without meaning. He wants to prove to me that once he sees me without my clothes on he'll still love me and want me and tell me I'm beautiful. He says he knows my heart and he loves my personality and how good I am to him and nothing I can show him will change that at this point. He says I may think of myself as being deformed, but he sees me as being unique. The skin doesnt disgust him. "It's just skin..who cares" Are his words. He blows my mind sometimes. I love him truly and I'm still so afraid that he will somehow see me differently after I show him or he'll lose interest and want someone with a more aesthetically appealing body. When something good happens or I have something amazing, an immediate afterthought is fear of losing it unexpectedly. I don't want to lose him because of my body or for any other reason for that matter. But he's right, until I show him, I'll probably never fully understand/accept all of the wonderful things he tells me.

This was a ridiculously long post and I could have condensed this a lot but for whatever reason I felt the need to share all of this with anyone who wants to read it. I know that I am not the only person who deals with these excess skin issues after drastic weight loss, but I know I'm not handling it as well as a good majority of the rest of the population (at least from what I can tell) But I know there must be other people out there who may find this forum, and might even come across this thread who are as depressed and lost as I was/sometimes am. I kept all of this here just for the sake of helping at least one person to feel less alone and to give hope to someone out there who feels they're unlovable or undesirable with either excess weight or excess skin. The truth is we're all beautiful in our own unique ways. I'm very quick to see the good in everyone else and I do lose sight of my own good traits/features because I'm too busy picking apart what I hate and deem undesirable. I'm still a work in progress. I was very introspective throughout my entire weight loss journey and tried to figure out myself and my issues as well as work on healing myself, and believe it or not, I have come very far from where I used to be (trust me..I was a hot mess for a long time) I have a long way to go though. It does help being able to share some of this with a community of people who might understand some of what I'm going though.

Thanks for whoever took the time to read this. And thanks for your support and words of wisdom too :)

freelancemomma
05-28-2013, 10:52 AM
B2B, is your avatar a picture of you? If so, you're seriously gorgeous -- as in movie-star gorgeous.

F.

zoesmom
05-28-2013, 11:05 AM
B2B - absolutely beautiful, intorspective and full of emotion. Your guy, absolutely amazing. You have got a wonderful gem! I have nothing I can say or add...you said it yourself, you know he'll still be there. Sometimes though, it is hard to set aside our fears. But when that time comes, you will find it was completely worth it. :hug: You have all my support. You...you are so amazinginly inspirational!