Depression and Weight Issues - April Chat

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04-04-2013, 08:20 PM
Hello chicks!! I really liked that our March thread was pretty active. It's good getting to know everyone.

Coffeeshopgirl , you mentioned your electric blanket helping you this winter, oh my gosh that's what I need! I've been using a large heating pad that I place on my bed where my lower back will be, I never have back pain (due to all my working out) but that heat, when you slip into bed, feels soooooooo good :D

I told of taking our bathroom scales out to the garage because they make me crazier, and I vowed to stay off them for 3 weeks?? well I caved today :( and don't you know, NO CHANGE. I've had 2 weeks of almost perfect on plan and have varied and stepped up my workouts, cardio and strength but NO LOSS. Yes I measured too, NO change. Really put me in a sad, sad mood. I'm not giving up but it's discouraging. Come on, isnt 2 weeks enough time for some good change??

04-04-2013, 10:48 PM
I have doing really well since I started losing and exercising in the pool. I know though that as soon as I have bladder surgery, I will gain some of it back. How depressing!!! Then as soon as I can start pool exercise again, I will work to get off the gain from my surgery.

04-04-2013, 11:48 PM
I hope y'all don't mind if I join. My name is Tammy... I am from Arkansas. I have 2 grown boys who are polar opposites. The oldest just graduated from pilot school today.. At 23 he is a pilot, veteran, and higher ranking than a lot of men he has been around for awhile... The other sob used to have a heart of old and such a caring spirit.... But he met a girl and he no longer considers me his mom... So, I guess u could say that is what's"triggered" this episode of depression, although I have dealt w it all my life.

Btw, hey Holly.... I promise I am not "fat chick forum stalking u"... Lol

The reason the thread caught my eye today is we were thinking of buying a different house. This house has been in my DH family for a long time. Recently he lost his mother and she lived in a house behind ours. But in looking at other homes.... I am wondering if part of mm old comes from the dungeon like house this is. There is NO natural light. All of the windows have been covered over the years w carports, porches, or room additions. There are only 5 windows total in the house. So, we are hoping to get this new house... And I am looking or natural sunlight....

Sorry to overtake your thread.


04-04-2013, 11:50 PM
Holly, hang in there... Part of it maybe stress from the winter job!!!

04-05-2013, 10:27 AM
firegirl, you have been doing so well :cheer2: I hope that the surgery doesn't set you too far back :)

Tammy! :hug: we welcome anyone who gets beat up by the depression monster...I have to comment about the house situation, i agree 100% absolutely that the lack of natural light is NOT GOOD for people 'like us' :( We have a high ridge behind us, and in the mornings, our area is in that shadow, while across the lake I see the homes there absolutely bathed in morning sunshine and I yearn for that!!! We also have an old house and there was nothing like open floor plans back then, I think those are so lovely and open. I hope with all my heart that you can find a home you both agree on and that it is lovely and open with light :hug:

04-05-2013, 05:13 PM
Thanks for the concern, Holly. I talked to the doc's office and my surgery will be April 23rd. If I continue to lose at the same pace I am now, I should be right at my goal weight. I am gonna stop around 170 until after my surgery as DH is complaining that my bones are "poking out." LOL! That's the whole purpose, right? Then after surgery when I can safety go back to eating the Atkin's or Metabolic Research Clinic way and exercising in the pool, I will ease on down to around 165 and hopefully he won't even notice.

Welcome Tammy! We are glad to have you with us. I hope you and DH find a house that will be best for both of your needs. I agree that sunshine is good medicine by giving you Vitamin D and just making our moods happy.


04-05-2013, 10:34 PM
Just wanted to throw this out there....I have a sun lamp. It is so helpful during the winter months.

I'm bummed today b/c I still haven't heard back about the interview I had last week. Oh well, I guess that's just my luck.

I went back on most of my meds this week. I went off of most of them b/c I was trying to get pregnant, but we put those plans on hold for now until I can find a permanent job. Which is disappointing. It'll happen one day though.

All my meds are pretty weight neutral, so I'm hoping I'll be able to lose all the weight I gained on all the other meds over the years. I'm bipolar and I've been on so many med combos it's not even funny.

04-06-2013, 10:35 AM
Hi Ladies! Thanks for starting the April Chat, VTMom :)

VTMom - Sounds like you're dealing with a weight loss plateau. How much dairy and/or red meat do you eat? Weight loss is certainly about calories, but getting out of a plateau means tricking your body into depleting its fat stores. If it were me, I would (1) stop any dairy products for two weeks and (2) increase my calories approx 200-300 cals. Increasing the calories should signal to your body "Hey, you're not starving, so I can let go of these extra pounds". How long have you been in your plateau?

Firegirl - Good job with the weight loss! I like your pre-surgery plan & good luck with your surgery :hug: Even if you do gain some weight, allow yourself to heal first and then get back to the pool!

Tammy - I know what you mean about needing natural light. Personally, I wake up to a light timer every morning, and if I forget to turn it on Sunday night, my Monday drags on. Circadian rhythms are so important when are trying to tackle our mood monsters. I would agree with Moreta's suggestion of the sun lamp. Also, a positive environment (3FC) is key to dropping some pounds. Sorry to hear about your son; my father met his new wife while he was still with my mom (awesome, right?), and the last comment I remember from him was "Out with the old and in with the new." He broke more than my mom's heart, I can attest to that.

Moreta - Good luck with the job interview! If it's been a week, there's no harm in calling to follow up with a simple "Hi, I wanted to say thank you for the interview last week and I'm just following up to see if you've made a decision regarding the position" Something like that. Or an email, depending on how they prefer to be contacted. The waiting is always the toughest part. Fingers crossed for ya!

I've been estranged from my dad and sister for almost a year now, and it's been getting to me lately. I got married, changed jobs, and we might be moving in the next year to Texas (I'm in Michigan currently). I emailed them a Happy Easter and got no reply. It's a catch-22 because what estranged us was their need to attack others (i.e. me, people unlike them, etc) verbally, be it in public or my house. I asked them to be more positive when we visit, to which I was told I'm controlling and manipulating. Fine - If asking you to be positive and not get lividly angry about politics, religion, etc, when you come over to my house, then sure, call me what you wish. So, if they do start talking to me, I kinda know what to expect.*sigh*

These thoughts are simply a reminder of the fact that I choose to surround myself with people who do not lash out, don't enjoy being angry and pulling other people down with them, and try their best to talk out their anger rather than yell or misplace their feelings. I suppose I would rather be a family of two positives than 5-8 negatives/miserables.

Ah well, it is what it is. I'll be back soon to post something more positive :)

04-06-2013, 07:25 PM
Hi ladies!

Thanks for listening to my sadness rant earlier - it felt good to get that off my mind. Anyhoo, as promised, here is a more positive post about my day.

I was quite the couch potato for most of the morning, drinking several cups of coffee :coffee2: and procrastinating on the housework. The husband was quite helpful with my procrastinating, as every time I tried to get up, he jokingly responded with "Honey, we agreed to relax, and you're doing it wrong. You've earned a lazy Saturday morning." We both have a dry, sarcastic kind of humor, so it was certainly said with love, lol. Isn't he great?

Finally got caffeinated enough to clean up the house, and decided that grocery shopping and food prep can happen tomorrow. Since I didn't exercise yesterday (fell asleep on the couch), I decided that it had to happen today. My awesome TOM is approaching, which means the PMS monster is currently residing in my veins, and I'm determined to push through my laziness that I normally get around that time.

Here's what I did:

1. 10 minutes on the elliptical
2. Kettle bell circuit - 4 types of lifts (12 reps each) with 10 sit ups holding the kettle bell in between each type
3. Total Gym workout - 20 reps each of planks, waist twists, rows, pull ups, and shoulder lifts

Feeling good that I'm pushing through with the exercise. I huffed and puffed, but I knew my exhaustion was PMS related and not over doing it.

How's everyone's Saturday? Hope you're all doing well!

04-06-2013, 08:44 PM
coffeeshopgirl - I'm glad you had a relaxing saturday.

My saturday was pretty uneventful. The only things I did today was go to the bank, the pharmacy, and the vitamin store, then tonight I went to work. I got NAC at the vitamin store. It's supposed to help with depression and OCD. I'm not that depressed, but my OCD is acting up. I really hope it works this time around. It worked the last time I took it.

I was so tired today. I started back on Tegretol and it's really kicking my butt. I don't remember it being like this the last time I took it. Hopefully the side effects will go away soon b/c I want to go back on Gralise for my back. Which will be nice b/c being in pain all the time is somewhat depressing. I have 2 herniated discs and my neuro thinks I have fibromyalgia, which I'm kind of skeptical about. I would like to be able to walk for more than 20 mins though.

04-06-2013, 09:24 PM
hey guys, can i join in this thread? i love chatting :p

I'll tell you a lil bit about me, my name's Vanessa and i'm 31 and live in Japan and have lived here for 5 years teaching English. Last year i moved to Tokyo cuz i was pretty miserable at my old place and i am much happier here. I love my new job, but (and this is a really weird complaint) recently, i've had too much free time!! i've been on "vacation" for nearly 3 months and i'm going stir-crazy! cuz it's not like i'm rolling around in money to go out and do stuff, so mostly i just stay home and try to entertain myself, but i am sooooo ready for my job to start again!!! one more week!!

I've also been dieting (again) since last November. i'm not counting calories or anything, just clean eating and exercising. i've lost a little over 20lbs, but recently my weight has stalled and i lost like 2lbs in the last 2 months T_T and the scale keeps going up and down everyday and it is seriously making me crazy. like, if it was down one day, then up the next, i'll be in a bad mood all day just because of that! so i decided to try to not weigh myself for the rest of the month! i'm now 2 days down! lol.

I didn't do any personals cuz it'd feel weird jumping right in, but i read all your posts! :)

04-06-2013, 10:54 PM
Moreta - what's NAC? It sounds like Niacin-something. I've taken Niacin before, and it has helped my depression. Hoping your vitamins/meds start working for you so your back can feel better soon. Herniated discs - ouch :(

KawaiiCandi - :welcome: Teaching in Japan - how fun! I taught English in China a while back, so I know the down time can make you stir crazy. One more week though, right? How is the everyday cuisine in Japan?

04-06-2013, 11:03 PM
coffeeshopgirl - NAC is N-ACETYL CYSTEINE. It's an amino acid.

04-07-2013, 09:24 AM
coffeeshopgirl: in China?! cool! :) how was that? do you mean cooking by myself or just the kinda food that is eaten in Japan? Japanese food is SO good, but unfortunately it's full of rice and fried stuff. people who praise the benefits of the japanese diet are full of crap!! maybe like a super traditional japanese diet, then yeah, but nobody eats like that anymore. it's best to praise their super awesome japanese genes that allows them to stay skinny while guzzling down tons of rice and noodles 7-8 times a day... *sigh* when i'm at home though, i've cut out the rice completely and will usually just cook beef or chicken or fish with tons of vegetables... :)

04-07-2013, 10:59 AM
Thanks for the info Moreta :) I'll have to check out that vitamin.

KawaiiCandie - I was talking about the everyday food in Japan. Interesting to know that it's more fried stuff, rice, and noodles these days. China had fried food (which was delicious, lol) in their restaurants, but the students I taught chose more of the soups, veggies, and bean treats which was good to see. I walked everywhere, so I dropped about 7 pounds in a few months. Isn't it true that Japanese businesses begin with 30 minutes of exercise each day?

04-08-2013, 06:57 AM
coffeegirl: hahaha, it's not true! well, some companies do have that exercise thing, but it's definitely a tiny minority. all companies and schools have yearly mandatory health checks though. and PE classes here are INSANE!!! i would have died if i'd had to do what they make those kids do as a chubby little teen!! (lol) as for the foods people eat at home, there's still loads of rice and fried stuff... and super high sodium!! (soy sauce? miso soup?) but at least they have better portion control than we do... but yeah japanese food is soooooo good! it kinda baffles the mind that only sushi (and tempura i guess) have made their ways to restaurants across the pond because there are so so so many delicious foods here. and soooo many snacks! it's a really evil place to live in when you are trying to lose weight! lol.

04-08-2013, 08:21 AM
just a quick good morning, nice to see so many conversations here!

:welcome: to Kawaiicandie :) sounds like a kewl occupation!

coffeeshopgirl, gosh i was not happy to hear what you dad said about your mom :( and it must have been hard but I say the right thing to do, to separate yourself from people who are toxic to you.

and thank you for the advice, I am ashamed that I am not trying that hard because almost daily now I crumble and have had something 'bad' at work (embarassed)

04-08-2013, 04:35 PM
Having a crappy day. I just can't shake the feeling that nobody likes me, nobody cares about me, people will cheer if bad things happen to me, etc.

Also nobody has responded to my thread in another forum which always makes me feel crappy and unwanted. :(

04-08-2013, 10:56 PM
Txgeekgirl, sorry you are having a crappy day. I too feel bad sometimes when people don't answer my thread.... but then I rationalize it and it is more figure there are more reasonable answers than they don't care what I have to say. I hope you get feeling better soon. I visited Dallas in October, I really love Texas..... maybe that is one thing you can be happy about... you live in a great City.

Vermontmom- you are doing so well on your diet and exercise. Keep it up. Its almost the end of your dreadful winter job.... most of that time it means end of sad time for you... right?

KawiiCandie, working in Japan sounds awesome. I can only envy it b/c I would not have the courage to live or work anywhere over seas.

Coffeeshopgirl, I love, love, love your name. Lol. Do you work in a coffee shop, or just like me... LOVE coffee? :coffee2::coffee2:

Well, I have got to go..... Hope everyone has a great week!!!

04-09-2013, 09:32 AM
vermontmom: thanks! :) don't feel embarrassed. life is hard sometimes! just, get yourself back up and try to let the bad things slide off your back! don't wait for me to practice what i preach though... lol. but good luck! plus you know, a trick someone gave me is that, at night, try to go through all the things that went good today, and not focus on the bad so much!

txgeek: we love you!!! :hug: and we all have bad days... go to bed early! it'll be better tomorrow! and i know how you feel... i know it's stupid but i always feel bad when people don't reply to me in other threads!

ladyrider: well, i always knew that i wanted to come to Japan so I dunno if it was such a brave thing, for me... but I definitely didn't know i would stay this long!! I wish I could speak Japanese better though... cuz sometimes it's really hard to live here!

04-09-2013, 10:21 AM
txgeek: we love you!!! :hug: and we all have bad days... go to bed early! it'll be better tomorrow! and i know how you feel... i know it's stupid but i always feel bad when people don't reply to me in other threads!

So do I. It just confirms my feeling that nobody really gives a crap about me, my problems, what's going on in my l ife, and nobody wants to help me. Everyone wants me to fail.

Txgeekgirl, sorry you are having a crappy day. I too feel bad sometimes when people don't answer my thread.... but then I rationalize it and it is more figure there are more reasonable answers than they don't care what I have to say. I hope you get feeling better soon. I visited Dallas in October, I really love Texas..... maybe that is one thing you can be happy about... you live in a great City.

I know you're trying to make me feel better but oh my god, I freaking HATE Dallas. I can't wait to get the **** out of this dump. I only live here because my family lives here. The day after I bury my parents, the 'For Sale' sign is going up on the lawn and I'll be a dot on the horizon. :( I have never been happy living in D....EVER. :(

As for people not answering my thread...I figure it's because they don't care and they want me to fail. That might sound stupid but I grew up being mercilessly bullied by everyone and as I entered adulthood, people just ignored me. I'm convinced that if someone walked up to me in public and punched me in the face or stabbed me in the stomach, people would simply step over my bleeding body.

04-09-2013, 02:50 PM
I feel so bad, you all have been so busy with the thread and I have been lax.

Today, I joined the local YMCA. It was a big step for me but I did it. I think it will be good for me, the working out and the socializing. I still have a walking video that I can do at home. Now I just need to get myself over the hump and just start.

My anxiety has been kind of bad the past 2 days. I'm hoping that when I start exercising, it will help with that. Maybe work off some of that negative fear that I keep bottled up inside me.

I had a birthday on the 7th, it was a very quiet day. No cake, no presents but still it was a pleasant day. I got some lovely birthday wishes on Facebook and also from my daughter. She is presently at college.

I hope this post finds you all well.

04-10-2013, 11:22 PM
KawaiiCandie - Good to know about Japanese culture. And, now I want some fried food, lol. Now that you mention it, I'm surprised more Japanese cuisine hasn't made it here either - but I really do enjoy sushi. So, what level/grade ESL students are you teaching?

VTmom - Thanks for the kind words about my dad. I finally got all those toxic memories/mood out of my head. I hate when it sits there for several days and just needs to be worked/talked out. I like being happy much much better :) And, do I remember correctly that you work in a bakery right now? That's gotta be tough being calorically good. Hang in there, and if you want some more motivation, you know where to find us!

txgeekgirl - How are you feeling today? Your last post sounds like you're really frustrated. Let us know how we can help :)

ladyrider - Thanks for the compliment on my name! I made it years ago when I used to frequent a coffee shop in college - doing homework, meeting people, etc. It's how I got that nickname - people would say "hey, you're that girl in the coffee shop" lol. There were a bunch of regulars there, and it was just a good atmosphere with good memories of that time in my life. I've actually never worked at one, but me and the husband do appreciate coffee - the elixir of life :)

ohiofreespirit - That's great that you joined the YMCA! I had a membership there and I loved the pool and their treadmills. As far as socializing, I would check out volunteering opportunities there if you're interested in that. Otherwise, I really just went in there to work out and left, lol. Guess I could have been more chatty :) Also, happy belated birthday!!

04-10-2013, 11:35 PM
So, the last few days have been pretty stressful. Glad to report that I'm still sitting at 182.4 pounds, despite some Chinese food and fried food the last two days. I've been crazy hungry lately, so I'm hoping to combat that with water and exercise. Last night we water literally raining into our apartment (fml), and tonight we went shopping for interview clothes for the husband (so proud of him!). Needless to say, I haven't exercised in 2 days, and tomorrow I gotta get back at it.

I finally reached a point to where I am used to a routine of working-snack of berries-workout-water-dinner. My body's missing it. I'm also doing an experiment to see if I can work through my PMS/TOM symptoms. When I'm heavier, I almost can't move during this time, but I wonder what a little willpower and 3 less pounds can do. Wish me luck!

Hope you're all having a good day. Cannot believe tomorrow's Thursday, lol. Here's a motivational broccoli to get us to the weekend: :broc:

G'night everyone. :faint:

04-11-2013, 09:13 AM
txgeek: hun. nobody wants you to fail. especially not on here. if people aren't replying, it's probably cuz they don't know what to say or haven't been in that situation before. some people are just self-centered twats though and when the world doesn't revolve around them, they don't feel the need to reply, even if it could be helpful to a person. don't put so much thought into how people reply on an internet forum!!! big hugs girl.

freespirit: happy belated birthday! congratulations on joining the YMCA! i hope you find the motivation to go often :) and you're totally right, exercising helps with a lot of stuff! i hope it makes you feel better!

coffeeshopgirl: I'm teaching first and second year of junior high school. i teach at 2 different schools. and one of those schools, last year, i was teaching seniors in high school, so it's gonna be very different this year! i actually prefer the older ones, so i was kinda bummed to be sent of to the JHS section, but what can you do? plus, the program they have going on over there seems really good, so at least it'll be fun. good luck with PMS! and if you're hungry, eat! just make sure it's good stuff you're eating and not crap...

hey guys! well, today i went to one of my schools for a meeting with some of the teachers i'll be teaching with and it was pretty exciting! even though i'd still rather be teaching the older kids, the program that my predecessor has devised is amazing, and i pretty much have nothing to do except showing up and teaching it! lol. but no planning or anything, and the teachers i'll be working with all seem great! (this is my good school, mind you... my other school is another story...) but i'm stoked to be starting work next monday and to FINALLY have some semblance of a routine!!

eating's been good, and so have my workouts, but i dunno how much i weigh cuz i'm doing this "no scale" challenge until May. weighing in every day and seeing the scale go up and down (though mostly up or stable, i haven't seen an actual drop in weeks...) was making me feel really depressed (when it would go up, most of all) so i thought i'd see if i'd fare any better with no scale.

other than that, nothing to report :p

04-11-2013, 10:34 AM
Thursday started off crappy because I was late to work due to some moron flipping his car over at an intersection on my way to work. The road leading to that intersection is elevated above a park and golf course so there's nowhere to turn off or turn around so if you get stuck on it, you're screwed. I don't know why people keep flipping their cars at that intersection; I use it every day and it's not dangerous/tricky at all.

04-11-2013, 12:30 PM
I was late to work today too, cause I slept through 2 alarms and didn't wake up till 8:15....

I could not go to sleep last night. My PTSD was acting up and I kept having flashbacks....which really suck. I lost a lot of my memory 2 years ago when I had a psychotic break. Unfortunately, I still remember all the bad crap.

I have things under control most of the time b/c I'm on medication, but every once in a while things break through. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it the next time I see her.

I'm better today, just tired from not getting enough sleep. The provigil kicked in, so I'm somewhat functional.

04-11-2013, 08:52 PM
Hi txgeekgirl - We have stupid drivers up my way too. Some drivers are just plain dumb and don't pay attention to the road. Sucks that you were late to work because of it.

Hi Moreta - Sorry to hear that you're not getting enough sleep and that your PTSD is acting up. I'm glad your provigil seems to be working though. It must be nice to have some relief. I hope you're able to get some more sleep this weekend! One more day...TGIF!

So, this week has been another set of long days and errands to run in the evenings. I'm looking at my elliptical right now, and I've decided that rest is healthier than pushing through my exhaustion. I've been really hungry lately, so hopefully that's my metabolism kicking back into gear.

The elliptical will be there tomorrow. And over the weekend.

Let's all get some rest! :faint:

04-12-2013, 04:38 PM
Sorry I haven't posted over the past week. I have been getting ready for upcoming surgery on the 23rd. it is in a city over 4 hours away so everything is done by phone. Two days I was on the phone over 4 hours each with the hospital going over my medical history, meds, etc. Glad that's over!!

I know that after surgery, because I cannot eat the low carb way while healing, I will get depressed about my weight again. I have really worked hard for the past 2 1/2 months to get this 32 lbs off just to regain part of it back. I will be on here as soon as possible reading for motivation to keep my chin up.

04-12-2013, 07:42 PM
Welcome Moreta, Txgeekgirl, KawaiiCandie, Lady Rider!

I have been doing so-so, and I have been feeling a bit depressed lately. This past Sunday was the month anniversary of my now ex-boyfriend and I breaking up. I am glad we are apart but there are parts of me that misses him too.

Last week I had a lot of medical appointments and I felt so frazzled! :dizzy: Fortunately I made it through all of them, including one appointment where I was a new patient and it included allergy testing. The appointment took about three hours! :eek: Now I have some dietary restrictions: no corn, tomato, soy, sesame, legumes, nuts for the next few months or at least my doctor advised me to not include these in my eating. There are some days when I do better than others with the dietary changes, some days it drives me crazy and I give in, others days the restrictions don't really bother me.

I never have been one who copes with stress well and I would like to improve upon that and learn how to deal with stress better. I think I have made some progress with coping with stress, but lately my way of avoiding it has been sleeping a lot and overeating. The overeating is frustrating because I had lost over ten pounds, and I may have gained it back. I have a tendency to sabotage my successes in life, especially with weight loss. Can anyone else relate to this self-sabotaging, if so do, you have any advice?

Well, I hope everyone has a nice evening and a good start to the weekend! TGIF!

It's a rainy day here, so I am hoping it will be nice and sunny again soon!

Here's wishing you all well...:goodvibes


04-13-2013, 04:29 PM
Hello everyone. I am so tired. I really need this weekend to recoup.

I am missing my Jennifer but at the same time, i hope she is doing really well at school. I am so proud of that girl.

Seabiscuit, I don't handle stress well either. I really don't. Nothing can break me faster than stress. That is partly why I stay out of relationships. I really don't go out of my way to look for anyone.

I hope this post finds you all well.

04-13-2013, 05:15 PM
Hi firegirl - Sounds like you're having a lot of "fun" coordinating your surgery. I can imagine how much time it involves, especially being so far out of town. Definitely hoping it goes well, and I know what you mean about regaining some of the weight you worked so hard to lose. I find that confronting an expected weight gain (stress, bad habits, TOM) helps alleviate my depression. Of course, you'll be bummed out when you see the weight come back, but i would take relief knowing that you have a successful plan to lose it once you're done healing. I'm sure you've come to an awareness of your body where you know when you're stress eating and when you physically need to eat. Use that awareness as best you can while you're healing, and understand that the weight gain is necessary for the healing process. I'm confidant that you will lose the weight again. Be patient with you body, and remember that your 3FC support is always here for you :)

Hi seabiscuit - Def sounds like you have some stress going on, especially thinking about the ex-bf and having all the medical appointments last week. It sounds like the breakup was bittersweet but for the best; hopefully time will help your healing process. As far as the self-sabotage with overeating, I can certainly relate to that. In my experience, if feels good to push down feelings with food. It makes us feel like we're pushing down our emotions that we would rather not deal with (stress, discomfort, etc). That's been my experience with it, and it's very gratifying to overeat and make us look the way we feel - depressed, fat, etc. - like we "deserve it" or something. I think the underlying issue with self-sabotage is that we want to control how we feel, but its easier to feel more depressed (since sugar, salt, soda, etc. is physically comforting) than it is to change it with diet and exercise. The transition for eating poorly to eating clean, as we all know, produces some detoxing effects like sugar cravings, headaches, irritability - only to show a weight loss of 0.5-2 pounds at the end of the week! It take a lot of patience to break the habit of self-sabotage.

Here's what helped me:
1. Becoming aware of my actions - am I really hungry or am I stress eating? Even if I gave in, I at least acknowledged what I was doing. It always gets worse before it gets better, and now I find myself getting back on track more often than I fall off track.

2. Dealing with my stress. Blogging, posting on 3FC, whatever helps you get it out. I would post on 3FC, and when I felt like I was in a consistently bad mood, i would blog about it, so i could work out some specifics. If you keep it in, the toxin levels rise - let go of the bad feelings, and only accept positive/realistic things in your life.

3. Forgiving myself and starting new each day - it might sound hokey, but whatever works right? :)

Hope this helps :) I'll be happy to elaborate further if you like, just let me know.

04-13-2013, 07:52 PM

I wish you all the best with your surgery and I really hope that things go well. :hug:


Stress is rough, isn't it? I need to use my coping techniques more than I do now when stress strikes. Relationships are tough. During the most recent romantic relationship that I was in which was with my ex-boyfriend, I became so stressed out that I admitted myself voluntarily to a psych hospital. There is such a thing as crazy love, isn't there? Well perhaps I was into it.

I have been to Ohio, when I went years back it was because I was looking at colleges. I was seriously considering going to College of Wooster in Ohio and it seems like a very nice state. I am in PA now, not that far from Ohio.

Have a nice evening.


Thank you so much for your reply.

Yes, I agree that the breakup was bittersweet but for the best. It's kinda weird, I have held onto the photos I have of him and the things he gave me. A lot of things remind me of him which was hard at first but I am slowly accepting that that he is gone from my life and that being apart is best.

I thought I wanted another relationship with a guy as soon as things were over with him because I wanted 'to fill the void' that he left me with. I have been on dating websites and have received some messages, some of which I have replied to, others that I haven't because I don't know that I want romance in my life right now.

So the self-sabotaging aspect of weight loss, that is a really hard one for me. I was teased and sexually harassed as a teen, maybe part of me feels like I don't deserve happiness and to lose weight. :?: That was an AHA, lightbulb moment there LOL. I have been overweight for so long that perhaps my identity has been re-created by my weight??? I want to lose the weight but perhaps I put it back on because I am scared of a lot of things, such as the attention from guys that I will get, being in a new shape and size, etc. The alternative of staying at this weight is creating a lot of unhappiness too.

I agree with a lot of what you wrote, coffeeshopgirl. Thanks for the insights.

Sigh, the struggle continues... :dizzy:

Have a good evening everyone!

04-13-2013, 09:10 PM
Seabiscuit: I'm glad to hear the positive remarks about your break-up. I feel that it is healthy for us to look for the positive as much as we can and you realizing that it is for the best is healthy. I don't see anything wrong with missing someone that is no longer in our life. I'm sure there were good times and those memories should still make you smile from time to time. I self-sabatoged for many years during my first and miserable marriage. Food was my savior back then and that definitely wasn't healthy for me as I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I'm glad you realize what your doing and you can make corrections to change that behavior. Remember that all men aren't alike and when you least expect it, Mr. Right will come into your life when you least expect it. That happened to me after my divorce. I was working many hours a week and a man was the last thing on my mind. Then an EMT partner of mine asked me to drink some Tequila with him one night and the rest is history! We had never cared for each other in fact we really got on each other's nerves, but when we started talking and loosened up a little with the tequila, we realized how much we really did have in common. We have never been separated since and life is truly grand.

Coffeeshopgirl: what a great post! You spoke so elequently and truthful and it really touched me. Thank you for your kind and caring words and thanks for the messages to the others as they touched me also. You are a very special person. Thank You for being who you are!

Ohiofreespirit: I know how you feel when your baby bird leaves the nest. i don't know how a mother bird does it every year. When each of my four kids left home, I felt like a part of me left too. It is good to see them making a life for themselves now though. It is a growing pain we have to go through. I can tell you though. They will always need you at times and will be back for the loving, comforting arms of mama. I am sure it is just as hard of an adjustment for her as it is for you. I'm sending big :hug::hug::hug: out to you during this difficult time.

DH and I had a great day together at the Farmer's Market. We sold out of almost everything we carried. The other farmers did just as well so it was a good day for everyone.

04-13-2013, 10:56 PM
Thank you, Firegirl. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and I agree that looking for the positive is important. I, too, think that when I least expect it, it is possible that I may find Mr. Right or he may find me! The question in my mind is: What exactly do I want and not want in Mr. Right? I mean, I know basic traits that I would like and others that I want to stay away from but perhaps I set my standards a bit too high for what I want in a man?

Firegirl, what helped you to stop self-sabotaging?

I wish you all the best in your surgery. :hug:

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend.


04-14-2013, 10:25 AM
Hello!! this is my first Sunday off in MONTHS so I can catch up on everyone. My crummy winter job is over as of yesterday :carrot: I have 2 1/2 weeks off!!

seabiscuit - I'm sorry you had the one month anniv. of the breakup. I don't have any good advice, except I echo what you said, I think as long as you focus on traits that are important to you, and eliminate those who have traits you don't admire, then someone WILL filter through :) And regarding self-sabotage, jeez I do that too and WHY?? When it seems that all i want is to be smaller and trimmer, then find myself deliberately reaching for junky stuff..I don't know. We will keep muddling through :dizzy:

coffeeshopgirl - you have such thoughtful responses to us! :hug: How did your husband do with the interview? (or hasn't that happened yet?) And ug at hearing the water coming into your apartment, roof leak?? has landlord addressed that?

txgeekgirl - hey :hug: I hope that you can accept at least this small group as people who do care about you. Granted, we're not close geographically so we can't physically help you, but we do have empathy for anyone who is suffering and we do care :)

Moreta - I hope you've been getting some more sleep. Scary to hear of your PTSD haunting you, that is terrible. Was your therapist able to help with your last visit? Oh and did you ever hear back about the interview? I also have a therapy lamp, but I haven't even used it this season.

ohiofreespirit - Belated Happy Birthday :) and congrats on joining the YMCA. Have you started there yet? I completely support working out to the point where you are actively sweating and wishing like h*ll it was over :devil: I know that has helped me so much. I don't feel a rush from endorphins but I do know that it releases tension, it is so good for our cardio/vas system, and gives us endurance for each day :) And I envy your relationship with your daughter, sounds wonderful but I'm sorry you miss her :hug:

KawaiiCandie, how was the first day with the new teaching program? and I have a dumb you speak Japanese, or do people (not your students) speak English as a second language and you don't have to? Oh and I FEEL your anxiety about the dumb scale!! I took ours out to the garage for 2 weeks, that's all I could stand, then disovered I actually gained after trying to be 'good' for 2 weeks. ugh.

firegirl - your surgery date is coming up isn't it, what a difficult thing to schedule something like that in a city 4 hours away!! I hope like heck that you can continue your losing streak and not gain with your recuperation. So tell me about the Farmer's Market, you said you and DH sold out of everything? do you have produce available ALREADY??? We still have snow here!! ack!

Well I am SOOO happy at being done with the winter job, that was the one in the deli/bakery and it was so irritating with dumb people :devil: but even more so with the food temptations. Maybe I can get a grip on my mindless eating.

My summer job starts in about 3 weeks; that one I LOVE. I do the pastry baking for a private club that is deep in the woods and almost every day I commute on my motorcycle so that is 50 miles a day in beautiful Vermont countryside (when it finally warms up and greens up, that is) Now it might sound even worse for a dieter to be a pastry baker but somehow it's not that bad for me to have a handle on it during the summer. Maybe because I have the constant reminder of my leather chaps that I don't want to get tight.

04-14-2013, 01:10 PM
Thanks seabiscuit, firegirl, and vermontmom - Glad to hear that you all appreciated my post :) Your responses to it made me smile. Thank you again :)

Firegirl - What do you and the DH sell at the farmer's market? (I can't wait for the farmer's markets to open up here in Michigan) Also, I really liked the story of how you and your DH met - thanks for sharing!

Seabiscuit - I know what you mean about wanting to fill a void right now with a relationship. There's nothing wrong with talking to new people - putting yourself back out there - but don't forget to take the time for yourself too. While you may feel lonely, you're on your way to getting back to rediscovering yourself - the things you love to do and what makes you happy. That will help you figure out what you want/need from another person.

VTMom - My husband had his interview on Friday, and it seemed to go well. They asked for some more writing samples, so we have a good feeling about it. (Still got my fingers crossed, lol.) As for the apartment, the landlord decided to do nothing (didn't even call us back!), so we're moving. In 2 weeks. Because they're awful and don't deserve our money any longer. :)

Which brings me to my update: We found a new apartment this weekend. Put down the money to hold the apartment, and we're just relieved to have found something. As far as weight loss, I'm blaming TOM for the extra 2 pounds, as I weighed in yesterday (at like 4pm) to get a reading of 184.2 lbs. I'm trying not to weigh myself every day, but after last week's poor eating habits, I needed some numerical accountability. I have a menu planned out for the week, which listed below. Funny thing is how neurotic I guess I need to be - last week we did food prep but my dinners didn't make it into their individual containers. Now, I'm pretty aware of my body and dietary needs, but this was surprising; the visual of not seeing my own little dinner in the fridge made me more lax and susceptible to temptation (i.e. eating Chinese and fast food last week). So, that's not happening this week - my dinners are going into the tupperware. Lol, it seems so silly, but whatever works right? I really hope I'll be able to report a weight that less than 182 next week.

Breakfast - apples & cinnamon oatmeal and coffee (200 & 200 cals)
Snack - Cliff bar (120 cals)
Lunch - Tunafish sandwich & banana
Snack - Some 2% milk (I'm bringing back the after lunch snack because working 10-12 hr days is making me need some more energy by the end of the day)
Pre-workout snack - bag of blackberries
Dinner - Chicken or Hamburger w veggies (trying to do low-carb for dinners)

04-14-2013, 01:46 PM
VT Mom,

It's great to here from you again ;) Thank you for your kind words. I hope I someday find the right somebody for me or he finds me. For now though, I want to take some time for myself as coffeshopgirl was suggesting. I also may be moving in a few months and I don't want to get started into a serious relationship if I am going to be relocating. I still feel lonely at times, sigh. :(
I want to make more friends and get out there into my small little town to try to make new friends, but I guess I have some social anxiety too. The self-sabotaging is another ball of wax to deal with, if you have any insight, please pass it along! :D

That is so cool :cool: that you are in VT! I used to go skiing at Stratton and Bromley as a kid! I love those places! A relative of mine and his partner went to UVM, they actually met there and got married in Queechee this past summer. I went up there and saw some family up there for the wedding, it is beautiful up there! :)

Enjoy your time off! You are brave to ride a motorcycle!! Good for you for working with pastries too, I don't have the emotional strength to do that even though I did work at Haagen Dazs ice cream one summer, that was before my food issues developed.

Coffeeshopgirl- It's great to hear that you were smiling because of the posts, awe. :D

You have great advice! I need to remember that I need time for myself because I don't want to get swept away in another 'whirlwind romance,' that's how I described the last relationship that I was in. I think I will wait awhile until I get involved with someone but I do miss the companionship. I definitely don't miss the craziness.

Thank you both for your much appreciated advice!

Well, I am off to go for a walk, it is too beautiful of a day to stay inside! I have slept a lot of it away already ;)

Have a good day! Take care!

04-15-2013, 10:18 AM
I'm sick today but I'm at the office...I know, I know, I'm a terrible person...but most of my coworkers have children and they are little vectors of disease, so it's not like they haven't spread cooties around either.

I feel like crap but I'd rather be here with something to distract me than at home. I hardly ever stay home when I'm sick because it's so boring. My job enables me to work from home but I rarely ever do because I can't stand the solitude and boredom.

Anyone ever feel that they're just marking time...running down the clock? I feel like I've been in a waiting room for the last 20 years.

04-16-2013, 05:59 PM
txgeekgirl, sorry you're sick, feel better today? I never feel guilty about going to work when sick, as I'm not given paid sick time. And people shouldn't be getting that close to me anyway :D

"The Waiting Room" - well, i do feel like I'm not experiencing life as well as I could if I was at goal weight. I know I'm supposed to be enjoying the journey. I do try.

04-17-2013, 03:22 PM
Hey Ohio, that is a very challenging job and I hope you know that not many people can do that, you must be incredibly patient and loving, yay you! And so great to hear that your daughter is coming home from college very soon!

I had to google "industrial piercing" but I recognize it :devil: congrats! I felt like a wild n crazy woman getting my navel pierced at 43 yrs. old, lol!

Seabiscuit, yes Vermont IS beautiful, once it warms up and greens up! (SOON I HOPE). Queechee area is kewl, especially the Gorge. In winter I work in Stowe, which you probably recognize as "Ski Capital of the East" (self-proclaimed, lol) but our main source of customers in winter is skiers/boarders either on their way to the mountain or on their way off it.

I *think* I'm down a couple pounds, at least the scale showed 150 this morning, but I can have fluctuations of up to 4 pounds in 24 hours, so I need to just keep to the program!!

04-17-2013, 03:25 PM
well I see our beloved 3FC site is still having problems with time warps :devil:

04-17-2013, 03:33 PM
txgeekgirl, sorry you are sick. I understand totally about going to work. I would much rather be around other people, at certain times. I love people and I love my job. I hope you get well soon.

I am getting ready to head out here myself and go to work. I work with a young man who has a developmental disability. We have such a a wonderful time.

I got my ear pierced the other day, it's called an industrial piercing. I won't post a pic, it might gross some of you out.

My Jennifer moves home May 8th, I'm so excited.

Talk to you all soon, I'm off to work.

04-17-2013, 05:26 PM
I'm ok today. I was a mess last night. My cat disappeared yesterday. After searching the whole house, I just started crying and couldn't stop. I finally went to lay down last night and before I did I put some wet food at the porch door and propped it open, hoping she would come in and come in the cat door on the porch. I was getting tired and about to fall asleep and the stupid cat jumps up on the bed. I was so relieved. I can't believe she got out. She never goes by the door and usually runs away when we open it. She's a very timid cat. There's a bunch of stuff in her fur from exploring the outside world, that i need to get out tonight when I get home from work. I'm just glad she came back.

In other news, I had to reschedule my therapy appt b/c we're going to the beach this weekend, and I can't get in until May 4th....The last time I saw her was March 16th. I'm glad I'm doing ok and not in desperate need for therapy.

04-17-2013, 06:12 PM
Vermont Mom,

Good for you regarding your weight loss! That is great news! :carrot:

I have been to Stowe too and I remember it was very nice there. I think I actually went up there in the summer as a kid but I can't recall. I did love Vermont when I when up there. I was getting a craving for that maple syrup candy the other day, YUM!


That is awesome that you work with those who have developmental disabilities. We need more people like you!

How exciting about your daughter coming home soon too. :)


I am so glad that your cat returned home! That must have given you quite a scare but I am glad that everything ended up okay.

That sounds good that you don't need as much therapy, way to go!

As for me, I am okay but I have been very tired. So, it is 5:10 pm now in PA and I have been up maybe 4 hours total today! This is not unusual either of the last week. I saw a doctor at my new internist's group who gave me a script for blood work and I got it drawn. His office called me and said that my blood counts look better, yet I am still so fatigued!! :?: My Mom questions as to whether or not this is Mono, I have had Mono twice. The doctor is supposed to call me soon, if/when he does, I will mention to him that I would like him to order a Mono test.

I am a little depressed because I gained back the weight that I lost but I am not really depressed, just a little blue. I don't think I am depressed enough for it to cause these symptoms.

Tomorrow I am going to a volunteer appreciation luncheon for the hospital where I volunteer and I am looking forward to it. My dress is a little tighter than before but it will be okay, I think.

I just feel a little down, but I don't think enough to cause this excessive fatigue.

Take care, have a nice day everyone ;)

04-18-2013, 08:03 PM
Hello friends. I hope everyone is well. I find myself struggling today. I am not managing my money very well lately and it depresses me. I don't know why I make the decisions that I do. I can't stop spending money. I need to get my **** together.

I find myself close to depression today, the first time in a long time. I guess i need to count my blessings. I have a good job which I enjoy very much.

I hope that everyone is doing better than I am today.

04-18-2013, 10:07 PM

:hug: I hear you on spending money. I overspend at times too. It has been suggested to me to work on and follow a budget but that is something that I don't really stick to. I am more cognizant of what I spend now but it still is a struggle at times. I wish you all the best.

Take care.

04-18-2013, 10:24 PM
Hi everyone!

I'm sitting again at 183.6 lbs. I really gotta get back onto a workout regimen, and I know it'll get better once we move. Ugh, i'm so tired lately that I'm not even making send in this post :(

Regardless, I still wanted to stop by and say hello to everyone. Glad to see we're doing reasonably well. Moreta, I'm so glad your kitty came back! Seabiscuit, good to hear that you're doing ok and I really hope you don't have mono. Ohio, I totally googled industrial ear piercing, and I think it's pretty cool (oh, and gutsy - I can imagine it hurt since it pierced through the cartilage). VTMom, good job on the weight loss! Keep it up!

Ok, I promise i'll post something more interesting next time. For now, I'm off to be a couch potato. Why don't they have a potato icon; they have a broccoli and carrot. I demand more vegetables!

Lol. Tomorrow is Friday!!!

04-19-2013, 12:07 PM
LOL @ Coffeeshopgirl demanding more vegetables :D sorry you are so frazzled!

Moreta I am also so glad your kitty came back!

ohio, are you feeling better today? :hug:

Hi Seabiscuit :wave: hope you had a nice time at the volunteer lunch.

:wave: at all others here.

I wonder if I am at a point where I could be weaned off my medication. This past year, I do not remember any episodes of really low moods, which was a huge improvement from the previous year, when I was so apathetic, I didn't care if the next day came or not. And the year before was fraught with very bad thoughts. So definite improvement over the years. I have never had an appt with anyone but my personal family doctor. But I am afraid of my safety net :?:

04-20-2013, 03:18 PM
Hey there-

Coffeeshopgirl- It's good to see you! Thank you for your well wishes. I have the order for the Mono test so I am going to get that done on Monday at the lab.

That's a cute idea about more veggies! I need to eat more veggies. I hear they are so good on pizzas, wraps, etc., but I still am not a big fan, sigh.

I hope you feel less tired. I have been tired too lately, that's why I am getting the Mono test. I wonder if spring is aggravating my allergies a lot, I mean I know it bothers me but I wonder if that is why I feel so tired. I hope we both get some spring in our step and bounce back with energy :D

VT Mom- Hey, it's great to see you too! I had a wonderful time at the volunteer luncheon, thank you! It was very well done with a lot of nice speakers, good food and a fun time. We have a lot of volunteers at our hospital and the hospital awards scholarships to teens too, which I think is great. After the luncheon, I got to meet the CEO who I wrote the letter of thanks to that I mentioned in the general chatter forum. He is so nice and kind. I really am glad that I went to the luncheon and got to meet him.

I hope you make the right decision for you regarding your meds. I know I, too have been tempted to be on less psych meds but I feel now that I don't want to 'rock the boat' with the decent med mix that I am on. I am leery of med changes unless they are really deemed necessary and I am afraid of ending up back in a hospital for psych symptoms getting worse if my meds are out of whack. That being said though, that is just my opinion and my experience. I would suggest that perhaps you can talk to your treatment team regarding your concerns, questions and ideas. Good luck!!

As for me, I am doing pretty well, just still tired. I had my eye exam today which went well. My eyes are almost back to normal now from the dilating drops that my eye doc gave me. Thank goodness, I don't need new lenses or frames. I get ophthalmic migraines which are so annoying and sometimes a little spooky where I have less vision in one eye, I have lost complete vision in one eye twice before. My eye doc told me I need to call him if that lasts for more than one hour because it could affect or be related to my retina. I see my neurologist this week about my migraines and my MRI came back normal, thank God. I am also grateful that my migraine medicine is finally covered under my insurance.

I see the nurse navigator Monday for health goals and a meal plan. I am nervous about getting weighed and that not such fun stuff. A friend of mine used to be a client of hers and thinks she is a good person. I still have concerns so I will voice those to her Monday.

Well, I have chatted a lot on here today!

Take care, have a good day.

04-20-2013, 10:29 PM
Hello everyone.

I am relaxing this weekend, I needed the time away from work. I am finding that my job is running into my weekend time so I am giving up one of my more needier clients. I know it's not his fault but if it wasn't one thing it was another. I was and still am to a certain extent burnt out.

I find that simply being home with my pets and watching some tv, resting. I need that one the weekend. I only wish I could stop my negative self-talk. It is what drives my anxiety. I hate being like this, hate it. I want to be normal, i hate being sick. I guess the key is my negative self-self talk. it gets my physical symptoms all riled up, like the need to shake my leg all the time or my stomach being all upset. i just get so scared that life is going to through me something that I cannot handle.

There. I said it. Life scares me. I'm afraid I can't take what it has to dish out.

Thanks for listening. This post means a lot to me.

04-20-2013, 10:50 PM
ohio - :hug: it takes alot of courage to type out what truly scares us!!

I think you're strong enough to take whatever life throws at you. And your daughter is coming in about 2 weeks, that will be so nice won't it!

please try to stifle the self-negative talk, i know that is hard, I'm guilty of that so much, but i've been trying not to automatically think negative thoughts about myself, we've got to train our thinking to go a more positive way.

enjoy your evening at home with your pets, and maybe tv or computer :)

04-20-2013, 11:46 PM
Hey everyone-

I am a bit depressed tonight. I am very grateful to my wonderful, amazing brother who is very supportive of me. I just wish that he lived closer to me. I am also very grateful to my best friend who is a different ex-boyfriend, we have stayed very close over about 3-4 years. I am seeing him tomorrow for lunch and I really enjoy his friendship, he seems to always make me laugh. I know he cares a lot about me.

I was depressed earlier tonight because of the relationship that I have with my parents even though they are divorced from each other and remarried to others. I just don't see eye to eye with them on some issues financially and about what I should be doing in my life. It is very upsetting to argue with both of them, I ended the conversation with my mother unpleasantly after yelling at her and I got off the phone upset, shortly in tears thereafter.

I guess I feel like my parents are trying to control me and they feel that they can to a degree because I am financially supported by them and the government's programs. It is very upsetting because I am intelligent and articulate and want to live my life the way I want to, but because of my disability, it seems I always need their approval, I feel like they treat me like a 36 yr old child :mad: :(

Well, I hope everyone has a good night I am going to bed soon. I think the reason that I have been staying in bed so much lately and been so tired is not mono, it is my depression due to my family situation.

Sigh, and I shall just continue to do my best.

Good night.

04-21-2013, 01:23 AM
Hi everyone! I know it's late, but I wanted to check in with you all and see how everyone's doing. I'm tired of being a zombie & I miss my social chicks!

The apartment went through, and we're moving next weekend. Ugh, I can't wait to move (sarcasm). It'll be a lot of work, but I know it's worth it.

As for my weight loss, I've been seeing the importance of drinking water more and more. For instance, my lips have been getting really chapped lately, and I realize it's when I haven't had enough water throughout the day. I've also been able to stop my cravings by drinking a full bottle of water. Just an interesting observation - have anyone else noticed this?

Otherwise, nothing much new over here.

Ohio - I'm happy that you posted about needing to stop the negative self-talk. It's always good to recognize - and vocalize when we're ready - that we do that to ourselves. We all do it at some point: at first, we think we're motivating ourselves, pushing to be better than we are. And then it turns into more than that as we sink into depression/anxiety. Do you have an action plan on how to switch your negative self-talk into positive self-talk? Maybe next time you notice yourself doing it, you can restate the negative statement as a positive one. Something like "I'm never going to lose weight" to "I'm gonna do this. Today, I'm going to drink more water. Tomorrow, I'll have a healthy dinner and exercise for 30 minutes." Give yourself a positive statement and a mini goal, something to motivate yourself that's applicable to your mood. If you want help, let us know! We'll be glad to help out with some positive self-talk. And, life is scary - you're not alone in realizing that. I should tell you of my recurring failure dream sometime :)

VTMom - I like the idea of weaning yourself off your depression meds. I see your point though about discussing it with a different doctor. Hopefully your family doctor has been helpful in the past. I've known doctors who prefer to keep you on medication, which doesn't mesh well with my personal preference. I would chat with your dr first, and see if he/she thinks a referral is necessary, or if they can help you wean off or to a lower dosage. It never hurts to ask, right?

Seabiscuit - Family situations can certainly aid in depression. Based on your explanation, I can see why you're upset about your parents and their attempts to control you. *hugs* I'm glad to hear that your brother is a good support for you. Try to remember that regardless of your disability, your life and opinions are your choices to make. I hope the next conversation with your mom is more pleasant. Also, have fun with your friend at lunch tomorrow!

So, myy DH is snoring on the couch, which is both soothing and telling me it's time for bed, lol. Good night everyone! :faint:

04-21-2013, 08:04 PM
Hey there everyone,


I wish you all the best with your move! I am highly considering a move this fall. In my opinion, moves can be exciting but stressful. I hope that you do things to take care of yourself without the food involved so you can feel good! I am finding that drinking water fills me up too! Often, I am thirsty instead of hungry.

I had a good day today! It was a lot of fun to see my friend and eat lunch with him. It didn't dawn on me until after the meal was over that I ate foods that I am supposed to be avoiding because of the food allergies, tomato and corn. Oh well, I am still alive LOL! I had a great time with my friend today and then had a nice conversation with my brother.

Tomorrow I am meeting with the nurse navigator about my health and food issues, then meeting with my case worker. I am a bit nervous about the nurse navigator meeting because we will be developing a food plan but I think it is for the best. I hope this will be a road map to success with my weight loss along with the help of my therapist.

Well, I am going to chill out tonight along with getting some stuff done in my apartment.

Have a nice night everyone ;)

04-21-2013, 10:35 PM
This morning my weight was 180.6 pounds - so excited!! I decided to reward myself and switch my ticker since I've been fairly consistent with the weight loss.

Thanks for the well wishes Seabiscuit! I've been doing pretty well with rewarding myself with rest and exercise rather than extra food (usually). I'm so glad that I'm no longer binge eating and eating way past the point of fullness. That was an accomplishment in itself. Thankfully, the move will be a quick one :)

Last week, I did slack off with my exercise, so getting back on track today was fun. I huffed and puffed 30 minutes on the elliptical, but I made it through! Also did 1 round of kettle bells - I moved up from 20 - 25 pounds because our friend asked for his 20 pounder back, so I had to use the husband's 25 kettle bell. I'm totally feeling it, lol.

Did my food prep today. Having the usual for breakfast (oatmeal), 1 hot dog, veggies, and an apple for lunch, and shrimp fried rice for dinner. Basically planning to do 30-45 minutes of workouts all 5 days this week.

Wish me luck! Hope you all had a good weekend :)

04-21-2013, 10:58 PM
:bravo: Congratulations on your weight loss coffeeshopgirl, way to go!

It sounds like you are on an awesome plan to taking care of yourself with your fitness and eating healthier, wonderful!

You are inspiring to me!

Have a good night everyone :)

04-22-2013, 09:58 AM
Way to go coffeeshopgirl, congrats on losing weight. You're an inspiration.

Yes, girls the piercing hurt but I didn't cry. I think I might have let a cuss word or two fly. I bled like a stuck pig though. The ear is healing pretty well. I am doing my best at cleaning it. I wash it a couple of times a day, I've been using epsom salts on it, although I'm supposed to be using sea salt. Lastly, I'm putting Neosporin on it. It must be working because just in the last day, my ear has been itching. I'm assuming it's healing.

04-22-2013, 01:06 PM
Hello everyone...I'm around off and on...trying to really get re-focused on eating healthy and being consistent on the exercise. The scale isn't rewarding me (yet) but I keep reminding myself it's a series of small changes that add up to the great big changes. *sigh*

I had a major NSV over the weekend, though...I went for a run in my apartment complex which involved a few major hills. I ran 4 miles at a 10:15 pace...I haven't run that since college. Yaaaaaayyy!!!

I also made a decision to have laser lipo about two weeks from now. I am actually looking forward to my surgery...hopefully I can say buh bye to my kangaroo pouch forever!

Ohio - congrats on the piercing! Yaaay!!!! And hang in there :hug:

Coffee - congrats on the weight loss! And good luck with the move (ugh).

Seabiscuit, hope your meeting with the nurse went well!

Vermont - congrats on the victory over meds (hopefully)! I say go for it if you're ready...hopefully the doctor will say it's okay.

:wave: to everyone else!

Also, would anyone be interested in sharing dinner meals? I find it inspiring, especially if I get into a cooking rut and need new healthy dinner ideas.

04-22-2013, 02:03 PM
Hi Ohio-

How are you doing? I hope your mood is lifting a bit.

I used to have my ears pierced but I let them close up. I hope you enjoy your piercings!

Hi Mustang-

Congrats on your run! Way to go!! :carrot: That is awesome!

I would love to share dinner meal ideas, send me a PM if you are interested. Just so you know though, I keep my meals very, very simple.

Good luck with your surgery! I hope that it works out for you.

As for me, I am doing well or at least better than I was a few days ago. I met with the nurse navigator today and that went well. I will meet with her again in a week.

Then I met with my case manager and talked about some other things such as some goals. I think we are making some progress. :D

This afternoon, I have to do laundry and then tonight I am going to watch The Voice, I love that show. Tomorrow I get up early to volunteer.

Have a nice afternoon everyone!

04-22-2013, 10:15 PM
Hi Mustang! I'd love to share dinner ideas! I had shrimp fried rice (homemade) tonight - how about you? Good job on the run - hills and a 10:15 pace - that's awesome! I agree with your notion that weight loss/fitness is a series of small changes. I had to make several little changes, and now I think of it as a daily choice: If I decide not to be healthy today, I should definitely make a healthier choice tomorrow. Keep up the good work!

Ohiofreespirit - Glad to hear that the ear is healing. Is it just a silver bar, or did you get something different or colorful? And yeah, I would have totally cussed a bit too.

Seabiscuit - Good to hear you're feeling better. Sounds like you had a rough couple of days. *hugs* I have to do some laundry too...but I think that'll wait until Tues or Wed.

As for me, I come home and did 2 rounds of my workout tonight (1 round = 10 minutes on the elliptical + 1 round of kettle bells). I would say I burned approx 300 calories. Had my shrimp fried rice for dinner, a dinner roll, and 4 thin mint Girl Scout cookies. i'm still hungry, so I'm wondering if I need another snack or just some water.

The weekly goal is to do 2-3 rounds of my workout 4-5 nights this week. Wish me luck!

Until tomorrow everyone... :broc:

04-23-2013, 07:23 AM
Hey there coffeeshopgirl!

Good job on continuing the kettlebell workouts. I had done those before too and they are tough!

Thank you for the hugs! I appreciate that!

I had a good conversation with a family member last night. I am waiting until another day or so passes to talk to another family member because of our argument, we are exchanging emails and that is going well.

I am off to volunteer in a bit, and I look forward to that so I am going to get heading off.

Take care everyone ;)

04-23-2013, 11:28 AM
Hey girls!!!

Yes, coffeshopgirl they just put a silver bar in my ear. It looks pretty good. My ear is itching really badly. I guess that is good news, means it is healing but it is driving me batty. It doesn't even hurt that much anymore, compared to what it did before, anyway.

Grneyedmustang, you go girl, running the way you do. That is awesome. I just get tired cleaning my house. LOL Maybe some day I can work my way up to running. I'd love to get myself a bicycle and ride this summer.

seabiscuit, what do you do when you volunteer?

I feel much better today but then I have remembered to take my meds early (5 am) today. It is something that I need to do to keep myself on track.

I get paid tomorrow, can't wait. The money won't last long though. I have to put a muffler on my daughter's car.

Have a lovely day, friends.


04-23-2013, 02:32 PM
Hi Ohio-

Wow, 5 am sure is early! I used to get up around that time when I went to show my horse, may he rest in peace. I am glad that you are feeling better!

Now, I get up at 6 am two days a week for volunteering and to me that seems a bit early :^: When I volunteer, I sit at a desk by myself in a hallway for the radiology department of a local hospital. There I greet patients for outpatient procedures, and the ones who are having Cat Scans, I ask them to fill out paperwork. I also keep a log of inpatients who are waiting in the hallway. This is a relatively new position, it was created because a patient got up out of their gurney and fell while in the hallway. So, I sit at the desk and offer to help the fellow volunteers, techs and nurses. I volunteer eight hours a week. My cumulative hours for the time I have volunteered at this hospital is 77 hours. I used to volunteer in the orthopaedic unit for 6 months but that was for shorter shifts once a week. I have volunteered at three other hospitals and two nursing homes too. This hospital is particularly appreciative of the volunteer work that us volunteers do! We had a lovely luncheon last week in appreciation of our service, they do that every year. Also, this week is Volunteer Appreciation Week and our theme is Ready to SERVE so a lot of the hospital is decked out in red, white and blue! There were free goodies from the Volunteer Services Department, beautiful decorations, and the Radiology Department gave me red, white and bleu lea's to wear around my neck, my name was also on their door along with the other volunteers in a patriotic heart. I wore a cute starry headband too that was red, white and blue. I may not get paid any real money but I get a lot of emotional rewards and personal satisfaction from volunteering which is very rewarding.

I know that was probably more info than you needed but I am very passionate about my work.

I was having a great day then there was a snafu with a doctor's office, big sighs.

Thank you all so much for being so supportive!


04-23-2013, 02:49 PM
I have been so angry, at everything. I'm not sure what I can do about it. Maybe I should lower standards that I think people should live up to. It feels like I'm surrounded by stupid people at my jobs, and I can't take it anymore. I'm glad I have my husband to have a decent conversation with.

In other news, my back is not working today, so I've been hobbling around everywhere. Can't even stand up straight. So I'm angry about that too. I was going to go walking this evening, but I guess I'm not now. :mad:

04-23-2013, 05:02 PM
:hug: Moreta

I understand the feeling of anger, it is one I have dealt with often for a lot of my life. Sometimes it has helped me to punch or scream into pillows, shred paper with my hands, splash water in the tub, anything constructive to release the anger without being destructive. I hope you can use other coping skills to help you accept whatever you are angry at or possibly work on resolving situations and try to relax. :hug: I understand the feeling of people too, it seems there are a lot of airheads out there which is so irritating, in my humble opinion. I'm glad you have your husband!

I hear you on back issues! They are no fun. I wish I knew what to say, other than to offer support. I think people are different in what helps them for relief. I hope you can get medical attention if it gets worse or persists though.

Take care...

04-23-2013, 10:48 PM

I know what it's like to just feel angry at everything. I get that way at times. I just get pissed off at the world, my house, God, my situation in which I live, everything. I think when that happens it's my bi-polar peeking out.

I hope you feel better very soon. We are all here for you.

04-24-2013, 11:22 AM
Thanks seabiscuit and ohio, I'm not that angry today, but of course nobody has done anything stupid in me presence. lol...

I went to my job at the bakery late last night hoping everyone would be gone, but they were still there, and I still got out before them. I just go in an close the cash register, so I can do that at any time of the night. When I did counter help for 4 days (my back gave out on me), I always got out of there before 6:30. I'm just going to go in at my normal time tonight and not talk to anyone.

I went to the thrift store last night and got some clothes and I was excited about that b/c they're size 22/24. I was wearing a size 26/28. Only 10 more dress sizes to

Hope everyone has a good day.

04-25-2013, 01:16 AM
Hi everybody! I am new to this thread. I hope you don't mind if I jump in. I have had anxiety and depression since I graduated university in 1999. For the past while my depression has been pretty manageable but my anxiety goes up and down. It was bad tonight for many hours but is a bit better now after talking to a good friend. I was worried about finances which are very tight and then I got paranoid about something bad happening to my dogs. Specifically, I was worried that I had nicotine on my hands (from the refills for electronic cigarette) when I fed them cookies. Seems they are fine.

Seabiscuit--what kind of showing did you do with your horse? I used to ride but never could afford to get serious about it. I'm sorry your horse is no longer with us. I know what it is like to be close to an animal. I am a dog groomer and have two Pomeranians I love to bits.

MOreta--congrats on the smaller size!

Ohio--Is it an old car?

04-26-2013, 01:30 PM
Welcome fluffypuppy. We are so glad to have you here with us. You asked if my car was old? No, my car is a 2007 Honda Civic, it is very nice. I love it, I love it so much I even named it. lol

Guess what I did today, friends??? I finally got up my nerve and went and worked out at the local YMCA. I joined not too long ago and I finally got up my nerve to to go. I walked on the tread mill for 15 minutes and I lifted weights after that. I asked someone who works there to show me the lifting machines and he gave me a huge workout. My arms are weak now. We worked on my back, legs, different parts of my arms, shoulders and my chest muscles. For the first week, I am going to walk for 15 minutes. i really enjoyed lifting weights. i think i could get hooked on them.

Hope you all have a wonderful day.

04-26-2013, 03:35 PM
:welcome: Fluffypuppy! glad to have you here :)

Ohio - hey that is great!! :carrot: Yay to you for taking that big step! :D

I was talking about weaning myself off my meds a bit I'm not so sure. For the past week (I've had off, well been laid off) I work out in the morning, putz around a bit, then go back to bed. For a couple hours, until I wake up and am so disgusted and embarrassed with myself. I'm not lacking sleep, I sleep 8 hours a night. It's because it is still cloudy and grey and cool (or cold) out and I am just not motivated to do anything (there's PLENTY in this house for me to tackle)

I try to tell myself, what's the diff between sleeping for 2 hours, or if I chose to sit on the couch and watch a movie? Both are non-productive, but the sleeping really seems like a withdrawl from the world.

But 2 days ago when it was sunny and warm, I couldn't wait to get dolled up and got on my motorcycle and visited people! It is insane (duh) for me to be so dependent on sunny warm days to be alive!

04-27-2013, 01:04 PM
Hi everyone,

It is a beautiful day. I was going to get my blood drawn to see whether or not I have mono but I want to be well hydrated before I go, I don't have the greatest veins. I think I will go get it done later this week.

Moreta- Congratulations on being able to wear a smaller size! Yay! That is great news!

Fluffypuppy- Welcome! Thank you so much for your kind words about my horse, Wally. His formal name was Gotta Dance. I am looking at a photo of him and me right now from about fifteen years ago. I miss him a lot. We did showing in equitation.

I know the feeling of anxiety all too well, and it is frustrating. :hug:

Ohio- That is great about you working out at the Y! Way to go! I have a membership at my local Y too. I want to use it more. I signed up for swim lessons and want to take advantage of those.

VermontMom- :hug: I hope you make the right decision about your meds. Maybe you can talk to a counselor or therapist about this? I know the feeling of being non-productive. I waste a lot of time sleeping. I wish I had advice to give you but I send you support.

Have a good day everyone! I have my guitar lesson soon!


04-28-2013, 12:51 AM
Hello friends,

I took one of my clients to the Y today to walk. He is very heavy and I just got him joined so we both went and walked a couple of laps around the walking track. I am still tired from yesterday's workout so i took it easy today. I am so tired tonight.

Moreta, congrats on getting in a smaller size. i love when that happens.

Vermontmom, I do the same thing, sleep when i don't need to. It is an escape for me. My therapist is aware of it and we talk about it during my sessions.

Well, i am going to get off here and lay down. it is late. sweet dreams.

04-28-2013, 08:51 AM
good morning, the sun is shining and it will be warmer today! :carrot: that means so much to me.

forgot to congratulate moreta on being down a size!

Seabiscuit, I also wanted to say I was sorry about your horse. I was a typical horse-crazy young teenager and one year was lucky enough to be friends with a girl who had a horse and a pony, and she showed the horse, just local Pony Club stuff but they are such beautiful things!

best wishes with the blood drawing. Oh i see it's going to be next week, well best wishes then :) I had a Red Cross lady tell me I had great veins, 'like a truck driver', what??

Ohio, that is great that you took your client to the Y :) What does your therapist say about your sleep-escape?

I did not do my now-usual sleep-escape yesterday, but that was probably because my DH was here and it's too embarrassing for me to do with him around. He is very kind but he does not know what to say to me, I'm sure he's afraid of 'saying the wrong thing'.

The other day after i wrote of my escape-laziness, I did get up and then did 2 things, cleaned my desk/took care of bills/filed, and then took everything out of a cupboard that had stuff CRAMMED in it, and took care of it all. That is such a good feeling!

and yesterday I did some yard work, good sense of accomplishment. Though I was dumb and did not wear long sleeves when I was working around the blackberry patch and WOW did I get scratched up . And I did wash my motorcycle and we got a quick ride to town.

sorry all I did was blab about myself !

04-28-2013, 10:04 AM
Vermontmom, my therpist says just stay aware of how much I am sleeping and the reasons why I am. I know you feel guilty, I doubt you will let yourself do it very much. I am on a ton of medicine, some of it makes me very sleepy. Last night I even slept through the Nascar race. i am so mad at myself.

I am getting ready to go to church this morning. i need to find some peace and church always does it for me.

Have a wonderful Sunday, ladies.

04-28-2013, 03:25 PM
I am a bit irritated, my neighbor commented on my weight gain again. She is an elderly lady and she means well but when she saw me coming out of my apartment she put her hands on my shoulders and said "I want you to lose weight, you're getting too heavy. I'm concerned about you." I walked away and said, "Be quiet, it's not your business." I think that she knows that it is none of her business but that is not stopping her from being a busybody. I have been friendly with her, we both volunteer locally and she drove me to a local luncheon for volunteers, she can be friendly but she is a firecracker. She acts like I am her granddaughter and in some ways I am flattered that she cares but in other ways, I really wish she would mind her business. When she first made the initial comment about my having gained weight about a month or two ago, I had just started on Risperdal and it had increased my appetite a lot, I had gained weight. I don't think it was fair of her to point that out to me, what good does that do? Lately I have been incredibly fatigued. My neighbors are used to seeing me wait for the bus in the morning for work and some of them don't know that I don't work anymore. A lot of them are busybodies. I just don't know what to do. I live in an apartment complex where it is hard to avoid neighbors and I just want to be left alone. A lot of my elderly neighbors wouldn't understand about my mental illness which is why I don't talk about it.

I feel really frustrated and irritated.

04-28-2013, 07:59 PM

I am so sorry. What she did was so rude, even if she didn't mean to be. Please please try not to let it bother you too much. You are beautiful inside and out, know it, believe it. Don't let one person bother you. Did you say something to her, i didn't catch whether you did or not?

Believe in yourself and your own beauty.

I went back to the Y today and walked for 15 minutes, then worked out with weights. I'm taking it easy and not trying to kill myself. i thought about walking for 20 minutes but decided not to push it. i had the treadmill set on 2.5.

Have a great Sunday evening. It is back to work for me tomorrow. bleh

04-28-2013, 09:16 PM
Hey there Ohio-

Good for you for going to the Y! I need to get back there! My Y is within walking distance and it feels great when I go.

Thank you for your support. I greatly appreciate your kind words. It hurt when she was rude to me like that.

This is what happened: I walked out of my apartment door, which is in a complex, and across the hallway, she and the lady who lives across the hall were talking. I think I said "Hello" and the lady who lives across the hall said "we were just talking about you," and I said with a smile, "I bet you were." Here's where the other lady comes in, she put her hands on my shoulders which I thought was inappropriate and said something like "I want you to lose weight. You're getting too heavy." I turned and walked down the hall to go to the laundry room and I said, "Be quiet, it's not your business." She said, "I'm concerned about you." I didn't say anything and then I heard the lady who lives across the hallway say to her, "Did you hear what she said, it's not your business." She said, "I know" and then said something else that I couldn't hear. I went back into my apartment, cried, sulked and was very depressed. I am a very sensitive person.

Then I talked to other people in my life and in the grand scheme of things, I am concerned more with other things, I have bigger fish to fry as they say than to worry about my neighbor but it did upset me and it hit a raw nerve. This neighbor also commented on whether or not I was going to work when I was working and shortly after I quit my job. There are a lot of busybodies around here which will drive me crazy if I let them. I went for a walk and that felt good. I wrote about these events in a log in my DBT book. I have missed the last two sessions although I am only going every other week. I am looking forward to going this week. I want to work on my mindless eating too, I do that out of stress. I left a message for my therapist too because I was stressed, there are some things on my mind.

Well, I better get going. Thank you for your support!!! ;)

Have a nice night.

04-29-2013, 01:28 PM
You are in DBT, that is wonderful. I am too, it helps me a lot. My therapist is the bomb. I have a folder that I take to every meeting. I write in it when something bothers me and then we talk about it. Right now we talk about my anxiety and things I can do to make it better.

I took the day off from the gym today. My legs feel weak, they are shaky so I will give them the day off and head back tomorrow. It could just be my shaking leg syndrome bothering me but I'm not going to overdue it, just incase it is from exercise.

I have the day off work today. My client's mother called me last night and said she was taking the day off work today. (monday) I will go back to work on Tuesday. It's so nice not to have to go today, I feel so free. LOL

Have a wonderful day, ladies. I will check back in soon. Much love to all.

04-29-2013, 03:32 PM
Hey there Ohio-

I am glad that you are getting a lot out of DBT too! I will go to my group this Thursday and then again in two weeks. It is very helpful to me. We use a workbook which I like.

I hope your legs get stronger, they probably will with your going to the gym.

That's nice that you have the day off to yourself.

It is a rainy day here, and there is rain forecasted for tomorrow here too. Unfortunately I had to cancel some appointments because I don't drive, but I was able to reschedule them.

I am leaving in about fourty five minutes to go to my gastroenterologist and then get some a blood test done. I hope things go well!

Take care. Have a nice day!

04-29-2013, 08:56 PM
Seabiscuit, I hope your appointments went well today; and regarding the nosy big-mouthed neighbor lady ... :censored: :rollpin: :frypan: and she needs some :tape: on her mouth!! I'm so sorry she said that, and that she upset you..i sure would have been upset too. That is a shame that there are so many nosy eyes on you and your goings-about.

Hi Ohio :wave: how nice you had an unexpected day free :)

Hi :wave: to everyone else!

04-29-2013, 09:45 PM
Hey Holly,

How are you doing? How was your day?

You are so funny! I appreciate your support! I talked to my therapist today and she gave me some good advice regarding these busy-bodies. If only people would mind their own business more often. Those smilies are very cute and funny :D My appointments did go well, yay :cool: and I lost about four pounds! I just hope I don't put it back on because I have a habit of sabotaging myself...does anyone else relate to that?

Take care, have a good night!