Ideal Protein Diet - When does being OP turn into perfectionism?




FlooNimbus13127
03-17-2013, 01:44 PM
Hi Everyone,

I've been on IP since Jan. of this year, and struggle with cravings. Last week I had a bad, busy day which led to a cheat.

I can't get past it. I feel guilty, I can't stop thinking of how far I've set myself back, or how long it will take to get back into ketosis. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm just human and I fell down. I've gotten back up, and I'm back OP.

But I'm just wondering, am I being too hard on myself? And does being OP necessarily equate to perfection?

I just wondered what your thoughts were relating to this,

Thanks,:?:


animallover
03-17-2013, 01:48 PM
I think that no one is perfect and you need to forgive yourself :hug:. Learn what you can to prevent if from happening again. If that's your first cheat since starting I think you're doing awesome!! Try to let it go, learn and continue on your journey.

benice
03-17-2013, 01:51 PM
I totally understand your feelings. I was just talking with DH a month or so ago about how I never felt like I had disordered eating before--but now, with all of the talk of "cheats" and 100% OP, I am starting to associate guilt with food.

I've not yet figured out how to deal with this. I am by no means a 100%-er all the time. It is just not a good approach for me. I gained weight by eating terrible food when I was really busy. I haven't really had a bad relationship with food before and I don't want to start one now. Our approach has been to not talk in terms of "cheats". That word is not healthy for me. Instead, I think about food choices and on-plan and choosing to be off-plan. This isn't a perfect fix, but it's a start.


SFNinerGirl
03-17-2013, 01:54 PM
There is no such thing as perfection with a diet. Even the best in the world take a cheat day to keep their bodies out of plateaus.

The work we do on ourselves is never done. So instead of constantly fighting battles with yourself, embrace the journey to a new version of yourself every time you set out to achieve a goal. It takes the pressure off and helps you to recognize that you're human. No one achieves goals on a perfect path- mistakes is how we learn, grow and adapt to massive changes.

Show yourself some love today and remind yourself why you're on this journey and what it will mean to you to accomplish this goal. Vision boarding, daily mantras and meditation will help to keep you in the zone.

Stop beating yourself with the guilty stick. There's no reason for it. You're right where you need to be on your journey.

lisa32989
03-17-2013, 01:59 PM
If you are still beating yourself up over something that happened last week, you MUST move on, get on plan and make a plan for what to do if faced with similar situations in the future to stay OP.

I have emergency packets EVERYWHERE (my car, DHs car, desk at work, my purse). An additional packet is an OP (ON PLAN) choice, when faced with an infinite choice of off-plan items. There ARE places we can run into ZERO veggie options. It doesn't happen very often but we need a good plan B for when it does. I make sure the emergency packs are unrestricted. I learned my lesson one day when I'd already had a restricted and then my only choice was my emergency BAR. Now my emergency packs are all orange drinks and pink lemonades :)

I make plans for what will be coming and I'm not afraid of switching to a plan B or plan C. I talk about my plan with my DH and others I'll be with, so they know their choices DO affect me but at the same time I'm not trying to make them "suffer" b/c I'm on a weight loss journey.

I've had a day or two here & there of more Phase 2 choices b/c it fit better with what was happening. They have been VERY FEW and far between in my 7+ months OP (and usually when I'm out of town, which is infrequent).

My plan B choices have never veered off-plan, as far as chips, cookies or that stuff. Nor have I chosen off-plan veggies (starches). I haven't had dairy or alcohol. Occasionally, a meat choice may be higher fat. I just forgo my additional oil that day.

It really is all in the planning and treating ourselves with the love and respect we deserve. Wallowing in the past and beating ourselves up over and over again for it is non-productive. What IS productive is moving forward, planning for staying ON PLAN, and then executing! :hug:

Ishbel
03-17-2013, 02:09 PM
Today is 10 months in maintenance...and I decided to come on here to see what's up! Your thread was the first click...and caused a bit of reflection in me to figure out what I wanted to say to you.

...you need to be kinder to yourself and forgive yourself quicker. How many times do you want to be mean to yourself over something you can't change...you can only change what happens from this moment on.

Even in maintenance I'm a rule follower by keeping the carbs and the fats seperate...but there are days that I add things into my diet that don't necessarily follow THE rules. The trouble with Ketosis is that it's a phyiscal state of being and sticking with the Phase 1 rules means you'll stay there and lose weight for sure....does that mean life can't happen around you? That you can't learn from your slip? Nope, but does that mean you have to get back on the horse and 'git r' dun!'...you bet!

Does it sometimes make you feel obessed, unforunately sometimes yes...but when you get to your goal it will be worth it. That obsessed feeling helped me when I entered maintenance as I started adding foods slowly....and really felt my body and what was going on. And the 'anxious' feeling will go away with minor flare ups (just being honest! lol) as you learn your body. :)

It's seems to be difficult mentally for some after a cheat, the sense of urgency isn't there. You know what you're getting yourself into...etc etc.

...I recently read an article by Dr Beck (Beck Diet Solution) about the all or nothing attitude. "If you fell down two sets of stairs would you just up and throw yourself down the rest of the stair case" or! "if you ran a red light and recieved a ticket would you throw your hands up and say "well! I ran one today and got a ticket, might as well run 'em all!"

I don't know if what I'm saying is helping but throughout life you have to learn to forgive yourself and be kinder to yourself. The quicker you do that the quicker you get back on the horse....and 'GIT R' DUN' :D

ladylunk
03-17-2013, 02:29 PM
Good thread and all good advice. I find that I too have gained issues with "cheating" and guilt that I have never had with food before this diet or this forum. When I did cheat a week ago today my sister couldn't believe how much I was obsessing over what I should eat/drink and all the feelings around it. Really it was kind of over the top for the little bit of off plan food/drink. But the next day I didn't feel guilty (had a headache though haha) and moved on. It was more guilt during which really took away from my night of enjoyment. Anyway I just wanted to chime in on my experience on this topic and where my headspace was at. Meanwhile I enjoy sifting through all the advice and taking from it what works for me. Thanks

Pdukas143
03-17-2013, 02:50 PM
For those of us who have been on this site for any period of time we have often seen the phrase 'losing weight is not linear'...we use this to bring up someone's spirits when they have lost a smaller amount of weight than they had hoped. I truly believe that success is not linear either -- on our journey, we will have days of smooth sailing - when the diet is clicking on all cylinders. But we will also have days of struggle - when the diet is dark and looming and we can't see beyond the moment of negativity.

What do we do when our weight loss is less than expected one week - we keep plugging along - we recommit ourselves - because we know what will bring success and we move forward. That's exactly what we should do when we have fallen - recognize that this is part of the journey and that we need to move forward with an eye to our next success and not dwelling on our past mistakes.

Good luck - keep the faith and be nice to yourself!!!

Roo2
03-17-2013, 03:23 PM
It Done ! Move On!

You Can't Unring A Bell!:dizzy:

Redo and Regroup and Reassess! Drop the 4th R ! Regret!!!

We Learn By Mistakes in Life as long as we don't keep repeating them!

I think the coping skills we use in life ...we probably use with this diet too!

I believe what is the healthiest thing in my life to do is acknowledge what happen, think about what I can do to resolve it or come up with a way to straighten out XYZ!!!

I feel beating myself up is a waste of energy!!! And just elevates what has occurred to a higher level!
I Save My Energy and I try to rate things on a scale of 1-10 in Life!

I have learned to Save 4 and over for the Major things in Life !
Coping with 3 and under is Doable !
This Diet for Me Would Never Rate More than a 3! If it did My life would seriously be out of balance... And call for me to do some serious thinking:dizzy:

This diet has enhanced my life .... Whenever it gets to a point where it is the primary focus or stressor ..I DEFINITELY OUT OF HERE!

I will never be the best dieter!! I don't need to be ! I don't care if I know the ends and outs of everything,Have all the right answers, BUT GUESS WHAT IN LIFE YOU DON'T have to..... to be Successful!! That's the trick in Life .ll You step in the Dog Crap ..You wipe it off your shoe and Keep Stepping. Quick trying to bend down and take a Wiff:carrot::carrot: Let it go !
There use to be an old saying Don't sweat the small stuff! And there is a lot of small stuff in life that we can Elevate higher than it Should ever be.

I have learn so much about myself from this diet, I am enjoying the insight I have gained .
I think coming to the site you learn so much,,,I am very interested in learning how people respond to a negative or positive stimuli and the resiliency it takes to keep pushing forward.

Perfection Never ! Resolve ,Resiliency,Redo,Reactivating, Regenerated,Realization, You Bet Ya!

Good Luck as we all strive for our dreams of our new Healthier Self ,
Roo2:cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::drinkup::irish::dr inkup:
Happy Saint Paddy's Day:luck2you:

GreatLakes86
03-17-2013, 06:43 PM
I guess I have two questions for you:

1) Do you feel guilty about things you ate 7 years ago? Probably not. Because that is in the past. What happened a week ago is also in the past. You can't change it, but you can learn from it. You can try to figure out why you chose to eat something that doesn't help you accomplish your goal. Was it convenience? Then take some of Lisa's ideas and make yourself some emergency kits of OP foods. Was it that you missed something that is too high carb/fat/calorie? Look into Rainbow's recipes. Was it that you were tired or stressed or bored? Find ways to feel better that don't involve food.

I'm a bored eater and also someone who tends to go to sugary food when I've had a poopy day. I knew that about myself going in, and have used that to prevent any off-plan wandering.

The second question:

2) If someone you cared about ate something they shouldn't eat, how would you react to them? With compassion and kindness? Or would you shame them and make them feel guilty and keep reminding them of their mistake? Would you help them avoid that temptation in the future? Or would you make that food readily available and always in their face?

Treat yourself the same way you would treat someone else you love. Forgive yourself and keep going on your journey. :)

Desafinado
03-17-2013, 08:14 PM
I'm fairly sure that what I'm about to write is going to be taken the wrong way by some posters but I need to get this out.

Obviously we all work differently and need different motivations but I have to admit to feeling irritated by the "I HAD A SLIVER OF CHEESE, NOW MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED AND I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ATE A SLIVER OF CHEESE!!!!!!" or the "I ONLY LOST 1 POUND THIS WEEK AND NOW I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ONLY LOST A POUND!!!!" posts we get here (too) frequently.

I have a hard time empathizing with the level of panic those messages display because I don't understand it. Losing weight and getting healthy is a serious matter and requires sacrifice, but it's a day-by-day, meal-by-meal, bite-by-bite thing and one stumble doesn't negate all the success you have had so far. To repeat the old cliche: it's a marathon not a sprint.

So let's all relax, relate and release *cleansing breath* and go back to doing the best we can day-by-day, meal-by-meal, bite-by-bite.

tam67green
03-17-2013, 09:11 PM
I'm fairly sure that what I'm about to write is going to be taken the wrong way by some posters but I need to get this out.

Obviously we all work differently and need different motivations but I have to admit to feeling irritated by the "I HAD A SLIVER OF CHEESE, NOW MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED AND I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ATE A SLIVER OF CHEESE!!!!!!" or the "I ONLY LOST 1 POUND THIS WEEK AND NOW I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ONLY LOST A POUND!!!!" posts we get here (too) frequently.

I have a hard time empathizing with the level of panic those messages display because I don't understand it. Losing weight and getting healthy is a serious matter and requires sacrifice, but it's a day-by-day, meal-by-meal, bite-by-bite thing and one stumble doesn't negate all the success you have had so far. To repeat the old cliche: it's a marathon not a sprint.

So let's all relax, relate and release *cleansing breath* and go back to doing the best we can day-by-day, meal-by-meal, bite-by-bite.

Nicely said, Desafinado! I completely agree! :)
OK, so you ate something off-plan. We all have--it's not like you committed murder! I think the most important thing is to not let it derail you. To me, each time you make a choice to get back on the wagon after a slip is a victory!

goldilocksinct
03-17-2013, 09:22 PM
If you are still beating yourself up over something that happened last week, you MUST move on, get on plan and make a plan for what to do if faced with similar situations in the future to stay OP.

I have emergency packets EVERYWHERE (my car, DHs car, desk at work, my purse). An additional packet is an OP (ON PLAN) choice, when faced with an infinite choice of off-plan items. There ARE places we can run into ZERO veggie options. It doesn't happen very often but we need a good plan B for when it does. I make sure the emergency packs are unrestricted. I learned my lesson one day when I'd already had a restricted and then my only choice was my emergency BAR. Now my emergency packs are all orange drinks and pink lemonades :)

I make plans for what will be coming and I'm not afraid of switching to a plan B or plan C. I talk about my plan with my DH and others I'll be with, so they know their choices DO affect me but at the same time I'm not trying to make them "suffer" b/c I'm on a weight loss journey.

I've had a day or two here & there of more Phase 2 choices b/c it fit better with what was happening. They have been VERY FEW and far between in my 7+ months OP (and usually when I'm out of town, which is infrequent).

My plan B choices have never veered off-plan, as far as chips, cookies or that stuff. Nor have I chosen off-plan veggies (starches). I haven't had dairy or alcohol. Occasionally, a meat choice may be higher fat. I just forgo my additional oil that day.

It really is all in the planning and treating ourselves with the love and respect we deserve. Wallowing in the past and beating ourselves up over and over again for it is non-productive. What IS productive is moving forward, planning for staying ON PLAN, and then executing! :hug:
Thank you for all this great advice! I really admire your attitude and how you plan ahead.

lisa32989
03-17-2013, 09:27 PM
I'm fairly sure that what I'm about to write is going to be taken the wrong way by some posters but I need to get this out.

Obviously we all work differently and need different motivations but I have to admit to feeling irritated by the "I HAD A SLIVER OF CHEESE, NOW MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED AND I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ATE A SLIVER OF CHEESE!!!!!!" or the "I ONLY LOST 1 POUND THIS WEEK AND NOW I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ONLY LOST A POUND!!!!" posts we get here (too) frequently.

I have a hard time empathizing with the level of panic those messages display because I don't understand it. Losing weight and getting healthy is a serious matter and requires sacrifice, but it's a day-by-day, meal-by-meal, bite-by-bite thing and one stumble doesn't negate all the success you have had so far. To repeat the old cliche: it's a marathon not a sprint.

So let's all relax, relate and release *cleansing breath* and go back to doing the best we can day-by-day, meal-by-meal, bite-by-bite.
:bravo:

FlooNimbus13127
03-17-2013, 10:01 PM
Thanks, everyone. I realize today after reading all your responses that there is a lot of forgiveness in the program as well.

I do need to adopt the attitude of one-day-at-a-time. I also had an epiphany about my worry over being out of ketosis: It's not like I can never get back in to ketosis. Of course I can, I just need to forgive it and move on.

So, today was a different day. So will tomorrow.

Thanks, everyone :hug:

benice
03-18-2013, 01:10 PM
I need to get this out. . . . I have to admit to feeling irritated by the "I HAD A SLIVER OF CHEESE, NOW MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED AND I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ATE A SLIVER OF CHEESE!!!!!!" or the "I ONLY LOST 1 POUND THIS WEEK AND NOW I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ONLY LOST A POUND!!!!" posts we get here (too) frequently.

Really? You "need[ed]" to say this? This post was started by someone looking for support and you turned it into something about YOU and YOUR frustrations. If you truly needed to say something, I would gently offer that perhaps you should have started your own post.

I have a hard time empathizing with the level of panic those messages display because I don't understand it.

Perhaps, then, you should hold back--or respond with sympathy--something that only requires compassion, instead of shared experience.

To repeat the old cliche: it's a marathon not a sprint. .

Based on your above comments about commitment and sacrifice, it was this comment that really surprised me. Have you ever run a marathon? The day of the race is really not all that relevant. It is the training that is important and that teaches you lessons of discipline and endurance. The poster's question is one that actually makes a lot of sense in the context of marathon training. When you first start running, you learn a lot about your body. For example, you learn about pace. You start out running pretty fast, but then you learn that you have to keep some in reserves to complete the run. You also learn about listening to your body. You discover the exhiliration of a good workout, but you also experience days when, for no good reason, your body doesn't perform the way you anticipated. Another thing you learn about is discipline. Sometimes you can't keep up with your training schedule because life gets in the way. Or an injury. Or maybe you are just lazy and skip a run. You may experience feelings of guilt or anger or dissappointment. Or pride when you push through and actually complete your run. The poster's comment most reminded me of this phase. Her comment is valid. Her experience is valid. Just because you have not experienced the same feelings she is going through does not warrant brushing them off.

ladylunk
03-18-2013, 02:56 PM
Nicely said benice. I also talked about myself, but tried to show how I go through same feelings at times and how i deal. I find it funny that the people who do have cheating issues and start threads etc. are responded to by the same people that turn around and complain about whining. If these things bother you why are you trying to help the "whiners". Can't we be nice about it?

Desafinado
03-18-2013, 05:38 PM
Really? You "need[ed]" to say this? This post was started by someone looking for support and you turned it into something about YOU and YOUR frustrations. If you truly needed to say something, I would gently offer that perhaps you should have started your own post.



Perhaps, then, you should hold back--or respond with sympathy--something that only requires compassion, instead of shared experience.



Based on your above comments about commitment and sacrifice, it was this comment that really surprised me. Have you ever run a marathon? The day of the race is really not all that relevant. It is the training that is important and that teaches you lessons of discipline and endurance. The poster's question is one that actually makes a lot of sense in the context of marathon training. When you first start running, you learn a lot about your body. For example, you learn about pace. You start out running pretty fast, but then you learn that you have to keep some in reserves to complete the run. You also learn about listening to your body. You discover the exhiliration of a good workout, but you also experience days when, for no good reason, your body doesn't perform the way you anticipated. Another thing you learn about is discipline. Sometimes you can't keep up with your training schedule because life gets in the way. Or an injury. Or maybe you are just lazy and skip a run. You may experience feelings of guilt or anger or dissappointment. Or pride when you push through and actually complete your run. The poster's comment most reminded me of this phase. Her comment is valid. Her experience is valid. Just because you have not experienced the same feelings she is going through does not warrant brushing them off.

Yes, I did. Again, we all need different things to make us successful, but I don't find it productive to spend time scrolling past several repetitive threads/comments of people saying OMGGGGGGGGGGGG I ONLY LOST ONE POUND THIS WEEK I AM STALLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! only to have the same people respond, no, you aren't stalled, one pound is still a loss. People know this, they do! They had to have read the other 30,000 posts saying the same thing. I want to see recipes, tips for success when traveling and so on -- that's what I come here for. I guess you come here for something else.

Finally, while you didn't appreciate it there were others who did by a quick glance at the thread.

Have a better day.

leannekarella
03-19-2013, 02:03 AM
I'm fairly sure that what I'm about to write is going to be taken the wrong way by some posters but I need to get this out.

Obviously we all work differently and need different motivations but I have to admit to feeling irritated by the "I HAD A SLIVER OF CHEESE, NOW MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED AND I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ATE A SLIVER OF CHEESE!!!!!!" or the "I ONLY LOST 1 POUND THIS WEEK AND NOW I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M A LOSER WHO ONLY LOST A POUND!!!!" posts we get here (too) frequently.

I have a hard time empathizing with the level of panic those messages display because I don't understand it. Losing weight and getting healthy is a serious matter and requires sacrifice, but it's a day-by-day, meal-by-meal, bite-by-bite thing and one stumble doesn't negate all the success you have had so far. To repeat the old cliche: it's a marathon not a sprint.

So let's all relax, relate and release *cleansing breath* and go back to doing the best we can day-by-day, meal-by-meal, bite-by-bite.

I just have to say a big AMEN! to this post, because I've been feeling this way since I started on this forum, and IP.

I HATE hearing about "cheats" and "guilt".

Sometimes I think a lot of these posters on this forum are inventing eating disorders because of their psychotic view of IP and their fear of their coaches, or coming on this forum to "confess".

Get back on plan, write off the bad day and move on. You have to deal with eating healthy the rest of your life, one tiny speed bump is just that, a speed bump. And stop feeling guilty.

patns
03-19-2013, 02:26 AM
Thanks, everyone. I realize today after reading all your responses that there is a lot of forgiveness in the program as well.

I do need to adopt the attitude of one-day-at-a-time. I also had an epiphany about my worry over being out of ketosis: It's not like I can never get back in to ketosis. Of course I can, I just need to forgive it and move on.

So, today was a different day. So will tomorrow.

Thanks, everyone :hug:


And you are more than half way to goal!

ragdoll74
03-19-2013, 09:27 AM
Just a reminder. This is a peer support forum. Everyone is an individual and not everyone knows what you know. Sometimes they need reassurance that things are ok, or even a swift kick in the behind for some. Don't assume it's always the swift kick in the behind.

evepet
03-19-2013, 10:35 AM
Just a reminder. This is a peer support forum. Everyone is an individual and not everyone knows what you know. Sometimes they need reassurance that things are ok, or even a swift kick in the behind for some. Don't assume it's always the swift kick in the behind.

Well said. ITA.

AlisonS
03-19-2013, 10:37 AM
Addressing perfectionism wrt weight loss is something more than anyone can do in a brief posting on a message board. When I was part of Dr. Arthur Frank's weight loss program, he had a psychiatrist on staff who actually taught a class (multiple weeks, forget how long exactly) on it. They address the psychological aspect of getting past when you are not perfect in your eating control and are trying to get you out of the 'all or nothing' mentality.

From an IP perspective, this is not a "sometimes" protocol, they are pretty up front in the beginning that you can't cheat and that some foods are off limits entirely for the duration (as opposed to plans like Weight Watchers that tell you you can have anything but in measurable quantities.) So a lack of 'perfectionism' on this diet is just going to extend the weight loss phase. I prefer to get it over with, but just my view.

ladylunk
03-19-2013, 12:34 PM
And many on this forum do want to just get it over with, so are very strict within the protocol. And that is fine. I am fine with the fact that this won't be my last diet ever, it's pretty much my first official run at a diet and even with the cost I am fine with coming back when I need to do a reboot. That is what I choose, so I set smaller goals and will be allowing myself to go out and have fun too. This for me is not a 12 step program and life changing event. It is just part of my life right now, then it won't be, then hopefullly it will be again. This to some may be insanity, but its not to me. And I kinda thought that there was a 100% forum for no cheat discussions. Like ragdoll said it is a support forum for all the different ways people tackle this program and get through their day to day issues.

usmcvet
03-19-2013, 03:53 PM
My weight gain and issues are emotional. I assume most of us are in the same situation. Don't dwell on it. It is all in you rear view mirror. Learn from what you've been through and move on. I know when I'm stressed/upset that is when I am at my most vulnerable. I also know when I stay up too late that is when I over eat most. I need to get myself to bed at a decent hour and I deal with my other issues productively too. I try to read or listen to music I like to get past the craving. A big glass of ice water also helps me. We all need to find out what works best for us. Another big one for me is 3fc, I turn here when I am struggling, I read and post. The support really helps! :hug: