100 lb. Club - I feel bad but... (RANT alert)




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elvislover324
04-11-2013, 01:25 PM
I feel bad but does anyone else get exhausted by the whining and complaining from people who can't lose weight, post here about it, get lots of helpful advice and they still just write excuse after excuse of why they can't do it?

I do my best to try and pay it forward with all I have learned in 3FC and from my doctor/nutritionist/people in my life. I never say I have all the answers but I will always answer as best as I know how and really think about my responses before posting them.

The negative responses from people just irk me to no end. I know you have to be in the right place in your life to start your new plan of eating, exercise, whatever it is. And I try not to let them get to me, I just move on to another thread and life goes on.

There are some frequent posters who start threads for drama (just my opinion) and then some newbies who want to flash a magic wand and lose 150lbs (I wish I could find that wand too!).

There have been a few times I just wanted to log off my account for a week, month, whatever and get away from the negativity. But thank God, the positive, inspiring, motivating posts all take priority and make me smile, knowing we are mostly all in this together and that I need all of you to continue my success.

Please know, I don't mean posts that someone needs legitimate helpful support and advice. I post those once a week myself. I hope you all know what I mean.

Rant over.


Skinnygirldreams
04-11-2013, 01:29 PM
When you're done with the wand I call dibs! Lol
I try to ignore negative Nancy's myself. Best u can do if offer advice, it is up to them if they take it or not but don't let it stress ya out!

Tziri
04-11-2013, 01:45 PM
I also just ignore them or stay away. But they do drive me batty! In fact, i quit posting in the thread i joined this site for because there were so many negative people and rude huge drama-starters. My weghtloss is all the drama I need in my life right now.


Goddess Jessica
04-11-2013, 01:51 PM
I try to be zen about it.

Everyone who loses weight gets there on their own. It's not like they were talking to someone in the break room who lost weight and the newly thin coworker said, "I ate less and exercised more" and the fat coworker said, "OOOOOhhhhh!" with lightbulbs going off.

Most of the time if people feel the need to justify, they're not really doing it to you, they're doing it to themselves. And sometimes, it's a way of them to get closer to the action they want to take.

Desiderata
04-11-2013, 01:54 PM
I hear you. I have a lot of those same reactions. When that happens, I (generally) realize the best thing to do is not hit the reply button and just move on. And I try to channel the feelings into empathy and compassion...

More often than not, we're the cause of our own sufferings (this plays out in so, so many ways - weight loss is just one of them). While I see that someone's suffering (of their own making) and not in a place where they are really ready to change / ready to hear, I just feel compassion - what else can you do? You can't really help anyone who isn't ready to be helped - again, no matter the subject. There's a distinction between giving advice on concrete items / sharing knowledge for people who want it and want to learn, and people who have a strong desire to lose weight but don't want to put in the work / want to understand what it entails.

I've come a long way when it comes to weight issues, but I'm sure that "not ready to help myself" describes me to a T in other areas of my life. So as much as my inner critic wants to get all judge-y at those posts, really, I'm in no place to judge. But yeah, I struggle with those same reactions and have to actively work at the compassion / not judging part. I think it's probably normal.

Silverfire
04-11-2013, 01:54 PM
TOTALLY know what you mean.

I see those posts that you are talking about and I just skip them. I don't want to be rude, and I know sometimes people are not the best at communicating what they are really trying to say, but I just don't have the energy for other peoples drama. I have enough of my own as it is, thank you very much :D

I feel for some of the noobs around here, who don't yet understand what this whole journey is really about, what it really takes, how long it really takes and everything else that goes with it. There is no magic wand. I had been waiting for one for the last 15 years and it took that long for me to come to my senses! Hopefully though, they will all reach that ah-ha moment and get a good solid start on the journey! I just posted this over in another thread this morning.. I think it fits right into this topic hehehe

http://shechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/movie-tv-0.jpg?w=500

On the flip side though, sometimes I get it. Sometimes I just want someone to validate the thing that I want no matter how out to lunch it may be. :lol: However, I do try and have the courtesy to acknowledge and thank people for their responses, even when they are telling me what I don't want to hear.

Silverfire
04-11-2013, 01:55 PM
More often than not, we're the cause of our own sufferings (this plays out in so, so many ways - weight loss is just one of them). While I see that someone's suffering (of their own making) and not in a place where they are really ready to change / ready to hear, I just feel compassion - what else can you do? You can't really help anyone who isn't ready to be helped - again, no matter the subject. There's a distinction between giving advice on concrete items / sharing knowledge for people want it but don't know and want to learn, and people who really want, don't know, but don't want to put in the work.


Also THIS ^^^^^^

amandie
04-11-2013, 02:00 PM
Yep, I know what you mean. I do get frustrated and sometimes want to !@#$% but like Jessica said, I try to be zen about it and move on to the next thread. I understand trying to help and typing out carefully thought posts and getting basically dismissed because it isn't the answer(s) they wanted to hear. etc. :hug: I always enjoy and appreciate your posts, Elvislover, just so you know!

Elladorine
04-11-2013, 02:19 PM
I need to head out soon so I'll probably come back with a fuller reply, but if you get frustrated here, try running a weight loss group and dealing with all this face to face. ;)

krampus
04-11-2013, 02:44 PM
Haha. I know that feel! That's why I like to follow chat threads in specific subforums - helps to have a "home" on the site once you become a seasoned veteran and already know everything there is to know about everything (I'm joking obviously).

The first and the last few lbs are exciting - the lbs in between are just day-in, day-out.

elvislover324
04-11-2013, 02:53 PM
Thank you all for understanding!! I just needed to get it off my chest and be done with it already. I know it's not easy to start this whole journey we are on and that I can't make anyone do anything but UGH!!! Usually it just rolls off my back but 2 threads tipped me over today and I literally wanted to scream. WHY!?!? IDK lol. But I did!!

You ladies are the best. :grouphug:

And....elladorine, no freakin' way!!! But I can't wait for your reply later. :)

April Snow
04-11-2013, 02:57 PM
Everyone who loses weight gets there on their own. It's not like they were talking to someone in the break room who lost weight and the newly thin coworker said, "I ate less and exercised more" and the fat coworker said, "OOOOOhhhhh!" with lightbulbs going off.

It happens so much in the real world, I guess it shouldn't be that big a surprise that even on 3fc, there are people who are disappointed that losing weight (esp. a significant amount of weight) is hard work and a boring long slog of eating less and moving more. And whatever eating plan you follow, that is still what it comes down to in the end.


I think I've gotten to a point where I mostly try to find it funny - the people who want to know how they can lose 30 lbs in a month or 80 lbs in 6 months or some other crazy goals, and then get all pissy when people try to help them and explain why that's not realistic but wouldn't it still be wonderful to lose 15 lbs in a month or 50 lbs in 6 months (or whatever actual numbers) and why not get started and accomplish that?

Mozzy
04-11-2013, 03:13 PM
Elvis-- hugs

I could have written this exact post last night (and the night before).
Somedays I feel super patient with newbies and other days I have a short fuse.

Mostly I try to not reply when I'm not feeling nice. I live by the "thumper speech" (if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.)

Daimere
04-11-2013, 03:54 PM
I get those threads and try to move on. What frustrates me worse is my co-worker who is always trying to diet but gives up a week. She'll talk about it till the cows come home. I'll ask her what her plan is. Every time it's a loosy-goosy plan (I've used loosy-goosy plans before but she's too flighty to do loosy-goosy I think(. I've tried to makes suggestions. This week's topic was: I need the PERFECT exercise to lose all this weight and then it'd work! I told her the only exercise that works is one you will do. No dice there. I wish she'd stop proclaiming it on high and just LOSE the weight. She is the reason I don't tell anyone I'm losing weight.

Note: In January, we were the same weight. She was going to diet. I was like hellz no I cannot be the fattest person on this unit. And onwards I go. Evidently after that yo-yo she gained 10 pounds. I'm 31 pounds lighter since Jan 1 and she's heavier than she was. I really do want her to be successful. But instead of talking about it, just do it already. And commit 100% or even 75% will work

elvislover324
04-11-2013, 04:22 PM
Exactly Daimere!! If these people put half the effort they do rebutting everything into DOING something they could be halfway there!!

Good on you for not wanting to be the biggest person in your work and using that as your motivation. You have to find what moves you and motivates you to keep going. People like that at your work exhaust me though! And you can't just close the thread on her!!

Thank you again for all the replies. I just took a little walk with my doggy and thought how lucky I was you didn't all call me a "B" for starting this thread. :)

Radiojane
04-11-2013, 04:35 PM
I remember very well the "Excuse" phase. Luckily for you guys I wasn't on here. But I had a lot of excuses. Simply put, I wasn't ready to try. Once I tried, Voila. I wanted magic. There is no weight loss magic. So I have some empathy, but hopefully they keep reading and realize that regardless of our plans, we're all working really really hard.

The internet in general is a breeding ground for negativity. When you're feeling like you have no control in your life, sometimes it's really easy to start drama from your keyboard. You have ultimate control over what you type, and some people abuse that.

I've become a much more positive person since starting to care for my body. Whereas I would have been mad as a wet hen before and probably jumped in the fray, now I just take a deep breath and send out a prayer that those people find the help they need to get on their journey, be it on 3FC or elsewhere.

Keep Moving Forward
04-11-2013, 04:36 PM
I live by the "thumper speech" (if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.)

Ah, the Thumper rule. I have to remind myself of it daily ;)




I know I haven't been around here for very long, I'm pretty much still a newb myself, but I have noticed drama & a lot of recent moaning about not being able to lose weight from people who aren't really making any effort. Anybody still making excuses isn't ready to change though, so I don't bother commenting unless I think a person is genuinely requesting help.

Tziri
04-11-2013, 04:37 PM
I've become a much more positive person since starting to care for my body. Whereas I would have been mad as a wet hen before and probably jumped in the fray, now I just take a deep breath and send out a prayer that those people find the help they need to get on their journey, be it on 3FC or elsewhere.

Me too! I used to be such a HUGE pessimist and grump. Now I'm happy and optimistic all the time; it's such a wonderful change!

elvislover324
04-11-2013, 04:55 PM
There is a difference though between having a hard time and committing yourself to your diet than breaking every logical rule and complaining.

For example:

Negative Nelly: I want to lose weight, how can I do that?

3FC Helpful Member: How about trying to count calories, do a little exercise, drink plenty of water.

Negative Nelly: But I love pizza and it's the only thing I eat, I hate exercise and have no time for it because I'm sitting on my couch on the internet all day, and I hate everything except coke and chocolate milk.

3FC Helpful Member: Ok, how about trying veggie pizza to start, walk just 10 minutes a day to start and try diet coke and lowfat chocolate milk.

Negative Nelly: I hate every vegetable, I don't like to walk, diet coke is gross and I don't like lowfat milk.

Now granted, I'm exaggerating but....not far off!! This is just one example of what tipped me over here. I won't get into the other ones as to not get myself in bigger trouble!! I might just have to lay low for a little while and just participate in minimal threads. Is this the 3FC burnout or something?!

Radiojane
04-11-2013, 05:01 PM
I have another (completely non related to diet) forum that I loved, but I had to walk away for about six months. Facebook? Some weeks I can't go near it.

Good rule of thumb, hover over the thread title, read the first sentence, and if it looks like it's going to make smoke come out of your ears, walk away. :D

thnknthin1
04-11-2013, 05:09 PM
I have another (completely non related to diet) forum that I loved, but I had to walk away for about six months. Facebook? Some weeks I can't go near it.

Good rule of thumb, hover over the thread title, read the first sentence, and if it looks like it's going to make smoke come out of your ears, walk away. :D

^^^^^THIS is what I do.......the first sentence always starts out the same way, they have been dieting for "X" days and cannot seem to lose weight, there's my queue to not open it up and move on. I just don't have it in me to muster up a reply or even bother with one knowing 9 times out of 10 they will not heed the advice anyways.


ETA: Reading what I wrote sounds kind of mean but I know what you mean Elvis.....it's aggravating and makes your head spin. Especially, since there is always one or two of these new posts daily. :)

ChickieBoom
04-11-2013, 05:11 PM
Ha! I see a lot of people on here asking for advice but who really just want someone else to do all of the research and work for them. I don't mind giving suggestions to point someone in the right direction but my experience is that when someone is ready to make "the change" they will figure out what to do.

I get frustrated IRL with people who ask me what I've done to lose weight and then when I tell them a) they think it will take too long b) they like x,y,z too much c) they "heard" that going low-carb isn't good for you. UGH. Why ask if you're going to argue with me?

I just smile and walk away.

Arctic Mama
04-11-2013, 05:23 PM
I just avoid the beginning of the year with the flood of newbies and their resolutions. I also tend not to respond to people who throw up my warning flags - self hatred, yoyo dieting, dieting to be thin by ______ date on the calendar or to get back at an ex, etc etc.

Those are not the signs of someone who is mentally ready or even able to commit to a long term dietary and habit change. And I'm not particularly interested in wasting my time giving detailed advice to someone who wants to hear 'pill!surgery!magic!' instead ;)

CherryPie99
04-11-2013, 05:25 PM
Funny that you posted this, because I just did a whole blog post about it this week. I try to remember where I came from, but I was never the excuse making sort - I knew why I was fat, I was just too lazy to do anything about it.

But I do get sick of the whining sometimes - OF COURSE IT'S HARD. If it were easy EVERYONE would be slim and fit!!!!!!

Jen

Radiojane
04-11-2013, 05:26 PM
My best friend is really bad for this. She launches into a tirade of all the why she can'ts when it comes to diet, particularly mine. If I hear her say "I can't give up bread" one more time I may scream. I finally explained to her that it's not like someone takes bread away and you never get to taste it ever again in your life!

LockItUp
04-11-2013, 05:32 PM
There is a difference though between having a hard time and committing yourself to your diet than breaking every logical rule and complaining.

For example:

Negative Nelly: I want to lose weight, how can I do that?

3FC Helpful Member: How about trying to count calories, do a little exercise, drink plenty of water.

Negative Nelly: But I love pizza and it's the only thing I eat, I hate exercise and have no time for it because I'm sitting on my couch on the internet all day, and I hate everything except coke and chocolate milk.

3FC Helpful Member: Ok, how about trying veggie pizza to start, walk just 10 minutes a day to start and try diet coke and lowfat chocolate milk.

Negative Nelly: I hate every vegetable, I don't like to walk, diet coke is gross and I don't like lowfat milk.

Now granted, I'm exaggerating but....not far off!! This is just one example of what tipped me over here. I won't get into the other ones as to not get myself in bigger trouble!! I might just have to lay low for a little while and just participate in minimal threads. Is this the 3FC burnout or something?!

Ya, totally. I trip into those threads, poster saying "I need help, but no matter what advice you give I'll shooooooooooot it down". I can't tell you how many replies I've made and deleted before I posted because it was basically just me ranting about step 1 being get the heck over your excuses or you won't make progress EVER!

And yes, there is 3FC burnout. I've experienced it many times. I love this forum so much, but it can get very exhausting when the people wanting help and advice and support are not open to receiving what they're asking for.

ChickieBoom
04-11-2013, 05:35 PM
I hear you RadioJane! I gave up bread and you know what? It's just bread. It's not that serious. I try to focus on all of the things that I've gained and not the things that I've given up. I was well on my way to being a shut in. I hated leaving my house and would flake on friends at the last minute because I couldn't motivate myself to get up, get dressed and get out. Why would I trade bread for that?

Elladorine
04-11-2013, 06:16 PM
I mentioned in my earlier post to just try to lead a real-life weight loss group that say this stuff to your face! :dizzy:

All eyes are on me right now. I'm going on my second year as co-leader and am currently the most successful member our chapter has had for years. We have a lovely bunch of ladies, but we've got a handful I wish would just get over themselves. You would not believe all the drama I went through last night and this morning, but that's another story for another thread! :dizzy:

I know many are genuinely trying to lose. I know how hard it is, especially if you're just not mentally there yet. But it's so frustrating to be looked up to for specific advice just to watch people blow it off and act like you have some type of unfair advantage. And we have a few that seem to do nothing but complain about how they can't lose weight, no matter how hard they try.


So I ask those complainers what kind of plan they have in motion. "Plan? What plan?"

Are you counting calories, counting points, or tracking you food in some way? "I shouldn't have to do that."

I've found a lot of success by logging my food in a journal, maybe you could give that a shot. It takes almost no time at all and can help you plan out your meals and snacks for the day. "I don't have time or interest for that."

I suggest cutting down on simple carbs. "But I'm a bread person! Besides, bread is healthy, you have to have bread!"

Well, at least try cutting down on foods with added sugar? I've found all sorts of benefits to that. "I can't live without my desert, there's just no way I can possibly diet unless I have dessert to look forward to!"

You could always have fruit as a dessert to look forward to. "But I don't really like fruit."

Ok, well what kind of exercise do you do? "Oh, I can't do exercise, I wear out so easily."

Have you thought about building up your stamina simply by walking? I had to start out with baby steps myself. "I'm too old and too far gone for that."

As an exercise, I'd like everyone to take this index card and write out a sentence explaining just one reason why you would like to lose weight. It could be anything. "What's the point, I'm never going to reach my goal anyway, I'm just not meant to be thin."


. . . it makes you wonder why they come back each and every week, but perhaps they just need a place to vent and complain. I take it all with a grain of salt. ;)

elvislover324
04-11-2013, 06:20 PM
OMG Elladorine, you deserve the "Most Patient Person" award!!! Seriously, I don't think I could do it in person. The negative nellies would bring me down. I'm so happy you can handle them and have the success behind you to prove it all works!

berryblondeboys
04-11-2013, 06:25 PM
I try to not respond to people who make excuses. They just aren't ready.

When I'm having a hard time, it's not because of all the list of excuses of "why I can't lose weight".

People just don't want to work that hard at something - for that long. I understand that, but at least admit to yourself then, "I can do this, but I am just not mentally ready yet to do it."

That might not make sense to anyone who has never had a weight problem, but I think most of us who have had major weight loss journeys can relate.

Arctic Mama
04-11-2013, 06:52 PM
Yes to all of you! It's so nice not to be alone in these sentiments, on occasion :)

Melissa, definitely agree about being able but not ready. I spent my high school and college years there, despite my dad trying every trick in the book to get me to lose weight he couldn't make me ready when I wasn't. And then one day I was, and I've been working at it ever since.

Steph and Krampus - 3FC burnout should be a thread on the maintenance forum, complete with descriptions of the various stages and (comedic) solutions. I'm pretty sure everyone who has been in the middle of a looooong weight journey or is just plugging away at maintaining has hit that wall of "ARGH!" with the forum. It's the nature of the beast, and most of us them get over it and come back after a hiatus ;)

lunarsongbird
04-11-2013, 07:13 PM
I might just have to lay low for a little while and just participate in minimal threads. Is this the 3FC burnout or something?!

Don't leave us here in the 100 lb club. ;)

I have mentioned this before, but I used to be deeply involved with a message board on the knot- so much so that like a dozen of us flew out to Arizona to meet eachother face to face. However, the board started becoming negative and hurtful- and I simply don't need that in my life.

So I walked away....

Now I'm very aware of the energy of a board/community. It's one of the reasons that I don't post much in the Weight Loss Support thread too much. I know that there are certain posters that make me feel bad... and I don't need that. So mostly I just read the threads there. I also just discovered the Living Maintenance subforum. That's an interesting positive read.

But this...100 lb Club. This is my comfy home board.
http://s3.favim.com/orig/42/cute-funny-home-honey-lol-Favim.com-358278.jpg

Radiojane
04-11-2013, 07:45 PM
Elladorine The "what's the point?" thing? That's fear. They're scared to show any enthusiasm in case they fail. Another feeling I know really well.

And we all have to remember that there's a certain percentage that are just seeking attention.

Daimere
04-11-2013, 08:56 PM
People like that at your work exhaust me though! And you can't just close the thread on her!!
Oh yes. At this point, we all roll her eyes about it. I even offered 6 months ago to work on weight loss together. She was never "ready" to start. I finally admitted to one coworker last night that i might have lost 15 pounds.

I don't post much in the Weight Loss Support thread too much. I know that there are certain posters that make me feel bad... and I don't need that.
Yeah, certain people scare me to post there. Although some people, as much as I don't want to admit it, have very good, tough-love advice. I just don't want to hear it. lolz

TurboMammoth
04-11-2013, 09:26 PM
I just want to say at first that I don't really fit/allowed to post on this subforum but I randomly stumbled on the thread and as I was reading through it, I got all ''Omg yes. This. And this. AND SO THIS.''

I just wanted to share a story. When I joined, about 2 years ago, I was mainly posting in the Weight Watcher threads, as I was on the program. There was this girl who came in and posted, upfront, as her first post, something like that ;

''Okay I just joined WW, I am allowed to eat 29 points in a day, but my *insert random coffee place here* *insert random super duper calorie loaded coffee thing* counts as 14 points, how the h*ll am I supposed to go through the rest of the day with only 15 points!?!?!??????????????''

People started out nice, she was new to the forum and the program. People suggested to take a smaller size of coffee, to take on with skim milk, you know, the kind of stuff making that you don't blow half your calories budget of the day on a SINGLE COFFEE.

She posted back, pretty much saying that NO NO CAN'T DO any of the suggestions, and after a few post started saying that this was a sh*tty program that nobody could work on it and that it was impossible and that we were all wrong ETC ETC ETC.

I swear, people got MEAN. If the girl wanted to say that the program was not for her, fine. But bringing down a program that the people loved and most of all believed in, it was too much. Cold hard truth were said, and the OP ended up deleting all her posts and the thread had to be shut down.

Big intense WW dramaaa!

People were able to deal with someone not following their advice, but nobody like to be told that their plan is crap. As I was losing weight, it was also a program of starting to believe in myself again... I guess the confidence I did not have in myself, I put it in the faith I had toward different programs I was following. It just attacks what you do and believe at the moments. That is why thread like that annoys me sometimes.

That being said, sorry for stalking your thread, ladies. I frequently look at all your post, you are all such an amazing bunch of inspiring women! Keep it up!! :)

Vex
04-11-2013, 09:29 PM
That's ok, I don't mind those types of posts. It's really indicative of the world and even those closest to us.

I spent 42 years as one of those that made those excuses, and god only knows why it stuck this time.

I try to look at it as, well, they're here. That's a start. They're getting close to being ready to really do it. Hopefully if they stay, they'll find what it is they need to commit.

lunarsongbird
04-11-2013, 09:49 PM
That being said, sorry for stalking your thread, ladies. I frequently look at all your post, you are all such an amazing bunch of inspiring women! Keep it up!! :)

I think almost everyone here would agree with me on this one- You are free to post here in the 100 lb Club any day! We embrace all the positive energy we can get our hands on!

the shiv
04-11-2013, 09:57 PM
I don't know... I hit an early plateau, and I've done my fair share of complaining and venting. I also went through years and years of excuses... And I couldn't follow a plan that wasn't right for me, I just hadn't found the right way to do it yet. So IE isn't exactly the fastest way to lose weight, but it's working slowly and getting me over my mental issues around food. So if I'm making progress mentally at some point, and forming healthier habits, but the scale isn't moving - yes I will be frustrated, and yes, I will say so! I just find it hard to be mad at anyone who's even further back in the process than I am now, where I was years ago. If there wasn't such a large mental component to weight loss, and it were simply as easy as count calories, start exercising, and you're good... Then nobody would struggle with it.

I completely agree that it's frustrating giving people advice that they ask for, then watching them not following it, but it's a million times more frustrating to be sat there beating yourself up for not knowing why you can't seem to follow what seems like a simple piece of advice. I've certainly felt utterly worthless when I've been wondering why I couldn't "just do it". It's easy to forget that you never know what's going on in anyone else's life outside of their weight loss efforts unless they tell you. They could be losing their job, their home, a family member or a friend, they could be getting divorced, anything. Their life could be crashing down around their ears and maybe they feel that their weight is an area of their life they "should" be able to control. And some people try too hard to do too much too soon. Some need an all-out change, some need to take baby steps. And god knows how many plans I rattled through before I found the right one :(

For some people, the negativity is an important part in the process of figuring it all out. Whatever they're thinking right now is on the road to where they're going.

And some people just love the drama and will never change.

The thing that personally bugs me is not when someone's negative about themselves, but about others. Never shoot down what's working for someone else. I got jumped on once for starting a thread about things I want out of life, and all I was doing was trying to talk myself round in my own way. If I'm feeling down I do my best to feel good for the people around me because even if I can't get it together today, they can, and that gives me hope. One day I'll be up and they'll be down and I guess that's what paying it forward is.

Plus, there's always the ignore list ;)

LockItUp
04-11-2013, 10:16 PM
Now I'm very aware of the energy of a board/community. It's one of the reasons that I don't post much in the Weight Loss Support thread too much. I know that there are certain posters that make me feel bad... and I don't need that.



Yeah, certain people scare me to post there. Although some people, as much as I don't want to admit it, have very good, tough-love advice. I just don't want to hear it. lolz

I sincerely hope I am not one of those people!!! I would feel terrible if I put people off an entire part of this site!

lunarsongbird
04-11-2013, 10:31 PM
I sincerely hope I am not one of those people!!! I would feel terrible if I put people off an entire part of this site!

Not at all. You're an awesome inspiration. And I still read that part of the site daily. I just don't post, because I don't post things unless I'm actually ready to read the responses I get. ;o)

Oh- and the tough love. Yup- you're right on, Daimere! I absorb it a lot easier when it's not totally directed at me. Ha.

the shiv
04-11-2013, 10:49 PM
I sincerely hope I am not one of those people!!! I would feel terrible if I put people off an entire part of this site!

A few months ago, mid-plateau, you told me something: "You're only done when YOU say you're done!"

I still remember that, and it still helps me through the difficult bits.

:)

berryblondeboys
04-11-2013, 10:55 PM
Elladorine The "what's the point?" thing? That's fear. They're scared to show any enthusiasm in case they fail. Another feeling I know really well.

And we all have to remember that there's a certain percentage that are just seeking attention.

I'm running into this a bit with a person I know in real life. They just recently discovered that I lost a lot of weight and they want to lose weight. The first thing they sent me was a LONG documentary done in England about how some people are just naturally skinny. it was an interesting documentary, but it also delved a bit in how perhaps it is just plain easier for some people to be skinny while really hard for others to be thin.

I see this person struggling with good food choices. This person KNOWS they are very overweight. KNOWS that something needs to be done. WANTS to be thinner and to feel healthier, but darn it... all that food tastes sooooo good! And that exercise stuff? That takes time and is HARD WORK.

That was me for YEARS. And I can see with this person that they just aren't there yet mentally to actually take the step to actually DOING IT. They don't want it enough yet to give up the things you have to give up to lose weight.

Yes, OK, sure, you can have occasional treats, and so on, but when you are used to eating an ENTIRE bag of chips and an ENTIRE cake or an ENTIRE box of cookies... well......You don't want it enough... yet... if ever.

the shiv
04-11-2013, 11:44 PM
In fact, that's IT. What I AM sick of is saying something positive, only to start people off ranting about having their panties in a bunch / knickers in a twist / whatever. You don't like my nice, positive post? Well, then **** off and go elsewhere!!

I think now I'm starting to get what all the fuss is about.

shcirerf
04-12-2013, 12:02 AM
I feel bad but does anyone else get exhausted by the whining and complaining from people who can't lose weight, post here about it, get lots of helpful advice and they still just write excuse after excuse of why they can't do it?

I do my best to try and pay it forward with all I have learned in 3FC and from my doctor/nutritionist/people in my life. I never say I have all the answers but I will always answer as best as I know how and really think about my responses before posting them.

The negative responses from people just irk me to no end. I know you have to be in the right place in your life to start your new plan of eating, exercise, whatever it is. And I try not to let them get to me, I just move on to another thread and life goes on.

There are some frequent posters who start threads for drama (just my opinion) and then some newbies who want to flash a magic wand and lose 150lbs (I wish I could find that wand too!).

There have been a few times I just wanted to log off my account for a week, month, whatever and get away from the negativity. But thank God, the positive, inspiring, motivating posts all take priority and make me smile, knowing we are mostly all in this together and that I need all of you to continue my success.

Please know, I don't mean posts that someone needs legitimate helpful support and advice. I post those once a week myself. I hope you all know what I mean.

Rant over.

I've been wanting to post this forever, just could not figure out the right words!

LIKE!

Elladorine
04-12-2013, 12:13 AM
Elladorine The "what's the point?" thing? That's fear. They're scared to show any enthusiasm in case they fail. Another feeling I know really well.
I understand what you're getting at since I've definitely been there too. I think what I have a hard time understanding is that when I had the "what's the point" attitude and was afraid of failing, the very last place I'd be caught dead at would be at a weight loss meeting. My husband thinks a big part of it is the social "Cheers" aspect of the meeting (sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name), and the whole concept of misery loves company. I don't think he's far off with certain members, especially when I constantly hear how unfair it is that none of us are blessed enough to be "naturally thin" like the rest of the world. A group of the ladies also go out to eat after the meeting and I think that aspect is what some look forward to the most (some of the husbands jokingly refer to the meeting as "The Supper Club").

And we all have to remember that there's a certain percentage that are just seeking attention.
I can think of one specific person that's the loudest complainer, and she's definitely seeking attention. Her voice has to be heard on every insignificant little thing, and when it comes to group functions, her opinions constantly flip-flop to oppose the majority, apparently just so she has something to raise a fuss over. I've actually been getting phone calls in the past two days from others who attended the latest meeting that are so sick of her very loud, constant negativity but are afraid to say anything. :halfempty

belovedspirit
04-12-2013, 03:19 AM
Oh wow, Elladorine, I really admire your patience. For all the people who aren't ready, you seem like a fantastic coach to help guide or encourage those folks who *are* able and ready to lose weight.

Elvis lover, I hear ya.

I think trying to hold a zen attitude does help. If I'm annoyed, I try to keep my space from people or posts that would add fuel to my fury. It won't help anyone, myself included, to feel resentful or annoyed with folks. I've been finding my annoyance tends to come more from interactions with people in-person. In those cases, I try to take a deep breath, remind myself their life is their own, and focus on my own aims. If all else fails, I go for the "ignore/avoid" approach, which probably isn't the best (I wonder if what I'm doing is really suppressing those feelings) but at the very least, it buys me peace for a meanwhile.

Sunday115
04-12-2013, 03:43 AM
I totally hear you on this, but I also have an inkling that we've all been those people at some point or another. I know I have. I started coming to this site almost 2 years ago, had actually GAINED 30 lbs, and didn't start dieting and actually trying to get healthy until last month. I won't deny it's irritating, but I totally won't deny that I've done it. The irritation I have on this site is people who never say a positive anything. You never see them posting a "Welcome to 3fc!" or a "WOW! Great job!" I'm not calling out anyone on this thread just to be clear haha...but they'll tell you all the ins and outs of pizza, exercise, etc. in a totally non-constructive way to the point of just sounding arrogant.

elvislover324
04-12-2013, 10:09 AM
Just to clarify again, my post wasn't anything about the sincere, help-seeking, hopefully ready to commit newbies or seasoned dieters. I will always help anyone that I think I can with my experience, ideas, tried and true successes and failures. I just think I will be more choosy in the future instead of trying to save the world one dieter at a time. :)

I have such fierce compassion for the members who are struggling to get their diet on track while juggling whatever life issue is on their plate at the moment. Those are the ones I want to help with all I have (and yes, I know, some might not be able to be helped just due to certain circumstances). Whinebags and negative nellies are going to the end of my priority list. And I am starting to be able to spot the difference in their posts slowly but surely.

And for the drama seeking posters, no more drama for me! <insert Mary J. Blige, No More Drama song here!>

synger
04-12-2013, 10:27 AM
Good rule of thumb, hover over the thread title, read the first sentence, and if it looks like it's going to make smoke come out of your ears, walk away. :D

Excellent advice! Some days I'm too precarious on my own plan to hear the whinging of someone else. Those days, I just don't bother reading certain threads.

lunarsongbird
04-12-2013, 10:29 AM
Elvis, I also think that one of the reasons that this topic is challenging for you...is that I speculate that you actually pour a lot of very sincere energy, thought, time, and love into these threads and responses. It can be absolutely draining if you put time into someone's thread- and they aren't at all serious.

But I love that you love us. :D
It's helped me lose over 30 pounds!

Any relationship needs to involve a give and take, even those on message boards. I feel like for a really beautiful online community to exist- there needs to be an equal amount of both. It's easy to lose that balance when reading too many posts from Whinebags and negative nellies.

elvislover324
04-12-2013, 02:43 PM
Elvis, I also think that one of the reasons that this topic is challenging for you...is that I speculate that you actually pour a lot of very sincere energy, thought, time, and love into these threads and responses. It can be absolutely draining if you put time into someone's thread- and they aren't at all serious.

But I love that you love us. :D
It's helped me lose over 30 pounds!

Any relationship needs to involve a give and take, even those on message boards. I feel like for a really beautiful online community to exist- there needs to be an equal amount of both. It's easy to lose that balance when reading too many posts from Whinebags and negative nellies.

Thank you, Lunar, for writing all of that. How sweet are you. :hug:

I think you are right. Now that I found something that works (pretty much counting calories and exercise, so simple sounding right?), I want to shout it from the rooftops and have everyone succeed!! I was so desperate for so long and seriously worried about having a plus-size casket at a very young age (how morbid...) but it's the truth. I never want anyone to have that feeling or anything like it. I feel like I found the secret to weightloss and it was literally in front of my face the whole time and it works! I don't have all the answers of course but I have enough to help anyone that wants it. :)

Radiojane
04-12-2013, 02:54 PM
I totally hear you on this, but I also have an inkling that we've all been those people at some point or another. I know I have. I started coming to this site almost 2 years ago, had actually GAINED 30 lbs, and didn't start dieting and actually trying to get healthy until last month. I won't deny it's irritating, but I totally won't deny that I've done it. The irritation I have on this site is people who never say a positive anything. You never see them posting a "Welcome to 3fc!" or a "WOW! Great job!" I'm not calling out anyone on this thread just to be clear haha...but they'll tell you all the ins and outs of pizza, exercise, etc. in a totally non-constructive way to the point of just sounding arrogant.

Oh yes.. the know it alls. They're fun.

I've got to go looking for this cartoon that explains all the personalities you find on a message board. It was quite funny and very relevant to this convo.

elvislover324
04-12-2013, 04:28 PM
I have already run into a couple of trainwrecks (for me) since I started this post yesterday. Clicking the back button is killing me but I am doing it!! I'm also calling it progress on my part!

I think I need my password changed and for someone not to tell it to me! ;)

Sunday115
04-12-2013, 04:44 PM
Sorry Elvis, I hope you didn't take offense to my response. I also didn't read this entire thread (it was about 3AM when I posted) so I was half asleep and missed that part. I apologize.

Radiojane lol...yes, the know it alls. The reason we have that little disclaimer at the bottom of the threads to avoid the honorary and self professed Mr./Mrs Diet PhD, MD, JD, BA, MA, whatever else they think they are lol.

Skellig19
04-12-2013, 07:09 PM
Sorry Elvis, I hope you didn't take offense to my response. I also didn't read this entire thread (it was about 3AM when I posted) so I was half asleep and missed that part. I apologize.

Radiojane lol...yes, the know it alls. The reason we have that little disclaimer at the bottom of the threads to avoid the honorary and self professed Mr./Mrs Diet PhD, MD, JD, BA, MA, whatever else they think they are lol.


I am a major know-it-all and I want to apologize. I know for me, it's not coming from a place of meanness but rather education. I have a teaching/counselling personality and I want to inform people as much as possible because I find it fulfilling to do so. I want people to know as much about something as I do! It sounds so arrogant but I don't mean it too!

That being said, it can be done in a respectful and compassionate way, it just takes a little effort! But why would some know-it-alls put effort into it? This is just the internet where people don't matter as much as real life...

Radiojane
04-12-2013, 07:23 PM
Skellig you are very helpful. And i tend to spew forth knowledge with little regard for how I'm coming off because I can't believe some of the things I've learned!

Sunday115
04-12-2013, 07:31 PM
I totally agree, I come here SEEKING advice a lot of the times. I just prefer when people can be compassionate about it. It's frustrating to me when you never see certain people comment on threads that have to do with accomplishments and encouragement, but they jump all over the people who fell off the bandwagon for a week and feel bad. And as I said before, I'm not talking about anyone on this thread. This isn't a passive aggressive thing I'm hoping someone reads lol.

punkrocksong
04-12-2013, 11:43 PM
I am a newbie, aside from a miserable crash diet in order to fit into my wedding dress almost twelve years ago I have never tried to seriously lose weight, excercise, or make good food choices. And I formed a shield of self-depricating humor and a mountain of excuses to help me not take responsibility for my life.

I have a bad back - carrying around the extra 150 lbs and eating a pound of spaghetti in one sitting doesn't help.

I don't have the money to buy non-processed food - but I have the money to get a Venti Caramel Mocha from Starbucks everyday.

I can't stand the thought of not having bread - fine, have some bread that doesn't mean that I should eat two Panera bagels smothered in cream cheese every morning.

I'm just too stressed out - I used to go running when I was stressed, now I eat a bag of potato chips

I now have the money to buy new clothes so I don't need to worry if I go up a size - how about instead of dropping two grand on a new wardrobe every year I join a gym.

My husband is just such a good cook and he over eats and doesn't gain weight - he has a job where he does manual labor everyday where I sit at a desk.

I've made these excuses and many more and I'm very new to all of this. I joined this forum to get some ideas and feedback about different diets and exercise from people who have actually tried them not just paid testimonials from sales people. My plan is a loosey goosey right now because I'm slowly trying to make changes that I can stick to for a long period of time. And I'll be the first person to say that if I start making excuses I want someone to call me on it!

rodeogirl
04-13-2013, 01:53 AM
Elvis - I love your honesty and reading your posts.

I try to be understanding but say the truth as kindly as I can. I'm still a beginner myself so I understand how quickly a good day can turn into a struggle.

I pretty much stick to the 100lb forum because it seems like most people here are pretty reasonable. I think anyone who can admit they need to lose 100 lbs has a pretty good chance of not being arrogant just admitting that is humbling.

So somehow I have missed most of the drama (I think) by staying here.

I hope I haven't come across as negative - sometimes I post quickly and I know what I mean in my head, but it might come out wrong via the keyboard. :)

You ladies (and the couple of gentlemen we have here) are such an inspiration to me - knowing there are people who have lost 50, 60, or more pounds gives me a lot of hope!

Elladorine
04-13-2013, 02:10 AM
I'm often afraid I come off as one of those know-it-alls.

Radiojane
04-13-2013, 04:30 PM
There is a huge difference between a know it all that shares their experience, like Ella and Elvis and others, and those that find a way to spew forth facts (usually gleaned from their pet site or program), with a wording that makes it clear they think they're smarter than the other posters.

I love to learn from everyone. I couldn't have had the success I've had without the Internet. So even if it comes with a little attitude, I take what I can use.

thnknthin1
04-13-2013, 04:46 PM
I'm often afraid I come off as one of those know-it-alls.


Never! I always find your posts very informative and supportive :)

thnknthin1
04-13-2013, 04:48 PM
There is a huge difference between a know it all that shares their experience, like Ella and Elvis and others, and those that find a way to spew forth facts (usually gleaned from their pet site or program), with a wording that makes it clear they think they're smarter than the other posters.

I love to learn from everyone. I couldn't have had the success I've had without the Internet. So even if it comes with a little attitude, I take what I can use.

^^^^I second this! :yes:

elvislover324
04-13-2013, 05:51 PM
There is a huge difference between a know it all that shares their experience, like Ella and Elvis and others,

Did you just call us know-it-alls?!?!?

Just kidding. I'm on my phone so I can't insert a bunch of smilies here!!!

Lecomtes
04-13-2013, 08:20 PM
I really like the responses Shiv & Vex shared. :)
When people sidestep your advice, it may come across as rude or dismissive, but I think it's important to meet people where they are at. I'm sure people have occasionally construed my perceptions as negative both in person and online...because some of them are quite frankly. As hard as it may be for people that are at a more positive juncture to listen/read about the tribulations of those who are struggling to maintain a positive outlook...nothing is as difficult as being the negative person that nobody wants to listen/talk to, as some of you must certainly appreciate.
I am really working on meeting people where they are at in life...that doesn't mean pouring all my energy into them when all they are ready to do is formulate excuses, it means stepping back when I have to (for my sake as much as theirs), giving what I can, and trying not to let my ego or need to be "right" get in the way of being helpful. Boy do I have a long way to go...Trying to get my family members to jump on the health wagon with me has been...a learning experience.
I am a "newbie" here, sometimes I am seeking advice, sometimes I'm just composing my own thoughts so I can get them out of my busy mind in a safe medium...where maybe I will discover that I am not totally alone in my madness ;P However, I do strive to be kind and appreciative in my responses to people, because I genuinely appreciate their feedback. Back and forth dualistic bickering however doesn't help anyone, so I would say I partially follow good ole Thumper's adage...If you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all...unless the not-nice things are eating away at your sanity, in that case get them the **** out any way you can. Haha! :)

Sum38
04-13-2013, 08:28 PM
They are not ready to shed the weight:( -- We have to ask ourselves...were we ready the 1st, 2nd, 56th, 1047th time? -- It has taken me many moons to do this. I hope I am ready this time!! So far so good, but who knows what temptation tomorrow brings and if I am truly ready to commit.

Oh how many times did I vow that this was the time...it was not :(

shcirerf
04-14-2013, 02:34 AM
*deep sigh*

I am probably one of those people that comes across as snarky and harsh!

I don't mean it in a bad way.

However, sometimes, when people whine, I have to wonder, did anyone ever challenge you to do anything.

I'll try to put this in context.

I grew up on a very large combination farm/ranch in western Nebraska. We had around 200 head of cattle, 15 head of horses, random pigs, sheep, grew alfalfa, corn, wheat, millet, sugar cane, grass hay and on and so forth. We had a milk cow, and chickens. I had chores and responsibilities. I can drive a tractor, a hay swather, rake hay, run a back hoe, hook up the trailer, haul hay in an old farm truck, with a 2 sided five speed gear shift. A lot of work. My family lived on one side of the barn, my grandparents lived on the other side.

My parents had no boys, I am the oldest girl.

Calving out that many critters, along with feeding out last years calves, raising all our own feed, and selling and hauling what we did not need, and branding and so on and so forth, a lot of work and hours.

When someone whines, what always comes to my mind is, working cattle. When you are delivering babies from grumpy mamas that need help, sorting and branding and such, and you are in charge of the gate, or in charge of keeping a mad momma off of your dad, or grandad or sister, what you do, is what keeps that person safe. Be it, slamming the gate shut, putting your horse and you between them and the cow, being thankful you have a good cow horse and dog to help you keep all safe. And then it does not always work. I've been run over, kicked, stomped on, snotted on, and had me and my horse knocked over, and watched several GREAT cow dogs, get the same treatment.

The point is, you will never know how much you can do, until you have to do it. Are you ready to go above and beyond what you think you can?

Why not challenge yourself?

It does not even need to a big thing. Lose 5 pounds, walk a mile a day. Take a college class, sign up for a local 5k, visit the local art gallery, volunteer at a local meals on wheels, or animal shelter or whatever.

Rinse and repeat! Eventually, you will get the hang of it, and the good habits will overtake the bad!:D

HungryHungryHippo
04-23-2013, 12:52 AM
I just stumbled on this thread, and I have to say, some posters' denial just exhausts me. I have the UTMOST compassion for someone who is struggling to stay on plan, and admits it. But the theories people want to validate to explain why they aren't losing weight / are gaining weight, when they've already admitted to overeating? And the "solutions," involving even less accountability, and more calories?

But I have to remind myself, people only hear things when they are ready, and what worked for me might not work for everyone.

AlmostMe
04-23-2013, 06:51 AM
Oh yes!!!

One thread in particular - recently - just drove me batty. Every excuse in the book about why she couldn't exercise. But I didn't respond. There's only one way to lose weight healthily - eat less and move more. That's it. (And I admit I DO get annoyed by people who say you don't have to exercise to lose weight. Technically true, but I believe strongly that sedentary humans are unhealthy humans)

You can shake it up in all kinds of different ways. Low-carb, calorie counting, etc. etc. I'm doing Intuitive Eating. It's working for me. It's not an approach for everyone and that's cool. Guess what? In weeks that I don't follow IE so well, I lose less or don't lose at all. Yes, I have had some stall weeks where things were going well and I was on plan...but overall the line is down and the steepness of the line correlates strongly with how well I'm following the approach I've chosen.

On the other hand, we all have our down days and there are people in this thread (including myself) who have done some whining and excuse making themselves. I'm totally cool with that. As a support forum, I think it is our job to gently remind and encourage people to get back on track. That's why I keep coming back.

But I can't help people who are perma-whiners.

ubergirl
04-23-2013, 11:14 AM
I feel bad but does anyone else get exhausted by the whining and complaining from people who can't lose weight, post here about it, get lots of helpful advice and they still just write excuse after excuse of why they can't do it?

I do my best to try and pay it forward with all I have learned in 3FC and from my doctor/nutritionist/people in my life. I never say I have all the answers but I will always answer as best as I know how and really think about my responses before posting them.

The negative responses from people just irk me to no end. I know you have to be in the right place in your life to start your new plan of eating, exercise, whatever it is. And I try not to let them get to me, I just move on to another thread and life goes on.

There are some frequent posters who start threads for drama (just my opinion) and then some newbies who want to flash a magic wand and lose 150lbs (I wish I could find that wand too!).

There have been a few times I just wanted to log off my account for a week, month, whatever and get away from the negativity. But thank God, the positive, inspiring, motivating posts all take priority and make me smile, knowing we are mostly all in this together and that I need all of you to continue my success.

Please know, I don't mean posts that someone needs legitimate helpful support and advice. I post those once a week myself. I hope you all know what I mean.

Rant over.

I remember feeling this way sometimes back when I was on here all the time. But now, I think I'm a little less burnt out. When I was in a good place, losing a hundred pounds in a year, back in 2009 and 2010 I used to get frustrated that people wouldn't listen. I think it's natural. I used to feel like I had the whole thing figured out and I wanted to help other people have the good experience that I was having.

Now, I guess I'm a lot more humble, and I feel scared and confused again, just like I did at the beginning the first time around. I understand how to lose weight, but I don't fully understand how to be the person whose brain can snap into that good place. That is the big problem for me. Sometimes I can, and sometimes I can't. That helps me to be a little less impatient with others-- although, like you, I can't stand negativity, and sometimes it's pretty clear that people aren't ready when they post and that they will probably not be around much longer.

Luckily, since I've been back, I haven't seen too much negativity, but I'm pretty good at just skipping over it.

Mainly, I'm just glad that the 100lb club is here when I need it and am ready for it.

Thedollylala
04-23-2013, 11:30 AM
Yes yes yes, this thread is so true 30 times over, it's do challenging even more so when it's a friend and you know they are sensitive, but they want to complain, it's hard to be patient.

elvislover324
04-23-2013, 11:38 AM
I'm so glad this thread is still active and the comments are still respectful and constructive.

Too many threads lately have turned into rude, off-topic, drama-filled comments and I didn't want to have that happen here. :)

I obviously have been thinking about this post since I created it and realized I don't know how to NOT help someone here, even if it's just a few kind and/or encouraging words. It's really hard to shut off that part of my brain and click the back button.

Thank you for everyone who contributed to this thread. I didn't mean any harm when I created it. And I think most of the people here know I wouldn't create a mean thread. I have been desperate for help myself in the past few weeks and you amazing group of people stepped up and kept me on track and encouraged. And I have taken your advice and suggestions to heart and have used them. I can't thank you all enough for doing that.

betsy2013
04-23-2013, 12:15 PM
This has been an interesting thread to read -- and perhaps to re-read (hey, I'm approach the dotage stage of life. I have to write down what I eat each day because who can remember otherwise!).

Most of the time when I come across the rants about why someone can't lose, I just move on to a different thread. I responded to one that I found to be particularly whiny, but wished I hadn't -- not because my less than kind response bothered me, but because the writer's selfishness sat at the back of my mind all day.

I loved what Shcirerf talked about and I do believe that people who have faced some really difficult challenges are much better at handling set backs in life. But, I have to say I'm not surprised that there are a number of people who can't cope at all. We're raised an entire generation of kids who were taught not to keep score when playing soccer or baseball or whatever because losing might damage them somehow. Oh please. Get a life. I can see not keeping score during practice and when learning, but most of life is about keeping score of some kind. And, in all fairness, I have to admit that what I thought was important when I was in my teens and 20s seems ridiculously insignificant now.

So, I'll just keep on ignoring 99.9% of the whiny rants from people who refuse to take personal responsibility for the situation they're in. Actually, it's not that much of a problem because I've found that the people who are serious about adopting a healthier life style post here regularly while the whiners tend to post mainly when they're having a "crisis."

Trazey34
04-23-2013, 04:49 PM
awesome thread! Just like life, there's people who are clearly having a bad DAY and people who are just having a bad everything!

I disappeared for months because I had several pretty hateful DMs telling me I don't belong here anymore, it's ONLY for people losing weight, take myself off somewhere else. But then I thought, but I LOVE THE 100lb GIRLS!! so I came back and said TOUGH!! Ha, i'm no know-it-all, I'm just an idiot who sorted it out for herself, end of story ;)

Nothing infuriates me more than the *****ing and moaning about why you "can't" do things, or the unrealistic goals that set my teeth on edge -- "When I'm thin, I'll have friends, be outgoing, and I'll be happy and everything will be perfect" ummmm if you're none of those things NOW, being thin won't change that! But I don't....I zip it...and carry on haha

amandie
04-23-2013, 04:56 PM
I disappeared for months because I had several pretty hateful DMs telling me I don't belong here anymore, it's ONLY for people losing weight, take myself off somewhere else. But then I thought, but I LOVE THE 100lb GIRLS!! so I came back and said TOUGH!! Ha, i'm no know-it-all, I'm just an idiot who sorted it out for herself, end of story ;)


Seriously? Wow. That would piss me the heck off. Who are they to decide who can stay here and who can't? I'm glad you came back regardless!!! Now I am starting to understand why some of the featherweights prefer to stay in maintenance forums because of people like them (the ones who PM/DMed you.) Just... WOW.

elvislover324
04-23-2013, 05:14 PM
awesome thread! Just like life, there's people who are clearly having a bad DAY and people who are just having a bad everything!

I disappeared for months because I had several pretty hateful DMs telling me I don't belong here anymore, it's ONLY for people losing weight, take myself off somewhere else. But then I thought, but I LOVE THE 100lb GIRLS!! so I came back and said TOUGH!! Ha, i'm no know-it-all, I'm just an idiot who sorted it out for herself, end of story ;)

Nothing infuriates me more than the *****ing and moaning about why you "can't" do things, or the unrealistic goals that set my teeth on edge -- "When I'm thin, I'll have friends, be outgoing, and I'll be happy and everything will be perfect" ummmm if you're none of those things NOW, being thin won't change that! But I don't....I zip it...and carry on haha

You are so welcome on any thread in any group as far as I am concerned. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Sometimes I post in the 100 club because I tend to hang out there a lot or I just don't know what category something belongs in.

So happy you are back. :)

Elladorine
04-23-2013, 05:26 PM
Trazey, I've loved your posts for like ever. :hug: I'm sorry some people told you to go away, but at the very least you don't seem like the type that would be down over it for long. Keep posting away! :D

bethFromDayton
04-23-2013, 06:19 PM
I'm often afraid I come off as one of those know-it-alls.

You come off as a woman who has a lot of good experience and is willing to share it and cheer on others.

:carrot: