General Diet Plans and Questions - "Skinny Dream" not so great?




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zoesmom
03-20-2013, 04:28 PM
SO, browsing around the net, I stumbled upon this read (http://www.nbcnews.com/id/36784702/ns/health-behavior/#.UUoZDxzksnc).

Huh.


I mean, sure, I have fears of what my body is going to look like after I reach goal. But having been this big for a relatively short time of my life, I am not all that concerned really. And I know losing the weight isn't going to be a miraculous cure to any issues I have residing in my head. I know I am going to look in the mirror and hate my image. I am probably going to keep seeing my reflection staring back at me and think it much larger than it really is (I already do that.) I know I am going to make careful decisions on what goes in my mouth (already doing that too.) But, I dunno.

Reading that article put into my mind a perspective I had not considered. I guess I never really dwelt on the fact that many people put stock in their happiness based on their waist size. The only thing my weight does to my mood is piss my off when I can't catch up to my running kid. Well, that and the health issues. Yeah, those suck. But I don't have this fantasy of what life is going to be like once I hit "x" pounds. Maybe it is because I weighed "x" pounds less than 10 years ago, or maybe it is because I wasn't obese my entire life, not until adulthood really. Maybe its because I've been there, done that, that I know the grass really isn't greener in a mental state. I mean sure, I was more active and felt better, but it didn't make me happy being slender. Not like I am happy being fat, just my weight didn't effect my mood all that much.

Anyways, after reading that article, it suddenly has me curious how many people either had the thought that weight loss would make you a happier person or are currently struggling with it. I can't speak from experience, but that must be a lot on your mind. I mean, weight loss is hard enough, what with the emotional eating, the constant temptation, the sudden urges, but to have this thrown in on top. Wow. My heart breaks for those folks.

I want to hear your take. I want to hear how it effects or effected you and more importantly, how you overcame it or are overcoming it. I'm sure it would be eye opening, but more importantly, hope for those who may not really have that hope right now.

Lots of :hug: to anyone who is going through this right now...it can't be easy.


berryblondeboys
03-20-2013, 04:45 PM
15 years ago when I was dropping weight, I was mainly doing it because I thought my marriage was in trouble. I thought if I looked better, the relationship would be better. And it did improve for a wee bit, but our problems were still our problems. It wasn't my fatness that was the CAUSE of the problems. And I think realizing that my weight wasn't going to solve the rut we were in was one of the excuses I used to stop the weight loss effort and to gain it back plus tons more.

Now, I'm not thin and probably never will be. I'm OK with that. I don't need to to be runway model skinny to be happy and healthy. I just want to be fit and active and at a weight that I feel I can maintain with moderate ease.

But, am I happier thinner than heavier? Heck yes! i'm a lot happier! I feel less judged. I feel more energetic. I feel alive! I smile more, I play more. I just feel better - period and it's mostly because I'm healthier. A lot of it is the weight loss, but a lot of it is the increased fitness too.

I hated that I wore my troubles on my body. I hated that I was able to overcome so much from my childhood, but I had this baggage of obesity as a souvenir. By overcoming the obesity, I feel I have tackled the last of the demons from my youth... but to take off the weight and KEEEP it off, I had to resolve all those issues that led me to getting obese in the first place so that the only work yet to be done was the actual weight loss - not all the self-healing along with it.

BananaMontana
03-20-2013, 05:06 PM
I want to lose weight because I think it will make me happier, I'll be honest. 3 short years ago I was 40 pounds lighter than I am now. And I was happy with myself and I had energy and I wasn't embarrassed to go out. My weight gain has made me shy and uncomfortable (physically and emotionally uncomfortable!). I know that when I lose weight I will feel healthier and better and less ashamed of my body. So, yeah, I think weight loss will make me happier. But that's just me. Some people weight isn't the thing making them unhappy. If that's not the root of your problems then losing weight won't change or fix anything.


angelarm
03-20-2013, 05:45 PM
I think this is true of a lot of things. "Once I have more money, then I'll be happy." "Once I have a boyfriend/husband/girlfriend, my life will be great!" That's not how life works.

I've been a happy poor girl and a happy girl with a little money. Richer is better but not required! And I'm honestly no less happy now than I was at an ideal weight. I'm still working to get back there, but I don't expect it to significantly change my level of happiness. Life is beautiful now. Thinner thighs will only be a cherry on top.

AlmostMe
03-20-2013, 06:25 PM
I'm not even really aiming to be super skinny. I'm aiming to be healthy and fit and yes, dang it, more physically attractive. I also want to be in control of my food - not it being in control of me.

Mizzthingaling
03-20-2013, 07:28 PM
I read that story today too and I disconnected right from the start. I don't hate myself or my fatness. Not everyone who is fat holds their head down or feel less than others. I don't think being skinny will make me happier with myself, but I will be healthier and able to do more. Maybe that translates to more enjoyment to life, but I'll still be me on the inside. She seems to have a self loathing position no matter what size.

ChickieChicks
03-20-2013, 07:35 PM
I never felt like I would be happier if I lost weight, but I did have expectations about how I would like and feel. My confidence and sex life have greatly improved, and I love it every time I can outrun my kids, etc.

The drawbacks for me, is that I find myself being a little stereotyped now, like "I don't eat." And that because I am thin (and blonde) my IQ must have plummeted. Women see me as less approachable, and men the opposite, much to my dismay.

BreathingSpace
03-20-2013, 08:15 PM
And that because I am thin (and blonde) my IQ must have plummeted. Women see me as less approachable, and men the opposite, much to my dismay.

Funny you should say this, I felt a little bit of an epiphany last week when I recognized that, when thin, this is how I felt. I wondered if I put almost an armor of fat on to protect myself from this stereotype.

Anyway, I don't think my life will be awesome and I'll be so much happier when I reach my goal. It will just be EASIER. It's like, I have my certain sets of problems, and being thin will just remove ONE of my many problems.

betsy2013
03-21-2013, 10:51 AM
Do I think I'll be happier? Yes, but more from a what-I-can-now-do perspective as opposed to thinking that things that aren't just as I want them will be improved. I actually like myself, I just want a body that enables me to do more things.

And after this last weekend in the hospital and what will probably be a fairly long road to get this fixed, I just want to still be alive at the end of it. Nothing like a serious health scare to put things in perspective!

zoesmom
03-21-2013, 11:19 AM
Do I think I'll be happier? Yes, but more from a what-I-can-now-do perspective as opposed to thinking that things that aren't just as I want them will be improved. I actually like myself, I just want a body that enables me to do more things.

And after this last weekend in the hospital and what will probably be a fairly long road to get this fixed, I just want to still be alive at the end of it. Nothing like a serious health scare to put things in perspective!

EXACTLY! I think that is where I was coming from. I mean, I am not depressed. My weight does not undo my mental state of mind. Sure, it upsets me as it limits what I can do, but it does not control me. Much like you, a health scare is what sent me spiraling on the weight loss train. Nothing like being in ICU for over a week and fighting for your life for 4 months to put things into perpective. Made all the worst that a three year old was all alone to witness it. Sad state of affairs. Since that time, I have been diagnosed with ARDS on top of my already insanely bad asthma. But HA! Proved them wrong! No longer on an O2 tank and can easily do an hour of cardio now. Only took 7-8 months too. Everything is possible when you put your mind to it. :D

Anyhow...if I may ask, what happened...and are you okay?

Garnet2727
03-21-2013, 11:46 AM
While I'm not under any illusion that losing weight will solve all my problems, I am already much happier. When I was at my heaviest, I was just physically miserable. I was in almost constant pain, hypoglycemic and had no energy. Losing over 70 pounds had made me feel so much better physically that I have trouble relating to that person I was a year ago who couldn't even walk to the end of her driveway.

Having said that, I still have a lot of junk in my attic from being heavy/obese my whole life plus various other traumas and dramas topped off with a diagnosed mental disorder. I'm trying to mindfully examine the junk in my attic and toss out the bad stuff. It's a process. The truth is, though, I'm doing OK. Actually, I'm doing better than just OK. :)

I don't have the expectation that losing weight will make my life all peaches and cream. But is has, and it will continue to, make it better.

berryblondeboys
03-21-2013, 12:00 PM
And.... I blogged about it today.

shannonde94
03-21-2013, 01:32 PM
I read that article this morning too, and I can't say that I could really identify with what she was going through. I think the woman in that article had bigger issues than her weight (most of us do), and expected them all to go away just because she dropped the pounds. I'm sure there are some people out there that have the same kinds of delusions, but the only thing I expect to improve with my weight loss is my health, confidence, and energy levels. I am fully aware that losing weight is not going to make my life perfect, and I think most other people are as well.

krampus
03-21-2013, 01:44 PM
I have yo-yoed a couple times.

I was "never an option" and pretty asexual until I unintentionally went from 165 to 135 in 11th grade. Then suddenly the guy I liked who I asked to prom and said no asked me to his prom, the other girls in my Girl Scout troop noticed the change and pointed it out, and I could wear single digit clothing sizes.

Being visible stuck, and I regained most of the weight slowly throughout college but never regained the "invisible" feelings I had before losing weight the first time. I was a bit chunky but I still attracted male attention and felt attractive or at least not unattractive. I noticed distinctly that going from 160 to <130 the only person who really noticed or cared was me. Nothing changed except my pants size and my personal diet and exercise habits.

I'm maintaining now and while I feel very different at 124 and lifting several times a week than I did at 134 and not lifting, I don't think anyone I know would notice if I gained 10 pounds - and I am totally OKAY with that. I liked the idea of attention better when I was more insecure about my body.

Wannabeskinny
03-22-2013, 08:33 AM
I admit, I often think about how my life would be better if I was skinny. Weight and food are only my mind 90% of my waking hours if not 100%. That probably wouldn't stop even if I did lose weight. But I often find myself thinking negative thoughts about my weight like:

- People would take me more seriously if I was a normal weight.
- People would stop telling me that I have a gorgeous face and start telling me that I'm simply gorgeous.
- Going shopping would be fun, not a traumatic event.

Most of all I would stop walking by normal-sized people asking myself "how do they do that??"

Really, all I want out of life is to hate food. More than anything that's all I want.

shannonde94
03-22-2013, 10:43 AM
I have to agree with 100% of your post, Iwannabeskinny! I'm always wishing that food and sweets (ice cream is my total downfall) weren't so appealing. I wish I had to force myself to eat instead of trying to force myself to stop!

CabernetKitty
03-22-2013, 10:59 AM
I have always been a lot happier when I was thin. I felt confident, attractive, and I liked buying clothes. I don't like my body heavier.

But that's me! Everyone is different. If your weight is a symptom of your unhappiness and not the cause, losing weight may not make you feel better at all.

Roo2
03-22-2013, 11:42 AM
I was happy with the core of who I am and strive on a daily basis to become a better person....so I would have a hard time relating to the feeling of not liking myself.

On the other hand I was very disappointed in myself which is my opinion is much different ....for not taking better care of my health and abusing and neglecting my body ....and feeding myself ridiculous excuses.

I had a Lightbulb moment ...that if I truly love my family I would take care of the Center of their world Me!
Being the Mom you are behind the scenes but the show could not run if you were not there or at least it would not run as smoothly.....

So by taking care of me ,I am showing my family how much I want to keep are family vital and able to meet all challenges that come are way.
Am I happier that I am skinner yes, was I unhappy with my life before No.

I work in a profession that I impact people's life and see that what I do does make a difference.:)
I have friends that are supportive and have a willing ear to be a sounding board.
I have a family that loves me and accepts me the way I am.
I have my 3 great dogs that love me unconditionally.:)
I live in a neighborhood where people are friendly and is child oriented.
I have opportunities to give back ,working with an awesome dog trainer ..so my dogs can be Therapy Dogs in the Hospital and Nursing homes.:carrot:
Having my faith gives me a tremendous feeling of self worth and purpose.
Being overweight was just the exterior ...What's Truly important that happens on the inside and I am happy and grateful that I have always known that fact...and I try to impart that wisdom onto my children.:)

:hug:I feel very sad when I read posts where people say they hate themselves....I wonder where in life did they fail to be nurtured and valued as all of should be.

Roo2:carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot:

ChickieBoom
03-22-2013, 12:05 PM
I was miserable at my highest weight. I think I hated myself. I hated that I was so out of control around food, I hated that I couldn't seem to stick to any diet, I hated the way I looked and felt. I wasn't happy with myself. I started therapy and my therapist kept asking me questions like, why are you punishing yourself? And why are you so mean to yourself?

Is my life magically perfect now that I've lost 95 pounds? Of course not but I know I don't hate myself. And it's not because I'm smaller, it's because every day that I make healthy choices and exercise are acts of loving myself. I value myself enough to take care of my health and body and that makes me feel good. I feel in control and proud of the choices I make. I struggled with my weight for about 7 years and during that time I lived in a fantasy world, imagining what my life would be like when I was finally thin. I was waiting for some magic cure to take all the fat away. I would walk past thin people on the street and wish that I could transfer my fat onto them with a simple touch (I'm not proud of this but it's true).

I'm proud that I was able to buckle down and do the work rather than waiting for a magic fix to my problems. That feeling has been very empowering for me. I'm still stressed out by life but I have a lot more faith in my ability to handle certain situations now and that makes me happy.

I like that I can throw on an outfit without freaking out about how big I look or go to a party and not worry about breaking a folding chair. I like that I can fit into my seat on the metro without spilling into the seat next to me. I can run 5 miles! These are little victories that I achieved on my own and they give me an immense sense of pride.

I feel sorry for the lady in the article and I hope she finds some joy and peace.

Wannabeskinny
03-23-2013, 08:04 AM
I was miserable at my highest weight. I think I hated myself. I hated that I was so out of control around food, I hated that I couldn't seem to stick to any diet, I hated the way I looked and felt. I wasn't happy with myself. I started therapy and my therapist kept asking me questions like, why are you punishing yourself? And why are you so mean to yourself?

Is my life magically perfect now that I've lost 95 pounds? Of course not but I know I don't hate myself. And it's not because I'm smaller, it's because every day that I make healthy choices and exercise are acts of loving myself. I value myself enough to take care of my health and body and that makes me feel good. I feel in control and proud of the choices I make. I struggled with my weight for about 7 years and during that time I lived in a fantasy world, imagining what my life would be like when I was finally thin. I was waiting for some magic cure to take all the fat away. I would walk past thin people on the street and wish that I could transfer my fat onto them with a simple touch (I'm not proud of this but it's true).

I'm proud that I was able to buckle down and do the work rather than waiting for a magic fix to my problems. That feeling has been very empowering for me. I'm still stressed out by life but I have a lot more faith in my ability to handle certain situations now and that makes me happy.

I like that I can throw on an outfit without freaking out about how big I look or go to a party and not worry about breaking a folding chair. I like that I can fit into my seat on the metro without spilling into the seat next to me. I can run 5 miles! These are little victories that I achieved on my own and they give me an immense sense of pride.

I feel sorry for the lady in the article and I hope she finds some joy and peace.

Omg I love you. I want to be you! You inspired me today!

Misti in Seattle
03-23-2013, 08:22 AM
I am already much happier now that I have lost 81 pounds, and am sure it will continue. In fact I have said to friends, "There are some people who can be fat and be content and happy, but I am not one of them." Not that I base my happiness on my weight... my joy and contentment is based on my relationship with the Lord. However... as a Christian... we ARE told in the Bible that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and to take care of it. So when I know I am not doing that, yes, it does affect my contentment.

But also... when I was fatter (LOL I am still fat) I could not DO things, especially with other health problems I have had. I have always been very athletic and active and carrying around all the extra weight kept me from being able to go out and enjoy life. Already I am a "dynamo" compared to what I was at 81 pounds heavier. And I LOVE it. LOL I often laugh when I am cleaning my house and organizing things... which I was hardly able to do at 306 pounds (and with degenerative arthritis in one hip) that I never thought I would so ENJOY cleaning my house!

So yes... my weight affects my happiness! I am THRILLED that I can now do thing again, and many of my friends have commented on how happy I am!! I HATE being fat... hate hate hate it... and don't plan to EVER let my weight get so out of control again. And I have a doctor, chiropractor and one of the USA's top surgeons all "coaching me along" and totally supportive, for whom I am VERY thankful!

ImImportant
03-23-2013, 08:30 AM
The article is from 2010. I have followed Jen Larson and Jen Fulda online for many years. While their blogs mentioned weightloss, they were mainly writing about their lives and experiences. They are still writing and it has been interesting seeing their outlook changed as the pounds dropped and during maintenance. All in all, they have ups and downs like many of us.



http://jenlarsen.net
http://www.jenful.com/