Weight Loss Support - Lose the weight for someone else?

View Full Version : Lose the weight for someone else?

04-20-2013, 10:30 PM
I've been losing the drive to lose weight. I'm only 12 lbs short of having gained back ALL of my 40lbs lost. After the wedding (past october) my husband and I both gained some weight. I have only one pair of jeans, and they're at max capacity. they used to be LOOSE on me. I refuse to buy more pants. My comfy, casual tshirts are now uncomfortable and too tight.
But i love to cook and bake new things almost every night! I love making things for my husband and I to eat.
I've never had enough confidence in myself to believe i can do this for good. I got halfway through my weight loss and just let it slip away. Maybe if i do it for my husband, I'll be more motivated.
He loves me any way I look. He's always trying to encourage me. I feel like I want to give him a "reward" (?) for loving me unconditionally.
(This next part might be TMI..)
We've always been really sexual, even before marriage, and I love feeling like a vixen for him. He can be in the palm of my hand in five seconds if I am confident enough. But with my weight regain, i have zero confidence in bed.
I would have no problem losing weight for him.
(end TMI lol)
I remember when I first started dieting two years ago, I had so much control over my appetite. I remember i had to turn down some oreos from this girl at work, and she playfully insisted like 5 times and chased me with the box. I would chase her for that box now. What happened?
If i was hungry before bed after a day of calorie counting (i never eat too little, don't worry), i would welcome the hunger. Now i get mild headaches whenever i'm hungry, and i get irritable. Then to comfort myself i'll eat something.

Am i just not in a good spot in life to lose weight? I knew exactly what would happen if i kept eating trash, and it happened. and I just seem to not care.

04-20-2013, 10:38 PM
My personal view is that it has to be for you. It can, however, be FOR you, for him. I hope that makes sense!

Good luck!

04-20-2013, 10:49 PM
My personal view is that it has to be for you. It can, however, be FOR you, for him. I hope that makes sense!

Good luck!

i know exactly what you mean lol that's what i'm trying to say, i guess.

04-21-2013, 12:43 AM
I totally get where you are coming from. Been there done that. All is got me was overweight.

The big point is, the only person who can be healthy for you is you!

But, take a look at it from a different point of view! Why not, explore the world of healthy and tasty food?

Why not work together for a healthy lifestyle, so you can have more years together?

You say, you've both gained?! He does not need it either!

If, you want him to be your motivation, then look at it, as you are doing it to keep your husband healthy, so he can be there for you for many years!

As far as we have come, with equality, still today, in most cases the woman is the keeper of the kitchen! So keep your kitchen healthy for you, your significant other, your children and your pets!

The same goes for making time to exercise!

When you lead, they will follow! :carrot:

04-21-2013, 08:47 AM
I've tried losing weight numerous times. I always started off strong and then after a couple weeks/months I'd stop. I wanted to be healthy, but I didn't have to motivation to keep going. Now that I've met my fiancÚ, I have that motivation. I am trying to lose weight and get healthy for me, but he is the sole reason why I'm still going. He keeps me accountable and I'm really happy for that.

Like your husband, my fiance has always loved me unconditionally. He's always known me to be obese/overweight and it didn't bother him. He loves me for me, but I would like him to see a smaller/fitter/healthier woman which is why I keep going.

04-21-2013, 09:47 AM
RookaWins - Great honesty in your post. You know what is going on. The truth is... you are just not ready to do this. You have to find your motivation. Go swimming suit shopping! Always works for me :o)

I finally got a couple of full length mirrors in my house cuz after going to LV a few months ago and saw myself in the mirrors I lost it! Came home and started looking for a diet.

It is a personal choice. As far as the pants that are to tight. GOOD. Don't stop wearing them. That will be the final straw that takes you.

Good Luck!

04-21-2013, 10:43 AM
Having a supportive husband can almost be a negative when trying to lose weight. You sound like you have a wonderful husband, much like I do who loves us just the way we are and unfortunately that can make us a little complacent in how we eat. My husband loves me for who I am and always has and in part that how I dieted myself from about 200 lbs all the way up to 310. It was never one big gain at once, it was just a couple lbs here and there over the past 13 years.

I found that I have to lose this weight for myself ulitmately. My husband loves me, he wouldn't judge me if I quit tomorrow and ate half a taco pizza and washed it down with a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew - he'd probably be relieved that it was OK to bring chocolate back into the house. I know your weight gain can isn't anywhere near as severe as mine, but it can be slippery slope when living with someone who seemingly can eat whatever they want without gaining and you are not afforded the same option.

I've started to enjoy cooking as well and I've been experimenting with baking and cooking healthier things than double chunk walnut cookies or my infamous meatloaf that no doubt probably has 500-600 calories per slice.

Give yourself a break though, being a newlywed is an exciting and sometimes stressful time. Let yourself get used to everything before stressing out too much...try to enjoy being married!

04-21-2013, 01:57 PM
I totally agree with PunkRock Song- if my husband would have said I was moving from Funsize to Supersize! It would have been more helpful then enabling the behavior always buying things at the store for me that I like....so everytime I was thinking about dieting ...and he brought a favorite treat of mine...I would say in my head ...I'll start next week!

He loved me into being 100 lbs overweight! If he had called me out on it ...I would never have gotten this Flipping Huge! But he accepted by Fat Butt soo I just kept eating this great tasting stuff.....although almost immediately after ingesting I was sicker than a dog!

So between my lack of willpower / common sense God gave a Goose and taking meds that had side of effects of weight gain .... I was on my way to Being A Real Porker! short and fat ...is not what he signed up for....and he should have told me that!

He keeps telling me how he is thrilled to have his old wife back! Wish he would have given me an Ultimatum....I know honestly if the roles had been reversed I would never have tolerated him letting himself go...Like I let myself do...walking around in Sweats or pants with elastic band...turned into a Frumpy looking wife..
Cringe just thinking about it... So guys if your wife asks does this Make Me Look Fat...Be Brutally Honest ... So you rattle her back into reality. IMO!
Roo2 that 's my 2 cents!

04-21-2013, 02:41 PM
Have you tried "cook yourself thin" it's a great resource for someone who likes to cook and even bake and still lose weight. There are many recipe books out there for lighter healthier cooking that still has sweet treats and hearty meals. Maybe take your love of preparing meals and use it to ensure a long happy life together for you and your husband.

04-22-2013, 04:23 PM
Go swimming suit shopping! Always works for me :o)

Yup, do this (above) and you'll have no problem finding your "start" point!!

I know people are saying you have to lose it "for you" and that's correct, but there's nothing wrong with having something as motivation! If your motivating for losing weight starts out as "I want to be sexy for my husband", what's wrong with that?

Once you get started on your journey, you will find other motivations pop up and help you along your way. And you will find that you actually enjoy eating healthier. It's a win-win situation.

04-22-2013, 04:55 PM
I think that is a reason "For you". If you enjoy an active sex life and love what you can do with the confidence, than it's definitely a motivator.

Everybody loses the battle occasionally. Getting back up is what counts!

04-22-2013, 05:22 PM
I think you have to find in your heart what is going to motivate you to lose weight. In my case, I'm losing weight for me and my health. But in the back of my head, I'm losing weight "for" the doctor who implied to me that he had no confidence in my ability to get the weight off as I so desperately have to. I will probably never see him again but I'll never forget the look on his face telling me my weight was such a concern to him in my treatment plan. Take this 128lbs in 9 months and counting, pal.

I wish you a lot of luck. :)

Missy Krissy
04-22-2013, 09:03 PM
I guess the question is: Do you even want to lose weight or are you happy with your body the way it is now?

If you actually want to lose weight then I don't think using your husband as motivation is a problem, because ultimately you're the one who wants the weight gone.

If you're kind of on the fence about it and think that you should be thinner for others but aren't, or don't feel that you want to be any thinner, then it's a different story.

You like to cook? Great! So do I. Cooking and preparing my own meals has been tantamount to my own success. If I ate foods that were already prepared or packed full of artificial addictive ingredients then I don't think I'd have been this successful. Learn some new "healthy" or "low fat" recipes. One thing I've done to cut calories is to stop using butter in everything. When I use oil, I measure it out and usually only use half of what a recipe calls for (I find I don't miss the grease). Experiment and have fun!

04-22-2013, 09:42 PM
But in the back of my head, I'm losing weight "for" the doctor who implied to me that he had no confidence in my ability to get the weight off as I so desperately have to.

Bwahahaha! Elvis, I had a colleague tell me I "couldn't lose weight" about 40 pounds ago! Oooooooooh that was a big motivator. I'm still riding on that sucker! Bring it on!

04-23-2013, 10:40 PM
How about losing weight for you and cooking for someone else, like your husband, who has also gained? You can cook healthy foods that are delicious. Most of my recipes come from Cooking Light. My husband would live on pizza and hot dogs, but he loves eating home cooked food. If you don't want to buy the magazine, try some on-line recipes from them. They're free. Although the magazine has articles that are very worth reading.