100 lb. Club - Let's Discuss - "I love you just the way you are"




SmallSteps
02-21-2013, 04:14 PM
I don’t call my boyfriend Steve a keeper for no reason. He is loving, caring, supportive and loves me just the way I am. He makes me feel beautiful, desirable and loved each and everyday. He supports my journey to lose weight but he tells me quite often that he loves me know matter how much I weigh that my weight has nothing to do with how he feels about me. When we first met I was at my highest weight of 298 and he has been here through the whole journey.

I have began to realize though this type of support though wonderful can also provide an excuse for you to hide behind if you’re not careful. You begin to psych yourself out with that voice in your head "He loves you know matter what so why don't you have that pizza instead of this salad", "I don't feel like exercising and why should I", and so on.

Anyone else have similar experiences or any input on this subject.


PreciousMissy
02-21-2013, 04:20 PM
Oh boy do I!

I love my boyfriend, but in the last 3 years I've put on 66lb because he's a feeder and I'm an eater. After a long discussion we both understand that he can't keep offering me food, and I can't keep taking it (he use to play pout if I wouldn't accept the food). He still tells me he thinks I'm sexy, and the weight doesn't bother him, but it bothers me.

I think what really made it sink in for him that I am trying was when he offered me something that was less than healthy and I told him I was going to go for the healthy option instead.

cherrypie
02-21-2013, 04:21 PM
My husband has always said he loves me just the way I am and that I'm not fat and I just always assumed he was lying. It's only recently that it's occured to me he's telling the truth. And that is only because he's put on some weight the last few years and while I can see he's put on weight, it doesn't affect how I feel about him.

btw, we've been married almost 20 years lol


LockItUp
02-21-2013, 04:30 PM
I think that's when it becomes very important to communicate that while you LOVE that he loves you just the way you are, and that you adore that about him, that it's not just about love and acceptance, it's about health and aiding you in reaching your goal. Maybe tell him that you can see using it as an excuse to make unhealthy decisions and that the last thing you want is to use his love as an excuse to be unhealthy.

My hubs is the same way, never batted an eye when I gained, never treated me different, always loved and supported me no matter what. I made sure to let him know that while that means the world to me, I need to not allow it to become a hiderance to reaching my goals. And of course he wants me around as long as possible and in good health so he was happy to make sure his support lead me in that direction.

the shiv
02-21-2013, 04:31 PM
Count me in :)

My boyfriend is the same. He's forever telling me how gorgeous & beautiful I am (I know... DAMNIT), and if I bring up my weight, he'd just repeat this and tell me I look fine but if I want to change anything he'll give me moral support and love me just as much. Even so far as to say "I don't care if you're a rake or the size of a house, I love you because you're YOU. All that matters is that you're happy with yourself".

I'm at the point now where I'm ready to change things, and he's forever congratulating me and telling me I look smaller, and happier. I honestly believe that if he was nagging me to lose weight (aside from the fact I would have broken up with him along the lines of "if you can't take me the way you find me: then find someone else to go out with") I'd probably develop a complex about it and refuse to do anything purely out of spite, regardless of the fact it'd hurt me too.

Because he's put zero pressure on me, I know for sure I'm doing it to please myself, so I have so much more confidence that I can keep up whatever changes I decide to implement.

Oh, and I had fun explaining the "Intuitive Eating" thing to him... He was under the impression he couldn't eat around me. Know he's happy with the fact that if I say "no thanks, I'm not hungry" it's the end of the conversation ;) He's insecure about how he looks too because he's very lean and finds it hard to bulk up, and never in a million years would I say to him "well, why don't you just go to the gym?". He knows my struggles like I know his and we respect each other. If he wants to go to the gym, he'll go. If I want to go to the gym, I'll go.

Maybe it's just a rebellious streak, but I would make a point of not doing it if he told/asked me to. It's not like he's asking me to wash the dishes or something, it's a lot more personal.

allmylife
02-21-2013, 04:56 PM
I hear ya!! When I was in the 170s he would tell me that I was "thick" and that "fat" was women over 200. Now, that I'm 236 he tells me I'm "plump" and he loves me just the way I am. I don't know that I would want it any different because even if he told me I was disgusting I doubt it would make me lose weight. You have to lose it for yourself, no one else.

CherryPie99
02-21-2013, 04:58 PM
I met my husband right before I turned 17. He was 22. It was truly love at first sight as we have been inseperable since then. I was fat then and over the years became super morbidly obese. And he loved me all that time.

He is incredibly proud of me and my weight loss, but he hates how hard I am on myself. So sometimes he is like "If you want a cookie, have it! It's not going to effect you!" So it can be a slippery slope!

BUT - I know for sure I would not have been successful on this journey without his support.

Jen

elvislover324
02-21-2013, 05:06 PM
My husband has been supportive of me at every weight I have every been, I'm so very lucky. :hug:

When I first met him, I was right about 159 and I thought I was HUGE!! Who would have thought I'd double my weight in the 18 years we have been together. We have had some really good times together and we ate very very well! :cofdate:The most he's ever put on was about 25lbs and of course, he's lost it already without even trying (just eating healthier since I started my diet). :goodscale

He always told (tells) me I was (am) beautiful and that never changed when my weight was going up or going down or back up again. :cloud9: I feel so blessed that he loves me for who I am, not for what I look like. (If he ever felt otherwise, he's never said anything or acted like it.)

I thank my lucky stars every day for him and can't wait to be beautiful for him again. Not that it's all about the weight but I want to be pretty for him as well as myself. This has been quite a journey! :yay::yay::yay:

Iheartsushi418
02-21-2013, 05:12 PM
My husband tells me this as well. He did tell me once though he would like me to lose a little weight for my health and because I would feel better about myself. I didn't take offense because I realized he was right, I didn't feel well physically or emotionally because of weight.

I will give my advice as an "old married lady". Men are simple creatures. Unlike women, they don't usually have ulterior motives for what they say. Take what your boyfriends say to heart as just a compliment. I'll also add, if you feel like this is undermining your weight loss efforts, realize that is your issue, not his. He is just telling you something nice as his way of being supportive. Put yourself in his place, does his weight matter that much?

dangerouscurvesahead
02-21-2013, 05:17 PM
Ok well I've gotta give it to my husband too! After 27yrs of marriage and seeing me from a size 5 our first yr to my highest size 22-24 at some points has never said anythkng about my weight gain and as a matter of fact has no idea why I don't / wont wear sexy under things and such like before. When I explain that thdy don't make them in fat sizes that I am nowand he gets mad and says I'm no different now than I was then. He still sees me as that size 5 and can't understand why I'm not happy or comfortable with myself.

PreciousMissy
02-21-2013, 05:38 PM
As a side note, my EX-husband would always say things like "when are you going to lose weight?" or "you're getting a gut" and he was morbidly obese himself.

I lost the weight and I lost the jerk :D

I've been very blessed with my boyfriend! This time I'm going to lose the weight and keep the man.

Elladorine
02-21-2013, 05:44 PM
I met my hubby online, we were just friends for a year, he had no clue what I really looked like, and when our relationship turned into a romantic one I got a bit freaked out about my weight. He insisted that it didn't matter, and when we finally met in person, it really didn't. He's even told me he'd still love me just as much if I weighed 500 pounds and I know he's completely honest with that. :dizzy:

Yet with that being said, I still want to feel physically and emotionally well, to not be bogged down with extra weight and all the health problems that come with it. So even if he loves me just as I am, my weight loss journey has absolutely nothing to do with how happy he is with me as-is.

So what good is slacking off from my weight loss goals just because I've already snagged the right guy? I'm not doing any of this for him, I'm doing this for me. I want more energy. I want to feel good and look good. I want the freedom to pick out clothes that I like, not to have a limited selection dictated by what they have in plus sizes. I don't want to have mobility issues as I age just because of my weight, and I don't ever want to become a sickly burden to him or anyone else. Something he's told me over and over is that he just wants me to be happy.

So yes . . . I'm doing this for me. And I figure a happier, healthier me is good for both him and our relationship no matter how hot he already finds me. ;)

Elladorine
02-21-2013, 06:02 PM
As a side note, my EX-husband would always say things like "when are you going to lose weight?" or "you're getting a gut" and he was morbidly obese himself.

I lost the weight and I lost the jerk :D

I've been very blessed with my boyfriend! This time I'm going to lose the weight and keep the man.
I missed this while I was posting. :lol: But I totally know the feeling there. My ex used to try to tell me he loved me just the way I was, but it was pretty much a ploy to get me to cave in and binge with him (he was bigger than I was) because he did not want me dieting. In almost the same sentence, he'd turn around and tell me that maybe he'd be more attracted to me if I hadn't let myself go and gained so much . . . and this was after he'd watched me lose 80 pounds! :rolleyes:

I totally couldn't win with him . . . glad we both ditched the jerks and found our worthwhile someones. ;)

SmallSteps
02-21-2013, 07:50 PM
I love reading all the wonderful post and input from everyone!!

I to recently lost the jerk he made me losing weight almost impossible unlike my boyfriend who support and encourages me every step of the way.

35X35
02-21-2013, 08:39 PM
My husband has seen me through all my varying weights and sizes, pregnancy and all, high weight, low weight, everything in between. He's loved me through it all and has *never* indicated in *any* way that my weight affected how he felt about me or how attracted he is to me. I am so blessed to have him (he is average/thin-sized fwiw). We have enjoyed a (ahem) robust and passionate love life throughout our marriage no matter what my weight. I am so thankful that even at 9 months pregnant he was attracted to me when I felt like a downright whale.

That said, it can be a bit (unintentionally) sabatoging because I'm happy and at peace with myself, happy with my husband, and my weight has never caused me any kind of health issue. It's easy to just be like -- our life is awesome, hand over the pizza lol...

...but I know that I just feel better in my own skin when I'm smaller. Even though I don't feel my weight has stopped me from doing what I've wanted to do, let's face it, it's just easier without excess weight. The clothes look cuter, they're easier to find, I just feel lighter. So, that's why I am stickin' with it -- slow and steady wins the race lol

berryblondeboys
02-21-2013, 08:56 PM
This is always fascinating to me.

I weighed about 190 when my husband and I got married (19.5 years ago). He said then that he would find me as sexy if I weighed 20 pounds less or 20 pounds more (as I was worried about my weight). I would get compliments, etc.

But... that stopped when I gained weight. Don't get me wrong. He ALWAYS loved me, but the weight bothered him. He worried about my health. He didn't like that I didn't have the energy to do things (I realize NOW that I wasn't as energetic). And, he wasn't as physically attracted to me. He never, ever said negative things to me - ever, but he also wouldn't say I was beautiful or sexy either because he would be lying and he cannot lie.

He has only been overweight (for him) by about 25 pounds. I didn't find him any less attractive, but an extra 25-30 pounds on a 6'1" frame isn't that big. But I asked myself when I would see overweight men if I could be sexually attracted to my husband if he looked like that and I realized I probably wouldn't be. Not that I would love him any less, but I would find him less attractive. So, I understood how he felt that way.

Now that I'm fitter and thinner I get a lot of comments and definitely more attention in the bedroom. But it's not just how I physically look - it's the whole package that goes with it - more confidence, more playful, more energetic, etc.

So... its just fascinating to me that there are people who truly can feel that size is not important... Well, I guess my husband could say and it would be true, "I love you no matter what size", but to say, "I am as attracted to you at whatever size" would be a lie.

BTW... he's totally supportive of me and he's the one who is the sane voice on my weight loss goals. He just wants a healthy wife. He finds me beautiful as I am (he tells me now!). So, while it was sad to not hear I was pretty for years and years, it means even more NOW to hear it!

omgsasha
02-22-2013, 12:04 PM
i know EXACTLY what you mean. my boyfreind has been so great with me and this whole weightloss journey.. im so happy to have him in my life and he tells me all the time that he loves me just as i am. and i start thinking the same way you did. (pizza>salad) and then i think about it and im like NO. this isnt just to make him happy. this is for me... i want to be happy with my body and myself and then i can make him even more happier than he says i make him now!.

all he tells me that he loves me the way that i am and that he wants to see me happy and if losing weight will make me happy then he will support me in every way he can! and he has.. i feel so blessed! :) :hug:

Dona Quixote 2013
02-23-2013, 12:51 AM
My DH has been incredibly supportive, no matter what my weight. He has never seen me at a lower weight than I am at right now, but he has seen me smaller (every time I lose and gain it back, it spreads). He has always told me the same thing - I love you and I'm attracted to you, and he meant it.

The problem for me is that I don't love me like this, and I don't feel attractive, or happy with myself at all. Part of that (a big part) is the fact that I have internalized the feelings and reactions of most of the people around me. My husband is one of the few people in my life who doesn't feel, and tell me, that I am defective. My family has always been appalled by me(even the ones who are also fat).

I am working on the idea that fat does not mean defective, or inferior, or bad. For me, at least, it does mean unhealthy, unenergetic, and unhappy. I want to change those things for me, not for anyone else. I am finally learning to accept, and enjoy, being loved for who I am, not what I look like, even while I am working to change my outer covering.