I've lost 20lbs in the past year but have so far to go before I feel I'm where I want to be to be healthy and attractive. I haven't had a lot (any) luck with men being attracted to me/asking me out and I can't help but feel that it has a lot to do with my being overweight and being shy and having low self confidence because of it. It's really been depressing in life to go through it alone and have no interest in me.
I've gotten to the breaking point I think where I want to be confident, comfortable and find someone and I feel like theres only 1 option to get there and its to stop these bad habits and get healthier. :/
04-07-2013, 08:41 AM
I think that you can see, especially on this forum, that there are a lot of overweight women - some who are bigger than you - who have boyfriends and husbands, so it's not necessarily because you're overweight. also, i know EXACTLY how you feel, because i used to be like that. in my late teens and early 20's, i was about 230lbs and had never had a boyfriend. only super creepy guys would ever hit on me, and i turned them away. i didn't want anyone to touch me cuz i was grossed out with myself. and the older i got, the more embarrassed i became with my virginity and i wished someone would just come and take it away so i could get it over with, but it was just a vicious cycle.
see, the thing is, it actually has nothing to do with size. having men being attracted to you depends solely on your confidence level. and when you don't have any, you don't attract anybody; or you attract creeps, because they can't read the signals that you're unconsciously sending out. when you start feeling more confident with yourself, i SWEAR, guys will start paying attention. a few years ago, before i met my current boyfriend, i was in a bit of a "flirt" phase and i was feeling like i was basically "hot sh!t" and everytime i walked into a club or a bar, i would have guys hitting on me left and right, and i LOVED it. lol. i was nearly 200lbs. in a country where the average girl weighs about 90lbs. so i can tell you, it definitely has nothing to do with weight.
the funny part is, now that i'm madly in love with my bf, even though i'm loads thinner (and cuter!) i hardly get hit on at all!! lol. so in my mind, it's all about the vibes you send out, and that's not a conscious thing. when you are a confident single woman, that seeps through and guys find that attractive. now, i'm pretty sure i'm sending out "i'm taken so don't even bother cuz you will crash and burn!" vibes, so i don't get hit on at all... lol.
also, eye-contact is a huge thing. when i was younger (and bigger) if my friends ever managed to drag me out to a club with them, i would sit in a corner and not look at anybody. if i saw a guy i thought was hot, i would avoid eye contact at all cost. i was thinking "he'll know i like him if he catches me looking at him!!" what kind of stupid way of thinking is that?!? don't i want him to know i like him? when i was in the flirty phase i mentioned above, i looked everybody in the eye and i smiled at them. i saw a hot guy walking down the street? i made eye contact and smiled. sometimes he'd stop and come over to chat, most times he'd just smile back and that would just make me feel good about myself.
the thing is, when you see these messages all around that say "you have to love yourself first", it's not crap. it's true. and i know it may seem hard now, but until you love yourself, ain't nobody else gonna come and do it for you. i mean, you can have a 200+ lbs girl who's a hit with guys and really happy with her life because she's at ease with herself, and you can have a 110lbs girl who is just as miserable as you are, because she has terrible self-esteem and she in her head thinks that she is unworthy of being loved.
of course, there are some stupid jerks out there who are only into the barbie-doll-type chick, but those are not guys you wanna date anyways. the average male will be attracted to confidence, and boobs :p
good luck, and cheer up, kid! <3
PS: i can see from your profile pic that you have a super cute face. once you are feeling confident with yourself, you will have guys lining down the block to date you ;)
04-07-2013, 09:34 AM
I agree it's a confidence thing. My husband loves me even though I'm overweight, but you have to find a "good one". I was fat on our wedding day, I wished I could have given him a thin wife, but I know he didn't even care an ounce about that kind of stuff. He tells me he loves how pretty I am, my sense of humor, my personality, etc etc all those things we love to hear. Some guys are very shallow, in fact, I think I have a pretty good douche bag radar. But I know lots of big ladies in happy relationships. I wouldn't be attracted to someone, if I had a hot body, who just liked my hot body and didn't care about who I really was.
So anyways I really hope you are a confidant and happy girl, you could always join dating websites, don't hide a thing about who you are, and find a nice gentleman on there. Just don't give up and don't despair, everything you need to achieve what you want is in your hands :)
04-07-2013, 10:16 AM
I think Kawaii is right about having confidence and giving out the right kind of vibes (she's also right about you being super cute). You have the power to make changes in your life! Do it now while you're young.
04-07-2013, 03:37 PM
In order to attract someone you must be confident and love yourself for who and what you are. That does not mean you cannot make improvements in your self and your body.
04-07-2013, 11:51 PM
Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words :) It means a lot to hear that and I do think youre all completely right about the confidence thing. It's something I need to work on and I do feel like just trying to work to be healthier will help that in the long run and trying to love myself and my body completely along the way will as well.
04-07-2013, 11:56 PM
"you have to love yourself first", it's not crap. it's true.
I cannot believe that it has taken me 38 years to learn that!
04-08-2013, 03:50 PM
Girl, I know that feeling. I was there, too. And everyone here is right. I promise you that men (good ones that you actually want around, at least!) start giving you that eye all day long when you have the confidence and that strut. My fiancee is half my weight and to him, it means nothing except that he knows my being overweight bothers me myself.
Congrats on the 20lbs of weight loss and congrats to the weight loss to come. You're beautiful only to become more beautiful! Strut your stuff, love.
04-30-2013, 03:38 AM
Yay, for the weight loss! I'm sorry you are feeling lonely.