100 lb. Club - how do you motivate yourself when you've failed so many times

04-19-2013, 02:17 PM
I've been a member here off and on for over ten years. I've lost 60 lbs, gained it back (plus about twenty more) and then lost the same 5-20 lbs over and over again for years.

I want to try again. I want to really do it this time. I am just so scared of failing yet again.

How do you put all the negative talk of "why bother-you'll never get there" out of your head and just concentrate on your goal? When you are on track, and then go off and keep sliding into that "I don't give a crap" abyss, what keeps you from sinking back into that place?


04-19-2013, 02:22 PM
I read the success stories, the NSV threads, and keep telling myself I'm only concerned with today, it's one day at a time.

Something clicked with me this time around. I never want to have to start again, I never want to have the dreaded feeling of putting the weight back on again, I don't want to have blood tests get worse now that they are better.

I made myself a list of pros and cons that I read once in a while. One is if I don't lose the weight, the other is if I do. Maybe you can do something like that.

Good luck!!

04-19-2013, 02:23 PM
I've lost an regained weight for years! I honestly have no idea what makes me think it'll stick this time. I don't even know if it will, but I'm sure going to try and see if it does!

04-19-2013, 02:35 PM
Thank you both for taking the time to post-great ideas!

You are both doing great-it is very inspiring.

Missy-I love your avatar. I am a Snoopy fanatic :)


04-19-2013, 02:56 PM
I hope it is ok for me to post here....but for me it is more a matter of being healthier, rather than thinner. So even if I'm struggling to lose weight, or if I gained it all back and have to lose it all over again (where I am now) each day you follow your plan you are becoming healthier. There is no "there" to get to...the point is how you live each day. That's how I saty motivated. :)

04-19-2013, 02:59 PM
Thank you, Monte Cristo. That is a wonderful frame of thought to keep me on track. I have to stop focusing on the scale, and think of all the other benefits of weight loss instead.


04-19-2013, 04:06 PM
I know what you mean. It's hard! Here are some things I do to motivate myself. I think about all the things that I want to do that I can't do. I look at certain people I know that are older than me and have many issues because of their weight. I see my future when I look at them. I look at my grandchildren and feel the desire to do things with them. I picture what they will look like when they graduate high school and college and feel the desire to be there. Sometimes I make list of all those things. I also look at the success stories here and with the Joy Fit club.

Keep trying!! It will click with one of these tries.

the shiv
04-19-2013, 04:33 PM
Oh, been there, dieted my way up to 212lbs, couldn't fit into the t-shirt :hug:

Can I say something that'll sound like a load of new-age nonsense?

Every time I failed, I was trying to apply a diet to my life from outside myself, to fix myself. This time, I've changed my lifestyle in accordance with who I am on the INSIDE. I'm not doing it TO love myself, I'm doing it BECAUSE I do :) It's hard to explain properly, but... I'm sure this is why it's working this time, and I'm still happy because I'm not trying to shape myself into something I'm not any more.

One thing's for sure: if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. I used to panic diet, telling me willpower would be enough to MAKE me do it. It wasn't, as proved by my regains.

Start off thinking about what you love :) Activities, foods, your mindset, everything. How do you approach problems, say, at work? Find something that fits your temperament, and do not panic! Bad decisions are made whilst under stress. Don't subscribe to the "no excuses" or "every little helps" ways of thinking (for example) if that's not who you are. If you're more a "I don't want exercise to feel like exercise", then take dancing lessons instead of a gym membership, or something. If you can practice moderation, use that. If you find it too hard, another approach might work better.

Long winded, I know, sorry... It's just the one thing I never GOT about it before. Use as many of your personal strengths as you can, and account for your weaknesses, instead of just taking a diet out of the box and expecting it to fit. I did that for tooooo long :(

Wherever you end up, I wish you the best of luck :) :hug:

04-19-2013, 04:34 PM
Lots of good ideas, I concur with the "there's no THERE" You're never 'done' it's just the way you live now. So if you're never done you can't stop, if you get what I mean lol

I know with ME, I'd half-heartedly lost the same 15 pounds a dozen pounds. I'd never had any BIG success and was curious as to why. I went and talked to someone, talked a few issues out, got my head set on straight and DID it. I didn't say "I'm going to TRY to lose weight" I said "I'm getting this weight off me"

I focused a lot on LIVING LONGER, I didn't want to be some idiot who drops dead at 60 because I was morbidly obese for so long. A bullet to the head is a quicker less painful death. Fitting into clothes etc., is nice and all but not my main focus in the slightest. Being strong and feeling like I've turned things around health-wise, and that I might stick around a lot longer - that's the stuff that motivates me to keep on truckin!

04-19-2013, 04:49 PM
I started Ideal protein diet and have an Awesome coach that has my back.

I am only allowing myself to concentrate on being positive.

I don't allow myself to wallow in past failures as excuses .

Failure is not an option!
I come here to the boards to increase my resolve and stay moving in the right direction.

04-19-2013, 04:51 PM
I imagine my better future if I lost weight.

04-19-2013, 04:56 PM
I don't take it as failure, but not knowing how to live the life I need to live yet. Each and every time I've had a regain I learned something from it. I've learned what my triggers are. What foods work for me, etc.

You still need to figure that out.

I'm not a maintainer (yet) and I've yo-yo'ed 20-25 pounds the entire last year, but I didn't gain back over 80 pounds I had lost. I never, ever said, "What the heck - I give up".

I got rid of that mentality. I cannot give up.

So, learn... re-evaluate yourself - really get introspective and keep support around you. It's not easy - ever and I think that's the beginning of understanding. You cannot just give up.

My triggers are lack of exercise. Lack of sleep. Too many carbs. When those are in order, my goodness it's a heck of a lot easier! Those get out of whack? And I'm in big trouble and the likelihood of me overeating is high.

04-19-2013, 05:06 PM
I tell myself that time is ticking by whether or not I stick to my diet and then I ask myself where do I want to be in 3 months, 6 months and 1 year. I can look up and wish that I had started or I can be well on my way. The past is dead...no point beating up on myself over something I can't change.

And to me, failure is giving up. Sometimes it takes many many attempts before we get to the time that sticks. All you need is that one time to click into place. The previous attempts were test runs.

04-19-2013, 05:12 PM
If you say this "why bother-you'll never get there" , you will trully never get there.
If you say "I'll keep on trying till one day I get there" maybe you will actually get there, even if it takes you months, years, decades.
At least, that's what I hope will happen. ;)

04-19-2013, 05:16 PM
I completely get where you're coming from with fear of failure because I was sabotaging myself with that fear for years. The truth is simple, if you stick to your plan, you WILL succeed. We have to stop telling ourselves that we can't do things that we absolutely can do.

04-19-2013, 05:19 PM
Sherry, I joined in 2002 also, I see you joined 2 1/2 weeks before me! have I ever gotten to my 'goal' weight? Yes for maybe a week or so! :devil: and I had set my goal weight high, never dipped down into the 130's. But I keep pluggin' along.

I don't know your age, but I have to say at my age 52 and being a consistent exerciser for about 11 years, I have great endurance; my bp is good; my back never hurts; my tum is flat even though it has some extra fluff on and around it; I can carry heavy things :devil: and I rule the road on my motorcycle! :cool: so those are the reasons I keep on keepin' on.

04-19-2013, 05:29 PM
I tell myself that time is ticking by whether or not I stick to my diet and then I ask myself where do I want to be in 3 months, 6 months and 1 year. I can look up and wish that I had started or I can be well on my way. The past is dead...no point beating up on myself over something I can't change.

And to me, failure is giving up. Sometimes it takes many many attempts before we get to the time that sticks. All you need is that one time to click into place. The previous attempts were test runs.

ChickieBoom, your advice always strikes a chord with me, thank you for sharing your wisdom with us! :)

OP, Don't give up on yourself...each day is a new day. I have had many moments of doubting my ability to succeed...practicing "changing" my own mind about myself is a process, but I realize now I'm not alone in these struggles...it's not just "something wrong with me"...it's freakin' HARD to lose weight, and lots of people battle with losing and regaining the same 50lbs...but it's certainly not impossible, as all the beautiful success stories on 3FC provide ample evidence of!

04-19-2013, 05:45 PM
I can tell you that I have been struggling a lot with this too. My history, briefly, is that I had never managed to stick with a plan for more than a couple of weeks or lose more than 15 lbs or so, until 2009 when it suddenly clicked and I was able to lose 110 lbs. I genuinely and honestly believed that there was ZERO chance I'd ever have a regain, and I got rid of all of my fat clothes...

Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned, and I'm back here.

What motivates me is that I DO know that I was a chronic failure until I changed it up and started to succeed. I thought there was something wrong with me that prevented me from staying on a diet, but now I know that there is nothing wrong with me, but that I have bad behaviors around food that I developed over many many years.

I agree most with what is written upthread: it's a process, and the process may require a number of false starts and setbacks along the way.

But I think the absolute most defeating idea is the one that says "it can't be done."

Spending time on 3FC the first time around taught me that ordinary people with serious weight issues CAN succeed if they get enough support and good advice along the way.

04-19-2013, 06:29 PM
Thank you so much! You are all so sweet and supportive. I need to keep re-reading your responses for inspiration and ideas. I may print some out and keep them as reminders. I am just so TIRED of being this weight. It isn't even about vanity (yes, I'd love to look better of course). I want to have more energy and not feel achy/tired from carrying around too much weight any more.

I stuck to healthy eating for two months earlier this year and lost close to twenty pounds. I thought I had finally gotten my head in the right place to do this. I have no idea why, but then I just stopped caring and I've gained half the weight back.

I am restarting Monday. I know that is a total cliche, but I can't get to do grocery shopping until Sunday, and I will plan out healthy meals. I've been battling horrible insomnia and I hope to catch up on sleep over the weekend and get back to exercising as well.

Thank you again for all the support-

04-19-2013, 06:38 PM
I totally emerge myself in reading and research. Thin for Life- http://www.amazon.com/Thin-Life-Success-People-Weight/dp/0618340556/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366407350&sr=8-1&keywords=thin+for+life

"In this new edition of the acclaimed bestseller, award-winning nutritionist Anne M. Fletcher incorporates exciting recent scientific research to show that permanent weight loss is far easier than is commonly believed. Whether you want to lose 10 pounds or 100, Thin for Life will help you master your weight problem by sharing the techniques of the real experts -- hundreds of women and men who have lost weight for good."

I'm trying to find where it is in the book since I didn't mark it...but it talks about all these people who are now successful...many of them tried dozens and dozens of time before....but then it stuck.

There is a chapter called "Take The Reins"- she says that when people made a choice to diet for the last time, "They stopped looking to others for all the answers and decided to lose weight for no other than themselves."

04-19-2013, 06:46 PM
Also...I think you are going to do great!

04-19-2013, 06:53 PM
Thank you !

I think I actually owned that book at some point. My library may have it.

04-19-2013, 06:57 PM
I have tried losing weight in the past.. and I wasn't really motivated enough so I lost the will to carry on and in exchange my bf of 8 yrs dumped me for being 'lazy' and 'not motivated to make it work' - ouch! I was shattered but I put my ego on and that was the worst thing I could do to myself. I just stopped caring even more!!

Until recently when I figured I have so much to lose if I don't get it done this time! Is there something you fear you'll lose? For me this time around, I am doing it cause my whole life depends on it. I finally know what I want from life and this is my shot at getting it !! It's never too late to realize WHY you want to do this! It's hard, it's frustrating, you want to give up and get back into the comfort zone. It's easier there than here after all ! But find that one reason that made you want to start this journey in the first place and find that one reason that made you choose this and stick with it :) ..you WILL motivate yourself !!

Be like the Johnny Walker guy. Keep Walking....... ;)
You got this !!!!

04-19-2013, 07:16 PM
Thank you!! Good luck with your journey, too.

The odd thing is, I actually like exercising and I like healthy foods. I love fruit, vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins. I don't eat red meat, I like fish, I only eat fast food maybe twice a year, and hardly ever eat fried food. If I weren't a chocoholic and didn't love pizza/pasta so much, I'd be a lot thinner. Even when I"m not "on plan" I'll eat Greek yogurt with fruit, oatmeal, or a whole grain English muffin with lowfat cottage cheese for breakfast because I like it.

04-19-2013, 07:23 PM
Just BELIEVE that you can do it.. and just do it. Don't agonize, Just do it. Don't question your strengths, just do it. Don't think that you will fail because you will fail..... Just do it. Truly.... believing works!

04-19-2013, 07:34 PM
Suzie, have you tried tracking your intake and activity on MyFitnessPal? It takes a day or two to get used to, but it's something I've had success with for the last few months. :)

04-20-2013, 12:28 AM
"I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.” - Thomas Edison

Numina Dae
04-20-2013, 01:03 AM
Wow, there are so many good posts on this thread --- thank you for starting it, Suzie!

Do you set any kind of shorter term goals, and maybe not goals that are based on numbers? I noticed several people are training for 5ks, which would change "exercising" to "training." Smaller, nearer goals appeal to me because I get intimidated, overwhelmed and depressed whenever I think about how much I have to lose. And I like the idea that I am an athlete training instead of a fatty dieting.

Anyway, the only real way you can fail this is to permanently give up ---- and I just don't think you're going to do that. Why would you give up on such a lovely person?


04-20-2013, 09:41 AM
As long as you are willing to try, and I think I'm starting to realize thee is never really an "end" to this. I'm just going to have to keep doing what I'm doing for the rest of my life and hopefully these changes I'm making with help me live an even longer, healthier, and happier life!

04-22-2013, 12:20 PM
first off i want to say HELLO! :)
and second i want to say that u are making the first step into your transformation and seeking help and guidance and that already shows that u are heading in the right direction!...
what i have been doing the past couple months with my weight loss and mindset repair is...

1-reading success stories no here and online and tumblr and youtube and facebook! on here you will find that everyone wants you to succeed but you first have to want it as bad as we want it for you! as soon as u got the right mind set and you are ready for the challenege then NOTHING can stop you! :)
i was ALWAYS on tumblr and youtube watching videos and readig awesome memes on motivation and watching documentaries on netflix and hulu! :) i came across one documentary that now i know word by word cuz ive seen it so many time but i watch it every time i start to get discouraged! :) find that one thing u can go always go back to when u get discouraged! for me its "fat sick and nearly dead"

2- i take pictures every 2 weeks and set them side by side and see the difference in my body and it only makes me feel better to go on and work out and eat healthy!

3- find what works for you! not anyone person is the same so what ever works for you might not work for someone else and vise versa! so find what works for you and stick with it and once u feel like u got used to that then switch up and try something else.... same goes for working out! once u feel like u mastered one thing move onto something else! :) u will feel great and feel like you are challenging urself like u have never done before!

4-begin to learn how to love yourself again! :) but in a more healthy way! i learned that when i achieved something in my life or day i used to go out and get drunk and have a bunch of chicken wings but now i head to the gym... lots a couple hundred calories and wake up the next day and see my # on the scale go down is an amazing feeling!

5-dont think of of the whole progress as a lump sum!.... think of it as 5lbs at a time... or even 1 lbs at a time!
"i cant lose 100 lbs right now, but i can lose 5lbs 20 times!"

6-COME BACK and talk to us and we will always be here to make sure you know that we want to feel better and get to where u want to be!

I GOT YOUR BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


04-22-2013, 12:24 PM

04-22-2013, 12:27 PM
The difference this time? Finally admitting that I needed support to do this. So, I come to 3FC pretty much every day. And I have a dieting buddy and we each check in on Thursday mornings with our weight loss (or sometimes gain) for that week.

Has it been perfect? No. But I have noticed the differences in how I feel. I've had a serious health scare that made me realize that I needed to keep going down this path. There are starting to be some NSVs that mean a lot to me such as being able to do things with my grands -- and having them tell me how nice it is to have me with them. That alone will keep me on this life style!

04-22-2013, 02:56 PM
Thank you so very much!!!!