PCOS/Insulin Resistance Support - am i a bad person?
05-08-2013, 02:27 PM
Recently i felt as if im jumping off the get fit train... FACE FIRST.
ill start with my best friend is pregnant and im so ecstatic... but at the same time im very anxious to know if i could ever get pregnant. im constantly looking into ways to help my hormones level out for once (PCOS) and i just want to be able get our of this funk and get back to what i was doing (losing weight) but i lost all motivation! i just cant help but throw myself pity parties because my main goal is to be able to have that option of getting pregnant one day. and now that my people around me are getting pregnant.. i cant help but to feel extremely anxious and upset with my self.
i keep telling myself to get back on the train but im like.. at a mental block!!! i need help! i need to just get over it and let things happen... but man oh man am i not ok!
am i a bad person for being upset? i mean dont get me wrong... i will love the baby as if it were my own just like i love my other nephew... but goodness... it just hits me hard wheni t hink about it. :(
i know i know.. "my time will come" but COME ON!!!!!!! :mad:
PCOS is def takin over me again instead of me taking over it. i just want to cry all the time! i need to get out of this funk.... i need to i need to i need to!!!!
05-08-2013, 02:36 PM
I think it is perfectly valid to have two feelings at the same time, even if those feelings appear to be somewhat in conflict.
You are happy for your best friend and happy that there will be another baby born into the world.
You are sad for yourself because you want to be pregnant and you're not and you're worried if you'll be able to get pregnant.
Even though you know it's not logical (since her pregnancy and your hoped for pregnancy are totally unrelated), you're jealous.
Who wouldn't be stressed by all of that going on at once?
Can you give yourself permission to feel all of those things, and use that to move past it?
"Yes, I'm jealous, but her pregnancy has nothing to do with me--I can be happy for her while still wishing I was pregnant, too"
Best of luck to you,
05-08-2013, 03:03 PM
omgsasha, hugs hugs hugs, sweety!!
First let me tell you, there is no way you are a bad person. You and I have had enough chats online here and in PMs for me to "know" that much about you. You are one of the sweetest people I have met here.
Trust me when I get it that you are anxious and sad and worried, been there and done that!
You are a young girl but my best advice for you (and take it with a grain of salt as I'm crying myself after getting my TOM this week and praying so hard I was pregnant, even though it was a long shot), is to start getting treatment with your doctors. And part of that I know is going to be losing weight. Trust me when I get so sad that I didn't take better care of myself when I was young and get my body ready for becoming a mother. I'll never know if I would have got endometrial cancer even if I was thin and fit and I try not to harp on the past, it's the future that matters now. But regardless of whether I get pregnant or not, I want to be in optimal health and live a long life with my husband and the rest of the world!!
After I was first diagnosed and told I'd probably never have my own baby, I swear every woman I know was pregnant, was giving birth, or planning to get pregnant again. I cried and cried. I could cry about it now if I let myself (and sometimes I do). But right now I'm staying positive and hoping that it's meant to be for me to be a mom (hopefully naturally!).
I have an appointment at my fertility doc's office tomorrow and the tech I get is about 6 months pregnant. I just think to myself "How cruel that a pregnant woman is taking care of me while I'm here" but I don't know her story, her struggles, anything. So I just get happy for her and this new life she is carrying and pray that I'm in the same boat soon.
Sorry I rambled. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone and your thoughts are totally normal. Now we just have to get you on the right mental track to take control and get healthy for your future, no matter what it holds!! :hug:
05-08-2013, 03:13 PM
thank you! i know im not crazy! i just have feelings and i thank god i have people who will listen and help me but sometimes i just cant get over it. it totally takes over! those feelings are horrible and i dont like having them... but i am human and it happens! :( thank you both for such amazing words of encouragement! :) i am happy for her! and i wont let this affect me any more! i need to stop throwing my self pity parties! :(
Elvislover- oh goshhh! :thanks: u honestly always know what to say! :) thank you and im sooo sorry to hear about ur obstacles! :( and i hope u get everything situated and ill keep u in my prayers and thoughts! i hope u get better and healthy and keep going in the right direction! and im sorry to hear about of all this! :( but if its meant to be it will come right? :) i have faith in us! just sometimes its hard to keep faith when u keep getting neglected by faith. :( i will try and keep my head up high! i need to get back in the game!!!!!!!!
05-10-2013, 11:06 AM
I feel the same way girl!! My friend just got pregnant with baby number 2, and whilst i'm happy for her, im so mad. LOL. Its ok to be angry, upset or sad.. BUT you must keept in mind that it is possible and you will get pregnant some day. Just keep up the hard work and kick PCOS in the A**!! I get mad too. ALOT and i also blame myself, but you can get out of this funk. Just think positive.
You can do it! And when you think you can't, we will all be here to remind you that you can.
06-22-2013, 08:15 AM
You aren't a bad person at all! You are happy for your friend just unhappy for yourself. I completely get it. I feel the same every time one of my friends gets pregnant. When I feel hopeless I find it hard to look after my health. Almost like what is the freaking point! I do everything I'm supposed to and it doesn't work and food is comforting. Maybe give yourself time to grieve and then get back on the Wagon xo