Just a quick background on me....18 months ago I had my second child, when I gave birth my weight was 210 pounds. Prior to that pregnancy I always hovered around 165. After this pregnancy I settled at 177. About 6 months ago I started my weight loss journey and went from 177 to 159. My weight stalled again so in March I started Ideal Protein and have lost an additional 15 pounds.
It has been a lot of hard work, with the support of my husband and some friends, I've been able to do this and it has been well worth it! I feel great!
BUT.... I am surprised that there are some "friends" that prefer me as the chubby one. We went to a cookout on Sunday where I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen since starting IP. The reactions from people were all over the map from wonderful and supportive comments to those people that would say "come on you can eat this mac n cheese, are you too skinny for my food now?" or "Now that you are thin we'll never see you, you'll be too busy working out or shopping".
I've never been a fan of shopping and hardly ever work out.
Does this happen?? Do "friends" feel like they can't be friends with you anymore because of weight loss? Yes, my appearance has changed dramatically, I am happy so I am more positive but I am still me, just a happier, healthier me. Isn't that a good thing?!
Very interesting! Congratulations on your success!!! Yes, it's IS a good thing. You should be so proud of yourself. It takes so much dedication and hard work to lose weight. I think the negative comments stem more from others issues and insecurities. Don't let it get to you.
I think this type of reaction is very common. I too have experienced with a previous weight loss. Thankfully the majority of comments I received then were positive and supportive. However, there were also the "less than positive" people like the ones you mentioned.
My best friend could not deal with the lack of attention he was getting - it was now focused on me - and he would make the digs like "you will gain back" etc. etc. Finally telling him to knock it the frick off worked and things returned to normal.
It's also a human characteristic/need to categorize and classify things/people. You no longer fit into the category that they have placed you and this "disorder" is causing a disruption to your friend's/acquaintance's way of doing thinking/feeling. The ones who can adjust will, those who can't will weed themselves out - or may need you to do it for them.
Another thing that can be happening is the change in yourself. I can bet that whether you realize it or not the change in your attitude has been noticed or perceived by your friends. You may be more confident in your interactions and how you carry yourself. Again this goes against how you've been "categorized" in your social group.
It can also be more simple than all of this. As with my friend years ago, it might be a form of jealousy. Your social standing within your group is changing and more more positive attention is coming your way which means it's being taken away from others in the group.
At any rate, keep up your weight loss journey and don't let other peoples' reactions deter you from your goal.
I can definitely understand where you're coming from. I've encountered friends and family who haven't seen me in a while too and they HAVE to comment. I agree with animallover in that their comments tend to come from a place of their own insecurities. It's extremely frustrating and if you're like me I tend to take these comments to heart even if they are ridiculous.
You're doing amazing! Keep up the hard work and just try to let those "friend's" comments roll off your shoulders.
I think this type of reaction is very common. I too have experienced with a previous weight loss. Thankfully the majority of comments I received then were positive and supportive. However, there were also the "less than positive" people like the ones you mentioned.
My best friend could not deal with the lack of attention he was getting - it was now focused on me - and he would make the digs like "you will gain back" etc. etc. Finally telling him to knock it the frick off worked and things returned to normal.
It's also a human characteristic/need to categorize and classify things/people. You no longer fit into the category that they have placed you and this "disorder" is causing a disruption to your friend's/acquaintance's way of doing thinking/feeling. The ones who can adjust will, those who can't will weed themselves out - or may need you to do it for them.
Another thing that can be happening is the change in yourself. I can bet that whether you realize it or not the change in your attitude has been noticed or perceived by your friends. You may be more confident in your interactions and how you carry yourself. Again this goes against how you've been "categorized" in your social group.
It can also be more simple than all of this. As with my friend years ago, it might be a form of jealousy. Your social standing within your group is changing and more more positive attention is coming your way which means it's being taken away from others in the group.
At any rate, keep up your weight loss journey and don't let other peoples' reactions deter you from your goal.
Very well said Spiritman!
Jealousy will rear its ugly head especially when someone is looking and feeling more confident then they normally do! I think you should be proud of yourself. You did an amazing job, not only for yourself but for you children! And I'm sure you husband appreciates it as well. Be proud of yourself and keep your head high, if they are going to be negative towards you then you don't need them (IMO)
Nothing as drastic, but I do hear, OMG your face is too thin and see eyes pop out of heads when I say I want to lose 44 more!
Don't get me started on the gain the weight back comments. I gave a huge lecture to some co-workers after I heard that comment at work the other day. After that, people started asking me about how I did it and tips for what might work for them.
Seriously, when someone says, I have been sober for so many months, years, do people say "Oh you'll start drinking or using again??"
I think this type of reaction is very common. I too have experienced with a previous weight loss. Thankfully the majority of comments I received then were positive and supportive. However, there were also the "less than positive" people like the ones you mentioned.
My best friend could not deal with the lack of attention he was getting - it was now focused on me - and he would make the digs like "you will gain back" etc. etc. Finally telling him to knock it the frick off worked and things returned to normal.
It's also a human characteristic/need to categorize and classify things/people. You no longer fit into the category that they have placed you and this "disorder" is causing a disruption to your friend's/acquaintance's way of doing thinking/feeling. The ones who can adjust will, those who can't will weed themselves out - or may need you to do it for them.
Another thing that can be happening is the change in yourself. I can bet that whether you realize it or not the change in your attitude has been noticed or perceived by your friends. You may be more confident in your interactions and how you carry yourself. Again this goes against how you've been "categorized" in your social group.
It can also be more simple than all of this. As with my friend years ago, it might be a form of jealousy. Your social standing within your group is changing and more more positive attention is coming your way which means it's being taken away from others in the group.
At any rate, keep up your weight loss journey and don't let other peoples' reactions deter you from your goal.
I totally agree Spiritman...the relationship 'balance' is no longer in balance. But that's OK! Things will re-settle to a different balance and those that are true friends will be very happy for you!
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. This weight loss journey has had so many surprises for me, things I never anticipated. I have learned that I do have a relationship with food and that I was" living to eat and not eating to live" as someone on this forum put so eloquently. Food was like a religion for me. I've been thinking hard about this newest development and trying to pull out the lesson from it. It is so true that my role in my social group has changed. I was the one who always made an occasion/party out of anything and celebrated with food,lots of food. I was the one that would go out to eat with you and order anything and everything then top it off with the most sinful dessert. I brought the home made chocolate trifle to everyone's special event because it was always requested and I loved to join in the yummy of it all. What no one did see was that behind my outward joy over food my insides were crying in shame , embarrassment and discomfort.
I thought this whole weight loss thing was going to just be physical ,never did I realize how emotional and mental it would be. I am just thankful to be in this place and to live an overall healthier life. I hope those who truly love me and value me can see that as well and be happy for me. Those who can't, well I wish them the best of luck in life, I honestly do.
BUT.... I am surprised that there are some "friends" that prefer me as the chubby one.
I've been feeling that way for a while now. I've dropped 105 lbs and I hit phase 4 in a few days. (285-180)
The comments started off encouraging enough, but at some point they became "You aren't still losing weight, are you?" "You need to stop losing weight." "You're losing too much weight." "You're getting too skinny."
180 is not that "skinny" for a 5'11 dude! It's above ideal weight, and I still have plenty of 'gut' going on.
I think for most people they are just not used to seeing me that much thinner. If I had just met someone on the street I would expect them to regard me as 'average or slightly overweight.'
HOWEVER.... I definitely think there is a contingent that 'preferred' me the other way and are having problems adjusting to this new me. I get the impression I make some people uncomfortable because it makes them 'aware' of their own body issues.... and that perhaps they incorrectly feel that now I regard THEM differently, as if somehow my tastes have changed and now I can't stand the sight of them or think they are somehow more unattractive. Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth.
Well, this has been an unorganized rambling of thoughts over several stops at the computer. I'll just randomly stop here.
Good conversation. I too find myself "discussing" my loss so much of the day with mainly encouraging folks...but, their concern about my ability to keep it off and stay on my journey is draining.
I have to remain faithful to my goals, my esteem, and my wants because sometimes I can feel a bit "slimed" but good intentions that is really others weird stuff.
It's crazy how different people react to the weight loss. I found that the people who I've known for many years (who knew me in my skinnier/healthier days) didn't react as grandly to the weight loss but were overall very supportive. People at work have only known me for the last 6 years, and never knew me as anything but chubby - that's where I notice the biggest difference. Some have been extremely supportive and cheered me on every step of the way (once they stopped asking me if I did my hair differently!). Others have fallen into the "you'll gain it all back" camp. One person I work with instead criticizes my CLOTHES all the time. I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but I just let it roll. I'm happy where I'm at, nobody else has to live in this body but me!
I guess I've been lucky, nobody has ever told me I will gain it all back. I find that to be incredibly rude and insensitive! The only negative person I've encountered is my sister-in-law, who got angry when people noticed my weight loss at a family gathering and said, "Well, I've lost weight, too, but nobody noticed!" She HAD lost weight, but it was maybe 5-10 pounds while I had lost almost 50 at that point. She just hates it when she's not the center of attention.
Other than that, I have an incredibly supportive group of people that I work with. They cheer me on every step of the way!
Some people like me better as the "chubby" one
She HAD lost weight, but it was maybe 5-10 pounds while I had lost almost 50 at that point. She just hates it when she's not the center of attention.
