Depression and Weight Issues - Stretch marks and depression




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lovedancelive
04-07-2013, 08:38 PM
When my boyfriend's ex added me on Facebook, I made the mistake of accepting the invite. He's totally over her but I'm not over how unattractive I am by comparison...

He hasn't seen all of my flaws yet, I've been careful to cover them. I have faded stretch marks pretty much all over my body. What made me worry, initially, was the double take I swore I saw him do last night. I raised my arms above my head and my shirt sleeve slid down, revealing some of the marks. I swore I saw him jerk his head back around so I lowered my arms immediately and made sure to keep everything covered the rest of the night.

I'm afraid that once he sees them, he'll lose interest. He admitted that his previous relationship was all physical attraction so I'm worried he won't find me attractive once he sees them because I'm fairly certain he hasn't yet.

I don't know if I should just act "normal"...or if I should say hey, look, I've got these marks and I'm worried you'll see them and freak... I hope this isn't TMI but it's kind of a pain making sure the lights are always off and then making sure I put something on right away, just in case... >.>


Quirky Chick
04-07-2013, 09:18 PM
Hi there. Sorry to hear you are upset and stressed over this. I'm afraid I can't tell you have to hide all imperfections. But I just wanted to add, just because he said that's what his last relationship was about, that doesn't mean that's what yours is about. Circumstances can play a big part. Try not too order-judge yourself too much. I'm sure you're a nice person, and if he is too, then you have nothing to worry about. Hope you get to feeling better. :)

ladyrider72472
04-07-2013, 09:27 PM
Lovedancelive, first of all let me give you this advise.... DELETE her from your friends list.... I lived in the shadow of my ex's ex..... and it just about drove me bonkers. I am about 5'11, she was barely 5 feet.... there is NO comparison in us two and I about drove myself nuts trying to be something I wasn't (petite). That is my advise as far as that.

If you feel that badly about your stretch marks, I would lay it on the line if it bothers you that much, so you are not trying to keep up a fašade.

Also, keep in mind if he does not love you "stretch marks and all" then you probably don't need him.... b/c what happens if you should have children? ALMOST everyone gets them with pregnancy.

IMO, I think it is your insecurity and he probably has not noticed......

THat is just my .2 worth. Good luck!! But I am serious about deleting her from your friends list... it will drive you nuts.


lovedancelive
04-07-2013, 10:01 PM
@ladyrider

Thanks, I might do that because I don't see why she added me at all, honestly. She hasn't said a word to me, I haven't said a word to her, so I don't get it...all I'm doing now is thinking, "I wish I weighed 110 like her..." :(


I asked a friend this same question at the same time I posted this thread and his advice was to act more normal. Don't bring it up but don't really hide them either. It makes me so nervous, he's been such a great guy, I hope that doesn't change, I hope he really is a good man...

BreathingSpace
04-07-2013, 10:10 PM
Lovedancelive, first of all let me give you this advise.... DELETE her from your friends list.... I lived in the shadow of my ex's ex..... and it just about drove me bonkers. I am about 5'11, she was barely 5 feet.... there is NO comparison in us two and I about drove myself nuts trying to be something I wasn't (petite). That is my advise as far as that.

If you feel that badly about your stretch marks, I would lay it on the line if it bothers you that much, so you are not trying to keep up a fašade.

Also, keep in mind if he does not love you "stretch marks and all" then you probably don't need him.... b/c what happens if you should have children? ALMOST everyone gets them with pregnancy.

IMO, I think it is your insecurity and he probably has not noticed......

THat is just my .2 worth. Good luck!! But I am serious about deleting her from your friends list... it will drive you nuts.

yeah, I have to agree. I did the same thing and was constantly comparing myself to her. It was ridiculous really. I was so insecure. I was also terrified he would see any of my physical flaws too so I kept things hidden.

After breaking up from this dysfunctional relationship, I now realize I should be with someone who loves me for everything I am inside, and everything on the outside of me IS A BONUS.

IanG
04-07-2013, 10:19 PM
Own those marks. They are yours.

He won't mind. I never have.

zoesmom
04-07-2013, 10:24 PM
Those are your battle scars....proof you have overcome what a great majority can not do. Those are yours and what is your is worth loving. It is your imperfections that make you perfect. If he is for you, he'll see that. And you know, deep down, that is the truth.

And he was probably just a little excited to see a slight bit of skin. Some men really are just that shallow to care about scars and whatnot...but in my experience, most are not ;)

lovedancelive
04-07-2013, 11:18 PM
Own those marks. They are yours.

He won't mind. I never have.

Thank you. :)

And thank you to everyone else who responded, I'll just try to show some confidence! ;)

lovely30
04-30-2013, 03:33 AM
I agree with deleting her too. If you are going to compare yourself every single day, it's so not worth it. Most women have stretch marks. If he doesn't like them, it's his loss. Besides, hey may have only liked her for looks, but he may appreciate you more on a deeper level. No one connects with every person on the same level.

katieJames27
05-05-2013, 01:29 AM
Hi,

She is ex for a reason. Delete her from your Facebook. As for the stretch marks, love them, they are a sign of victory!

Dagmar
05-05-2013, 01:46 AM
Those are your battle scars....proof you have overcome what a great majority can not do. Those are yours and what is your is worth loving. It is your imperfections that make you perfect. If he is for you, he'll see that. And you know, deep down, that is the truth.

And he was probably just a little excited to see a slight bit of skin. Some men really are just that shallow to care about scars and whatnot...but in my experience, most are not ;)

Oh that is great advice. Imma gonna keep this too.