[Song of Surly]

It seems that since I have started losing weight, every time I make a healthy choice when eating out, people feel the need to disparage their own choices or explain themselves to me. For example, I went shopping with my mother and sister yesterday. Both do need to lose weight for some health reasons, but as everyone here has displayed numerous times, people have to come to weight loss within their own time and readiness. Anyway, we went through McDonald's that morning for a quick breakfast. I could have eaten a biscuit, for sure, but since I had eaten a little too much out at dinner the night before, I decided that I had indulged enough, so I just got myself one of their oatmeals (which is always super watery??) and a coffee. My mom and sister both got biscuits, but it's like they had to knock themselves for ordering it in front of me. Like saying, "Oh, I really don't need this," or, "I should have ordered that." Then people usually talk about "needing to do beter." The same thing happened later that day when I ordered a grilled chicken salad for lunch. It has gotten to where I just try to play off my healthy choices as just sounding good (which they usually do) just so I feel others won't feel like I'm judging them for eating what they want.

As I have stated here before, I'm a bit of a social bumbler and really bashful and modest. I never know what to say when people do this (especially when it's my future mother-in-law!), but I don't know if there is a right thing to say. Sometimes when people do this, I want to explain what has worked for me, but that often leads to people getting glassy-eyed and disinterested. It's almost like it's just some kind of motion they feel they need to go through before they can enjoy their meal without guilt or judgement with me. It's even worse with loved ones, because I feel a little guilty that I am losing weight while my sister, who I know is so unhappy, hasn't had success. I don't want to make her feel bad for her choices, but I don't want to encourage her in bad eating either, and excusing her food choices kinda eaves me doing one or the other, unless, like I said, I just play off how good it sounded.

I would just really like to order something healthy without gaining a lot of attentiattention or being treated like grand inquisitor sometimes. Does anyone else deal with this regularly?

[Kaitie9399]

IMHO: They aren't saying those words for you, they are justifying the food choices they made. It really has nothing to do with you. :-)

I usually say things like 'too each their own' because that is the truth. You can't control anyone's weight loss or food choices, you can only control your own so it doesn't really matter what anyone else says.

Try not to read to much into it.

[SouthernMaven]

Originally Posted by Kaitie9399

IMHO: They aren't saying those words for you, they are justifying the food choices they made. It really has nothing to do with you. :-)

I 100% agree!

[Cali Doll]

People do this sort of thing all the time. Shoot, I did it before I lost any weight. I felt guilty and I also thought (incorrectly) that the person I was with was judging my food choice. Saying things like that is a way to reduce their guilt (as was said above).

That being the case, it's still uncomfortable for those of us making healthy choices. I usually just say something like, "I wish I could have that. Enjoy it for me, please." or "I indulged earlier so I need to eat lighter right now."

[elvislover324]

Food does weird things to people, whether it's based on what you are doing or what they think they should be doing.

I posted last week after seeing my girlfriend since I lost 120lbs. She went into this whole song and dance about how bad she eats and all her excuses after seeing me walk in the door. I never said anything about my weight, my plan, etc. It was like she was telling me why she put on a few pounds, who am I to judge? I just nodded and listened. Then after all of that, she ordered nachos for the table! I can't have nachos (and I didn't care what the table ordered, I had already eaten and everyone knew). But I just figured she might order something healthier (or perceived to be healthier) to make it look like she is really trying when she can.

I eat what I want on my plan now and don't care who says what about what I do or don't eat or drink or whatever. It's taken me a long time to own my weightloss plan and in order to succeed, I have to own it 24 hours a day 7 days a week due to my personality. Give me 15 minutes off plan and I can do enough damage to negate a week's worth on plan. I'm talented!! I will say though, I am skipping dinner with the family for Easter as I can't handle the crowd of gawkers and commenters and questioners. But that's a story for a different thread.

Good for you for doing what was healthy for you even though it made you feel bad enough to post here. I promise you each time gets easier once you commit to yourself, which I think you have based on your success so far. We can't change what others do but we can control what we do. And I agree with the others, it had nothing to do with you personally.

[JustB1027]

Agreed it has nothing to do with you. That is part of the reason I haven't told anyone (excluding my mom) what I am doing.