Weight Loss Support - Well... That was just weird.

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04-24-2013, 12:43 PM
So many of you will remember how my friends and I had a race to lost 20 lbs first at work (I won!) After that, they decided to take it to 30 lbs (no prize, just bragging rights) I just about hit the 30 lb mark last Thursday (.4 away!) Since last Thursday however, I haven't been to the gym, and I haven't been very on plan. Timmies for breakfast a few times, McDonalds a couple times and not been bringing the uber healthy lunches that I had been. It's been a busy week in my house, with bathroom renos, being sick etc. I decided that I would just take a break this week (trying not to go crazy with eating!) I find it hard to want to cook food when everything in my house is coated in a layer of drywall dust!

About 20 minutes ago, I left my cube to go out to the area where most of my friends work. Another friend stopped me on my way

He said - "I see you are the topic of conversation in the coaches area".
I said - "Huh? What are you talking about?" :?:
He said - "They are talking about you being the winner of that thing you guys did"
I said - "Oh, ok... "

Proceeded to the "coaches area" to find them all standing together, talking. As they saw me approach, they stopped talking and one asked if I was done being sick yet. Another one asked if my bathroom was done yet. Those are the two excuses I have used this week to skip the gym...

It just felt.... so... weird.

I don't know what to think. I don't think they were talking smack about me behind my back or anything. I just don't know how I feel about a group of people discussing my weight loss or lack there of without me... ya know? I don't know for sure that's what they were talking about though. It could have just been a strange coincidence. These are some of my best friends and I know that they want me to succeed and want to be supportive (I think that's why they decided to go to 30 lbs, not for them, but for me....)

I just feel weird now.

Am I overreacting or over thinking this?

04-24-2013, 12:49 PM
Hi silverfire!
Sounds to me like your feeling a bit insecure. .. totally normal! But like you said.. these are some of your best friends and you know they want you to succeed. I think that is all that really matters. They care about you! Congrats on your weightloss so far... good job, keep up the good work!

04-24-2013, 02:24 PM
Thanks Tanya, I am always insecure about something lol. I think I just kinda needed to get it out there so I would stop dwelling on it! :D

04-24-2013, 02:32 PM
silverfire, I agree. They are your friends and your just feeling a bit exposed. Your doing great and it's great that the people at work are supporting you. You go girl.
I would feel the same way though so don't feel your alone. Keep up the good work.

04-24-2013, 02:39 PM
Congratulations on winning the 20 lb race! Very cool! That would weird me out a bit too, but I struggle with making assumptions about what others think about me. :/ Workin' on it though! My fiance always reminds me, "What other people think about you is none of your business.". Haha! Congrats again!

04-24-2013, 02:47 PM
Thanks all, I must be a little extra emotional today. I came out to eat lunch to see that they had all gone out for lunch without me :( I know I shouldn't let it hurt my feelings but it kinda stings anyway. Ah well, just means that I had a salad instead of something less good at a restaurant :D
"What other people think about you is none of your business."
This made me LOL, I don't think I have ever thought of it that way! I will remember that

04-24-2013, 02:48 PM
Awwww Silverfire. You sound too nice for them anyways. But how rude of them. They must be jealous of your awesome weightloss. So sorry you have to deal with them. :hug::hug::hug:

Arctic Mama
04-24-2013, 03:17 PM
Well, you *did* engage in a public/group weight loss activity. That pretty much makes it fair game for discussion. Assume the very best of the conversation and their intent, resume feeling awesome and be in your merry way.

Those negative/insecure thoughts will only get the best of you if you let them!

04-24-2013, 03:22 PM
Oh no! I definitely understand that weird icky feeling in your stomach when you think some people may be talking about you, even if they are saying good things!

Something that is really difficult to deal with is when you are successful in doing something (not just weight loss) it seems that friends can get weirded out. Especially if they aren't where they want to be with something. Not saying that is the case, but I think that you could maybe view this as a positive. That you are doing SO good it is making people look at themselves. There may be some initial seperation (like them going to lunch w/out you), but your kindness and humility will show through, and eventually they will get over it and come back around.

As we get lose weight and get smaller and healthier, people are going to judge us as much, if not more, than when we were our highest weight. Maybe it will even become a gauge for us to realize how good we are doing. So maybe we shouldn't be ashamed when we see people talking about us :)

It is like the song says, "Let's give 'em something to talk about."

Hang in there, your friends will come around :)

04-24-2013, 03:54 PM
I wonder if you would have still felt weird about it if you had been on plan all week. How much of your attitude towards this conversation was influenced by probably feeling a bit badly about slacking this week? If you'd been on plan this week, would you have just announced that you'd dropped another couple of pounds with a smile on your face and been pleased that they were talking about how successful you are?

I know that I'm a lot happier with people discussing my weight when I've been on my food plan than when I've eaten some crap and missed the gym. In my head, they're pointing out exactly the things that I most dislike about myself, regardless of what their actual intentions are.

I also tend to think that when you go public with things, then the public gets to discuss them. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick and choose what they say.

04-24-2013, 05:01 PM
lol Thanks Elvis, they really are great friends I feel kinda bad for questioning their motives now, and your right, there is a bit of jealousy there ;)

Arctic Mama - You are very correct and I guess I didn't really consider that before.

I should have known that around here EVERYTHING is considered fair game for discussion lol. I am feeling extra insecure today I guess, and it's my own fault really. I know I have been slacking the last couple weeks and clearly everyone else has noticed as well (I felt like I was getting eyed up by some of the ladies that I normally see at the gym too!)

Thanks 100Mother - I sure will give them something to talk about! :D lol

You all made me feel so much better today, thanks!

04-24-2013, 05:16 PM
Robin I was thinking the same thing actually. Two weeks ago had this happened I would have thought they were talking about how awesome I am doing lol! I feel guilty enough for being a slacker, I think I just didn't want anyone else to notice!

Arctic Mama
04-24-2013, 05:35 PM
Forgive yourself and move on, sweetie. Seriously, whether you slacked in the past is completely irrelevant to the choices you're making right this moment. Feeling badly about it won't change the past, but it certainly can damage your actions and feelings in the present! If you have made a good choice today you are on plan. If the very next choice is good you are continuing on plan. That means you're GOOD. No past, just one good choice at a time, is what moves us forward :)

04-24-2013, 06:02 PM
I think everyone feels insecure at times & wonders what people are saying about them. You handled it well & congratulations on winning the challenge. You are doing great.

04-24-2013, 07:39 PM
I agree, you are doing great.

And just because you put your weightloss out there because of the challenge doesn't mean that you can't come here and vent to us about anything you want (whether weight related or otherwise). People in life seem to come after the most vulnerable parts about us, esp. when we open up thinking we can trust them.

I hope your day got better. :hug:

04-24-2013, 09:14 PM
Am I overreacting or over thinking this?

It's called "mind reading" and it's bad. I do it all the time. So do most people. You seem to feel that they are judging your weight, but they may have just been talking about THEIR success or failure at weight loss and someone said "Do you know (Silverfire), she lost 30 lbs before any of us." and they all went "Wow, that's impressive". And someone else said, "She hurt her shoulder". And... I'm mindreading, too, of course (and without even knowing anybody in the group). But my point is that it's normal to talk about co-workers public actions, and by joining the challenge before you made your weight loss public. You can fight mindreading using cognitive thinking - just be aware that you're doing it and substitute more positive words for what you think they are saying, or come up with a positive reason for what the person said. I.E. if someone ignores you in the hall, don't assume it's because you did something wrong, tell yourself that they were deep in thought and simply didn't notice you. It's probably true, anyway.

Keep Moving Forward
04-25-2013, 01:08 AM
I doubt they were saying anything negative about you, but it would have made me feel weird too! I find it terribly awkward to receive that much attention. Even though you participate in weight loss competitions with them, their discussing you without you is kind of uncool, unless they were just saying how jealous of your awesomeness they are ;)