100 lb. Club - Why did your weight gain happen?

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03-28-2013, 12:23 PM
I'm in a really ugly place emotionally right now.

If there was anytime to emotionally eat...I feel like it would be now. But I have no urges to do so. So it makes me wonder...if I wasn't emotionally eating- How did I get here? How did I gain and maintain 100 pounds extra on my frame? I'm still putting a lot of thought into it, because I'm afraid if I don't figure it out- that the weight will creep back on.

Am I the only one who is a bit unsure on how this whole weight gain thing happened?

Do you know why you gained your weight (and then maintained it)? And what steps are you taking to combat it?

Keep Moving Forward
03-28-2013, 12:43 PM
As a kid, I ate out of boredom & because I just liked food. I was really active so I didn't gain a lot, though I did start gaining in middle school. In high school, I had a horrible diet, I had quit sports, and I had undiagnosed, untreated depression. Food was how I made myself feel better. I never realized until my senior year just how much bigger than everyone else I was. Through college & grad school, I went through bouts of depression, always had too little activity & a horrible diet.

Basically, I know how I gained and, ultimately, hit 300+. What I don't know is why I let myself get there/stay there. It makes no sense to me. I knew what I was doing to myself & I just kept doing it. Honestly, I don't even know how I got to the mental place I am at now, where I genuinely just want to do/will do whatever it takes to be healthier, but I thank God I am here. I can't live another year of my young life being morbidly obese. I won't.

Back to you, song bird, I think that being more self-aware in itself could be enough to help you keep it from creeping back. If only because you'll be on the look out & actively trying to keep it from happening.

03-28-2013, 01:14 PM
If you only gain a a pound a week, that's fifty two pounds in a year. But most people won't notice four pounds in a month. It really does creep up, and denial is a wonderful thing. I really had zero concept of how large I had gotten. It's part of the reason I'm so discouraged now - I have trouble seeing my progress because I never saw myself as big as I was.

All it takes is 500 extra calories a day not used. And factors like stress, etc it all adds up.

03-28-2013, 01:18 PM
If you only gain a a pound a week, that's fifty two pounds in a year. But most people won't notice four pounds in a month. It really does creep up, and denial is a wonderful thing. I really had zero concept of how large I had gotten.

I thought I was eating normally. It's only now when I look back that I can see I was eating way too much and of the wrong stuff.

03-28-2013, 01:31 PM
I ate and drank when I was happy, when I was sad, all the flipping time (nights and weekends I mean, never at work)! Food was a 24 hour stress reliever (so I thought).

My husband and I worked a lot of hours and looked forward to our time at the end of the day to relax and stuff our face. He never gained weight the way I did, it's like I gained enough for the 2 of us.

We had the best times together and he was the first guy in my life that I ever ate in front of. We've been together 18 years so that sounds silly to say but in the first year with him, I put on almost 15lbs. Talk about being comfortable in front of a guy!

Our life will never ever revolve around food and drink again. We finally came to a point in our life and now, we go for coffees instead of beers or make tea at home instead of vodka tonics. I do miss the drinks even once in a while now (he still has them but hardly as much, it's no fun to drink alone!) but they aren't on my plan and alcohol is the last thing I need right now.

I never knew I was large until it was too late and I was too large. Once I get to onederland, I will never ever ever ever ever go back to 2xx or 3xx weights. I can't mentally handle it.

03-28-2013, 01:48 PM
I started to gain weight at 8 years old and it was because of undiagnosed/untreated hypoglycemia. I basically learned that if I felt a certain way, it meant I needed food. But I also learned that enough food could keep me from ever feeling that way.

Also, I recently realized that something odd happened to my entire family during the years I was a teenager - we all got fat. (All except one athletic brother and one always-skinny-no-matter-what sister.) I haven't been able to puzzle out what that was about it, but it's weird.

Then in my 20s and 30s (which were truly horrific life years) I discovered food as a drug. I had major issues with overeating and binging because certain foods in certain quantities gave me a numbness that I desperately needed. It took a lot of therapy and self-analysis to overcome that.

And why did I stay fat for all those years? Partly because I was totally in denial that I was fat. And even when the reality smacked me in the face, hopelessness and depression kept me from dealing with the problem. My thought process was, "If I get thin and healthy I'll probably live for another 20, or 30, or 40 years. No thank you! I'd rather be fat and die next year." So a lot of this diet journey for me is finding the reasons why I don't want to be dead in a year from weight related complications. And, honestly, some days that's really difficult. And other days it's as simple as seeing a picture of my twin great nieces and knowing I want to be a part of their lives as they grow up.

03-28-2013, 02:03 PM
I started gaining weight when I hit puberty due to PCOS. It was about 10lbs per year like clockwork. Then I found a good balance around 180lbs with the BC pill (still really overweight though.. but not that bad to me). I counted every calorie, ate organic, cut out grains, and killed it at Crossfit.


Here I am now.... 218lbs!!!! I DID NOT eat those calories. I DID NOT earn those pounds sitting on my bum. I feel like if I was to just gain almost 40lbs I might as well have enjoyed the experience with cheat meals!!! I mean gosh. 40lbs from eating greens and organic protein and letting myself be hungry at night? So not fair. I'm currently taking herbs to try to level myself out.

03-28-2013, 02:08 PM
I gained a lot of weight when I was a kid. I loved junk food. Junk food, junk food, junk food, junk food. If it was there......I was going to eat it. Didn't matter if I ate a whole big bag of Doritos. I was going to eat it. I ate because I just wanted to eat. That was my problem then, and it's still a problem. But I've gotten control over that in the past several months and I'm very proud of myself.

03-28-2013, 02:14 PM
I dont know when or how it started - I just remember my dad would bring me a chocolate home every single night when he cam home from work, we werent allowed sweets any other time, and so I would eat the chocolate - whether I liked it or not, whether I was hungry or not....... ta dah! bad habits began - I still crave chocolate when I see my dad.

03-28-2013, 02:21 PM
I got down to 170 when I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, I've always yo-yo'd. To be completely and bluntly honest, I got lazy and stopped watching what, and how much, I was eating.

03-28-2013, 02:22 PM
love this thread. I was always chubby as a kid, but I never realized how fine i was until I put on my weight! i was so critical!

Through most of university, I was 155 and then i got to around 175. I started training for a marathon and got to 152 but then I injured my ankle and also moved to the Northwest Territories in Canada. Add decreased mobility, depression from not being able to run anymore, and a very crappy store in our tiny town (that is fly in only) that lacks fresh fruits, veggies and meat, and BAM! 60 lbs in a year. OH, and the only place to workout is my kitchen! No gyms here, and it's -40 Celsius for 9 months of the year!

Lots of reasons to quit, but even more reasons to keep going!

03-28-2013, 02:25 PM
I am a really picky eater, so when I find a food I like, I tend to eat mass quantities of it.
I got fat by not understanding portion control. There was no concept of serving sizes or limiting calories when I was growing up. Second and third helpings were very common place. I come from a family of overweight, sedentary people. So me being overweight and sedentary was "normal".
As an adult, I am slowly learning moderation.

03-28-2013, 02:45 PM

I'm a chronic overeater. Just eat too much and too often. Big portions. Out of boredom, out of stress, out of depression. I grew up in substance abusing household...my dad was an alcoholic AND an overeater and my mom was a binge eater with ZERO concept of nutrition. She'd regularly serve us really bad food and but worse I regularly saw her eat whole packs of cookies and sometimes whole cartons (the big 'uns) of Breyer's Butter Pecan ice cream. I never saw normal eating growing up. My dad was always obese. My mom wasn't terribly overweight when I was younger because she's one of those people who is always active and she was a regular runner. But when she quit running her weight ballooned....and she made every excuse in the book for why...but it wasn't HER fault. I used to binge a lot when I was in college, but gradually stopped. I don't think it's my natural way. I did eat a lot of calories over a period of a day often, but not classic binging.

When I got pregnant I REALLY packed on the pounds...and went from a US size 16 (so not tiny to begin with) to maybe a US size 22/24. My husband became verbally and emotionally abusive during my pregnancy and worsened when my son was born. I ate to comfort myself. I was unwell also and so didn't exercise much - it was hard for me to make time for myself. Food was my pleasure. I was very depressed...and still struggle with that.

Like Rachel, I know how and I even kinda know why, but I don't know why I allowed myself to do that me. I clearly have some self-destructive tendencies (and not just about weight). I dunno. I should love myself more.

03-28-2013, 02:51 PM
I can run the gamut: Health issues, genetics, not enough activity, just really like food, simply eat too much of it.

As a child, I had health problems that left me bedridden for years. Then some really crazy hormonal stuff kicked in around puberty, maybe related to a tumor on the 'master' hormonal gland (pituitary). Man, you should the stretch marks - ALL over my body! Years of doctor-mandated food restriction (searching for allergies, etc) distorted my relationship with food (food sneaking, etc). And apart from my own health, there's at least a predisposition to heaviness, looking at my extended family -- or at least a predisposition to the habits that lead to heavy...

I came to own my food choices in my late teens and have come a long way in constructing a really healthy diet. But that still doesn't guarantee a healthy weight. The cold hard realities of calorie excess - no matter where the calories come from - took awhile to sink in for me. You can be eating an incredibly healthy diet and still be eating too much of it (... especially when your activity level is restricted). And when my health issues get particularly bad, I gravitate towards tasty comfort and ease (aka too much takeout).

I've spent a lot of time reflecting on how all this came to be - or more significantly, why I regained from my other 'big' weight loss in 2007. I've got a list of my personal weight truths. It's a good tool to have to know the triggers and the weak spots in the rhythms of my life.

03-28-2013, 02:51 PM
Pregnancy. Pregnancy. Pregnancy. Divorce. Pregnancy.

I would eat whatever I wanted and however much I wanted when pregnant and immediately begin taking it off after I had the baby. Did this 3 times and then, I kicked out my POS first husband and didn't lose the weight after the third pregnancy. I met the love of my life who is dead set against dieting from watching his best friends wife go on some real insane fad diets. We had our first, my fourth, child and I topped out at 350 pounds!!! Holy cow!

I have never, ever *felt* fat. I don't realize how big I am. In my mind's eye, am still this vision of health from my teens/early twenties.

For health reasons it is imperative that I lose every bit of this excess weight in a timely manner, so here I am.

Actually, had my husband not been standing beside me at the cardiologist when he said my heart is just not meant to pump blood through this size of body, he may still be against dieting. It has to be done & I am not doing anything nuts so I have his full support now. :)

Mission Fat to Fab
03-28-2013, 02:59 PM
I was happy, I ate. Depressed, I ate. Stressed, I ate. And then I'd eat on the sly. Chocolate bars, candies, bags of chips, cookies, ice cream, all of it was eaten on the sly, and the wrappers hidden away in my drawers to hide my shame. For years I blamed my PCOS saying that I was not losing weight, so it didn't matter whether I ate a bar of chocolate or an apple.

I'd get really upset with my mum or my cleaning lady if they found my wrappers in my drawer, not realising that in actual fact I was really upset with myself. Then I moved away, and had a terrible job and a terrible boss and lived on my own. Instead of looking after myself, I ate terribly, I slept very little and spent hours after work just stuffing my face with junk food, crisps, chocolates, to help make those bad feelings go away. It wasn't healthy, and it didn't work for me.

That's my story.

03-28-2013, 03:06 PM
Denial, denial, denial :(

03-28-2013, 03:24 PM
I just ate. I wasn't an emotional eater, but I liked to eat and didn't ever (like EVER) think about how much I should be eating versus how much I wanted to eat.

Couple that with an obvious carb sensitivity that makes me even hungrier, so I eat even more.

I found though that the bigger issues were sleep deprivation. It was when my sleep got messed up that I made really bad food decisions - I used the food fuel for energy to get me through the day.

I was a classic gainer - little by little - all the time.

03-28-2013, 03:29 PM
Liked eating too much, didn't like exercising or healthy food particularly. I had a happy stable childhood with a rather poor diet.

03-28-2013, 03:41 PM
Yep...sleep deprivation was a killer for me, too - Melissa. I couldn't sleep (or baby wouldn't let me sleep) and I'd sugar and caffeine up in the day to keep going. Sugar up...crash...sugar up. When I say sugar, sometimes it was 'true sugar' and sometimes it was highly processed carbs. But I can't say that this caused the majority of my weight gain.

03-28-2013, 04:18 PM
Get ready, its a long one! Brief life history for anyone who is interested.

I have always been bigger. I am tall, and have always been a bit of a tom boy. As a kid, I was bigger than most of my friends. They were all thin, all of them. I wasn't fat, but I was defiantly thicker than the rest of the girls. I never really thought much of it. The end of elementary was a bit traumatic for me. One of my best friends told someone a big secret of mine, and that someone told the whole class. It was terrible, I was made fun of for a few years and the nickname and the whispers didn't really ever go away until closer to high school. I didn't notice I was gaining weight, I thought I was just "growing" :lol: I can remember once in junior high, probably grade 8. I wore my dads jeans to school. I thought it was so cool that I could wear my dads pants. Being a size 32 in the 8th grade probably wasn't something to be proud of I guess.

Growing up, my parents didn't bring much junk into the house, and I always felt deprived, as my friends got to have that stuff all the time. So, the very second I had a dollar to my name I would be down to the store to buy some candy or chips or pop. Constantly hitting the vending machine at school too. My parents tried hard to get me to lose the weight, telling me that if I lost a certain amount of weight they would buy me a car when I turned 16 (WTH was wrong with me that I didn't jump at that chance I don't know) I am kind of pig-headed and tend to do the opposite of what I am told to do. They wanted me to play softball, so I refused. They wanted me to go for walks everyday, so I walked to the store and bought candy, and walked around while I ate it.

Grade 9 was around this time that my parents bought the video store/confectionery in town (small town!) Where I worked just about everyday. We sold pop and chips and ice cream and candy too. So I always had something to snack on while I watched movies all day. When it came to grade 12 and it was time to start looking for a snowball/grad dress, I realized how big I really had gotten. I couldn't find dresses that fit and didn't make me look like an old lady. Thankfully, one of my mom's good friends is an awesome seamstress and made me a dress for me. It was pretty cool, I was one of a kind that is for sure.

After high school I moved to Saskatoon, moved into my aunties basement suite and got a job at subway. You would think that working at subway would have helped me lose some weight. Nope, the bad stuff is the stuff that tastes good. Cheese, bacon, sauces... The things we would concoct, wow. Made some friends, started to party more (beer!) Made more friends, guy friends who were active and went out and did stuff all the time. Ride bikes, Quads, Skidooing, football in the park. I had to keep up, and I lost some weight. Then I got a job as a flag girl, standing on the side of the road with a sign for 8-12 hours a day, drinking 4 + redbull and smoking like a chimney. Put on some weight there. After that, I started as an assembler working the night shift. Sleep all day, work all night sitting at a desk. Only places to eat was McDonald or Denny's. I started that 6 years ago (met my boyfriend at this job too). I think two years ago, was when I hit my highest weight. 300. Had some stress, bought a broken condo, had to deal with that for a year, plus quit smoking. I finally moved to day shift and got out of manufacturing and into an office job, with a little more flexibility, got to see a whole lot more of my bf too!

All this time I have maybe made the effort to lose weight once or maybe twice. It was short lived and I gave up quickly thinking that I couldn't do it. I convinced my BF that I wanted a WiiFit, used it for a month and got bored. Friends would try and encourage me to do whatever weight loss thing they were trying, but I never felt ready I guess. I always figured I had better things to do that worry about what I ate, or if I got any exercise. Then at the end of last year, mid December sometime, something in me changed. I don't know what, why or how, but I was done. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Some co-workers suggested we have a challenge to see who could lose 20 lbs first starting Jan 1st. Almost 4 months later and almost 25 lbs down. I feel great, I don't know why it took me so long to get my **** together, but I am here now, and never turning back.

Sometimes I try and think back to the choices I have made in the past to see what I did to get myself here, and there isn't one or two things in particular, it was a culmination of my whole life I guess. My mindset and my stupidity, my refusal to heed good advice and I always thought that I knew what was best for me. Never have I been so wrong.

Phew - that was long and probably more than I needed to say, but kinda felt good to lay it all out there!

ETA: I forgot about my time on Dexadrine for my ADD... lost a bit of weight there. Couldn't sleep to save my life though. Then my parents put me on welbutrine (sp?) for my "depression". I wasn't depressed, I was apathetic. I just couldn't be bothered to care about stuff. I wasn't unhappy really.

03-28-2013, 04:31 PM
Basically laziness. It was much easier to get takeaway than buy and cook real food.

03-28-2013, 04:55 PM
I was a healthy kid that started to get a little chubby, then BAM! My first full week of sixth grade was spent in the hospital over strep throat, pneumonia, and my very first asthma attack. I was pumped full of prednisone and all sorts of medications when I became allergic to practically everything overnight. For years I joined my mother in blaming my sudden onset of chronic asthma for my weight gain, but it had clearly and less blatantly started at least two years before.

Couple the whole ordeal with what I went through emotionally during that time? I was a complete wreck. I was already a shy kid, and with the sudden gain I found myself having no friends throughout junior high. Not a single one, including the neighborhood girl I'd been best friends with since before kindergarten. And how did I console my lonely self? Well, I'd always liked food. From a very young age my mom taught me to hide the evidence of any treats we'd have, and from there I guess I learned that eating for pleasure was shameful. As far back as I can remember, I used to sneak spoonfuls out of the sugar bowl. I was also one of those kids that always rushed to the samples in the grocery stores; people thought it was cute and I enjoyed the attention so food didn't feel entirely shameful. And as I struggled socially at school, I really found consolation in food. I'd make special walking trips to the store just to get Ninja Turtle pies (heh, anyone remember those?), candy bars, slices of deli cake, cookies, basically anything sweet, even cans of frosting which would be concealed in my room until I was absolutely sure I could eat uninterrupted. I had a special place in my heart (stomach?) for Cadbury Creme Eggs; knowing they were only around for a limited time each year made them feel extra special and extra coveted. To this day I still pine for them as I make myself walk past the Easter aisles with empty hands.

As I got older, I think I just had a bad handle on the concept of healthy eating. The government's food pyramid dictated that we needed 8-12 servings of grains daily, so having lots of white bread must be good for me, right? And sugar is only like 15 calories a teaspoon so it's no big deal to pour it into a pile of grey sludge at the bottom of my cereal bowl! Hmm . . . so now I have a better understanding of why I wavered between 250-275 between the ages of 14 and 18. :o

My first successful diet attempt was right out of my first year of college when I dropped about 30 pounds on the phentermine craze. But it quickly piled back on when my mom and I moved away from that doctor so she could see a cancer specialist. It was an especially difficult time for all involved and we lost her within six months. :( My second successful attempt involved learning to starve myself a few years later. I lost 30 pounds again and nearly ended up in the hospital over it, and for a variety of reasons (including the fact that I didn't know how to handle male attention) the weight came back on and then some.

And then I found myself in a bad relationship with a guy that loved to eat. But he definitely carried guilt over it and wanted me as his partner in crime. It was often easier to cave into his wants than have yet another argument, and I'm sure that the eating was often more comforting to me anyway. We did a lot of fast food, delivery, and take-out as he refused to eat anything I'd cook. We bought a cake at a store once and he started telling some elaborate and ill-conceived BS story to the cashier about a supposed birthday; I remember I was so embarrassed. I'm certain the cashier didn't even think anything of our purchase until he started on the obviously fake story in his anxious attempt to make it look like we weren't buying it for ourselves.

I ended up ballooning all the way up to 360 pounds before I snapped myself out of it and took control, and I had to fight him every step of the way. He'd claim that it was vain and shallow of me to want to lose weight, and that if he loved me as-is why did my size even matter? And he'd go out of his way to sabotage my efforts, throwing temper tantrums if I didn't want to indulge with him. To this day I can't even think about Burger King without getting a little sick to my stomach; we lived down the street from one and he'd literally shove the food in my face and demand that I eat with him. There was a time in particular that we got into a huge fight because I wouldn't eat Taco John's with him. I have a seafood allergy and at the time they were apparently frying fish in the same oil as everything else, and eating it literally made me throw up. I told him to go ahead and have it for himself and I'd have something else, but he told me I was being selfish and that the allergy/sickness was all in my head. :rolleyes:

At some point I realized I have an addiction to sugar. That was a big help for me, along with ditching the jerk. :p I lost quite a bit, and the only regain I've experienced since all this was from all the stress I experienced in late 2011. For the first time in ages, I stopped caring about being healthy. I since got myself back on track and have worked myself down to my lowest weight ever this past year by journaling my food, planning and overseeing my choices and portion sizes, and working on the mental aspects. I'm also doing my best to get my anxieties under control, which has no doubt contributed to my issues with food. In short, I'm doing my very best to set myself up for success and ensure I have every reason to want to be healthy.

I shake my head over some of what I went through. If I knew then what I know now . . .

03-28-2013, 05:09 PM
I think I was always a bit of a binge eater and a food sneaker. I used to sneak food when my parents went out...especially Honey Nut Cheerious (which I love). I would make boxes of macaroni and cheese or pans of rice krispy treats when I was home alone and could hide the evidence. Like a junkie. I never really gained weight though. I was able to maintain a good weight up through college. After school I got a part time job bartending in a sports bar and that's when the pounds really started packing on. I would take home greasy food from the restaurant every night or eat extra food that was left in the kitchen. I gained 60 pounds in two years. By then I was completely out of control and clueless how to turn things around. I wasted the next few years looking for some miracle diet and all I ended up doing was gain more weight.

When I started working in an office, it was always someone's birthday or there was a lunch to go to and the bigger I got, the more I turned to food for comfort, joy, something to do. I gained another 90 pounds.

So I've always had an unhealthy relationship with food, it just didn't manifest itself physically until I was much older. So I suppose I'm glad that I'm tackling my issues with food as well as my weight now.

03-28-2013, 05:27 PM
I ate more calories than expending. Ate crap too much. Ate to keep myself awake,when blood sugar dropped,when bored,when happy,when needed self soothing,when upset...and whenever I felt likeIt. Being a night worker and being awake sometimes 36-48 hours with no sleep and eating to stay awake.

Being on steroids also increased appetite was sick frequently.

But the true reality of it I did not ever Believe I could get THIS DARN FAT!!!

I was the one everyone use to Call Skinny and never gain weight...Something happen I was not expending as many calories as I was ingesting.

I was in denial and a part of me did not want to invest the time into myself Cuz I was too busy taking care of everyone else and just let myself go to pot!

My Poor ,Poor Husband I was not the woman he chose to marry ....she was trapped inside this Sweatsuit wearing Slouth that I had allowed myself to cacoon in....I was such a Martyr serving everyone else's need and slowly poisoning myself.
Denial I never got on a scale and avoided looking mirrors,avoided photos, and avoided seeing people I had not see in awhile. Could not bare that anyone should see the way I had let myself go.
My kids would sometimes look at old pictures of me and wondered what happened??. There are pictures of me after a couple of kids I was 103-105lbs. and now I was this. Other person that if I did catch a glimpse of I did not recognize her at all ...I had entered into another dimension...I wokeup inside another woman's body.
So yep ..living in the land of denial.
So unless I looked in the mirror or saw people I had not seen in awhile I had the image of a much slimmer person in my head ..,,not what I truly looked like.

My husband should receive an award for Best Husband. Cuz I had truly let myself go to pot.

Roo2 hope this is not offensive to anyone....this is about me ....so Please do not take it personally. I have no problems calling myself out:dizzy: on my lack of good judgement regarding going from Funsize to Supersize!:?:

03-28-2013, 06:08 PM
Wow, thank you for these posts. They are so thoughtful and heartfelt.

I forgot that I used to hide icing containers in my room too! I wonder if it was emotional or because of a serious sugar addiction. Sugar is some scary stuff, I think.

03-28-2013, 06:20 PM
I have always been overweight. My entire childhood until now.

I was a really active kid - I played sports, rode my bike everywhere, spent nearly every day rain or shine outdoors but was always the chunkiest kid in class. Compared to obese kids today I probably would have been more in the "normal" range these days but I was always called "tub of lard" and other names back in the 70's.

In my 30's I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease (auto immune disease that attacks and destroys the thyroid) I had never had my thyroid checked, by the time they caught it, most of my thyroid was gone.

While the thyroid issue is definitely related to my weight gain most of it is due to an ignorance about nutrition/calories and my love for meats/cheese/breads. Stress has also been a big contributing factor.

Now I know a lot more about nutrition and am working to incorporate good habits and minimize stress.

03-28-2013, 07:00 PM
I just had a screaming flashback to eating a can of icing with a ruler....

Wtf was that about.....

I didn't really touch on my personal causes. I had a dad that was over 700 pounds and ended up dying slowly from a stroke due to WLS complications. We had pizza every friday (and it was four large pizzas or more for six people). We stopped at the convenience store for junk every night on the way home.

I remember having the mindset that I had to stock up because I might not get more for a while. I have no idea why... I certainly wasn't ever deprived. I was thin until about 13, when a summer with my grandmother and no physical activity packed on 50 pounds, which I lost at 15, then regained at 16 when I got a job at a fast food place.

I've gained steadily since. I was miserable when I moved to college (right after dad got sick), and I locked myself in my apartment and ate. I can remember days when my back hurt from not getting out of bed, and my clothes were stained with food. I ordered 100 dollars worth of take out in a day.... the list goes on.

I'm just now acknowledging these behaviors - I didn't for the longest time. I convinced myself it was genetics, that I really didn't eat that much etc etc, but I did. and all the wrong food.

03-28-2013, 07:42 PM
I had a dad that was over 700 pounds and ended up dying slowly from a stroke due to WLS complications.

I'm so sorry Jane, it breaks my heart to read this. :hug:

03-28-2013, 08:22 PM
I'm so sorry Jane, it breaks my heart to read this. :hug:

Thank you.

And after some thought, because there are so many people on this board considering that route, and because I know so many that have had it, I want to qualify that statement.

Yes, my dad did die. But he was way further gone than most people ever get. He already had co morbidities, and most importantly, he didn't give himself the time needed to heal after he had the surgery. Instead, he went back to work and he was still too sick. Plus, we lived 4 hours away from where he had the procedure, and our local hospital and doctors had no idea how to help him through it. The surgeon himself said he'd never had such a difficult surgery, or such a large patient.

Finally, and I include this as a caution to any of us who feel that the emotional burden we are carrying is far too much; I think he looked at the surgery as a form of acceptable suicide. He really never thought he'd wake up, and he was angry when he did. He was in a very, very bad place before the surgery; We were broke, our business was struggling, he was miserably unhealthy and we children were teens acting out against what we felt was a tough life. His weight compounded this, and because he had a Dr in front of his name, he was given the "professional courtesy" of waiving the psych exam. (He was a veterinarian, but that Dr designation carries a good deal of weight).

I've learned from my own journey what it takes to climb out of the darkness; it takes support, and my father isolated himself from that. If you feel so much despair that you want to give up, please, please reach out. Do not beat yourself up emotionally over the way your body is. Come here, talk about it. Seek help.

WLS didn't kill my father. A lack of resources and despair did. Had he been given the support and strength he needed, he would have had more to fight with. It is another tool in our arsenal, and it has improved vastly since 2004. I know three people personally who have had great success with it. While it isn't the option I choose - don't let my story scare you without considering the variables.

03-28-2013, 08:31 PM
I got chills reading your follow-up. You are so much wiser beyond your years. I hope you know how smart and well spoken you are (not that you need me to tell you, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate this post and your insight). You made your dad proud, I am sure of it. He has a wonderful daughter.

03-28-2013, 08:34 PM
Thank you for sharing, Jane.

Alyssa Autopsy
03-28-2013, 09:19 PM
my weight gain has been quite traumatic for me.

ages 12-20 i was anorexic and bulimic, but never dropped underweight (idk how, i used to literally eat 1/4 of a bagel and 1 apple a day, and purge anything more than that) so i am considered EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). at age 20, i met my now-boyfriend. i didn't want him to know i was self-starving and purging, so, i stopped. don't ask me where i found the willpower to stop, but i still struggle every day with disordered eating thoughts, as i have mentioned in a post i made (it's called Bones are Beautiful).

anyway, i stopped self-starving, and went from 105 to 115. not a big deal, i though. then, i got pregnant. shot up to 130. lost the pregnancy, started comfort-eating fried chicken and chocolate donuts. went up to 150. started birth control and new medication, and within a few short months i reached 205. all of this happened within a 18-month time period, and of course rapid weight gain causes stretch marks, so i'm covered in them.

i have been tempted to starve and purge to get to my goal weight, but i won't. i count calories instead, and try to limit my sweets, sodium, and carbs. it has worked, as you can see by my "20 pounds lost" icon.

03-28-2013, 10:12 PM
I've always hovered around 200, but the last 80 came from a few years of having a child, working full time, and grad school at the same time.

There were days when I'd have McDonald's 3 times a day. I'm not kidding.

It really was an excuse really, to tell myself that I'm too tired to take 4 minutes and microwave myself something. Stopping in a drive through was much more convenient, or so it seemed.

Half the battle is always realizing WHY you do something, so you're on the right track.

Cali Doll
03-29-2013, 10:11 AM
Jane, thank you for sharing that amazing story. I have so much admiration for what you're doing.

03-29-2013, 12:17 PM
Food was my best friend. I love eating. I love well prepared meals. Food was comfort and frequently the visible proof that a celebration was in order. Food was part of my very happy family. But as I got older and my body changed (and changed and changed some more), I failed to realize that eating like I was in my teens was no longer an option. And with no "adult" in the house to remind me that eating ice cream right out of the carton was probably not a good way to practice portion control, I just kind of lost sight of what was normal. So here I am with some pretty serious health problems, all of which can be linked back to being morbidly obese. I have many reasons now to stick with this approach, not the least of which is that I hate the thought of having paid into Social Security all these years and maybe not living long enough to at least get my money back. How's that for a weird reason to lose weight!

03-29-2013, 12:30 PM
I think I gained weight because life was just rough as a kid. Lot's of awful stuff happened to me and my family. On top of it we were so broke that it was a good day when we have a couple hamburger patties for dinner at that was it. It usually was just naked noodles or top Raman or even popcorn sometimes. I don't ever remember eating other meals at home other than dinner because we never had the food. I met my husband when I was 15 and he started buying my family groceries (he was 20) and whenever we would go out on a date we would go out to eat because he wanted to make sure I had food till the next day and I ate so much when we went out. I never gained because I did sports and walked to school. We had something terrible happen that same year and I could not walk to school, I couldn't do carts at work, I quit the sports. I still managed to maintain my weight but when I was 16 I moved in with my husband started working and gained allot of my weight by the time I was 20. I don't want to blame anyone or anything, but we were never taught about eating right or fitness, or anything. In fact my Mom now says that it, "back then eating right and being fit just wasn't a big deal". lol That's her excuse for not teaching us. So.... Here I am.

03-30-2013, 01:05 PM
I grew up in a household where food = love and contentment. It's very difficult to break that mindset. These days, food is my drug. It's easy to stuff down the emotions and the stress with food. It's legal and I can still work and function in life while eating...unlike alcohol or drugs. For me to really stop using food, I need to find a healthy alternative. Not sure what that is yet.

03-30-2013, 01:36 PM
I was a fat pre-teen/teenager - my Mom had always eaten 7000+ calories a day (she tracked a few times to see how much it all added up to!) but was always had physically demanding jobs that kept her slim, so I don't think she really understood what a normal amount of food was for a non-active person and didn't get that I was overeating, even though I was putting on weight. My doctors never seemed very concerned - they figured that Mom was tall and slim and I would 'grow into' my weight. After she went to college, she got a desk job for the first time and we started eating more 'easy' food and we both put on a lot of weight really quickly. When I was 13, I became a vegetarian and Mom decided she would do it too. She started going on long walks in the evening and then joined the YMCA dropped over 50 pounds (which she's now maintained for over 10 years!).

I was SUPER JEALOUS but had been convinced by years of emotionally abusive teachers and "friends" that fat people couldn't be active, so I started restricting my food intake heavily and purging and lost over 100 pounds.

When I hit my all time low weight of 142, I was in a pretty happy place but was still struggling with some serious binge/purge issues - I still had disordered eating behavior, but didn't care as much about losing weight anymore, so I slowly gained about 20 pounds. Then when I was 16 I met my now-husband and started going on a lot of restaurant dates and ate the amount of food that he ate. I slowly gained another 20-ish pounds to get to about 185.

When we got engaged two years later, I weighed about 185 and was SO sure I would get down to 135 for our wedding. I started jogging and watching my food intake and quickly lost 10 pounds. Then we got in a car accident that left me in chronic pain for the next two years. We also had a miserable room-mate situation at that time that I was having a really hard time coping with, and the two together led to me eating MASSIVE amounts of food and putting on 80 pounds in about 4 months. We moved out of our horrible apartment into a new one without room-mates and I dropped a few pounds down to 252.

Then we moved to Seattle and went car-free. I effortlessly dropped 40 pounds and weighed 210 on the morning of my wedding. I hadn't even noticed I was losing weight, but all the walking up and down hills everyday had worked for me!

Then we moved to Portland and had the most financially strapped year of our life - I tried to feed us as healthily as I could, but we only made 11k that year COMBINED and it was really, really hard. I started eating vegan, which I wouldn't understand was the WRONG way of eating for me for another three years. I was still walking everywhere, but Portland is a pretty flat city, and I gained all the weight I had lost. I was back up to 252 by the time we moved back to the midwest, and I more or less maintained that weight until I started this weight loss journey Christmas of 2012.

03-30-2013, 09:27 PM
I've been this size for over a decade. I've just maintained it but never lost it. When I first left home at 18 I gained a lot of weight quite quickly: a sedentary lifestyle, a rubbish diet, a lot of alcohol and PCOS (with a side dish of depression to help it along).

But I've always been big (I think). I was the fat kid from the minute I started at school, I remember being maybe 6 and being told by some older girl that I looked pregnant and fat and being very confused, and rather hurt. And it never stopped, the comments, except my Dad and my cousins and my uncles joined in so that there was no point in my childhood and teens where I wasn't told I was fat (and thus bad). It just made me think that it was inevitable, a key fact of my existence, and that there was no point in fighting it - and anyway food made me feel better. Eating junk was a comfort, it was a REBELLION, it was a way to say I didn't care, but I think it was also a punishment, it was what I (thought I) deserved for daring to be naturally a slightly bigger child. My siblings were "normal" so me being bigger couldn't be the fault of my parents. Although I do think there was a genetic factor there.

By the way, I'm not sure its not still all of those things. That food isn't still a comfort and a rod for my back, a F*** you and a way to glare back. I just, don't want it to be. Which is why I'm here I guess.

03-30-2013, 09:46 PM
I've nearly always been overweight, even as a kid. My mum started to put on lots of weight when I was little as well. She raised me on her own for quite a while, due to various circumstances, and my family being slightly screwed up, although my parents later got back together. But I think that was why she spoilt me when I was young, and basically taught me that comfort from food was fine, and let me have whatever I wanted. She never really taught me about healthy eating. By my preteens/early teens, I was kind of bratty about food, and would want chocolate/sweets all the time, but the thing is she was the same, so she'd go get it for both of us! And being overweight did lead to me being unhappy, but I think that just made me eat more during my teens.

Basically, I never learnt to have a healthy relationship with food, and I never thought that was a big deal. And as an adult it's taken me quite a while to even realise that this is something I should, and do care about.

03-31-2013, 03:12 AM
How did I get to be so fat? Well as a young child (birth till about 4) I was pretty small. My father was extremely abusive to my mother. I have 3 memories of them being married. 1. I was about 2 he lines my brother, sister and myself up tells us to take a good look at my mother because he is going to kill her and we will never see her again. 2. Also, about 2 he throws her out of the car on the interstate on the way home. 3. I walk into the laundry room and he is pulling her hair. I attack him full on with all I can at 3 years old. I still have a need to protect my mother and take care of her. My mother did leave my father. My grandfather who loved and adored me more than anything died. We discovered that I had bilateral kidney reflux. All at about the age of 3. Lots of tests were run because of the kidney problems. I was put on steroids pretty much till I was 13. I was heavy all through elementary, middle and high school. I was very active in high school. I was in the marching band and while everyone else would lose weight during marching season I never did. I took Phen Phen in 9th grade and lost down to about a 14. I also was not eating and I gained it back. I joined weight watchers for the first time in high school. I weighed probably around 210 in high school. I was a size 18/20. I gained a considerable amount of weight over that summer. I did not sleep right. I did not eat correctly. A friend died. I became instant caregiver to 2 of my nieces when my brother moved in with his 2 daughters. I had to put off college for a year. By the time I started college the next fall I was 22/24. The 2 years I was at that school I ate and drank a lot. I have never felt loved by any man other than the grandfather that died when I was about 3. Not unconditionally. I guess the same way that some girls think that sex equals love I thought that food equaled love and acceptance. I have had 2 serious boyfriends that treated me like absolute crap. That did not in anyway shape form or fashion care about me. I would eat to escape that. I would because the food was good. I would eat because I could not fit into my clothes anymore (because that helps?) I would eat when I was happy, sad, stressed, depressed, mad, excited and occasion! I have had so many friends and family members give up and walk out on me in my life but food is always there. I remember people making comments when I was dating the last guy “How could anyone love her? Just look at her! Who would want to be with that!” When I ended things with him he told me I was disgusting to look at and I made him sick. He did not love and no one ever would love. I was unlovable. I ate to forget. My knees hurt. My back hurts. My feet are so wide that I can not wear some kinds of socks. I have to only have wide shoes. I do not wear a coat in the winter time because I do not want to look any bigger than I already am. For the past several years I lived a pretty sedentary life. I hate it and I have to change. I do not want to die! I feel some nights like my multiple chins are choking me. Every single time I have lost weight I have gained it plus some back. I am determined that this won’t happen. I have never been this serious about it! Ok I have rambled enough!

04-01-2013, 01:06 AM
Well, supposedly my fat-hood started when I got steroids as a kid for Bell's Palsy. I was supposed to go back to a normal weight after the steroids wore off but somehow I stayed fat even though the doctors said the weight should come off, I should be "normal" according to them (dunno what tests they did.) I remember being put on some sort of diet when I was about 9 years old, my mom didn't tell me directly but I quickly figured it out when she was telling me what I could eat and couldn't eat.

From 10 years old to 12, maybe 13 years old- there were times where I stole money from my mom from time to time just so I could buy candy and hot cheetos and I would always hide the wrappings/bags so my mom would never know. I am so ashamed to admit this to you all but it happened. I know why I stole because I knew if I asked my mom, she would not let me have it and I didn't have an allowance back then but I don't understand why I felt like I had to go to the point to steal just to satisfy my dumb cravings.

I continued to be overweight until high school, I hit almost 200lbs but I went back down to 150 from swimming every day and mostly maintained 150-160 until I graduated and went away to college.

I just kept getting bigger and bigger from drinking too much, eating way too much and just being lazy in general. When I hit 242lbs, I was in a very unhappy and unhealthy relationship and did not care about anything including myself. About a year after the break-up, I truly realized how big I let myself get and wanted to do something about it before something serious happens. So here I am still working at it!

04-01-2013, 01:13 AM
I used to sneak and eat. Today at 31 years old I still feel the need to sneak and eat sometimes. Part of the reason I have not told anyone in my everyday life about my new journey is I do not want people watching and commenting on what I am doing. I do not even want them to know I am excercising. Things I am excited about and I truly want to share with friends and family I feel like I cant. I am sure they will catch on. But I do not want to discuss it with them.

04-01-2013, 04:08 AM
I really started gaining weight summer of me going into the 10th grade. We moved and I had to go to a different school. I was depressed missed all my friends i spent the summer in the house eating fast food, and had a king size snickers, 99c bag of doritos, glazed doughnuts all within one sitting.. pretty much everyday. That was my fault
but bad eating habits started when i was about 6 months old.
My mother was young and on drugs when she had me. I was a tiny baby. i ended up being raisted by my grandparents. they got me when i was 6 months. When they would take me out, i was so fragile looking people often asked 'whats wrong with her'? they thought i was sick with some sort of disease. i was just malnutritioned because my mother was unfit. My grandmother was determined to fatten me up and that she did. I remember her chewing up chicken, fries, fish, pizza, burgers and chips and giving them to me. As a toddler i was eating burger king kid's meal at age 2, when i got too greedy for that, i was eating whole whoppers. I had to be like 5 years old. Remember when the whopper was 99c? yeah i had one of them at least 2-3 times a week. i never got over the bad eating. I was never forced to eat healthy or eat anything I didnt like. i went on my first crash diet at 15. it has been a roller coaster ever since.
I am an adult now and me getting to 255 lbs is my own fault. I am now trying to fix that. not temporarily, but permanently!

04-01-2013, 04:13 AM
I used to sneak and eat. Today at 31 years old I still feel the need to sneak and eat sometimes. Part of the reason I have not told anyone in my everyday life about my new journey is I do not want people watching and commenting on what I am doing. I do not even want them to know I am excercising. Things I am excited about and I truly want to share with friends and family I feel like I cant. I am sure they will catch on. But I do not want to discuss it with them.

I know exactly what you mean. I prefer to not eat in front of anybody unless we are at a restaurant. I used to sneak because I didnt want people to see how much i was actually consuming. it became a habit. Even when im not eating alot.. It just feels better to sneak and eat it.
i also feel you on the not wanting to share it with friends. I feel like they will judge me and be negative saying i wont do it or if I am doing it.. and the weight isnt coming off fast, im scared they will make comments like ' i thought you said you were on a diet'. Only person who knows is my boyfriend cause we live together and the wonderful ppl of 3fc!

04-01-2013, 06:11 AM
For me, it is simple. I love food and hate exercise. Too much food in+not enough exercise = weight gain. I've known this about myself for sometime, but I never felt compelled to do anything about it until recently. Also, I was worried that it would be "too hard" to change my habits - whatever that means. Luckily, it hasn't been as difficult as I thought. I am doing well watching what I eat, but definitely need to work on being more active.