100 lb. Club - Can you have a skinny chick as a weight loss buddy?




ubergirl
05-02-2013, 05:54 PM
One of my resolutions this time around was that I was going to find some real support for my diet IRL.

Last time, I was totally supported by the people at 3FC, but when I started to struggle and regain, it was too easy for me just to not log in. Online friends can be awesome and amazing, but in my experience, they are not like real friends. Online friends can disappear without a trace, and they are easy to ignore when you don't want to listen. Real friends don't do that.

So now, I have two weight loss buddies who are real friends. One is big, and has a whole bunch to lose just like I do. But, she doesn't have the experience of success that I have. In spite of my regain, I have a lot of confidence that I can do this, because I just did. She's like a weight loss newb who maybe doesn't quite know what it takes yet. On the other hand, she totally gets where I'm coming from (the plus size department, for example)

My other friend is a weight loss pro, she's been starving her lovely slender frame from 140 to 125 periodically as long as I've known her....

Before I lost the weight the first time, I always assumed that she was "naturally slim." I'm sure she didn't want to be that skinny chick who is constantly telling her fat friend all about how fat she is. But once we discovered that we had dieting in common, we started swapping calorie restriction stories and joking about getting together to "not have lunch."

Anyway, just seems funny to me that I relate just as well, if not better to the skinny friend. On the other hand, fat friend and I can discuss stuff like the realities of shopping in the plus size department. Skinny friend thinks "plus size" is anything above a 6!

Just wondering what experiences you guys have had with this?


Lecomtes
05-02-2013, 06:05 PM
That's great that you have w/o buddies! It can be so helpful! How wonderful that you have two with different backgrounds. Most of my friends are thin, so I struggle to find people that can relate to my weight battles. This is why 3FC has been such a blessing for me. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm not alone in this! I would love to have some friends my size to workout with though! I tend to segregate myself from my thin friends when it comes to physical activity because I don't feel comfortable huffing and puffing and holding them back.

Underwater
05-02-2013, 06:14 PM
I could totally be dieting buddies with someone slim to exchange strategies and recipes. I love recipes even from people who aren't looking to lose weight and just like eating healthy.

However, it's really hard for slim people to relate to me now. I am kind of in the middle of fat and slim. I am fatter than most slim people would ever want to be, but I am on top of the world. I LOVE to shop! I feel like I look great because I only have my 230+ self to compare it with. My goal is even fatter than most would want to be. I am not looking to be a size 4 or even a 6. I would be thrilled to maintain at a size 10.

Also, even now I am not very "in shape" compared to slimmer people. I struggle to jog 8 minutes straight. I have never run a mile. So maybe I could exercise with someone who is slim but never exercised. However, my slim friends trying to lose weight exercise like mad. One of my friends runs half-marathons every few months.

So, my answer is "maybe." Maybe for some things slim weight loss buddies are fine. Keep an open mind and see what works for you.


AnnMarie77
05-02-2013, 06:31 PM
Honestly? I couldn't. Not for a weight loss buddy. I would roll my eyes so far back in my head that they would get stuck and that would not be good.

A regular buddy? Sure. But weight loss, nope.

SweetScrumptious
05-02-2013, 06:35 PM
Have you also thought about maybe finding someone from this site to meet up in person?

I met someone off of this site a couple years ago. And well... now we are roommates! :)

kaplods
05-02-2013, 06:42 PM
In my experience, body size has very little to do with a person's ability to provide support with weight loss or anything else. A slim compassionate friend who has never had a weight problem might be as good or better a support than a very fat friend who may or may not have insight into their own struggles, let alone mine.

I've often been surprised by people. You never know who will turn out to be a helpor a hinderance, so keep an open mind and take help wherever you may find it.

sluggerbean
05-02-2013, 06:48 PM
I believe God brings people into our lives for a reason. I think you are meant to be buddies with both. :hug: If you get along with both of them I say go for it; you never know what it will mean to you or to them!

punkrocksong
05-02-2013, 10:37 PM
Everyone is different. My best friend has lost almost 70 lbs because of medical condition (it's nothing terribly serious - basically a hormone inbalance), so she really hasn't tried to lose the weight, so I can't really share my struggles with her even though we started at the same size. I also have a couple of friends who are hard core fat acceptance and think I'm betraying them because I've dropped a pants size. I have a very thin friend who is very health conscience and I feel the most comfortable talking to her - I came out of the dieting closet this week and told her and she has been amazing...and even though she can't personally relate to what I'm going through...her words of encouragement have been awesome. We have a walking date next week!

Even though I'm surrounded by people who love me, I've honestly felt I've been able to relate more to a lot of the stories I've read on here - I think it's because we are online we drop our guard a little and don't try to put such a spin on everything.

You should hang with whomever you're comfortable with - I don't think size should really matter.

Arctic Mama
05-02-2013, 11:05 PM
I'd have no problem having a slender friend as a weight loss companion - as was mentioned here already, compassion knows no size (and nastiness, too!). It just depends on the person. Some of my very best sources of diet and health chattiness are healthy friends and family members. They've never been as big as I was or lost significant weight, but the topic interests them and they like me - so the discussions flow naturally. I'll take that over someone who has been or is currently larger but completely unwilling to look outside their own box and see a different take on the situation.

Especially since my way of eating is Atkins, and has been a controversial one in the past (Dr. Simeon's protocol, by the book thankyouverymuch!), I'd rather take someone more openminded/supportive for discussing it. I can commiserate on fat girl-specific problems on here and don't miss it in real life. But for in-person support the attitude matters way more than the size :)

Arctic Mama
05-02-2013, 11:07 PM
I believe God brings people into our lives for a reason. I think you are meant to be buddies with both. :hug: If you get along with both of them I say go for it; you never know what it will mean to you or to them!

Well said and absolutely true!

100Mother
05-03-2013, 12:13 PM
Absolutely, the person can be skinny. But what is MORE important is that the person is HEALTHY. There are plenty of skinny people that are not the embodiment of health.

That being said, my absolute best workout buddy ever was my friend Helen, who was little bitty, but LOVED getting outside and doing stuff! She really pushed me, but in a kind way where I never felt pressured. I just wanted to hang out with her, and if we were hanging out we were out biking or hiking or something.

wannaBfitnessbuff
05-03-2013, 01:25 PM
My best workout friend is also tiny. Like size 2 tiny. But she isn't someone I feel comfortable to talk about calorie counting and such. She has been thin her whole life and just doesn't understand needing to do anything more than "be active and eat things in moderation". She gets annoyed when people say "I can't eat French fries". I don't think she understands what it's like to have triggers that lead to massive over eating. Anyways she is the best buddy's ever for exercise. But here is where I talk about trying to lose weight :). That and more poor DH and beat friend who has moved away. She has always been pretty small, but at times gained or lost 10-20 lbs. and she's the one who taught me how to calorie count. So on our rare phone calls I have someone who understands the struggle of counting calories and measuring and logging everything I eat.

Trazey34
05-03-2013, 03:13 PM
Who says you can have only ONE??? I had 'fat friends' that I would b!tch and moan about the lack of clothing options with and try to encourage each other to do walks etc. The drawback of that is that if you both fall off the wagon at the same time, it can spiral outta control pretty quickly LOL I had thinner friends that I could call up and say "wanna go for a walk" and 99/100 times they'd say SURE let's go!!

I say use ALL the resources available to you -- just like anything in life, you have sets of friends/acquaintances that are for different areas, use whatever works that day/week/month etc.

It might be empowering for you to help your bigger friend (assuming she wants to learn stuff) and you can both look at ways to not regain after losing, recipes, workout stuff etc., and you can learn stuff from your thinner friend, I say the more the merrier!

ubergirl
05-04-2013, 09:10 AM
Who says you can have only ONE???

Well, nobody. I wasn't actually trying to choose... just reflecting upon the fact that skinny friend seems to "get it" better than fat friend. Wondering what others experiences were.

BreathingSpace
05-05-2013, 04:21 PM
I learned so much from my super skinny friend. She said things I would resist at first like "you don't need to eat anything when you get home from work" (i get home at 11:30 pm). And i would argue with her saying "but i'm hungry!". she says "no you're not, you haven't been DOING anything all night but just sitting and typing. you've trained your body to want to eat/snack when you get home, that's all".

I resisted for a while and then realized she was right. Stopped eating a ton when I got home and the weight started dropping.

Also, she told me to quit ordering my coffee with 2 cream and just stick with skim milk. That was a tough one to accept too! lol.

She gave me skinny girl sound advice, and although it was hard to hear, she was right.

Sometimes I would roll my eyes and want to smack her when she said things like "when i'm craving something sweet i go out and splurge on a papaya" but, again, that's my ego getting in the way. Essentially, she's right about that too!

AnnMarie77
05-05-2013, 05:26 PM
That's interesting. I have a SIL who is seems naturally slim and she has stayed with us for days at a time, so I've been able to observe what she eats over time.

She never formally works out, but she is always moving. Cleaning, playing with her kids, walking to park, she is not lazy. She keeps her calories towards the lower end of things. I'd say 1,400 a day at most. She never drinks anything but tons of water. She does not snack after dinner and she goes to bed relatively early. I guess she's really not "naturally slim" now that I think about it; she has specific habits that contribute to it.

Anyway, it's interesting to think about. I wouldn't want to be her WL friend, not that she needs to lose weight, but I think it's a good point that we can learn from skinny friends :)

ubergirl
05-05-2013, 07:35 PM
I love the skinny girl tips too. My skinny friend eats out all the time. She has a kind of a glamorous life always out at these fancy places all dressed up and gorgeous. I always wondered how she did it as I never saw her picking the lo-cal plate or pushing most of the dinner away...

Turns out, on days when she's dining out she eats nothing all day, just drinks a cup of tea in the morning...

I don't think that would work well for me but, I have used the strategy a few times... usually when I've accidentally missed lunch due to time contraints, and then I have 900 or so calories to play with for dinner, which gives me a lot more leeway in what I eat.

I think maybe the "naturally slim" people just have found a set of habits that work for them, letting them eat great food, including high calorie stuff, from time to time, but keeping their overall intake low.

MoniqueMclean
05-05-2013, 07:48 PM
everything in moderation they say.. I watch my husband and let me tell you he weighs 127 pounds haha a lot of muscle and eats like a bird or so it seems to me with my eating addiction he doesn't like greasy food he like home cooked meals .. he always busy moving whatever .. his metabolism is high and for good reason he isn't consuming hoards of calories and laying around .. yah so a skinny friend can definatly teach you thing or two

LuvMyMr
05-06-2013, 01:37 AM
I did have one at one time. I will never forget the day that she came to me nearly in tears. Her size 2 jeans didn't fit so she is wearing a size 4. I was a size 20. I'm thinking, surely you are expecting me to cry with you? Get the bleep outta here with that! Another one worked out like a fiend because she wanted to continue to buy her clothes in the kid's department. I just ended up working out and losing it on my own. This is my own personal experience. Of course yours may vary. :)

AnnMarie77
05-06-2013, 09:44 AM
I think maybe the "naturally slim" people just have found a set of habits that work for them, letting them eat great food, including high calorie stuff, from time to time, but keeping their overall intake low.

Exactly. I think it's easy to get into a mindset that life isn't fair, and why is she skinny and I struggle so much.

P.S. And of course, some folks have real medical issues that make things harder, so not to discount that.

AnnMarie77
05-06-2013, 09:48 AM
I did have one at one time. I will never forget the day that she came to me nearly in tears. Her size 2 jeans didn't fit so she is wearing a size 4. I was a size 20. I'm thinking, surely you are expecting me to cry with you? Get the bleep outta here with that! Another one worked out like a fiend because she wanted to continue to buy her clothes in the kid's department. I just ended up working out and losing it on my own. This is my own personal experience. Of course yours may vary. :)

I have a skinny friend like this and she is always asking, do I look fat in this? On and on. Turns out she was bulimic so now I avoid talking about anything to do with weight loss or exercise or clothes or anything as I don't want to trigger her.

ubergirl
05-06-2013, 09:58 AM
I did have one at one time. I will never forget the day that she came to me nearly in tears. Her size 2 jeans didn't fit so she is wearing a size 4. I was a size 20. I'm thinking, surely you are expecting me to cry with you? Get the bleep outta here with that! Another one worked out like a fiend because she wanted to continue to buy her clothes in the kid's department. I just ended up working out and losing it on my own. This is my own personal experience. Of course yours may vary. :)

Yah... one thing about my skinny friend is that she LITERALLY never once talked about her own weight, eating habits, calorie counting, workouts, etc. in my presence until I started expressing interest in it, talking about workouts, calories etc. She was totally sensitive about the issue and I always assumed that she was just "naturally skinny" and never thought about it-- which wasn't true at all.... but I do get my feelings hurt when I'm the lone fatty in a group of skinny people who all sitting at lunch eating nonfat yogurts and talking about how they don't want to get fat. I mean, honestly, how exactly do they think that makes me feel???

SweetScrumptious
05-06-2013, 12:48 PM
but I do get my feelings hurt when I'm the lone fatty in a group of skinny people who all sitting at lunch eating nonfat yogurts and talking about how they don't want to get fat. I mean, honestly, how exactly do they think that makes me feel???

I COMPLETELY agree. Many times in high school, a lot of my "skinny" friends always complained (to me nonetheless) that they were getting oh-so-fat. It upset me... If you think you are so fat, what do you think of me? Ginormous? I never voiced it as I didn't want to bring attention to myself. I think they just wanted to hear someone telling them they weren't fat :p. One friend ended up being bulimic, the other one somewhat anorexic. Now that is been 8 years since grad, I don't really take it so personally. Everyone has their own issues, and I just take it with a grain of salt as people have their own perceptions of their body. Plus, I know in overweight - and now I'm doing something about it.

Goddess Jessica
05-06-2013, 04:24 PM
My best friend is my weight loss buddy and she's very skinny. We struggle with many of the EXACT same issues. Our other friend (who was part of our weight loss group) was also thin and her struggles were NOT relatable at ALL.

For example, our other friend ate the exact same thing every day. Exactly the same. This is how she lost her weight. My best friend and I suffer from diet boredom and need to change things up. She could not understand why we couldn't just eat the same thing and lose weight.

So I think your question isn't whether you can have a weight loss friend who is skinny but is that friend someone that has struggles that you can identify with.

MrsD2008
05-06-2013, 05:58 PM
Hi, I'm new in the section of the forum, I hope you don't mind me chiming in...

When I was able to exercise, my greatest walking friends were thin, fit gals. They were very motivating and taught me a lot.

I have many overweight friends, but not all of them are ready to lose weight. If I hang out at my sister's house too long, I end up eating just like them; skipping meals and eating junk food. I have to pack a lunch and snacks if I plan on being there longer than a few hours during the day.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to take what you need from each friend as long as you're giving back!