Weight Loss Surgery - When did you tell your family about the surgery?
04-09-2013, 02:32 PM
So I am excited that I got my date for October 8th and of course my husband knows and my best friend knows and they are both very supportive and on board...however... I haven't told any other family members:(
Here's the thing: I haven't told my mom because when you tell her something..its not like you tell her and then she is like "oh i support you" or "well its your choice"...She will ask 1000 questions and throw in several of her opinions for good measure and she pushes you to forgoe your opinion or plans for hers.
In the past, when I was 16 and I was offered surgery as an option for weight loss, from a specialist in town(the wait list was only 6months long at that time) She refused to even consider or listen to the Doctor, even though the surgery would be covered completely under BC medical. So if she wasn't interested in it then, what makes me think anything is going to be any different.
Point is: I can't tell my Dad either because my parents have a rule that they keep no secrets between each other. So i can't tell him and say "dont tell mom".
Of course the other thing is..I dont want to tell anyone else in my family besides my parents because I guess i feel ashamed in a way that my lifelong battle with weight loss, has come down to needing to do something so drastic as surgery..
Thoughts? How do you handle family members? And what do you do about all the people in your life who dont agree with your decisions? Im afraid to tell anyone because I know some people are so against it. I don't want to be judged .
04-09-2013, 03:26 PM
I wouldn't say anything till much closer to the date. Then just tell your parents and say it's all decided and arranged. There is so need of extra stress now and then.
04-09-2013, 03:38 PM
I'm very fortunate in that my family has been incredibly supportive, I actually told them all about it months before I started the process because I knew it wasn't something I could manage alone (I was an adult, but only 19, so while I could have done it on my own, it would be incredibly hard to keep it a secret). I actually brought my mom with me to the seminar because she was worried it was too drastic. I think that getting informed about it was what made her get on board.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's not like WLS is an easy fix - it's a tool to help you, yes, but it's still very hard work. It sucks that we are where we are, but we can't change the past, and when we do lose the weight, we get to feel every bit as proud about accomplishing it as someone who does it by a different means. :)
Personally, I would tell her in a way that makes it clear you are going through with it no matter what she says. Something along the lines of, "I respect your opinion, but I'm doing this for me whether you support it or not." etc. So far, anyone in my life (friends & family alike) who seemed judgey or doubtful when I told them about it did a 360 when I put in an effort to inform them. Most people are surprisingly willing to listen and are even curious about it, in my experience so far.
04-09-2013, 08:36 PM
Here's a thread [with more links inside of it!] that might give you more insight - we discuss this topic A LOT around here ...
04-09-2013, 10:15 PM
Thanks Jiffy... That totally helped me out and helped my husband out as well..We both see that we don't have to tell everyone about it...especially not my mother..With her, there is always 1000 questions and 1000 reasons and not to mention the lecture on "where is the money coming from"? Not that its any of her business.
Better not to tell her anything.
04-10-2013, 09:10 AM
happy to help - it's difficult when we can't trust people who are close to us with what's going on in our lives, but when viewed as an important step to both physical and mental health, it's an valuable lesson in taking care of ourselves.
We didn't get this way because our relationships -with food and others - were healthy.
04-11-2013, 12:15 AM
I honestly wish I wouldn't of told my mom but I was hoping that she would be able to fly down and help me with my 3 kids during the recovery. In the end she didn't come down and she told my sister that I was having surgery and it caused a ton of drama the couple of weeks leading up to surgery. If I could do it over again I would of just told my husband and some close friends. Some people know about my surgery but I don't tell everyone that ask because I don't feel like answering all the questions or dealing with the judging or feeling like everyone is monitoring what and how much I eat.
Surgery has opened my eyes though to the differences between my friends. I was at a Army wives coffee (get together) and they were all a healthy weight (skinny). There was lots of food there but all of us ate very little and no one was trying to force people to keep eating. Well about a week ago I went to a bbq and my obese friends kept trying to get me to eat more and they kept offering me more food. Neither of these 2 groups know that I've had surgery but I just happened to make that observation between my 2 groups of friends.
I definitely don't feel the need to mention it and it's good to keep some things private. I'm not ashamed of my surgery but I feel like I am more THAN my surgery *sorry if that doesn't make sense lol* Okay I'm going to bed :)
04-11-2013, 01:03 AM
I told my family as soon as I got the word that everything was finalized and got a date. Lol. But my family is very open and very close, we don't usually keep things from each other, at least not major things. Part of it was just that I was excited, and 100% confident in my decision. I knew that there would be people in my life that wouldn't agree, but their opinion was not going to sway me, so I had nothing to hide.
My family was very supportive. More concerned about the fact that I was having surgery than anything. It was my co-workers that voiced their opinions....which meant nothing, especially coming from people who have never had weight or health issues.
I think it's just all about what you are comfortable with. I know some people who are years out and have told practically nobody, for their own reasons. There is no right or wrong. :)
04-21-2013, 02:31 PM
I have some sympathy with your mom on this one. I don't think I would have agreed to WLS for a 16 yr old either. I wouldn't have trusted their judgement and I wouldn't have wanted to make that decision for them - especially as they'd be on their own soon enough. But I would support my adult child in their decisions. Of course I would ask questions and of course I would be concerned. I can tell you the things that I would ask you...Why Mexico? Why now? How are you paying for this? And, of course, are you sure there's not another way. I'm not asking you - just that these are things I WOULD ask my child- adult or not.
I have a mother who is completely self-obsessed and thinks that if I choose something different that she does I'm doing it to spite her (e.g. she threw a fit at the printers when I picked a different wedding invitation to the one she wanted and threatened to call off MY wedding...ha, ha!!! ), so I do understand difficult mothers. But the worse that can happen here is exactly what you expect and she MAY surprise you with support. If she does behave as you expect you can always say "I am letting you know what my decision is, I have decided and that's it."
04-21-2013, 05:21 PM
I am really thinking about getting.. Or trying to get the sleeve. I actually just told my husband that I was thinking about it this morning. I don't really want other people to know tho. I think I can get most of the weight off without wls, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to keep it off.