Mini-Goals - I'm going to sing again for the first time in five years.
05-01-2013, 06:51 PM
Where to begin. Outside of my fiance and immediate family, I've never shared this video or this story with anyone. It's one part self reflection and one part accomplishing a goal...
You see, I am a singer. Well, I was. When I was 20 I was geared up to attend a major music conservatory. I had a patron who generously payed for my flights to New York and San Francisco for live auditions at the schools which had selected my pre-screening CD. Then, letter after letter came back...not accepted..."We regret to inform you...". I had worked SO hard and invested so much time, money, and effort into this goal. I was crushed. My voice teacher was astounded, he invited a friend involved in opera to do a workshop with me and give me ideas to increase my chances. Very kindly, the man explained to me that admissions people in the classical music world were not likely to admit a student of my size. I did not handle it well. I became depressed, started abusing substances to distract myself from negative thoughts, and got involved with someone who was equally in a bad spot. Surrounding some unfortunate circumstances, my baby girl was conceived. While now she is the light of my life (well, one of two!), at the time I thought I had failed myself and my family, and that I had no hope of singing again.
Well, it's taken a long time and a lot of self reflection, but I'm just now starting to sing again...for the joy of it, not to get into a conservatory. I couldn't even stand to listen to what were once some of my favorite pieces because I associated them with painful memories...but maybe time does heal all wounds? My first performance in nearly five years is coming up this Saturday. It's a goal I have been thinking about for a long time, but had been lacking the courage to accomplish. :) I would tell myself nobody wants to hear me if they can see my body too, but...I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! If anybody doesn't like my body they can DEAL...I've been inspired by the ladies on this forum not to let my weight keep me from living life. I've done enough of that. I am excited, but nervous.
This is a video that a family member posted on youtube of the last public performance I sang in, 2008. I've never told anyone it was there because I was so humiliated that my weight kept me from accomplishing my dream, but I'm putting it out there now...Here's to smiling and singing louder when everyone wants you to shut up!:carrot:*CHEERS*:carrot: Move boldly through the world ladies...don't give up on yourself!
05-01-2013, 08:04 PM
What a beautiful voice! I'm sure I can speak for more than just myself when I say we're very proud of you for doing what you love to do despite feeling held back by your weight! You deserve it. I've also let my weight get in the way of a lot of things, life changing things, and your courage makes me think twice about what I've done/am doing to myself. Thank you for sharing and break a leg on Saturday! :hug:
05-01-2013, 08:45 PM
I believe this may be before your time but in the 40's and 50's I believe, there was a popular singer with her own TV show, her name was Kate Smith.
She was obese but had a successful singing career.
Go forward a few years, 70's, I believe. There was a very popular singing group, the Mamas and Papas. In that group was a very obese singer named Mama Cass Elliot. This is just an example of two obese singers who had successful careers.
You have a beautiful voice, a gift that should be shared.
05-01-2013, 09:48 PM
You are beautiful, from your soul, to your voice. Thank you so much for sharing this! I also applaud you for having the courage and power to sing previously, no matter your weight! You are a powerhouse, and I can't wait to see you shine with this newfound confidence of yours! Be sure to send us more links :)
05-01-2013, 10:03 PM
I am so excited for you that I could cry!!! I know I only "know" you from 3FC but I feel like I know you personally and am so proud of you and your attitude and what you are doing within your life.
You are a beautiful person, inside AND out. So so happy for you, you inspire me.
05-01-2013, 11:46 PM
OMG! I have only been in this forum 4 days so not much experience here but still appreciate your story and wanted to say a few words.
First of all watch the video and your voice is incredible!!! you really have mad talent and so happy you are getting back into it not so much for the career but because it makes you happy and that is what really matters.
I went to music school for 14 years(concert flute/piano) and for many years thought that going into a conservatory was what I wanted. For many reasons to long to explain here it didn't happen and now I am on a completely different path (engineering). Long story short I found a volunteer band and play there weekly which keeps the musician in me under control while I tackle every day tasks. In the end people are always going to judge because thats just what they do, and your talent was so great the only thing they could find to critique was your weight!! Don't give up and I'm really glad you are doing this presentation!!! If you want to loose weight do it for your health and to spend extra time with your babies not for some hater that has nothing better to do than to critique your size because he doesn't have anything better to add. :)
05-01-2013, 11:59 PM
You go girl!
05-02-2013, 11:42 AM
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm a singer, too, so I can relate. So inspirational! Break a leg and keep moving forward in achieving your dreams! We are all proud of you.
05-02-2013, 12:07 PM
I love "Ave Maria." You have a great voice and a great attitude! Keep it up!
05-02-2013, 02:17 PM
Beautiful - Both YOU and YOUR VOICE!!! So glad you are going to sing again!!
This was beautiful. Had me in tears. I am so sad that experience deprived both you and your audience of such beauty for so long.
05-02-2013, 08:21 PM
Wow. Thank you all so much. Your responses had ME in tears. Good tears though! :) Thanks for reading about my little victory and watching. It's been a long time since I've done this and your encouragement is really helpful.
Thank you Thinkfit! I'm really working on being a more courageous person.. How is your jogging/walking going? I've had a cold so had a few off days, but hoping to start up again after the weekend.
Bargoo- I knew mama Cass, but I looked up Kate Smith and WOW! Beautiful voice! I can't believe I'd never heard of her! Thanks for turning me onto her.
Thank you so much NorthernChick, I really appreciate your words. I think maybe, I want to shine now, I've been in hiding for a while ;) I'm hoping I can get my fiance to take a video this Saturday so I can share.
Elvislover, HUGS! I feel the the same way about you! Some of the things you post/write have really helped me feel like I am not alone in these struggles. I never realized how many people battle with the EXACT same thoughts I do, and even though they are facing their own challenges, they reach out and give encouragement to others. YOU are an inspiration!
GMNEVO- Engineering, WOW! That is very cool. I too ended up traveling down a very different educational path, microbiology. I'm glad you found a way to still be involved in music and use your abilities in flute and piano, that gives me hope! I'm finding that performing without all the pressure I had before is actually more enjoyable, I hope I can find a way to fit it into my life more regularly.
Thank you so much carryesigns...WOW! 100 lb loss! Congratulations motivator!
SuperCecilia- Thank you so much! I'm glad there in another singer in out midst! What kind of music do you sing?
Thanks Mimasaka, I hope to. :)
Mountain Mama- I like your screen name! :) Thank you very much.
Thank you Tea2, it's been a long process, but right now I'm feeling like I'm stepping out into the light...it's feeling good! :)
Love to you all, and thank you for inspiring and motivating me! I can't wait to be witness your continued successes, and amazing achievements!
05-02-2013, 09:37 PM
I love this! To me, this is what this weight loss journey has been about - learning to live and love living again. You go girl!
05-02-2013, 09:38 PM
Wow! I was blown away by your voice on the video! Those conservatories sure missed out. But you're too good for them, especially if they judge people on appearance rather than talent. So glad to hear that you're going to sing again! I'm sure you'll amaze them.
05-14-2013, 05:03 PM
Wow girl, you got some voice on you!! Just beautiful! I only just saw this thread and had no idea you were doing this, I wish I could have posted sooner to say good luck :) How did your performance go?
Ever since I "met" you on this forum I've noticed a serious trend that you're going out and grabbing life by the horns. That is truly awesome, and I'm so proud of you! :) :hug: :hug: :hug:
05-14-2013, 06:18 PM
Thank you Shiv, it means a lot. :) I feel like I've had a major paradigm shift, and I'm so thankful for it! Primarily due to this forum. I don't feel so crazy anymore knowing that so many people have similar struggles. lol.
My fiance took a video of the performance, I'll share it here once I figure out how to do so. I had to improvise a line or two but all together it was very fun and the performance benefited the American Cancer Society, so it did some good to boot! :) I hope I can find a way to sing more regularly in my community.
05-15-2013, 08:42 PM
You really do have a beautiful voice. It's so awesome that you're singing again.
PS - I'm a singer too, and I definitely know what it's like to not want people (or yourself) to see youtube videos of you singing. :) I'm so glad you feel comfortable sharing your videos now.
05-15-2013, 08:45 PM
What a beautiful, beautiful presentation. You are beautiful and the music is beautiful. I, too, have a tear in my eye.
I am happy to hear that you are going to sing again.
for no particular reason, I came over here to see what was in the mini-goals and I am so glad I did. I think this is more than a "mini" goal.