100 lb. Club - Feeling needy and whiny today for NO good reason




elvislover324
02-20-2013, 02:36 PM
I woke up this morning in a great mood, made coffee and caught up on some posts here. Jumped into my workout clothes and got an hour on my treadmill. Had lunch, my vitamin and a bottle of water.

Got dressed into a "new" outfit from my closet. Put on makeup, earrings, did my hair up in a clip. My outfit consists of size XL navy blue workout pants with a cute flowery purple design on the leg, a 0x purple tanktop, and a 1x white sweatshirt. These are BY FAR the smallest clothes/outfit I have worn in so long, I was so excited to get dressed piece by piece and get myself all "dolled" up in workout clothes (but not to workout, just to look casual). I felt so good when I was done, matching sneakers and socks; I like matchy matchy and feel put together. PLUS I *never* wear anything but black and jeans as I feel like you can't tell how big I am, so I actually have COLORS on for a change. And omg white even!!

So then I look in my full length mirror and just felt so overwhelmed, like I am going to be so big forever. Even though I *know* I am smaller and the clothes sizes are smaller and nothing is tight or stretching. I should feel like a million bucks and instead I want to go get back in my PJs and go back to bed...

I see others struggle with this here and while I felt compassion for their struggle, I never *knew* how it felt until about an hour ago. And boy is it crappy. And I have no good reason to feel like this, I should be excited and rocking my outfit. And instead I just feel defeated.

I stopped taking some hormones last week and my body feels a little in a jumble, which I am attributing part of this to. I just feel like I have come so far as I finally could see a bit of a change in myself, but today I just "hate" myself.

I am in the final stretch to hit one-derland and this grumpiness is the last thing I need and I don't want to feel like this. I am literally 85% to my goal and this is the first wall I have hit. And it sucks!


berryblondeboys
02-20-2013, 02:38 PM
I was just going to ask if it could be hormones and then I read about the hormones.

We all have days like those. They suck. And I'm sorry you are having one of those days.

omgsasha
02-20-2013, 02:41 PM
im having one of those days too! :( i hope you feel better and i know that you will be but i know how you feel! im hoping a little gym action later will lighten up my mood!


April Snow
02-20-2013, 02:50 PM
I think it's definitely hormones. Just try to be good to yourself and ride it out. Maybe get some special new tea or something like that as a treat? Or something completely non-food related like a new book to read?

Tziri
02-20-2013, 02:51 PM
I had one of those days when I went shopping (and I thought the dressing room mirrors/lighting were supposed to make you look better!). I realized I still have the 326lb self-image mindset most of the time.

I hope you feel better soon though. Your outfit sounds really cute!

bbmains
02-20-2013, 02:53 PM
I am right there with you....not sure about hormones since I am not a female however I can relate to being in a funk. Thoughts of potatoe chips and ice cold beer sure sound good......damnit, "slap my face" stop with the depressed thoughts!!!!!!

elvislover324
02-20-2013, 03:06 PM
Thank you all.

I know I am just in a funk and I will snap out of it, I am not wrecking my progress by doing anything crazy. (Did someone say chips and beer?!)

Today is 8 days that I have been off my hormones so I assume they are really winding down. I haven't had a monthly cycle since June (sorry if tmi!) as the hormones totally took over my reproductive system to the point that I had no woman feelings at all (which actually was a good thing to a point!). Now I have a feeling it's going to all come back with a vengeance!

Thank you for replying on my whine. It made me feel better to type it all out rather than pouncing on my husband with tears and frustration when he walks through the door! I'd be lost without all of you.

omgsasha
02-20-2013, 03:09 PM
ahhh chips and beer!!!!!!!!! omg how i would devour those things right now! BUT NO!!!!!!!!!! imma get my butt on the elliptical instead! AH
and yes these funks are sure to be part of the journey.. but u know whats gonna god about these funks and u look back and u see ur self where u are and then where u were and u would laugh at those funks! LOL

lunarsongbird
02-20-2013, 03:50 PM
Oh my gosh...It is SOOOO the hormones.
Not that it's PMS, but this makes me giggle:
http://www.missrepresentation.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/6a00d8341c6e1553ef00e54f3ca0f68833-800wi.jpg

Try to be kind to yourself. Look up some really nourishing recipes to console your soul. (Bah haha...sorry, that sounded lame).
Homemade custard always works for me. Use organic milk. ;)
http://www.food.com/recipe/basic-vanilla-custard-344870

ETA: Did I read your journaling? You'll definitely want to track some of these cruddy emotions so that you can take a step back from them.

Do you get to TTC before meeting with the fertility specialist? Have you set up that appointment yet?

Thinforme
02-20-2013, 03:54 PM
"hugs" feel better funk days suck.

allieballiebee
02-20-2013, 04:01 PM
Boo. Sorry you're having one of those days. :(

Iheartsushi418
02-20-2013, 04:11 PM
I know you are feeling blah and discouraged, but to me, you are amazing! You have lost an entire person. As someone who has struggled to lose the same 40 pounds for over 5 years, your determination is something I aspire to. You are an inspiration even if you don't see it today.

BeachBreeze2010
02-20-2013, 04:45 PM
I was having a complete pity party last Friday - the day before TOM started. I looked in the mirror and saw nothing but loose skin and a still fat body and felt like even if I do get to goal, I will never have the pretty body I am working for. I got some hot tea and just went to bed at 9pm. I knew nothing good was going to come out of this day. I felt a little better the next day, but not really a lot better until yesterday when TOM weight came off and I had a really good run. Still struggling with some of the dissapointment over what I hoped my body would look like now, but I'm not as depressed about it now that the hormones are gone. Stay tuned for next month! lol Isn't it fun being a woman??

SmallSteps
02-20-2013, 05:31 PM
I know you are feeling blah and discouraged, but to me, you are amazing! You have lost an entire person. As someone who has struggled to lose the same 40 pounds for over 5 years, your determination is something I aspire to. You are an inspiration even if you don't see it today.

Yeah This!! Girl I aspire to be YOU! I understand crappy days but I promise you they do pass. Hang on and remember we all love you!

Mozzy
02-20-2013, 10:58 PM
Super big hugs

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

AwShucks
02-21-2013, 12:02 AM
What a difference a day makes. Hoping that tomorrow is better for you. Post and let us know.

I know how you feel still having the "Big Girl" body image. I have it too. I just can't get my head around my current size. I help with a weight loss Bible study and helped someone record their weight on a card tonight. I couldn't believe that I weigh over 20 lbs less than her. Of course, I didn't say so, but I was dumbfounded. I am ALWAYS the biggest girl in the room. In my mind, I always will be. I just watched her walk away and thought to myself... no way am I smaller than her. But, the scale says otherwise.

Someone else on this board suggested taking photos but cutting out your head. Somehow headless photos can help us see our bodies more objectively. I'm going to try that. Maybe it will help you see your loss, too.

the shiv
02-21-2013, 12:51 AM
Oh, I'm sorry you're feeling bad :( Hormones can really do a number on your sanity! A big reason I can't wait for 175 is because I can go back on the pill, and that's great, but... The hormone storm that's gonna ensue won't be pretty!

Well done on just working through it. I can't imagine what it must be like to come as far as you have, I'm only 16% in and already getting into a funk and having weight fluctuations. I think the mental part is the hardest sometimes. Not that I'll have achieved what you have for a very long time! But being in a funk I can identify with. I hope you feel much better soon, and remember how brilliant everything you've achieved so far is :) *hugs*