100 lb. Club - Torn
04-24-2013, 11:39 PM
I feel so torn. I want to tell my friends and family about the changes I am making and have made. I am not sure that I am ready. I am not sure if I can take the questions comments tips advice and all that comes with it! I feel like I cant emotionally handle the judgement.
I know I shouldnt care and should let it go. I am not there yet. It has been an emotional and rough day! I just dont want to keep secrets but I dont want to deal with the stress!
I guess I am being whiney and I am sorry! I just wish the emotional part of this journey was easier. I wish I could have the support of friends and family without all of the stress that comes with it.
Does anyone else ever feel like this or am I just crazy? :?:
Keep Moving Forward
04-25-2013, 12:20 AM
If you feel like they'd judge you & that's something you just can't deal with right now, then I think it's okay to keep it to yourself. You're not being secretive, you're just taking care of yourself emotionally & there's nothing wrong with that. You're not crazy or whiney. It can be really hard to share something as personal as weight loss when you're not sure how it will be received, even from people who love you.
04-25-2013, 02:27 AM
I kept my weight loss to myself until people started to notice. I didn't want exactly what you don't want, the judgement, the comments, and people to watch what I ate.
04-25-2013, 08:42 AM
I'm doing the same thing as Underwater...I'm just going to wait for people to notice and possibly downplay it for the time being. I know how hard I am working for this and that is all that matters to me. I turned down cake with buttercream frosting and ice cream and my nephew's birthday party last weekend and when my mother pointedly and loudly asked me why I didn't want any cake I just told her that my blood sugar is a little high and my doctor told me to watch it...and that is the truth...I just didn't feel the need to go into everything else with my entire family there.
Personally, I don't want and dieting advice from my size two sister, or the almost smug look of satisfaction from my mother if I fail at this. I don't need any pittying looks from my Dad who has told me my whole life I would be so pretty if I lost some weight. Honestly my brothers wouldn't care one way or the other and would probably be annoyed if I made a big thing out of it. I've been in a kind of lock down with my friends until I get a handle on my eating...we still FB and text, but I haven't done anything with them in a few weeks and I'm hoping they will notice on their own without me having to mention it when I do see them.
You guys and my husband are the only people in the world that know, and I kind of like it. It's given me a sense of security because I'm not so stressed if I slip up...which I haven't because I haven't been as stressed.
04-25-2013, 09:03 AM
The emotional part kinda sucks, but it's the stuff that makes/breaks us in the long run. Once we learn to deal with those emotions in a "normal" way, they don't own us any more. That isn't a "rah rah go confront them" comment AT ALL hahah I kept my mouth zipped for the first year!
When people did notice I'd lost a lot, I did the "really? yah I guess so, trying to be a bit healthier" was about all I said. The SECOND advice started coming outta someone's mouth I'd do the old "oh I'm so glad that works for you! bye!" ha ruthlessly!!!
Things I've learned the last 3 years:
1) sometimes WE hear judginess from people, but that's not necessarily how they meant it.
2) people honestly don't spend that much time thinking about ME and what I do.
3) I have to change, not them. They never will, or I can't force them to. I can only change how I react. Running and hiding or eating a carton of ice cream because someone hurt my feelings hurts THEM exactly how??? it's like drinking poison hoping the other person dies
4) oh, and most importantly, some people are a$$hole$ ! it's a fact! It's not a BAD thing to learn to say "go fKK yourself" if someone is being a jerk to you :)
04-25-2013, 09:24 AM
I kinda feel like if you didn't talk about what you were/were not eating and how much/little you were exercising before you changed your lifestyle, why talk about it now? If it comes up in conversation disclose what you feel comfortable with. If not, don't stress about it. Most people are far less interested in others than those of us who are self conscious (for whatever reason) would like to believe.
04-25-2013, 10:26 AM
The last time I lost a significant amount of weight my entire office was behind me with positive comments...but then it became almost as if I had to check in with them as to how much weight I had lost...then I stopped losing and started gaining, but the questions continued.
Recently, someone in the office noticed that one of my favorite skirts was really loose. She asked if I was losing weight and my response was "I'm just eating healthier."
I appreciated their support last time, but this is very private for me. The only person I share my success with is my boyfriend, my best friend doesn't even know.
Share what you want with who you want is what I am trying to say, but people will eventually notice and comment. When they do just try to remember, they're just trying to be supportive...well, save for the random jerk with no filter...he'll be there too :lol:
04-25-2013, 11:09 AM
I agree with everyone on here. No one likes to be judged and somehow everyone always has some advice related to weight loss and eating healthy! I haven't mentioned my journey to a lot of people though friends do notice me not 'pigging out' with them as before or saying 'No thanks' to most of the things I used to indulge in. There is always pressure of 'Oh, one bite won't harm you' or 'it's ok, you can diet tomorrow, join us' but I have made a commitment to myself and I plan to honor it.
I read this somewhere - Today they will ask you Why. Tomorrow they will ask you How.
I can understand you would like to talk to someone about it but if you are not ready and you still want to deal with the emotional part, I'd say write a journal or start a blog. As long as your are putting your feelings out there on paper or print you'd feel much better and once you make significant progress, you can share with someone you are close to! They'd see how you've changed your lifestyle and what progress you have made and will definitely be there to support you for the rest of the journey :)
Keep Moving Forward
04-25-2013, 11:23 AM
The SECOND advice started coming outta someone's mouth I'd do the old "oh I'm so glad that works for you! bye!" ha ruthlessly!!!
That's perfect, I love it! Especially since people usually aren't even using the methods they advise us to do ;)
04-25-2013, 11:36 AM
Thanks everyone. I didn't know how emotional this would be till o started!
04-25-2013, 11:40 AM
JustB, I put weight loss and dieting in the same discussion category as how I feel (ok, felt in my case) with TOM problems or discussing how many different positions we used when having sex last night. In other words, something I probably wouldn't discuss with very many people. I think weight loss and dieting are hard and quite truthfully for some reason it's really hard for family to maybe know how to be supportive. They mean well, but they're either all over the place with advice and wanting to help or else they seem to barely recognize that you've lost the weight of a child.
It's one of the many reasons that I love this site. We can share. We create bonds. But if we don't like the advice, we just move on with no confrontation. And, this is a very, very supportive group of dieters. So, I just come here for my emotional support. I even told my doctor about it and she made a note as she does share good info with her patients.