[sugadiva]

Hey all

I've been away from 3 Fat Chicks for two years.

When I first posted here, I'd been on a program for only a couple of months and had lost some weight. I love the program so much I bought a franchise and became a 'Teacher' for people on the program. I've done well but not nearly what I could have done because I struggle hugely with fast food addiction and binging. I wasn't ever a purger before the pressure to be a great role model on my program but lately I've forced myself to be sick after a few binges and it scares the #*$@ out of me that I started that dangerous habit.

I am just here reading your posts and looking for support because a) it's embarrassing being someone people look up to for support but feeling like you can support yourself and b) I need to get to my goal for so many reasons, health not being the least of them!

Thanks for reading

[the shiv]

Ok, first up: *hugs*

Secondly: guilt will not help you. Only by living and caring for yourself and for your health will get you to where you want to be. Can you see a counsellor about why you feel you get stuck in this cycle? Because the sooner you get a handle on it (and by that I don't mean the bingeing itself - but the reasons behind it, and the fact you're developing an eating disorder), the better.

Would you encourage someone who comes to you for advice to do what you're doing, and to mentally beat themselves up in the same way? Extend compassion to yourself too - the primary goal needs to be your physical and mental health. That's the grounding for any and all of your future efforts.

Look at how far you've come already! You've lost about 40lbs, which is no mean feat. I wish I could say the same. This shows you that you CAN lose weight. Maybe it'll take more time than you expect, maybe less. Maybe challenges you expect to happen, won't, but ones you don't expect, will.

You know how they say "live as if the day were here"? You need to start doing that now. You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to restrict yourself beyond all belief. Nobody does. Not me, not anyone on this forum, and not you. Do you want to be bingeing and purging the rest of your life? If not, think of how you DO want to live... The healthy foods you see yourself eating, the enjoyable forms of exercise you see yourself doing. The way you imagine yourself feeling, confident in the fact you're taking care of yourself. Start doing those things now. If you treat your body badly, it will respond accordingly. The exact same goes for treating it well. I binged for years and was shocked at my body's ability to adjust to better treatment, and it has thanked me for those changes in so many ways. So will yours.

I know you can do this, and I think you do too, otherwise you'd never have started. Please show yourself some compassion, you deserve it. We all do, and that includes you too. And please see a counsellor if you can, because it's best to get the eating disorder under control before it becomes a way of life.

You'll find plenty of support here too, so do keep posting.

And: *more hugs*