Weight Loss Support - Ever feel like you curse yourself? Keep my mouth SHUT!




elvislover324
05-07-2013, 09:36 AM
I can't remember if it was here or while I was talking to someone that I mentioned how happy I was to not have a walking/exercise buddy. My schedule is so random, I walk and exercise when I want (6am sometimes, 9pm other times, maybe both!) and I have no one to work around except the husband and the dog (he cries if I don't bring him but walks as slow as molasses smelling everything. Elvis' nickname=Smelvis on our walks! :D ).

So today I see one of our neighbors driving to work. Didn't think anything of it. 5 minutes later I get a text asking if I'd like to walk with her some time? Me and my big mouth!!! So of course I text back sure! (What else could I say??) But now I'm nervous. She's thin and pretty and just has everything going for her. And I'm going to look like a big blob next to her, panting for my next breath! I was so happy out on my walk and I feel like that was a pin in my balloon. I'm going to be so stressed walking by her house now, it's not like I can hide?!

She must want to walk with me now since I'm 199lbs. :)

I need to learn to keep quiet about things! Totally cursed myself!


dangerouscurvesahead
05-07-2013, 10:01 AM
Yep! I feel ya! Seems everytime i say anything good or positive or about something im happy with... it quickly changes! You think id learn to keep my mouth shut by now but nooooooo...

Amarantha2
05-07-2013, 10:04 AM
Being thin & pretty doesn't mean a person has everything going for themselves. No one has that. Maybe she could use a friend. :)


gailr42
05-07-2013, 10:09 AM
Someone should do a study about "cursing ourselves". It certainly seems like it happens.

Our dog won't even go with me. He is young and in good shape, so maybe he thinks I'm not good enough for him. LOL. When I walk up and down the driveway, he finds a convenient spot to observe.

My experience is that when someone wants to walk with me, they may do it a few times and get tired of it. She may not know about your random schedule and won't like that, either.

bethFromDayton
05-07-2013, 10:11 AM
It's also okay to only walk with her on occasion. A friend of mine had a similar issue and she preferred to walk alone. So she told the other woman that it was nice to walk together sometimes, but lots of times, it was her only alone time, so it didn't always work for her to have a companion.

Good luck--it's hard to handle something like this.

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 10:16 AM
Yep! I feel ya! Seems everytime i say anything good or positive or about something im happy with... it quickly changes! You think id learn to keep my mouth shut by now but nooooooo...

LOL dangerous, how come the things I really really want and am vocal about never seem to come true?! I need to learn to bite my tongue!

Being thin & pretty doesn't mean a person has everything going for themselves. No one has that. Maybe she could use a friend. :)

That is very true, Amarantha. I should have thought of that side of it too, I was being selfish. :( She never walks on her own and I'm really not in a place where I can be a good friend to anyone right now (that sounds awful to actually say/write). I should just relax until it actually ever happens. I worry about things before they even happen!

Someone should do a study about "cursing ourselves". It certainly seems like it happens.

Our dog won't even go with me. He is young and in good shape, so maybe he thinks I'm not good enough for him. LOL. When I walk up and down the driveway, he finds a convenient spot to observe.

My experience is that when someone wants to walk with me, they may do it a few times and get tired of it. She may not know about your random schedule and won't like that, either.

LOL gailr, any studies about me and the things I think about would curl the pages of the medical report!!

My doggy loves the walks but not the exercise part! His short little legs move quick if there is food involved but otherwise, he lives an elderly dog life! He's like a baby, I have to sneak out of the house on him and make my getaway. It just breaks my heart when I come back around the block and I can hear him howl. :(

You are right, maybe she won't like it!! (Isn't that awful? I should be so happy but I'm not. :( )

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 10:18 AM
It's also okay to only walk with her on occasion. A friend of mine had a similar issue and she preferred to walk alone. So she told the other woman that it was nice to walk together sometimes, but lots of times, it was her only alone time, so it didn't always work for her to have a companion.

Good luck--it's hard to handle something like this.

Thanks Beth! I feel bad but it's my alone time too, you know? But she probably figures I have all day to be "alone" but really I don't. I'm in a different zone when I'm on my walks, plus I have my music blasting! And I take random routes depending what I feel like. Sometimes I take 2 walks (come home, get a drink, go back out).

Why am I so worried about this?!?

luckymommy
05-07-2013, 10:21 AM
This doesn't have to be a daily thing. If she wants to go again, just tell her that your schedule is too unpredictable and you never know when the urge will strike. Hopefully, she'll get the message. I feel for you though!

PreciousMissy
05-07-2013, 10:24 AM
Perhaps she sees how successful you've been and wants to join in. Maybe she's panicking about the 10lb that she's just put on and wants to reverse it before it climbs any higher. Maybe she's always wanted to approach you and finally found a common goal. :shrugs: There are so many variables.

That aside, I understand what you mean. I like to go get my nails done. That's my time of solitude. I never ask girlfriends to go, and I probably never will. I need my "me" time.

SouthernMaven
05-07-2013, 10:36 AM
' mSo today I see one of our neighbors driving to work. Didn't think anything of it. 5 minutes later I get a text asking if I'd like to walk with her some time? Me and my big mouth!!! So of course I text back sure! (What else could I say??)

Elvislover, you must be a lot younger than me! ;) Back in the day, I'd have said the same thing, thinking exactly as you did "What else could I say??"

You could have said "Appreciate your asking, _______, but to be perfectly honest, I prefer walking alone." But I totally understand why you didn't, as I couldn't have done it for a lot of years of my life. I can now, though - no problem. There are people at my gym who've learned the hard way that I'm in no mood to walk and talk. I've had to be polite, but very firm, with some of them.

It just comes with age, I think. You get tired of supplanting your needs for the sake of "being polite" or "keeping the peace." If they take offense, so what?

If you really, really, really don't want to walk with her, just tell her "You caught me a bit off guard, and I most certainly don't want to be rude. But I have to be honest, because my exercise routine is crucial to my overall weight loss goals. And I've learned that I do much better if I walk alone. It's not you, I don't want to walk with anyone." She might be a whole lot more understanding than you think. :)

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 10:48 AM
Thanks lucky mommy and precious missy!!

And southernmaven, omg!! Thank you!!! I'm not THAT young lol (37) but still get panicky in saying no to someone. And she's a really nice person (and we literally live next door to each other). I just get so nervous in front of her. Like I said, she's got everything going for her (she's older than me by like 7-8 years and probably looks younger than me!). Her house is always spotless (inside and out), their kids are so cute, they make plenty of money, take fancy vacations, just seems like everything is perfect! (I know that everything isn't always what it seems but still...it's very intimidating!)

This is totally about me and my insecurities and I don't think she judges me on any of this (she never said or implied anything of the sort), I just feel overwhelmed with everything lately and this feels stressful!

Maybe I'll play it by ear and just see what happens. I could be worrying for nothing. :)

betsy2013
05-07-2013, 10:51 AM
Elvis, I know what you mean -- and the older I get, the more I want my alone time which is silly considering I live alone. I get the "what could I say" as I was raised on the what-could-I-say theory of communication. One thing that may be an option is to think if there are other things you might enjoy doing with this neighbor -- shopping, movie, just having a cup of coffee? If there is another activity it would be much easier to just say that your walking schedule is so flexible that you really can't set a scheduled walk time, but you'd love to ??????? with her.

And, I've been just skimming posts lately, but what's this about you're now at 199 -- YOU'RE IN ONEDERLAND!!!!! WOW -- did you just sneak that in there or was there a big announcement and I missed it. Are you still doing cartwheels? I am so happy for you -- don't know anyone who has worked harder to reach a specific goal than you did for this one. :carrot::carrot::carrot:

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 10:56 AM
Elvis, I know what you mean -- and the older I get, the more I want my alone time which is silly considering I live alone. I get the "what could I say" as I was raised on the what-could-I-say theory of communication. One thing that may be an option is to think if there are other things you might enjoy doing with this neighbor -- shopping, movie, just having a cup of coffee? If there is another activity it would be much easier to just say that your walking schedule is so flexible that you really can't set a scheduled walk time, but you'd love to ??????? with her.

And, I've been just skimming posts lately, but what's this about you're now at 199 -- YOU'RE IN ONEDERLAND!!!!! WOW -- did you just sneak that in there or was there a big announcement and I missed it. Are you still doing cartwheels? I am so happy for you -- don't know anyone who has worked harder to reach a specific goal than you did for this one. :carrot::carrot::carrot:

Thanks Betsy!!! I have been in onederland for just about 26 hours now (but who's counting LOL!!!). There is a thread about it as I finally cried HAPPY tears!! Thank you so much for your kind comments. I thought I'd never get to 199!!

Thanks so much for your suggestions, maybe I can find something else to do with her. I only walk alone or with my husband and it seems weird to add someone into my routine but maybe it's meant to be. :) And maybe I could benefit from her too. I'm trying to get positive about it!

bethFromDayton
05-07-2013, 10:57 AM
And, I've been just skimming posts lately, but what's this about you're now at 199 -- YOU'RE IN ONEDERLAND!!!!! WOW -- did you just sneak that in there or was there a big announcement and I missed it.

:rofl:betsy, you really haven't been paying attention :D, although I grant that it just happened yesterday! I know I was checking 3FC every 10 minutes to see the results of elvis's weigh-in yesterday!

100Mother
05-07-2013, 11:15 AM
She must want to walk with me now since I'm 199lbs. :)

That is SO the reason! Haha, love it.


I can completely relate. This month is bike to work month. Me and my big mouth, I was so excited and talking about it at work, and this one girl is like, "Oh man! Can I ride WITH you!?" 'Sure....' Crap, yeh, I don't want to have to worry about anyone but myself, ya know? Even with my b/f, we tried to go to the gym a few times together but it just didn't work. We are too good at talking eachother out of it, no matter how good our intentions are.

I agree with everyone above that maybe doing it occasionally with her would be a good thing. I have found that when I work out occasionally with others I am introduced to new ideas/concepts, and sometimes I even push myself harder. It is good to have a balance.

And who knows if she will ever actually hit you up to do it. ;)

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 11:23 AM
That is SO the reason! Haha, love it.


I can completely relate. This month is bike to work month. Me and my big mouth, I was so excited and talking about it at work, and this one girl is like, "Oh man! Can I ride WITH you!?" 'Sure....' Crap, yeh, I don't want to have to worry about anyone but myself, ya know? Even with my b/f, we tried to go to the gym a few times together but it just didn't work. We are too good at talking eachother out of it, no matter how good our intentions are.

I agree with everyone above that maybe doing it occasionally with her would be a good thing. I have found that when I work out occasionally with others I am introduced to new ideas/concepts, and sometimes I even push myself harder. It is good to have a balance.

And who knows if she will ever actually hit you up to do it. ;)

Thanks 100Mother!! You are right, she might actually never ask!! And I know, maybe I will gain something from it. I am trying to keep positive!

I already texted my husband at work all about it (like he has nothing else to do!!) and I was very careful to send it to him and not to her by accident (that would be my stupid luck not paying attention! And I didn't say anything bad, I wouldn't do that. More about the stress part...).

I'm serious, she must have seen my svelte 199lbs walking down the street and said "I'd walk with that!!". LMAO just kidding, there is nothing svelte about any part of me. I'm getting delirious now, must be all this caffeine I had this morning!

100Mother
05-07-2013, 11:26 AM
Whatever, I'm going to be svelte when I get to 199! Haha. I won't even be humble about my fine you know what ;)

I think that is my new word, 'svelte'! :)

newleaf123
05-07-2013, 11:39 AM
You are way over thinking this, IMHO. If she follows up, go for a walk with her. Not one of your exercise walks, but an extra walk in the day. Use it as social time, not exercise time.

I agree, though. I don't want to exercise with other people either, and just tell them so.

Don't be intimidated... She asked you. You should be flattered.

Skettihead03
05-07-2013, 11:45 AM
Yes, totally true. I curse myself with many things haha. As far as a workout partner goes, I simply don't like them. Either they are slowing me down or I feel like I am slowing them down and I would rather be alone and bang it out when I have the energy, or slow it down when I'm exhausted. Plus I can't walk and talk very easily, I get out of breath when I try to talk. I'd rather pop my headphones in and just do my thing. :)

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 11:52 AM
You are way over thinking this, IMHO. If she follows up, go for a walk with her. Not one of your exercise walks, but an extra walk in the day. Use it as social time, not exercise time.

I agree, though. I don't want to exercise with other people either, and just tell them so.

Don't be intimidated... She asked you. You should be flattered.

Thanks newleaf!! Overthinking is the story of my life! :dizzy:

I meant to tell you, LOVE the new profile picture!! Every single one you post is always so flattering! This new one reminds me of Christine Baranski who plays an attorney on the Good Wife. So pretty!

(I know you are younger than her but I think you have similar features and both of you are so pretty!)

http://i1275.photobucket.com/albums/y455/elvislover324/christinebaranski_zps9ba6ee3b.jpg (http://s1275.photobucket.com/user/elvislover324/media/christinebaranski_zps9ba6ee3b.jpg.html)

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 11:54 AM
Yes, totally true. I curse myself with many things haha. As far as a workout partner goes, I simply don't like them. Either they are slowing me down or I feel like I am slowing them down and I would rather be alone and bang it out when I have the energy, or slow it down when I'm exhausted. Plus I can't walk and talk very easily, I get out of breath when I try to talk. I'd rather pop my headphones in and just do my thing. :)

Exactly!!

Munchy
05-07-2013, 12:17 PM
I really dislike working out with other people. A friend/coworker said recently that she knows I'm "weird" about it. The thing is, I have no other time to myself. I'm a single mom and I go from one thing to the next without time to think. My child is young and I literally have to rush from work to gym to pick her up at the last possible after care time at school, then she goes to dance, girl scouts, has homework, dinner, bath, etc.

The gym time is my release, both physically and mentally and the last thing that I want to do is make it about someone else. I don't want to talk, I want to get all my thinking done. That is MY time, lol!

newleaf123
05-07-2013, 04:29 PM
Thanks for the compliments elvis. In real life I'm not particularly pretty. I consider myself average looking. But I know how to snap a flattering photo with my ipad LOL

betsy2013
05-07-2013, 04:47 PM
Yeah, Beth, I've definitely been remiss in keeping track of what's going on. My life right now seems to be taking people to the airport or else going to doctor visits. But hopefully by the end of the month the vast majority of both will be finished!

alaskanlaughter
05-07-2013, 05:36 PM
if you put the ball in her court and make it up to her to come along , like "let me know when you'd like to walk with me!" its likely that she never will follow up on it

I can't begin to count the number of people who have "wanted to work out" with me or even just "go for a walk" and i'll never hear from them again...I would like to have someone occasionally to work out with but I will NEVER EVER hear from anyone again about it

lunarsongbird
05-07-2013, 06:04 PM
I can't begin to count the number of people who have "wanted to work out" with me or even just "go for a walk" and i'll never hear from them again...I would like to have someone occasionally to work out with but I will NEVER EVER hear from anyone again about it

Isn't this the truth?
Especially if they haven't been walking or active on their own.

Do you think you would enjoy walking with her? Do you enjoy spending time with her?

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 07:06 PM
I do like her as a person and I guess we'd find something to talk about. My husband and her husband do stuff together (golf, hang out for beers, etc.) but I'm a pretty anxious person (in case you can't tell already!) and tend to stay home. Plus when I was bigger, I never wanted to be embarrassed around them, esp. since she's so thin (I mean, twig thin). I know it's not her fault and I'm not blaming any of this on her, it's all my problem. (I was probably 180lbs when we moved here 8 years ago so I wasn't thin but I wasn't my 328 either...).

Of course I saw her again when I was outside with the dog but she was taking the kids somewhere. I swear I haven't seen her in like 6 months and now 3x today LOL!

I guess I was just dumbfounded that she asked to walk with me. I never saw her exercise one bit and I swear if she starts talking about losing 10lbs like my husband's cousin did at my doctor's office I will spin my head right off!! (Not that she can't want to lose 10lbs if she wants to, I'm just not in a place to support any one like that, know what I mean?)

Then I was thinking afterwards, I'm being such a biotch about all of this and writing about it here and maybe she thinks that *I* want the company on my walks. I know my husband and her husband have talked a bit about my doctor's appointments and stuff so maybe she is reaching out to be kind to me. And if that's the case, I feel like such a jerk!

newleaf123
05-07-2013, 07:30 PM
Now that I'm not home I can get past the Net Nanny and see the photo you posted. You are right, we do share a look in common. Probably share the same Eastern European roots...

elvislover324
05-07-2013, 07:34 PM
OMG new leaf, I was thinking afterwards that maybe I shouldn't tell people when they remind of someone in case they don't agree or get insulted.

In my opinion, this lady looks so good on the Good Wife and when I saw your new profile pic I instantly compared you to her!! So please know that I meant it in the most flattering way!! And with the pics you have shared here, I think you are much prettier than average!! Don't sell yourself short!!

The picture wasn't that big when I uploaded it, not sure why it was such a closeup of her!! (I'm new with this picture thing in case you can't tell!!)

newleaf123
05-07-2013, 08:32 PM
Ok, home now. I looked her up -- I know her better as MaryAnne from Cybill LOL. She is of Polish descent; I am of Hungarian/Russian/Yugoslavian descent so sort of the same neck of the woods. Anyway, I agree - she is very pretty. Has that look of strength about her. I like the comparison! Thanks again for the compliments! Good thing this is your thread, otherwise I would never side-track like this!!

joefla70
05-07-2013, 10:24 PM
Maybe I'm missing something, but I see a lot of people saying that they understand why you would prefer to exercise alone ...because they prefer to exercise alone tool. When I read your posts I don't get the feeling that the issue is that you would prefer to exercise alone. It seems like what is making you kick yourself about saying yes when she asked if you'd like to walk with her is your anxiety about being compared to this other woman. Am I correct in surmising that you would not feel anxious if a different neighbor (one you do not feel intimidated by) asked to walk with you? Might you feel comfortable with them -- and maybe even welcome -- another neighbor joining you if that other neighbor was not intimidating to you (i.e., was just like you -- kinda like that Discover Card commercial in which the CSR is just like the person calling in)?

elvislover324
05-08-2013, 11:32 AM
Well said, Joe. I mean, I do like to walk alone (except for DH) and I was bragging about the fact that no one ever gets in the middle of my plans/asks to join, etc. and then it happened. I guess the fact that it's HER that was the one to ask me is a bit personal about her. I am totally intimidated by her in so many ways (looks, quality of life, everything). Some might say jealous but I don't think it's jealous. I'm not her and won't ever be her, but I don't like to feel compared to her either. Like if our other neighbors see us walking they might say there is FFE (formerly fat Elvis!) and Skinny Sally exercising together. Except for me, it's literally exercising to save my life from my weight and Sally is exercising to show off her skinny capri pants and tell me about her next vacation!

I can name probably 2 people that I might be ok with asking to walk with me on my street (and yes, both are overweight and probably need someone to "hold their hand" if you will). Those 2 would still cause me anxiety because of timing issues (I do what I want when I want without a schedule) but I might make more of an effort with them because they could be using me as inspiration. I hope that makes sense.

I talked to my husband briefly about it last night and told him I might just text her when I'm going on my walk and if she wants to meet me out front, I'm leaving now. Or something like that vs. making plans to walk at 3pm on Tuesday or something.

You all are awesome in your replies and trying to help me (sometimes I think I'm beyond help!).

joefla70
05-08-2013, 12:30 PM
I can name probably 2 people that I might be ok with asking to walk with me on my street (and yes, both are overweight and probably need someone to "hold their hand" if you will). Those 2 would still cause me anxiety because of timing issues (I do what I want when I want without a schedule) but I might make more of an effort with them because they could be using me as inspiration. I hope that makes sense.

I talked to my husband briefly about it last night and told him I might just text her when I'm going on my walk and if she wants to meet me out front, I'm leaving now. Or something like that vs. making plans to walk at 3pm on Tuesday or something.

What your husband suggested is what I was going to suggest as well. It seems that your anxiety is rooted in the fact that you are a caring person who is sensitive to other people's needs, feelings, etc. That's a great thing, but the fact that it causes you anxiety because you're preoccupied with pleasing others --- not so much! A lot of other people wouldn't care about anybody's schedule but their own and would simply say, "this is when I walk. If you'd like to join me, you're more than welcome" -- and leave it at that. I know that is hard for kind people - such as yourself - to do, because you're hard-wired to be a kind, caring person. But you owe it to yourself to be selfish once in a while!

elvislover324
05-08-2013, 12:33 PM
You make me want to HUG you, Joe!! And thank you for saying I'm a kind person. I just treat others as I wish to be treated, it's really that simple. :D

I did try the "no care" attitude but it's so not me. I just wish people cared about me as much I do them! Or even half!! And my family is the worst offender. But that's a story for a different thread. :)

joefla70
05-08-2013, 12:41 PM
You make me want to HUG you, Joe!! And thank you for saying I'm a kind person. I just treat others as I wish to be treated, it's really that simple. :D

I did try the "no care" attitude but it's so not me. I just wish people cared about me as much I do them! Or even half!! And my family is the worst offender. But that's a story for a different thread. :)

I'll consider myself hugged. :)